Freeform (18 page)

A small shrug escapes. “Maybe that's not such a bad thing. Maybe without it you'll go off and experience more of life rather than making it possible for everyone else too.”

My comment drops her jaw.

Damn it! I shouldn't have said that...Not like that anyway.

“I need to go.”

“Why? What changed from last night when you were lying in my bed beside me determined to paint more pieces for my bedroom walls to now? What happened, Tucker?”

My mother happened. There's a reason I avoid her when I come to town and it's not just fear of her trying to replace my father, but years of built up animosity that frankly, I fucking doubt will ever be resolved. No. The only way to keep peace in what's left of this part of the family is for me to go and enjoy the life I've created, far far away from her.

“Did you have fight with your mother again?”

I attempt to avoid answering and continue walking, the taxi I summoned with the app on my phone likely arriving at any moment.

Her arm blocks me and she demands, “Tell me what she said. Tell me what's got you running!”

“I don't need an excuse to run, June! It's what I do!”

“Well I need an excuse for you to leave me behind in your dust!”

My eyes fall to hers that are beginning to fill with tears. The sight scorches my lungs. Instinct commands I reach out to brush them away yet I tighten the grip on my bag to prevent it.

I've never had this much hell trying to leave anywhere or anyone. Fuck. It feels like my souls been engulfed in flames. With the way I feel right now, Hell is a sauna in comparison to this.

“You.... you just wouldn't understand.”

“You're not giving me a chance to.”

“I don't have to.”

“But you should.”

“No. I shouldn't.”

“But I'm your girlfriend, Tucker. I-”

“No, June. It's
my
life. It's
my
decision. I told you from the beginning I would never try to force you to do anything you didn't want to and no one,
no one
, can force me to do anything I don't want to either.”

“I'm not trying to force you-”

“You are! Asking me to stay somewhere I'm fucking miserable is doing that!”

“I make you miserable?”

Fuck. That didn't come out right either!

On a heavy sigh, I shake my head. “Just take the moments we had together and treasure them like I will.”

Pushing past her, I snatch my phone off the counter, and make my way to the front door.

“Just like that?” She croaks, the pain in her voice bringing tears to my eyes. “You're gonna leave me, just like that? I really am no different than any of the other women you've claimed you love, am I?”

A tear drops onto my cheek.

I have to go. I can't stay here, I already told you that. And June doesn't wanna leave her family behind, so why bother asking? Why bother trying to make two worlds blend that never should've to begin with? Apparently the only plan Fate had for me was one more fuck you, Tucker Frost.

I yank the door open, relieved and devastated to see the taxi waiting for me. “Good bye, June Bug. You made one helluva story to tell.”

Walking towards the cab, I sniffle away the remaining tears waiting to fall.

Love and art have something very strong in common I never realized before this moment. Both often come with great sacrifice. Staying here to do both would inevitably lead to the loss of both. I'd rather lose part of me than all. Though, right here, right now, it feels like I've just lost everything.

Tucker

“Thanks for letting me crash here for the last two nights, Adolfo,” I sigh as I buckle my seat belt.

“Of course,” he says back, starting the car.

Looks just like his sister I know. Not twins but damn near close enough in looks.

“You know you're always welcome in our home. “Michelle wishes you would come by more often.”

I helplessly smile.

No. I haven't left yet. The day I tried to leave, no tickets available for Athens or the next day on the train. Today was the earliest. The bus situation wasn't any better. I would've flown, but it was the same issue. For some reason tonight's tickets across all three platforms were wide open. What? No Fate wasn't interrupting. It was just bad last minute booking bullshit. Fuck Fate and her hate hard on for me.

“Where are you headed this time?”

“Georgia,” I reply, my attention out the window, admiring the houses of the suburbs.

“And your lady love? Is she going with you?”

His question turns my face to his. “Excuse me?”

“Your lady love. Maria said you brought her to the restaurant a few weeks back. Danced and kissed. She said you've never brought a woman to our place before. She added there was something different about the way you treated the woman.”

“June,” I mindlessly inform him. “Her name is June.”

“Ah.” Adolfo pulls up to the stoplight. “I get the impression you're not taking June along?”

Glancing out the window again, I answer, “I didn't ask.”

“Why not?”

“It....she....we....” The jumble response begins to get the better of me.

I've gone over it a million times these past two days. I did the right thing. I live a life with no strings, no ties, no obligations to anyone but myself. If I took June along that would change everything. I'd begin to wonder if I ruined her life by taking her away from all she knows. I'd hate myself for ripping her family, a real family who needs each other, apart. I'd rather let June hate me for leaving her and allow them all to be happy than try to persuade her to follow me around until I grow bored enough to send her away. Because that's what would happen right? I'd grow bored....You're buying this, aren't you?

“You're never going to be happy, Tucker,” his nonchalant comment snaps my head back around. “It's become a fact.”

“I am happy.”

“You're not.” He changes lanes and keeps his attention forward. “You're like an excited customer who prides himself on continuously coming in. Being loyal and loved by the staff yet secretly only tolerating the food. Sure, he enjoys the atmosphere, but he lies to everyone with the smile on his face about how much he loves the food. A false sense of enjoying something is not being happy, Tucker. Yes, you may very well be excited to travel the globe, to be loved and adored by strangers who have no idea you're only passing through. But you only
tolerate
those places and new things you do because, like the customer who can't admit to himself he doesn't enjoy the food despite everything else, you find it easier to lie than face the facts. You're a coward, Tucker Frost. You've always been a coward. Since the day you asked to paint my restaurant after your own father died, I knew that's what you were.”

Anger strips any chance of kindness seeping through. “How the hell am I a coward?”

“A man is one who faces the adversary in his life. In our cases, it was death.
You
have continued running from death and it's destruction for years. It's why you don't stay still. You're subconsciously afraid if you do, it will catch you, and you will have to look into its eyes and ask why me? Why did you take
my
father?”

His answer trembles my chin.

“I would know. I had to face it myself. But when you finally decide to,” he slows down his words, “your whole life will actually change. When you travel you won't be running, looking for the next place to hide, but living in the true spirit of life. I just hope whenever you come to terms with the past you're trying to escape, there's an unbroken heart you've left somewhere to help you through the pain. Because there's going to be pain, Tucker. There's actually beauty
in
the pain.”

“H-h-how did you decide to do that?” I give the back of my neck a rub. “To just...face the fucked up truth?”

“A bubbly little blonde walked into my restaurant and turned my whole world upside down,” Adolfo chuckles. “Fate has a fun way of giving you exactly what you need when you need it. The question is my friend, are you willing to take it?”

I don't think I am....Doesn't feel like this in this case. It feels like I was offered a chance to see Heaven only to be banished to Hell. I needed June. Hell I still need June, yet the never ending havoc my unresolved emotions wreak on my system makes me feel like I'm not meant to have her.

“Because until you are....until you're ready to trust in Fate, you will never truly be free.” He pulls into the train station parking lot and shifts it to park. “We're here. You all set?”

I thought I was. But now...now I'm not so sure.

June

I try to stop the tears long enough to fix my mascara for the fourth time.

Waterproof my ass. I have been crying in waves all day and every time I do, I look like someone out of a bad horror movie. It's ridiculous. No, the mascara not the crying. The crying I expected. I made a huge mistake. Several actually. The first crossing the line between work and relationships and of course the next buying into whatever Tucker and I had being an actual relationship. How could I be so stupid? I knew it was going to end. It had too. No matter how much we have in common, not matter how strong the connection or inability to resist the other, we could've never made it work. I'm like the easel, my feet are always on the ground. Painters have no problems coming and going. Using me. I'll always be easy to castaway. No one remembers the easel. Just the artist.

On a final sniffle, I remove my make up from my clutch once more to readjust. Once I'm finished, I slip out of the bathroom, and back down the hall to party that has been in full motion for almost two hours.

I look around cautiously before making my first step.

Hey, I've done a great job avoiding Brandi about the subject since her nephew split. And I've done an even more miraculous job at hiding from her since I arrived. It's like a game from one of those 'I Spy' books except instead of circling the target you run from it.

“June!” Her voice fills my ears causing me to bump into the edge of the wall.

“Ou...”

You couldn't have warned me? You weren't one of those helpful kids, were you? You were the one that spotted it all along and waited for them to fail to get the glory. Well...thanks for that.

“As clumsy as ever,” she playfully coos.

“That'll probably never change.”

“But my nephew sure has,” Brandi's immediate jump to the important topic shifts my weight. “The changes I've seen with you in his life, June are impressive. This is...the longest he's ever stayed here since his father's death. You've had a real impact.”

Obviously he doesn't agree since he almost left without any sort of goodbye. Correction. He
would've
left without any sort of goodbye had I not finished up early. Is this an example of Fate at work? Drag me over there to have to look him in the face as he breaks my heart? Gotta say...not liking this Fate thing.

I struggle to smile.

“Now where is my wedding gift?”

“On the table with the others.” My comment is met with a skeptical look. “I found an old handmade vintage wedding frame made out of faded letter paper. It has the word 'Love' inscribed at the bottom. I know Ms. Frost's fondness for such items.”

“Her son,” impatience waivers her voice. “Where's Brittany's son, June?”

I press my lips together as I struggle to think of a good answer.

It doesn't take her any time real time to catch on. “He left, didn't he?”

Helplessly, I nod.

“Without warning.”

I nod again.

“When?”

“Two days ago.”

Her hand flies up to pinch the bridge of her nose. “Of course he did. It was foolish to think anything or anyone could ever keep him here.”

At least we're in agreement there.

“I'm sorry, June.” She drops her hand. “For having to fire you as much as you having your heart broken.”

“Just um....write me a good recommendation, please?”

Brandi nods at the same time she's joined by her husband. “Of course.”

Jobless. Boyfriendless. And I'm sure if I don't find somewhere else to work immediately, homeless. Guess I could actually
work
at the art store for a few months while I wait for something better to become available. God.....I never thought I'd have to fall back to the bottom after seeing a glimpse from the top. Well, can't completely count myself out. What would that teach my sisters? That a broken heart is a good excuse to put your whole life on hold?

“It's toast time you two,” Brett states. “Come on.”

“I should probably go,” I whisper and begin to step backwards.

Brett's look of confusion doesn't stop my action. I spin around to avoid anyone seeing my tears and bump hard enough into someone's frame to be sent backwards to the floor.

Seriously?

I shuffle to collect my clutch and it's contents as a familiar voice extends to me. “You have to be more careful, June Bug.”

Shock drops my jaw. Slowly, I turn to see Tucker's blue eyes beaming at me with a sliver of hope in them.

I know I should be furious at him. I know I should yell, scream, shout and kick him in the nuts, but honestly? I'm just thankful that he's here and I can keep my job.

“Hate the idea of having to wait by your bedside at the hospital from a concussion.”

I refuse the hand he's offering me to take. As soon as I'm on my feet, I state in a low voice, “I thought you left.”

“Had some unfinished work I needed to tend to. You know how much I hate to leave pieces incomplete.”

He better be using that as a fucking metaphor or it will be
him
I poke in the eye with a paintbrush.

“They're ready for you,” Brett says to him and motions his head towards the front of the room where the couple is gathered.

Tucker nods to his uncle before whispering to me, “We need to talk when I'm finished.”

He doesn't leave room for an objection. Quickly he pushes, past us, and makes his way to the stage. Someone hands him a glass of champagne seconds after the music shuts off. All eyes in the room fall onto him.

“Evening,” Tucker says cheerfully into the microphone. “Many of you know me, for those of you who don't I am Tucker Frost, the bride's only son. I was asked by....David, to give a toast.”

Oh no.....That's why he threw a tantrum and left to begin with, isn't it?

“I was reluctant at first.” He pauses to correct himself. “I refused, actually. In my eyes, to stand here and wish them a happy future felt like a betrayal to the man who raised me.”

Not a good start to a wedding speech....Though a very good explanation for why he bolted. I understand he's still not ready to face his father's death and his mother's growth, but that still doesn't mean I didn't deserve a goodbye. That I didn't deserve to at least feel like I mattered for the small time we were together.

“The truth is, to not stand here, and toast to a happy future would be the true betrayal. My father was a good man. He would've given anything to make sure my mother was happy even if it meant letting her go to find happiness elsewhere. My mother does deserve happiness. We all do. And David has restored shine to her smile, pep to her step, and a pure joy in her eyes, I never thought I'd see again. For that, today, I say thank you, David, and request that as you join our family, you work that hard every day to make sure those things last until death do you part just as my father had.”

David lifts his glass and states, “You have my word, Tucker.”

His sweet face forces a slightly sad smile yet he lifts his glass high. “To the happy couple. May love flourish in your marriage from this day forward. Cheers.”

“Cheers!” The room echoes and takes a sip.

A dumbfounded expression remains on my face.

What the hell just happened? Did he....publicly apologize to his mother? What....how...who...

Brett turns to me with a smirk. “Seems like you finally got through to him.”

Brandi tosses back the last of her champagne. “Glad someone could. One more reality T.V. meltdown from this family and I was going to have to petition no more gatherings for at least two years.”

I giggle. However, when Tucker's eyes spot me from his position beside his mother, I quickly whisper, “I um...I think I'm gonna go.”

Brett frowns. “But Tuck-”

“Let it go,” Brandi hushes him. “Trust me.”

He furrows his eyebrows again, but remains quiet.

“I'll see you at the office in the morning.” With a final nod, I begin to make my way around the back of the mansion they rented in hopes of finding a back escape route. Despite the fact my name is being called behind me, I walk faster.

“June wait!”

Hitting an unexpected dead end, I make a sharp right and open the first door I can.

Okay so judging him for running from his problems while I am doing the same thing is not something we should talk about right now. Besides I am just running away from him. Not all of them in general. Though...he really is the only
real
problem I have at the moment.

My back hits the door quietly as I silently beg he keeps looking elsewhere.

“June Bug,” his voice sighs from the other side. “I know you're in there.”

Sh.....He does not.

“Can I come in?”

Don't answer.

“Can I explain why I'm still here?”

What did I just say?

“Can I apologize to your face? You deserve that much even if you aren't willing to hear anything else.”

I hesitate but eventually turn around and open the door.

Tucker's hands are braced firmly on the frame and a regretful look is plastered in his eyes. Sweetly he sighs, “It's been hell not waking up to your face every morning. And it's only been two days...”

His words cause me to yearn for him to move closer, yet I fold my arms across my chest instead. “You made that choice without me.”

“I did. And that was wrong.” He drops his arms. “I'm sorry, June. I'm sorry for being a coward about all of this. I'm sorry for the picking a fight. I'm sorry for choosing to leave without you. I'm sorry for not even asking you to come. I don't want you to think for a minute, I really wanted to leave you behind, but it felt wrong to ask you to give up your entire life for me when I wasn't willing to give up any of mine for you.”

So far so good for an apology.

“You were right when you said, when I had really fallen in love with someone, I'd want them with me. Sharing in the beauty of everything I do. So, I'm asking you June Bailey, will you run away with me?”

There's a twinge of guilt inside of me that out ranks the joy I know would come. “I have a job to do, Tucker.”

“And you have a man to love.”

That's....True.....

His hands slide around my waist. “Let's meet in the middle. We seem good about being able to do that. Travel with me, see the world, and in between we come back here. We crash in your tiny apartment for a couple months, share time with
your
family
and
mine, and then leave again. Start another adventure. Repeat the process.”

“That does sound...perfect,” my longing returns.

Can I go? Can I just drop everything and follow him around the country, meeting other artists and experiencing life in a new way? It would be a lie to say these last eight weeks haven't been the most remarkable time of my life, but....can magic like that last? And what about money? Stability? What does that tell my sisters? What? Well, yeah, teaching them the importance of falling in love and following your dreams is important and yeah my mom and dad say I should worry about my own happiness for a bit, but still. Work...