Frigid Affair (8 page)

Chapter 6

With the news
of my pregnancy fresh in my head, I was glad to have help getting my cabin closed up and moving a few of my necessities from there to the place I’d be temporarily calling home. Unlike Ava, who was thrilled to be able to play with other dogs each day, I hated the idea of having to uproot because it was too dangerous to be out on my own, though I understood the importance.

After the first week I missed my cabin. I spent most of my days reading the books about pregnancy, because let’s face it, I didn’t know the first thing about being a good mother. There were so many little details I wouldn’t have thought about. Let’s not even get started on the topic of diapers. How in the world was I supposed to stock up when the sizes changed as the child grew? If I chose cloth, I’d have to hand wash those stinky things.

None of this was how I saw my future going. Temporary or not, I couldn’t begin to fathom being able to take care of a tiny infant.

As time passed, I became undoubtedly depressed. I surrounded myself with the small amount of items I was able to bring from the cabin, but it wasn’t like I was used to. I missed being home with the remnants of my family around me. I hadn’t realized how much little knick knacks meant to me until they weren’t there.

The place I was staying was nice. It had a fireplace that ran off propane instead of wood. It had electric throughout, instead of just being hooked up to solar panels like mine was. I found myself keeping all the lights on, just because I could. I watched television, so much that I forgot to shower on some days. For someone who hadn’t known I was pregnant, the weight started to show almost immediately after making the move. My belly grew by the day, and two weeks later I recognized something inside of me that wasn’t a gas pocket, like I’d always assumed. The little life growing in my stomach was moving around in there. I could feel him. The constant reminder was only more active as my pregnancy progressed. By the sixth month I had a cute little belly, albeit my ass was getting too large to fit into my pants comfortably. I had a pair of my father’s old sweats I managed to salvage, and thank goodness I’d taken them with me when I came down from the mountain, because I lived in them.

Being held up in town also gave me a constant WIFI signal. It didn’t take me long to wish I could reconnect with Easton. I began searching every social media site for his name, coming up with nothing. It was like he didn’t exist. For someone prominent in the New York City Fire Department, he was nowhere to be found. It was absurd. My last resort was checking dating websites, in which I came up with no results again. In this day and age, I wasn’t sure how it was possible. People were easy to find, yet I couldn’t even come up with a people search for someone with his name and around the age he was in the entire state of New York.

By the eighth month of my term, I got it in my head that maybe he didn’t want to be found. Perhaps he was married and told me a different last name to keep me from tracking him down. Lets face it, men take trips to get away from what they deal with at home. He saw an opportunity he couldn’t refuse and he took it. He knew no one would ever find out. I was an adulterers dream; someone living in the middle of nowhere with little means to hunt them down. I’d offered myself on a silver platter that night.

Since he’d never tried to get in touch with me, I knew I had to be right. Easton was someone who came into my life for a reason. He’d saved me and left with something to forever remember him by, but he’d never be anything more than a memory.

My doctor appointments became more frequent as my due date came closer. I enjoyed hearing my little guy’s heartbeat on the monitor and getting good results for our health, because I knew soon enough we’d be back on the mountain starting a new adventure together. I’d had plenty of time to consider how I was going to raise him, and what I’d have to do to make sure he grew up educated and respectful. Living on the mountain would pose a problem when he had to go to school. I could do it myself, but I wanted him to have the opportunity to be around other children. We’d have to move, at least into town when the time came. Until he was school-aged, we’d stay in the cabin.

I’d never expected to love someone this much again, but he’d stolen my heart. My little miracle would be named after the men in my life.

My son was born during a torrential downpour, go figure. I was in excruciating labor as they came to pick me in a four-wheel drive SUV, because I couldn’t drive myself. Ava was freaking out, especially when the local sheriff walked right into our house to get me. Once I got her calmed down, he helped me walk out to his truck, and then gave me a struggled boost into the passenger seat.

The ride was slow, rough, and petrifying. I pictured sliding in a ditch and giving birth while upside down. I imagined dying before I got to see his beautiful face.

My contractions were only two minutes apart when we finally arrived at the hospital. I remember my doctor coming out in her rain coat and rubber boots to wheel me inside. I knew I’d be frightened, but nothing could prepare me for what it was like to go through this alone.

I’d given up my friends a long time ago. It made this particular night bittersweet. A new life was coming into the world, but I wouldn’t have anyone to share it with, aside from the medical team. I wouldn’t have family coming in to visit me, or flowers delivered. I wouldn’t have a man by my side to see his son’s eyes open for the first time. He’d never know his father; something I longed to have back.

I cried during the entire excruciating labor, not only because the pain was unimaginable, but due to the fact that I was utterly alone.

Then I heard his wails and in that moment everything changed. My son was no longer within the safety of belly. Ready or not, he’d arrived into this brutal world and it would be up to me to keep him safe. The moment I looked into his eyes I knew I’d never let him go. I needed to spend every second with him in case something were to happen. I’d always remind him how much he meant to me, and never stay angry, no matter what he did to upset me. He had to know my promise to him was forever. I couldn’t allow history to repeat itself.

Christopher Charles. He’d carry those two names on, reminding me of all the reasons I hadn’t given up after losing them.

Chapter 7

In all the
reading I’d done to prepare for Christopher’s arrival, I’d never learned enough to be an expert. I felt like I failed at everything. I attempted to breast feed, but he wouldn’t latch on to either side. I tried to get him on a schedule, but he still woke up at least three times during the night. I pumped milk and mixed it with formula, trying three different kinds, but he still got colic. Nothing I did could soothe my miserable baby.

After two months I was ready to move back to the cabin, but June had been so much of a help to me that I didn’t want to be far away from her. Even though she’d refused, I wrote a check out to cover my stay. I know she didn’t mind us being there, and they’d never been at capacity, but it was their business and nothing in life is free.

It was in that time frame when I heard from my neighbors, Bob and Eve. They’d come to check on the progress of their home, only to reveal something that left me with a lot of unanswered questions.

The moment they set eyes on Christopher they fell in love. Even they couldn’t get enough of him. They insisted on taking us out to the only restaurant in town.

After we were seated and placed our order, I noticed they were seeming to be uncomfortable about something. Bob folded his hands on the table, while his wife fidgeted. “Amantha, we need to ask you a question about the men that saved you from the fire.”

Right away I wondered if they’d done the math and figured out one of them had fathered my child. I wondered if I should have mentioned it was an old friend from home just in case the news they had was catastrophic.

I’d been right to worry.

“As you know, Eve and I had a lot of precious items lost in the fire. We kept certain things at that house because we knew there was less chance of being burglarized. Let’s face it, there isn’t crime where we’re located.”

I smiled, not really knowing what he was getting at. “We don’t even have visitors. No one wants to come that far out.”

“What Bob is trying to get at…,” Eve interrupted. “I don’t even feel right asking this, but did you happen to notice any of them carrying large bags out of the home?”

“Bags?” I didn’t understand. I wasn’t playing stupid. I honestly didn’t get what they were asking me. “I was unconscious when they arrived. I’d gone in to get as many of your things as I could salvage. One of the men pulled me out. I woke up in the yard.”

“So you don’t remember seeing anything strange? You didn’t notice anyone down the mountain the day before? Ava didn’t bark?”

“Why are you asking me this? If something was strange I would have told you first. I woke up to the smell of smoke and did everything I could to get into the house before it was too late.”

Eve reached across the table and took my hand, while Christopher cooed in his safety seat, surprisingly in a good mood, instead of being miserable. “Sweetie, we’re not implying you did anything wrong. The insurance company gave us a hard time about some of the items they never recovered. Since we couldn’t be here because the weather we were hoping you could shed light on some things. Do you remember that large marble centerpiece we kept on the dining room table?”

It was hard to miss. It was about two feet tall and all white. It was the figure of a man on a bucking horse. I’d commented on it several times and they’d hinted on it being extremely heavy and outrageously expensive. “Yes, of course.”

“It was never recovered. The dining room was the least damaged room. We saw pictures. Though charred, the table was still standing. Nothing was in the center.”

“I only saw the fireman who saved me. His one friend came to the door, but I couldn’t even tell you what he looked like. He wore a hat, but he seemed like a muscular man. I never noticed anyone else going in and out of the house, but I know there were at least three or four total. Do they think it was arson?”

“Yes, they’re sure of it,” Bob answered. “We also know there were other items taken. That statue was ten grand by itself. It belonged to my mother.”

“Oh my god. I had no idea. I would have tried to save it.”

“You could have died. We’ve tried to look up all the firemen involved. We wanted to thank them for saving you and helping with the fire. There was just one small problem.”

“What?” I asked. In all honesty I hoped they had a contact number I could reach out to Easton with.

“None of them exist. The hunting cabin down the mountain wasn’t rented to anyone that weekend. Whoever stayed there had broken in.”

My stomach churned with bile. “I don’t understand. They said they were firemen. They acted like they knew what they were doing. One of them saved me.”

“It’s a blessing he did, but I’m afraid they weren’t who they said they were.”

This couldn’t be happening. I didn’t mean to look at Christopher with worry, but I couldn’t help it. Was his father a criminal? Is that why I couldn’t find him? Is it why he wanted to be punished when we were together? Was it all a lie? I felt so sick over it I had to get up and rush to the bathroom.

Eve came in after me, leaving the baby with her husband. She put her hand on my back when she found me standing in an open stall. “Dear, are you okay? Was it something we said?”

I took some toilet paper and wiped my mouth. “Eve,” I managed to get out. “The man that saved me… he came home with me. He stayed the night. I…” The words wouldn’t come out.

She simply smiled and hugged me. “It’s okay.”

“I didn’t know. I believed him. It had been so long. I just wanted feel something again. He seemed kind and gentle. If I would’ve known.”

“Have you had contact with the man since that night?”

I pulled away and shook my head. “No. I tried to look him up, but I couldn’t find anything. I don’t want to believe this is real, but what else could it be? Oh my god, is my son’s father a criminal?”

After writing down Easton’s name, the only one I managed to get, I knew I’d never be able to look at that night we spent together the same. It took me a while to calm down enough to go back to my seat. I picked at my food, avoiding eye contact with Bob. I couldn’t deal with his judgment, especially after I’d confirmed to have made a baby with the suspected arsonist who helped burn down their house to steal from them. I think I was almost happy when Christopher had one of his crying episodes, because it gave me a reason to leave early.

Once I arrived back at my place I was filled with grief. I couldn’t deny my inability to rationalize that I might have created a new life with common criminal. Another part of me wondered why he’d saved me. All the things that seemed shady started making sense. All the cryptic comments, and the way he kept looking out the window as if someone was coming after him.

With no real answers I had to settle on the fact that he was never coming back. He’d given me Christopher. Even if he was everything I feared, I couldn’t regret that night. I refused to.

He was ten weeks old before the constant crying finally stopped. I’ll never forget the first night he slept all the way through. I woke to the sun being up and rushed to his bassinet, only to find him smiling at me. From that day on he never got colic again. I couldn’t explain it, nor did I want to.

At three months he was like a different baby. He smiled at everything, and was attempting to roll over, even though he was still too small to do it.

It wasn’t just his body changing. His eyes had started revealing what color they’d be, and they weren’t mine. Every time I looked into them I saw his father. A part of me wished I would have found him. Another side of me wanted Christopher all to myself, especially considering what kind of man Easton really was.

He certainly didn’t want to be found. If for some reason he decided to show his face in my neck of the woods again, I’d be prepared. There was no name listed as father on the birth certificate. I didn’t expect a friendly visit from Easton. He’d given me the greatest gift and I’d be forever grateful for it. It was strange how I’d never wanted my life to turn out this way, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Christopher was perfect. He gave me hope. My once lonely life had been filled with joyful moments again all thanks to a man who swept in and saved my life.

One day I’d tell my son his father was a hero. In time I’d even tell him his name. If he wanted to seek him out I wouldn’t be able to stop him, not forever. I just prayed the day wouldn’t come. Maybe it was better if he never wanted to be found.