Frigid (12 page)

“Do you remember doing this when we were kids?” he asked.

“Yeah, I do.” But it was
way
different now. Back then, it had been so chaste, and we’d just been two kids having fun during a sleepover. Before I’d wanted to jump his bones and do all kinds of naughty things to him.

And now I was thinking about those naughty things, like rolling over and pressing against him, placing my lips against his. Touching him. Him touching me. Getting naked.

I really needed to stop thinking about those kinds of things.

“Syd?”

“Yeah?”

There was a pause. “I promise I won’t hog the covers this time around.”

I smiled even as my chest squeezed. “I’ll hold you to that.”

I don’t know how I fell asleep with the object of my lust sleeping beside me, but I must’ve, because I could tell hours had passed before the roaring wind woke me. I started to sit up, but I couldn’t move. When what held me down sunk in, my eyes flew open and the air rushed out of my lungs.

Kyler’s arm was curled around my waist, but more than that, his entire body was snug against mine. Every deep, steady breath he took moved through me. His warm breath danced along the back of my neck, sending shivers down my spine. There was no way I could sleep next to him when he was spooning me—
really
spooning me this time. I doubted even a nun could have that kind of willpower. I wiggled away, getting a couple of inches between us, before the arm around my waist clamped down.

I held my breath.

Kyler dragged me to him, fitting my back to his front and—holy snow bunnies—he was aroused. I could feel him through our pajamas, long and thick, pressing against my rear.

My body immediately responded, going from sleepy to well,
hello there
in a matter of seconds. Didn’t matter that I told my body not to, or that I really had no idea what to do with all of that. Warmth flooded my veins and an ache hit my core nonetheless.

This was
nothing
like the sleepovers we’d had as kids.

“Kyler?”

He murmured something and managed to move closer, his chin finding its way to the sensitive area between my neck and shoulder. Shivers raced across my skin. I think I might have stopped breathing. The arm around my waist shifted, and his hand slid down my lower stomach. The movement had bunched up my shirt, exposing a decent bit of skin. Heart pounding against my ribs, I bit down on my lip until I tasted blood.

Kyler’s fingers brushed against my bare skin, causing me to jerk back. A deep, sexy sound came out of him and he rolled his hips forward, pressing into me as his fingers splayed out, slipping under the loose band of my jammies. Never a big fan of wearing undies to bed, I was bare under the bottoms, and his fingers were so, so close.

I had to be dreaming, because this couldn’t be happening, and I never wanted to wake up.

His warms lips brushed the side of my neck. I thought it was by accident at first, and then his mouth was against my pulse, placing a hot kiss there. Those tiny kisses kept coming, traveling down my throat. I moved unconsciously, exposing more of my neck as I arched into him, and then his hips moved in a slow, sensuous thrust that left me spinning. If this was what he was capable of half-asleep, I couldn’t imagine what he could do if he was fully awake.

I’d probably be a changed woman.

And then his hand slipped further down, brushing the center of me and the knot of nerves there. Sharp, exquisite sensations pulsed, robbing me of the ability to form coherent thoughts or recognize what was really happening. My body went on autopilot, kicking my brain out of the equation. I leaned back, legs parting as his fingers grazed my most sensitive area. It seemed so easy for him, to know what to do. A finger split the wetness between my legs, moving slow and deep. In. Out.
Oh God
. Every part of me throbbed. My eyes were wide, but I wasn’t seeing anything. I tried to keep quiet, but a throaty moan escaped.

The wonderful hand stilled and the chest against my back rose sharply. “Syd?”

“Yeah?” I didn’t move.

Kyler jerked back, and the bed dipped as he shot to his feet.

Holy crap, I’d never seen anyone move so fast. I rolled onto my side and started to rise up, but the look on his face stopped me.

“Shit. I’m so sorry.” His voice was gruff—deep and thick. “I was asleep. I thought I was dreaming—
shit
.”

Disappointment swelled so quickly it squelched the desire. He
had
been asleep—completely asleep. Not half-asleep, like that was any better, but at least then he would’ve been half-aware of what he’d been doing.

What had I been thinking? That he’d woken up in the middle of the night and decided he could no longer resist me and all my hotness? He’d probably been dreaming of Sexy Sasha from the main lodge.

“Say something, Sydney,
please.”

At the anxiety in his voice, I realized how stupid I’d been—how stupid I was continuing to be. I squeezed my eyes shut. “It’s okay. No big deal. It’s all right.”

There was no answer, and after several moments, I opened my eyes, scanning the room for Kyler. It was empty. I was alone with just the violent wind.

Holy shit-storm, there were no words for what I’d just done.

I couldn’t believe it.

My heart was throwing itself against my ribs as I closed the door to my bedroom and backed away. I sat on the bed, but it was more like falling down, because my legs were weak.

That
wasn’t
okay. It was a big deal. And it wasn’t all right.

I was hard and throbbing, and at the same time I felt sick. How could I’ve done that in my sleep? There was an easy answer, but still. I’d been dreaming about her—about Sydney. After seeing her in her bra and panties yesterday, and after last night, no wonder she was starring in my porno dreams. Shit. It hadn’t been the first time I’d had that kind of dream about her, but to act on it?

I had my hands on her and my fingers
in
her—in
Syd
.

“Oh shit.”

What if I hadn’t woken up? How far would it have gone? She was untouchable to the likes of me.

I started to get back up, to go to her and apologize again, but I forced myself to stay put, because as the shock wore off, I remembered what had woken me from one the best dreams I’d had in a long time, that turned out to not be a dream.

Syd had made a sound.

And the sound coming out of her didn’t sound like fear or disgust. Every cell in my body recognized that breathy low moan. She had been enjoying it. Better yet, Syd seemed like she’d been awake for a while. She had to have known what I was doing, and she hadn’t stopped me.

Holy shit, she
hadn’t
stopped me.

Not only had she not stopped me, she had been
soaked
. And boy, did I know what that meant. But for the first time in my life, I had no idea what to do with
that
. My brain couldn’t digest it, even though my body knew exactly what to do.

Flopping onto my back, I groaned and the sound echoed in the room. I stared at the ceiling knowing I was more likely to sprout wings and fucking fly than I was to get any more sleep tonight. Especially when damn near every part of me wanted to get back in her bed and pick up exactly where I’d left off.

Kyler avoided me the next day like I was some ugly chick he’d drunkenly brought home from a bar and couldn’t get rid of. The whole thing was about ten levels of awkward and a basement full of someone-kill-me-now.

As I made us cold-cut sandwiches for the second day in a row, he lingered at the edge of the kitchen, and when I handed him his plate and our fingers brushed, he jerked back, knocking the plate out of my hand. Honey ham and swiss cheese went flying. Mayo splattered along the pretty tile.

“Shit,” he said, and he’d been saying that a lot lately. He knelt down and started scooping up the mess. “Sorry about that.”

I stood there, hands shaking. I wanted to cry. Like a fat, angry baby who wanted to be fed level of crying. Mumbling something I didn’t even understand, I went over to the counter and grabbed some paper towels. With every intention of helping—and somehow cleaning up the more important mess—I went back to where he was and bent over.

At that very second, Kyler stood, and the top of his head smacked into my chin, snapping my head back. Sharp pain burst across my jaw as I stumbled back, dropping the paper towels as Kyler cursed like the F-word was going out of style. Standing up, he reached for me, but the laws of gravity were totally against me. I knocked into the heavy-ass oak kitchen table, shaking it. Perched in the center was a vase that his mom had commissioned over five years ago, which started to wobble from side to side.

I spun around, reaching for the stupid purple and pink work of art. It was like one of those really bad movies where a series of accidents leads to something priceless being destroyed. I practically dive-bombed the table, catching the vase a second before it committed suicide off the edge.

“Oh my God,” I whispered, out of breath.

Kyler appeared at my side, helping me straighten up without doing any more bodily injury. “Are you okay?”

I couldn’t feel my chin. “I’m okay.”

He took the vase from me and waited until I backed away from the table before he placed it back down. “I’m sorry. I could’ve knocked your teeth out.”

There was nothing for me to say, so I stood there, trying not to come in contact with anything. “Are you okay?”

“I have a hard head.”

That he did.

And then the awkwardness of the decade was back. We both stared at each other. Heat crept into my cheeks, which was amazing since it was so damn cold in the house.

Kyler went back over to the mess and grabbed the paper towels. I started to make him another sandwich. “Don’t,” he said, looking over his shoulder. “I’ll make myself one.”

I don’t know why that stung like a giant mahogany wasp had landed on my nose, but it did. It
hurt
, cut right through me. Appetite slaughtered, I left the kitchen and walked aimlessly, ending up in the sunroom on the other side of the living room.

It was freezing in this room, with the floor-to-ceiling glass windows. Huddling down in my heavy sweater, I sat on one of the wicker chairs and stared out over the snow-covered yard. Wind whipped the snow, creating drifts at least six feet high against the shed out back. Beyond that, the forest crept in. I could see the lifts off in a distance, swaying back and forth as the wind kicked them around.

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. I couldn’t help but think about how it was going to be when we finally got out of here. Would our friendship ever be the same? I couldn’t see how it would be.

Lowering my chin so that it dipped under the hem of my sweater, I closed my eyes. The moment I did so, I regretted it, because in that room, with nothing but the wind and nothing to focus on, I thought about what had happened between Kyler and me last night. How was I ever going to forget that?

“Syd?”

I lifted my head at the sound of Kyler’s voice. He was standing just inside the doorway of the sunroom. “Hey.”

He ran his hand through his hair. Something he must’ve been doing all day, because his hair was adorably disheveled. “I’m sorry about what happened in the kitchen.”

My entire body felt like it had been slipped into a fruit juicer. “You can stop apologizing. It was an accident. I’m okay. So are you. Nothing is broken.”

“You left your sandwich in the kitchen.”

“I’m not hungry. I’ll get it later.”

He looked at me for a long moment, and then turned his gaze to the windows. “It’s crazy out there, isn’t it?”

I followed his gaze, feeling close to tears. “Yeah, it is.”

A couple of seconds passed, and then he sat beside me. He leaned forward, dropping his hands on his bent knees. “Sydney, about last night—”

“Please don’t apologize for that again. Okay?” I didn’t think I could bear it if he did.

Kyler tensed. “How can you be okay with that? I felt you up in my sleep. Wait. I didn’t just feel you up. I was
touching
you.”

The way he said it made me think of those dolls social services shows kids who come into their offices. Yuck. My gaze traveled over his profile. For the hundredth time I found myself wishing things were simpler between us.

He glanced at me. “That wasn’t what I intended when I got in bed with you last night. I just want you to know that.”

I sucked in a sharp breath. Well, if I thought my heart couldn’t take any more bitch-smacks, I’d been so, so wrong. “Was it so bad?”

“What?”

Looking away, I pushed to my feet and walked over to the window. Maybe I just needed to grow some lady balls and confront this head-on. Obviously, we’d damaged our friendship already. The only way to repair it was if we got past this crap. Psychology 101. Avoidance was the fun and easy way, followed up by denial, but neither ever worked. I needed to tell him that I was attracted to him, that I wanted him. Maybe once we cleared the air, I could move on. Honesty was always the best route to take, but I wasn’t sure I could grow balls that big.