Friends of the Dusk (38 page)

‘It’s not the norm, but it’s always a possibility, even though, in a case of dementia, the borderline between psychiatry and the other thing is almost unchartable. Were you scared in the other sense?’

‘Well… yes. Bit shocked, you know, at what I’d seen. I mean, I do know what one looks like in a state of arousal, but this—’

‘Was that arousal displayed in any other way?’

‘He was perfectly calm. Nothing… except the lights in his eyes. Coming
from
his eyes. Or from
behind
his eyes.’

‘Don’t like that.’

‘And then the use of the name.’

‘Your name.’

‘Uttered at exactly the right moment for maximum impact. On me. Just on me.’

‘And
you
think he couldn’t’ve known.’

‘But I can’t prove that, not even to myself. Can’t prove any of it. Could just be me. In my state of palpitating insecurity. The worst that anybody’s implied is that Selwyn Kindley-Pryce was driven out of his mind by something in the house.’

‘In other words, nobody’s suggested it might have gone
with
him.’

‘No.’

‘And what do you think it is?’

‘I’ve no idea. There’s no clear history apart from recent history. I was hoping that if Kindley-Pryce had short periods of rationality he might just throw me a clue. But in the end, it was his son. I met his son. I think his son is scared of him.’

‘Go home,’ Huw said.

‘And then what?’

‘You
can’t
be the only one to’ve noticed summat. Even if not everybody would draw the same conclusions. Who haven’t you talked to?’

‘Caroline Goddard. His writing partner. At the very least.’

‘If anybody knows, it’s likely to be her.’

‘She certainly got out fast enough. Despite the obvious financial incentives to carry on. But I don’t know where she is, and her publishers have no particular reason to get back to me. I’ll keep trying.’

‘And keep talking to me, all right? Because we both know where this could end up?’

‘Major exorcism? Do you think?’

Which she’d never done, and which…

‘And you know what that means,’ Huw said.

… which she couldn’t do without permission from her bishop.

Dear God.

‘Get off home. I’ll talk to you later. If the wind hasn’t brought down the phone lines and the bloody mobile masts.’

51

Be an echo, not a voice

.dias nitraM ?,eno eht tsuj ylbaborp saw ti sa ?? .ssorc krad a htiw hguorht dehsals erauqs yerg yltsohg a saw wodniw eht ,ssenkcalb eht nI ??sa ,noitareggaxe na sseltbuod saw siht dias eh neht dnA? .kcab tnew daeh s?ylirreM .ylhsrah delkcarc enil enohp ehT ?.esecoid eht ni stseirp nemow fo rebmun a htiw snoitaler lanrac dah dah retnuH taht mih ot detroper neeb dah ti dias eH .revo siht teg llahs I .ylirreM ,thguoht eht hsireP? ?.etadidnac a eb thgim eh gniyas ecno reveN? ?.ecnedifnoc tsomtu eht htiw detaert eb dluow mih dlot I gnihtyna taht dnA .elbissop sa ylteercsid sa ,dias eh ,dehsilpmocca eb ot deen dluow ,noitpurroc eht fo erutan eht nevig ,hcihw boj A? ?.ti od ot dah enoemos tub boj ytrid A? ?.hsiler dluow yllanosrep eh taht ,dias eh ,ksat a toN .drow siH? ?.suoroloD? ?.enoemos rof ,ksat suorolod A .egamad eht riaper ot drofereH fo pohsiB txen eht ot llaf dluow ti ? mungerretni fo ,yllaitnesse ,doirep a saw dias eh hcihw ? eromnuD retfa tub drofereH fo esecoiD eht detpurroc dah retnuH tnetxe tahw ot nwonk eb reven thgim ti dias eh ? eussi siht ot etuor suotiucric ,gnol a koot eh taht dnatsrednu ot evah uoy dna ? dias eH .retnuH tuoba em ksa did eh diarfa m?I ,sey dnA .gnikniht saw eh yaw eht ni ton fI? ?.saw ti hcihW? ?.selbmahs etelpmoc a saw ti dias I ,nettogrof evah ot dalg etiuq m?I eman esohw tsirtaihcysp a dna nâiS dna uoy htiw lenap ecnareviled devil-trohs eht no gnivres tuoba em deksa eh nehw ,oS .edis sih no saw I thguoht eh fi erom nrael d?I gnileef ,t?ndid I dna ,mih htiw eugra ot em tcepxe t?ndid ylraelc eH .drow siH? ?.retsiniS? ?.retsinis ylirassecennu tsom eht dnA .hcruhC eht fo edis detadtuo tsom eht ot sevlesruo desopxe ,dias eh ,htob dah eW .flesmih ekiL .hguorht dewollof ton tub esruoc ecnareviled a enod d?I taht dootsrednu eh dias eH? ?.nitraM ,airetsyh saw tahT? ?.ytivel rof emit on si siht ,ylirreM ,ti pots ,hO? ??lairetam nonac esooL? ?.em ni lairetam nonac ees dluoc eh diaS .yldneirf yrev saw eh nehT? ?.eurt si tahT? ?.epytoerets a ton ma I .ylgnorw thguoht eH .tihsllub epytoerets yob-yag siht llA .pissog a saw I thguoht eh ,kooL .doG hO? ??retnuH noitnem eh did ,nitraM? .htaed s?leinaD retfa hcruhc sih fo lecnahc eht ni ,derettibme dna knurd ,enod dah nitraM tahw yltcaxe ygrelc fo eiretoc gniworg tub llams sih fo eno morf denrael evah thgim sennI esuaceb neeb evah dluow noitatiseh rof nosaer rehto eht ,ylsuoivbO ??evah dluow ti kniht uoY? ??mih htiw dah uoy pihsnoitaler revetahw denosiop ylsseldeen I fi tahw tuB .uoy llet ot thguoht I ,ees ,pohsiB emaceb eh nehW? ?.esruoc fO? ??htrow eb thgim ti tahw gniknihT? ?.egaraciv eht tuo gnikcehC .ecno naht erom dnA .sdik dna efiw sih htiW .remmus eht revo ,egalliv eht ni mih nees d?I taht retal gnizilaer ylnO .erehwemos morf mih dezingocer yletaidemmi I ,pohsiB wen eht fo serutcip was tsrif I nehw hguohT .oN? ??uoy did rO .neht sennI giarC wonk t?ndid uoY .laiciffo gnihton tub ,gniriter mih fo sruomuR .pohsiB llits saw eromnuD einreB .neht ,tnatropmi os mees t?ndid tI? ??mucol sa ereh emac uoy erofeb saw sihT? ??top eht gnirrits tsuj saw I fi tahW .uoy llet ot rehtehw revo ,ees ,ffo dna no ,shtnom rof gnizinoga neeb ev?I .em tsniaga siht dloh t?nod esaelP? ??deksa eh tuB? ?.llet ot gnihtyna wonk t?ndid I dias I? .dias nitraM ?,uoy tuoba gnihtyna mih llet t?ndid I? .ekas nwo sih roF .airetirc s?enoyna yb gniht dab on saw hcihw ,erom yna ecnareviled od t?ndid tsuj eH .wuH htiw esruoc eht enod d?eH .deifilauq saw eH ??ylirreM ,hO? ??ecnareviled ssucsid eh dna uoy diD? ?.did eH? .dehcrap saw eciov siH ?.sey hO? ?.uoy tuoba tol a draeh d?eh dias ylbaborp eh ?d?eh tuB? ?.ecnO .ylfeirb mih tem d?I? ?.drofereH fo pohsiB rof emarf eht ni eb thgim eh taht derepsihw neve saw ti erofeB .uoy ees ot emac eh erofeb sennI giarC tem neve t?ndah uoy gnisseug m?I ,nitraM? .diova dluow stseirp tsom elpoep ot citehtapmys mih ekam syawla dluow sessenkaew nwo sih fo ecnatpecca siH ?meht tuohtiw eb hcruhC eht dluow erehw tub ,kcirevam a saw eH ?.gnoleb uoy erehw si sihT .t?ndluow uoy ,oN? ?.dluow I .worromot og d?I od ot deifilauq yawflah saw I esle gnihtyna saw ereht fI .boj siht tiuq dluohs I .stonk ydoolb ni evil I .eurt ton s?taht ,oN ?uoy ,stonk ni flesym eit em ekam syawla uoY !ylirreM ,hO? ?tub ,ni sruovaf dellac ohw nosrep fo dnik eht sa flesreh fo kniht ot ekil t?ndid ehs ,lleH ??wonk ot tnaw I yhw em gniksa uoy t?nera yhW? .erif suonevar a ekil gniraor saw dniw eht ,edistuO ?.nitraM ,noitseuq enO? ?.ylsuoivbO .sey ,naem I .wonk t?nod I? ??eromnuD einreB taht nwonk yllaiciffo saw ti erofeb oS? ?.raey eht ni ylraE .ylbaborP? ??raey siht ti saW? ?.aera eht ni saw eH? ?.eulb eht fo tuo ?tsuJ? ?.rehtona eno otni nar tsuj eW? ?.neht ,gniteem deludehcs a toN? ?.sgniht eseht fo yraid a peek t?nod I ,ylirreM ,hO? ??mih ees tsal uoy did nehw oS .taht ekil skaeps uoy fo rehtien dna ,ffidraC morf er?uoy dna ,htuomnoM neht dna esecoid nocerB dna aesnawS ni saw eh dnA .llams taht ton tub ,nitraM ,yrtnuoc llams a s?tI? ??ti t?nsi ,selaW morf htob er?ew ,lleW? ??ydaerla mih wenk uoy gninaeM? ?.pohsiB sa ?tey em ees ot neeb t?nsah eh ,wonk uoy ,lleW? ??mih tem uoy evaH? ?.sennI giarC pohsiB? .enil gnilkcarc a nwod dehgis eH ?.neht ,thgiR? .tseirp hsirap ,xodohtronu fi ,doog a dna ,nitraM ,nam dnik a saw eH .erutuf eht ni emitemos ecalp ylohnu emas taht tisiv ot esuac evah thgim ro ,oot ,ereht neeb ylbaborp d?uoy esuaceb meht tuoba klat t?ndid uoy hguone llew mih wenk uoy fi dna ,demrah ydobon ,esle ydobon ,doG dna nitraM neewteb ,sgniht etavirp erew eseht tuB .ynapmoc gnorw eht ni tuoba deklat eb ot yeht erew hcruhC eht fo tuo nworht mih tog evah dluoc taht sgniht suoigelircas ,derettibmE .sgniht dab emos enod d?eh ,leinaD ,rentrap sih fo htaed detaler-VIH ,detcepxenu eht retfA .esirprus gib on saw taht ,dedraug gnidnuos nitraM .degnoleb ti detcepsus ehs erehw krad eht ni llac eht koot ,pmal ksed eht ffo dehctiwS .nwod tas dna kcab emac ,rood eht esolc ot tnew ,ksed eht no enohp eht dial ehS ?.nitraM ,dnoces a em evig tsuJ? ??uoy oD? .dias nitraM ?,tuoba segassem evael ot tnaw t?nod uoy sgniht emoS? ?.thgiR? ?.egassem a evael ot tnaw t?ndiD .semit lareves dellac ev?I .hcaebgnoL nitraM .si ti ,nitraM? ?.hO? ??ylirreM? .gnir dnoces eht erofeb enohp eht pu dehctans dna dniw eht ot denetsil dna nwod tas ehS .kcab llac d?eH .erauqs eht no dekrap neeb dah kcurt sih ,egalliv eht ot kcab tog d?ehs nehW .siht ekil thgin a no ton ,yawa raf eb t?ndluoc eH .rewsna on tog dna loL gnar ,yrellucs eht ot kcab tnew ehS .elihw a rof tsuJ .ecaps emos dnif ot deen did ehs ebyaM ?.lliw I ,KO? ?.oG? ???uoy erA? ?.mih gniR .no oG .gnihtemos teg nac I ,ereh ton er?uoy fi ,rO .retal tae s?teL? ??tae ot tnaw uoy t?noD? ?.revo og tsuj rO ?loL llac uoy t?nod yhw ,kooL? .elims a pu thguorb neht dna ,ylmirg tsomla ,dias enaJ ?,esoprup fo esnes dewener a ,tsael yrev eht ta ,gnitteg ma I? ??gnitteg uoy era tahW? .yawyna ,erihsekorbmeP ot enog d?ehs erofeb ecnis toN .elihw doog a ni nees t?ndah ylirreM yaw a ni desucof saw ehS .degnahc dah reh tuoba gnihtemoS ?.egats siht ta deticxerevo gnitteg ton m?I .parc etelpmoc eb ot tuo nrut dluoc ti ,ti ecaf s?tel ,rO .yvaeh eb dluoc sihT .tuo kcehc ot tnaw I sgniht erom emos tsuJ .snnijd dnA? ??yxoF? ??nac I ro ,muM ,won siht tuoba klat nac eW? .noitpurretni detnawnu na saw siht fi sa gniworran seye ,pu dekool ehS .aet fo top a dna koob s?rehtaeL srM ,stuotnirp emos ,daPi reh htiw sthgil wol rednu elbat yrotcefer eht ta gnittis saw enaJ erehw ,nehctik eht otni kcab tnew ehS .regguB .uoy knahT .ycavirp reh tcepser nac uoy sepoh ehs dna ,snaf gnidnamed morf liam htiw dedrabmob neeb s?ehs ,enigami nac uoy sA .ssucsid ot stnaw ehs gnihtemos ton dna tsap eht ni hcum yrev era skoob enotselwoR yxoF reh syas ehs tub ,rebmun ruoy reh nevig dna eniloraC ot nekops ev?ew ,sniktaW srM .rehsilbup s?draddoG eniloraC morf saw enihcam eht no egassem ylno eht dna krad ylluf saw ti ,kcab TOG EHS NEHW

52

The song with the big cigar

S
HE SAT IN
the dark, listening to the wind and gazing at the window-cross for… who knew? Did it matter? She just sat there, numbed, thinking how
not surprising
any of this was. Quite a valid assumption, really. Innes hadn’t invented it, he’d heard it from someone, perhaps from more than one person because they loved to gossip, the clergy, if terribly discreetly. Maybe it had been doing the rounds for years.

So she just sat, aware of being in the eye of the vicious storm, knowing that one move, any move would throw her into the blast. Sat until she became aware of something else not right, something not happening, the missing sound under the wind.

Putting on the desk lamp, she stood up, walked to the door, throwing on the main lights, blinking against the glare and the thrust of tears, before crossing over to the window. Opening it, careful to hold on to its rim with both hands to prevent it being wrenched away and smashed against the wall.

When she pushed her head into the wind and rain and looked down, the tears came unexpectedly and very quickly.

She looked down again, through her tumbled hair, to double-check, quite aware that in times of stress small things could assume disproportionate significance, before pulling her head back into the scullery and then closing the window, carefully applying the fastener and then the stay, her shoulders shaking as all the lights flickered.

‘Merrily?’

She turned round and he was there in the doorway. Jane must have let him in.

He said, ‘What’s happened?’

She stood there, shaking her head.

‘Please,’ Lol said. ‘
What?
’

He looked stricken. He was wearing his old, washed-out
Alien
sweatshirt from his first solo album that nobody bought. She heard herself saying things.

‘Tried to call you. You didn’t answer.’

‘The phone’s dead. The lines are down somewhere.’

‘Huh?’ She moved to the desk and picked up the phone: nothing. ‘It wasn’t before. Never mind. Where’s Jane?’

‘She’s gone up to her apartment. With some sandwiches. She says she’ll tell you in the morning. What she knows.’

‘Sandwiches,’ Merrily said. ‘What a crap mother I am.’

‘She’s nineteen. I think that’s a woman. What were you looking at out there?’

Merrily wiped her eyes with her sleeve.

‘There was this old briar we never cut. It used to tap against the window in the breeze. Sometimes when there wasn’t a breeze. I used to think it was like a warning of… of something about to happen. Someone watching out. A bit sinister, but not in a bad… Anyway, silly.’

‘It’s gone?’

‘It’s still there. On the ground. Broken by the wind. Pathetic, aren’t I?’

‘No, but…’

‘Also, the last call before the phone went down, I learned that the Bishop is of the firm opinion that I was sexually intimate with Mick Hunter and appears not to care who knows.’

Lol stayed silent.

‘Obviously it’s not—’

‘Not something you even need to say.’

‘No smoke, Lol.’

‘He’s looking for a sacrificial lamb?’

‘Very sensitively put.’

She broke down again and let him hold her until the wind reached screaming pitch and all the lights went out.

The alarm clock’s luminous fingers said 3.25 when Merrily awoke, naked and cold, in her own bed.

Evidently still no power, no lights out there, but the wind wasn’t so loud, was just skulking around like a tired drunk. She felt around on the floor until she found the long T-shirt and pulled it on.

Lol said, ‘What are you going to do?’

‘Uh—’ She sank back. ‘How long’ve you been awake?’

‘A while, I suppose.’

‘Not since—’

‘No, no.’

‘I’m sorry about that. Bit desperate, wasn’t it? Like we were on the
Titanic
and we knew about the iceberg in advance. My fault. A bit last-chance saloon.’

‘Is it?’

‘I’ll have to go. I
will
have to go. Sooner rather than later. No point in dragging it out.’

‘You can’t go. That’s as good as admitting it. Something you’ve been shamefully accused of. And letting the bastard win.’

‘The bastard doesn’t see it as a contest, and it probably isn’t. No, look, it’s not going to help anybody, me fighting the inevitable. Most of all, it’s not going to help Huw. Huw will damage himself trying to save my arse, and he’s much more important than me, in the great scheme of things. He’s stronger, he knows more and he can still pass it on and… and we’re not going to get to sleep again, are we?’