Friends With Partial Benefits (3 page)

Jason looked wide-eyed at Brian, then his face took on a serious expression, and he asked, "So she never actually touched it?"

"No," Rob answered for his friend.

"Has she never touched it?"

"Outside of clothes?" Brian asked.

"Of course—it’s got to be out to count," Jason said.

"Well, then no."

"But last night she put the back of her hand on it?" Jason asked.

"And she pressed on it a little," Brian said before realizing how lame it sounded.

Jason smiled at him. "Well in that case it’s called...
nothing
!" He jumped up and announced loudly as he headed into the bedroom area, "Guys, wait till you hear this!"

After catching up with Jason, Brian grabbed him by the shoulder. "Don’t be a dick. She said she has a surprise for me tonight."

Jason chuckled. "Yeah, maybe you can put your big toe next to her pussy through her clothes."

He proceeded to tell the rest of the guys the station wagon story. Brian never should have let it slip, since his suite mates would never let him live it down. From then on, that particular sex act—or unsex act—was called the BHJ (for "backhand job"), but some preferred to call it "the
un
tug."

Jillian agreed to a blind date with a purportedly great guy who worked with the husband of one of her close friends. Mike had a good job and was a competent tennis player. Years ago, Jillian had put in a tennis court right next to the pool, and she loved to play. She played number-one singles on her high school team, and although she wasn’t good enough to earn a spot on her college team, she continued to play at least a few times a month for the past twenty years.

Mike arrived, and Jillian gave him a quick tour of the house and pool area before leading him to the court. He was taken aback by the size of the house and the beautiful landscaping. He started their date on the wrong foot, though, by asking, "What did your ex-husband do for a living to afford all this?"

After glaring at him a moment, Jillian replied, "He didn’t pay for any of this. I did."

"You're a writer, correct?"

"Romance novels mainly."

"Huh," Mike said as he returned a look that screamed he couldn’t believe writing books could support this type of lifestyle.

"Marci told me you played on your college team," she said.

"I was number one, but don’t worry—I’ll take it easy on you."

They started hitting the ball around as a warm-up, and Jillian was easily able to keep up with him. She thought he was a good player, but she figured he must have played at a pretty small school, if he'd been number one on its team.

(For a completely optional and somewhat short Tennis 101 terminology lesson click
here
.)

From the first point, it became clear to Jillian that Mike would do whatever was necessary to not lose to a woman. He served first and won his game easily. On her serve, she reached game point against him only to have him call two of her serves, which were clearly in, as out. She didn’t take issue with his calls and lost that game on another questionable double fault call. He held his serve again next, to go up three games to love.

She decided to play more aggressively by coming to the net after each serve in the fourth game. This strategy worked, and she won her next two service games and broke his serve to bring the set even at three, despite more questionable calls from her immature opponent. Both players held serve to six games all, and Mike’s frustration was growing. During the tiebreak, Jillian served first, and when she called one of his obviously long shots out, Mike questioned the call. She reversed the call simply to end the match as soon as possible.

When they reached six points to five in the tiebreak, Jillian came to the net, hoping to even the score, but ended up badly out of position. Ignoring his opportunity to go down the line for an easy passing shot, he instead chose to fire a shot into her body. When the ball hit her, Jillian stared at him in disbelief. It didn’t hurt all that much, but it did knock the wind out of her momentarily, and she couldn’t believe a grown man would do such a thing.

Grinning widely, he told her she played a good set as she limped to the bench, still glaring at him. She opened a bottle of water and took a sip as he joined her on the bench.

"Best two out of three?" Mike asked, as he opened his hand for her to hand over the bottle from which she was drinking. After exhaling deeply, she handed him the bottle. He drank from it and attempted to return it.

She waved him off. "I think I’m done."

"Tired?" he asked.

Jillian shot a look at him like she wanted to kill him and said sarcastically, "Yeah, I’m too tired."

Moments later, they returned to the pool area carrying their racquets, and he asked, "How about one drink before I go?"

She nodded reluctantly, and he asked, "Do you have a beer?"

Jillian went into the house, and when she returned with the beer, she found him swimming in the pool. Standing at the edge, she glared at him. "What are you doing?"

"I was hot," he answered as he stood in the pool, looking at her. "This feels great. Why don’t you join me?"

He appeared to be naked, except for a huge black patch around his groin. Squinting, she thought he was either wearing a black bathing suit or he had the most unkempt pubic hair ever on a human being. When she looked closer, she realized it was the latter but asked anyway with a sick expression, "Did you bring a bathing suit?"

"No," he replied and then repeated, "Why don’t you join me?"

"Who gets into someone’s pool naked on a first date?"

"I was picking up these signals from you on the court. You had this angry, sexy look on your face."

"Because I was in pain after you hit me with the ball."

"You’re not mad about that are you?"

"No, but you acted like a complete ass on the court and then somehow think that’s an invitation for you to dunk your naked, sweaty ass in my clean pool? Get out."

He looked at her with a grin, and when she didn’t smile back he asked, "Seriously?"

"Yes. Please, get out and go."

"All right," he said as he unabashedly climbed from the pool with his huge thicket of wet black pubic hair matted down around his unattractive groin. His sizeable gut was protruding enough to add to the overall look, and he stood, dripping, his hands on his hips as he asked curtly, "A towel?"

After grunting, she took a sip of his beer and glanced once more at his train wreck of a body before grabbing a towel and tossing it to him. He proceeded to dry his groin first while she stood ten feet from him. She continued to drink the beer, alternating a sip with a grimace as he lifted his hairy parts while drying off, in some misguided attempt to impress her.

He said, "Maybe that beer will loosen you up a little."

"No, it’s merely keeping me from calling the police."

Jillian nearly vomited in her mouth when she noticed that after he dried his pubic area, it appeared even hairier than before. She looked away for a moment but then back, to confirm that some of the strands of hair were about six inches long. Then he used the towel to really dry his ass, appearing to actually shove it in there a whole lot more than was actually necessary.

"You really don’t want me to stay?" he asked, standing naked and holding the towel.

After momentarily staring at him in disbelief, she placed the beer on the table, pulled her cell phone from her pocket, and pointed it at him with her finger on the side button.

"What are you doing?" he asked with a smile.

"If you don’t get out of here right now, your Don King super-bush is going viral."

"Okay. Okay. Relax! You successful women can be so bitchy."

As he dried the hair on his head while standing in full view of her, she pushed the button on the cell phone to snap a picture. He didn’t notice. She needed proof of this to show her friends. He extended the towel to her, and she shook her head and made a face as if he were offering her a biohazard.

"Keep it," Jillian said. She walked over, picked up his racquet and all his clothes, calmly walked to the back of the yard, and threw them over the fence.

He looked at her like she was crazy as he wrapped the towel around his waist.

"Oh,
now
you cover up," she said sarcastically. Then she pointed to the gate, and he headed for it with her following close behind. She said, "Believe me when I say that I hate to be the one to tell you this, but you are in desperate need of a trim."

After shooting her an evil look, he went through the gate. Jillian locked it and headed back to the house while thinking that would be the last blind date she ever allowed her friends to arrange. It would also be several days before the image of his giant bush would leave her brain, although she would save the picture for a long time.

That evening, Natalie’s roommate was away for the night, so she and Brian lay in her bed, making out. She allowed him to remove her shirt and bra but not her jeans. He spent a lot of time playing with her newly-unveiled breasts as she ran her fingers through his hair. He tried repeatedly to unbutton her jeans and was stopped each time. While his hands were all over her body, her hands never went below his shoulders, much to his growing frustration.

"God, you feel amazing," he said.

"Oh, so do you," she said breathlessly.

"I’m so hot for you right now."

"So am I."

"Well, why..." he began before thinking better of it.

"'Why' what?" she asked.

Aching for her, Brian looked down at his straining groin before glancing up at her face. "Why, uh, aren’t you touching me?"

"I
am
touching you."

"Why aren’t you touching me... anywhere else?"

She looked innocently at him. "Oh, I can’t do that."

"Why not?"

"I can’t. I just can’t touch it right now, because..."

Natalie stared at the ceiling a moment, sat up in bed, and pulled her legs to her chest. Sitting up next to her, he looked sympathetically at her.

"You can tell me. Really, what is it?"

She paused and then looked at him. "I, uh, when I was younger, there was this thing that happened, and now I just can’t."

He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and looked devastated. "Jesus, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know. Do you want to talk about it?"

"No, I, uh..."

"Is there anything I can do?"

"I just need time. Will you wait for me?" Natalie asked as she looked away from him toward the door.

"As long as it takes."

She looked back at him with a smile. "You mean it?"

"Yes, I’m crazy about you," Brian said.

"Will you stay and just hold me all night?"

Nodding, he gave her a sympathetic smile.

Jillian had a date that night with James. It would be their third date together, and this guy seemed like long-term boyfriend material. They met through an Internet dating site and were a decent match. The plan was for James to pick her up and take her to dinner; they left the remainder of the night open to other possibilities. Jillian thought she’d invite him in afterward, since she was attracted to him, but probably not go all the way. It had been eight months since her last sexual encounter, if you could even call it that, and she was really starting to long for the touch of a man. She didn’t want to sleep with just anyone; she was waiting for the right guy.

James arrived with a bag full of Chinese food and carrying a soft briefcase. She was surprised with the change of plans but was a fan of Chinese, so she didn’t object. She brought out some plates, and they ate in the dining room. As she spooned out the food, James pulled three books from his bag and set them on the chair next to him. Jillian couldn’t see the titles of the books, but she poured them each a glass of wine without asking about them. She figured he'd talk about the books when he was ready. They talked about the usual stuff, and she forgot all about the books until she returned to the table after clearing the plates and found he had the titles arranged neatly in front of him.

She could see the spines of each book, and she read the titles of the first two in horror. They were all relationship books. One was
How to Strengthen Your Relationship
, another was
Relationship Secrets
, and she didn’t bother reading the third. James looked at her as he held his folded hands over the books. "Where do you want to do this?"