Free Falling (16 page)

I gulped.
Oh wow, is he flirting with me? Am I flirting
with him? What on earth am I doing right now?
I laughed nervously and sat
up on the bed, crossing my legs and trying to think of something to say to
that.

“Just because I’m not easy doesn’t mean that I’m interested
in you,” I stated indifferently.

He laughed. “And who said I was interested in you anyway?
Getting a little ahead of yourself there, Maisie? I never took you for a big
ego type chick,” he countered. I gulped and blushed like crazy because I’d just
assumed that he was hitting on me, and apparently had made a fool out of
myself. He smiled at my unease and patted the bed for me to lay down next to
him again. “I’m kidding. You don’t have to worry though; I wasn’t hitting on
you, I promise. I don’t date, so you’re safe,” he vowed, looking away and
fiddling with the highlighter pen he was holding.

I settled myself back down on the bed next to him but made
sure that we had a gap between us just in case he was messing around. “You
don’t date? Why’s that then?” I asked, not believing a word of it. He was a
good looking guy, he had to date. He had girls throwing themselves at him, that
much was obvious from today at school.

He shrugged. “I don’t date because I don’t want to fall in
love with anyone.”

I frowned, trying to work out if he was just messing around
with me right now. He looked so serious though. “Why, are you afraid of
heartbreak?” I teased, growing more and more curious with each passing second.

He smiled sadly and shook his head. “No. But what’s the
point in falling for someone when it won’t go anywhere? I would hate to tie a
girl in with me for life, that would suck for her. So I just stay away from
girls altogether,” he explained, his brown eyes locking onto mine. I studied
his face trying to think of what that actually meant. Tying a girl to him for
life, why would that suck for her?

“What?” I asked, confused.

He laughed and picked up my schedule, holding it out to me.
“So yeah, you’re safe. Let’s just stick to the tutoring thing, okay? Personal
stuff stays out of it,” he suggested. “Plus, your butt doesn’t do anything for
me.”

I laughed and slapped his shoulder, trying to fake hurt.
“Don’t keep insulting my butt, I’ll get a complex about it,” I scolded
playfully.

He winked at me. “I guess I’d better get home soon. My aunt
will be worried about me, I didn’t tell her that I was coming here after
school, so she’s probably wondering where I am.”

“And what will she think when you walk in with a smashed up
face?” I asked, wincing as I looked at his split lip and bruising jaw.

He waved his hand dismissively. “She’ll just be pleased that
I stayed the full day at school.” I laughed, and he moved on the bed, scooping
together all of his things that we’d made. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Maze-Daze.”

I groaned. “Please don’t call me that either.”

He opened his mouth to answer but was interrupted by a
commotion coming from downstairs. I could hear Alex growling something, there
was a slight crash as something banged against the wall. Then I heard Luke’s
voice too, shouting that he was invited and that I wanted to talk to him. I
gasped.
He’s early! I didn’t tell anyone that he was coming over. Crap!

I sprang off of the bed and ran for the door as fast as I
could before Alex got too angry and they started fighting again. As I burst out
of my room, I looked down to see Alex was practically pinning Luke against the
wall as they shouted at each other. Alex looked ready to kill.

“Alex! I did invite him!” I shouted, running down the stairs
as fast as I could without breaking my neck.

My brother looked up at me and frowned, his grip not
loosening on Luke for a second. “What the hell? Why?” he cried angrily.

I reached his side then and looked at him pleadingly, trying
to keep my eyes away from Luke’s for as long as possible; his eyes always were
my favourite part about him. “Because I need to talk to him,” I explained,
frowning at Alex because he hadn’t let go yet. He looked like he was having
trouble not beating my ex-boyfriend to a pulp. My dad was there too, I didn’t
see him at first but my mom was standing in front of him trying to calm him
down. He looked like he wanted to kill Luke too. I sighed dramatically and
grabbed Alex’s wrist, pulling to get him to let go of Luke’s hoodie. “Alex,
just leave it. I said I invited him over, so just go already will you?” I
requested, trying to look stern even though I actually loved him for doing that
for me. I loved how protective he was of me, it was adorable - it’s just that
it was infuriating at times.

He made a kind of growling sound as he shoved Luke away from
him, making him hit the wall again that he was already being pinned against. “I
swear to God, Hannigan, if you hurt my sister again I’m going to kill you,” he
promised, his voice full of menace.

Luke nodded, signalling that he’d understood, so Alex walked
off. He mumbled something to my dad before they both stomped off into the
lounge together, still grumbling cuss words under their breath. My dad was
worse than my brother at times. I turned back to Luke and smiled
apologetically, but he wasn’t looking at me, he was looking over my shoulder
with an angry expression on his face.

I frowned and turned, expecting Alex to be watching us or
something, instead, Zach was walking down the stairs, a cocky smile on his face
as he held Luke’s gaze.

“Wow, you should see someone about that face, it looks bad,”
Zach suggested, grinning.

Luke seemed to tense as he stepped closer to me, his eyes
not leaving Zach’s. “What are you doing here?” he spat.

Zach’s eyes flicked to me as he shrugged. “Just screwing
your ex again,” he replied coolly.

“Goodbye, Zach!” I interjected before they could get into an
argument about it again.

Zach laughed and winked at me as I practically pushed him
out of the front door. “Tell your brother I said bye, and thank your mom for
dinner.” I nodded in acknowledgement and practically shut the door in his face
which made him laugh again outside.

I chewed on my lip and looked back to see Luke looking at me
expectantly, obviously waiting for an explanation. Well screw him, I didn’t owe
him anything, he should know me better. “Let’s go upstairs and talk then,” I
suggested, ignoring the tense atmosphere. He was so jealous that his jaw was
twitching where he was grinding his teeth together.

I walked off without waiting for him, heading to my bedroom,
dreading this whole conversation. It was necessary though, I needed to find out
if he felt like he’d been taken advantage of, because this whole situation
would change if he did.

When we got in my room I sat on my desk chair because I
didn’t want to sit too close to him. He trotted over and sat on my bed, looking
at his hands, his shoulders slumped. I took a deep breath and tried to come up
with words that would actually make sense, but my mind was too jumbled to form
a coherent sentence.

“So, I just… about Friday… and…” I closed my eyes and willed
my mouth to work.

“Maisie, baby, I’m so sorry,” he whispered.

I nodded; I knew he was sorry, his whole posture and
attitude was showing me how much he regretted it. “I know. I just figured I
should talk to you about it and find out what happened.”

He sighed and closed his eyes letting his head drop down so
he was looking at his lap.

“Luke, just tell me what happened on Friday night. In your
words. I don’t want you to tell me what I want to hear, I want you to tell me
what you felt happened, okay?” I suggested, just needing to get this done
already so I would know one way or the other.

He ran a hand through his hair, not looking at me as he
spoke, “I was drunk, really drunk. I don’t remember much of it, but I started
to feel sick and managed to get upstairs to Ricky’s bathroom before I puked.
When I turned around she was there, leaning on the door frame, smiling.” He
looked up at me then with a pained expression on his face. “I just remember
thinking that I wanted to go home. I was washing my hands and I was going to
come and get you to see if we could leave. But she started taking her shirt off
and I was a little too shocked to do anything. Then she kind of threw herself
at me I guess, I don’t really know, it was all happening so fast. I didn’t
think about anything else, my head was swimming, and nothing seemed to matter
and she was so insistent and was undressing me. I just,” he winced and shook
his head, “I’m sorry.”

My heart was hurting so much as I started to imagine how that
happened. I imagined her lips on his, her tongue in his mouth. My lungs felt
like they were constricting, so my breathing was a little shallow. “Luke, you
said that you were at the hospital, and that someone put something in your
drink,” I said, trying to get the information out of him without saying the
words.

He nodded. “I wouldn’t have done it otherwise. I would never
cheat on you, baby. You’re my life. I love you more than anything,” he
promised, looking at me pleadingly.

“So, you didn’t know what you were doing? You were drugged
and didn’t know what you were doing?” I asked, bracing myself for his answer.

He frowned. “Maisie, I don’t know what you’re getting at.
What is it that you’re asking? If you want to know if I regret it, then the
answer is yes. If you want to know if I’ll ever cheat on you again, then the
answer is never. I promise this was a onetime thing. I can’t lose you, please?”

I took a deep breath and looked at him as I asked the thing
that I couldn’t stop thinking about since lunchtime. “Luke, did she take
advantage of you? You said you wouldn’t have done it if you weren’t drugged. Do
you feel like she,” I took a deep breath, “raped you?”

He recoiled, seeming a little taken aback by my question. He
didn’t speak for a minute or two, and I felt like the silence was killing me
slowly. He was obviously thinking about his answer, a thoughtful expression
covered his face as he looked at his hands. Finally, he shook his head. “Not
really,” he admitted.

Part of me was glad for him. The emotional turmoil he would
feel if he’d answered yes would have been hard for him to deal with, so I was
glad that he didn’t feel like that. The extremely selfish part of me, the part
that was hoping for my boyfriend back, was a little disappointed. I hated
myself for being so nasty, but if he’d answered differently then I would have
thrown my arms around his neck and given him my full support. I would have
Luke, sure it would be hard to work past, he would have had a lot to deal with,
but we would have gotten through it together.

“You felt like you were in control and you could have
stopped it if you wanted to?” I questioned, just needing to make sure he was
okay.

He nodded. “I have the strong feeling that if I’d said that
she’d taken advantage that I wouldn’t be facing losing you right now,” he
muttered. Luke always was smart with things like that.

I frowned and shrugged. “You didn’t answer differently, so,”
I trailed off not knowing what else to say.

“Maisie, is there anything I can do? Anything?” he asked,
looking at me pleadingly.

“I love you, I really do,” I replied. “But you did that
knowing I was downstairs, knowing that she wasn’t me, knowing that I would never
do that to you. Yet you still did it. That hurts so much, Luke.” I willed the
tears not to fall in front of him, there was no doubt I would be crying myself
to sleep later, but for right now I was trying to be strong. “I just don’t know
if I can forget this. I want to hate you, I want to punch you in the face and
scream at you. I want to hurt you like you’ve hurt me.”

He moved off of the bed then and knelt in front of me. “Do
it then. Hit me, scream at me, do whatever you need. Please, just give me one
more chance. Just please don’t let this be it,” he begged.

His beautiful brown eyes that I loved so much locked on mine
and I didn’t want to say this was it; I didn’t want to completely cut it off
with him. I actually didn’t know if I could forgive him, but I couldn’t rule it
out. “I don’t know. I’m so confused. I love you; I honestly still love you,
but…”

“But you don’t want to be with me,” he whispered. A pained
expression crossed his face; it was like devastation, like I’d just taken
everything important away from him. I knew I was probably the only person that
knew Luke properly. He had no one else really, his family were hardly ever
around, and his friends only got to see the showy side of him. I was probably
the only one he had ever opened up to. I was probably the only one that knew
the real Luke Hannigan. The thought of him being alone if I cut him off, was
actually painful to me. I hated the thought of him being sad. I really loved
him too much for my own good.

“Maybe we could be friends? See what happens?” I suggested,
wanting to take the hopeless and hurt look off of his face. Didn’t everyone
deserve a second chance? If I had made that mistake then I knew I would be
begging him for another shot, just like he was right now.

His head snapped up, his eyes wide and hopeful. “Really? I’d
love that, baby.” He put his hands on my knees, gripping tightly as he pushed
himself up so our faces were on the same level. I gulped at his words, the
familiar pet name sounded like melted chocolate coming out of his mouth. It
shouldn’t make the hairs on the back of my neck stand up, it shouldn’t make my
heart race in my chest, and it shouldn’t make my stomach flutter. But it did.
“I’d love the chance to win you back. As much as you don’t want to admit it,
you and I are perfect for each other. You need me just as much as I need you,”
he whispered.

My arms acted without my permission and wrapped around his
neck, pulling him closer to me as I buried my face in the side of his neck,
breathing in his smell that made my skin prickle and my stomach flutter. I knew
I couldn’t just cut it off with him because my body’s reactions to him were
involuntary. He was right, I did need him.