Frayed Rope (22 page)

His whiskey voice is the last sweet thing I hear before I fall asleep.

Chapter Twenty

I wake up to warmth. Deep to my soul warmth. I also feel a hand running up and down my arm, and my legs entwined with another's.

Ryder.

I’m not sure when we moved in the night, but my arm is thrown over his stomach and my head is on his shoulder. I slowly open my eyes and hear the smooth whiskey morning voice above me.

“Mornin’ beautiful.”

I crane my neck up and take stock of his face. His scruff is a few days overgrown and his long dark lashes lay heavy on his cheekbones. Those dark eyes are greyer around the outside in the morning. I think it makes him look even more handsome. He’s shirtless and I relish in the feel of his mild scattering of chest hair under my hand.

“Morning,” I yawn.

I’m comfortable and quite rested. I quickly register that I spent an entire night without nightmares. I lift my head and glance across his torso and notice it’s ten in the morning.

Eight hours of sleep. I can’t remember when I last slept solid for that length of time.

He rolls toward me. His thigh hits me in exactly the right place between my legs. I took off my sweats because I can’t stand to sleep in them if it’s not winter.

The feel of his warm skin against mine is enough to make my heart rate speed up a little. His hand begins making a beautiful soothing journey up and down my back. I close my eyes and let out a little hum.

He places slow random kisses along my hairline while I move my hand up to lay above his heart.

“Feels good to wake up with you, haven’t slept that good in a while.”

He repeats the earlier thoughts going through my head as his hands continue their wonderful journey up to my shoulders, and down around my hips.

I groan when his hand meets my thigh, still feeling a bruise from Monday’s session with Brock when he took me down on the mats.

Ryder reaches up and moves the blanket down past my ass. The movement causes his thigh to push harder into my core and I moan a little at the contact.

“Jesus, its blue. This from training with Brock?”

His hand moves lightly over the bruised area.

“Couldn't get my head on straight the other day. I learned from it, and went back last night to kick ass.”

Which I totally fucking did, and hope I can pull it off again.

“I wish he didn't leave you like this afterward, but I get it. If it makes you feel good and teaches you something, then I’m happy you’re doing it Elle.”

His hand glides down towards my knee and he leans the upper half of his body over mine. I mewl at the loss of his thigh between my legs but when I feel his lips touch my hip I sigh out in relief.

It’s still quite dark in my room, the blackout shades are drawn but light seeps in from the hallway. His hands work their way down my leg and when he gets to my ankle he stops with the kisses to speak.

“How's the ankle been?”

It’s kind of him to ask and I respond truthfully.

“Tender a few times after landing wrong in a kick at the gym, but it’s okay,” I reply in my still sleep filled raspy voice.

His hands nudge me onto my back and within moments he’s looming above me. His dark hair hangs around his face and his eyes roam my features. The majority of his weight is held on his forearms but the lower half of his body has settled into mine.

His eyes continue to search my face as his hands move into my hair. He’s studying me, for what I don’t know.

“I’m gonna kiss you now beautiful. Because if today, tomorrow or the next day you tell me to leave, I want to make damn sure I gave it everything while I was given the chance.”

I don't get the chance to respond before his mouth is on mine. It’s deep, but slow and oh so passionate. He nips my bottom lip lightly to gain access into my mouth. His tongue twirls with mine in a sensual dance that further relaxes my body.

Wet lips work their way across my face and down my neck. He licks a trail from ear to collarbone and slides his hand down my side. I moan in pleasure when his thumb moves over my breast and he takes it further by moving his mouth in that direction.

His mouth surrounds my nipple through the threadbare tank top while I push my fingers into his silky hair. His hands continue their journey south until they reach my panties and he moves his large body further down the bed.

He places open mouth kisses across my hip and then my still covered center.

“Ahhhhh,” I moan at the contact.

His hands grab onto the sides of the only piece of clothing separating my aching center from his mouth and he slowly lowers them down my legs.

He lifts my ankles, one at a time and bends them at the knee before planting them back on the bed. His eyes stay glued to my waxed core before they meet mine.

“Beautiful everywhere, babe. I’m going to taste you now. Don't stop me please.”

I couldn't if I wanted to, but I also lack the ability of speech. I spread my legs wider in invitation and it’s all the answer he needs before he dives in.

“Gahhhhh, fuck!” I scream in pleasure.

He lays one long lick from bottom to top before attacking my clit and bringing his fingers into the folds. Last time was quick and fast. This time he’s prolonging it, but it makes the act that much sweeter.

One finger then two enters me and I can feel it start to build.

“Shit, don't stop!” I rasp bringing my feet up and placing them on his shoulders.

“Not a fucking chance.”

He growls against my clit and it’s enough to send goose bumps over my entire body. He’s relentless and I’m close. His skill is perfect and I can’t hold out much longer.

“Fuck Ry, I’m gonna come!”

I pull on his hair with my fingers. He grabs my wrists to remove my hands, the loss of his fingers inside me slowing down my orgasm.

“Fuck no,” I start to whine, but Ryder's already sitting up and moves to lay back on the bed grabbing me by the hips on the way.

“Not like that beautiful, you’ll sit on my face when you come.”

I’m stunned a little and slow in my movements due to my semi-sated state. I’m taking too long and he grabs one of my legs and pulls it over his body before hoisting me by the hips up to his face.

“Grab the fucking headboard Elle and sit down, now!”

I don't need to be told twice. I do as he says and he trusts his tongue up inside me and pinches my clit between his fingers.

That's it, I’m off.

“Ahhhhhh, shit! Fuck, fuck!”

I grind onto his face as he seals his mouth over me. My legs are shaking and I feel like I’m smothering him but he holds me tight, unable to move.

“I missed the way you taste. So fucking sweet.”

He places one last open mouth kiss to my core before moving me down his body. I fall forward onto his chest, my breathing heavy.

His hands resume running up and down my back and I register his bulge between my legs, separated by his boxers. I grind myself against him and moan at the contact.

“Sorry, beautiful. Can’t help it after my mouth was on your sweet pussy and now it’s smothering my dick. Why don't you go clean up and I’ll go start the coffee.”

He lays a playful smack on my ass which causes me to grind further against him.

“Unnghhh, I don't want to move yet Ry,” I say in a soft sleepy voice.

Regardless of how well I slept last night I feel like I could use another hour after the delicious orgasm he gave me.

He slowly rolls up, careful of my bruised hip until he’s on top.

“Open your eyes beautiful.”

His hand gently caresses the side of my face as I open my eyes and take in the beautiful man above me. His fingers trail from the top of my hairline down to my cheek and around the other side. He lays kisses on my eyelids and nose before resting on my mouth.

“Love your green eyes babe, and a lot of other shit about you. I would also love nothing more than to bury my dick deep inside you.”

He lays a few more sweet kisses across my face before he continues in a soft but serious voice.

“But beautiful, when I take you, I want all of you. I don't mean everything about your past because I can sense you’re not ready to talk about it and that's okay. I said it before and I’ll remind you again, I will never push you. What I mean is I want nothing between us. I want my hands on every bit of your body and I don't want your clothing in the way.”

I try to look away but his hand at the side of my face holds firm. I can feel the moisture start to build in my eyes because I’m angry at what he’ll have to look at when he sees all of me.

I worry that mid-fuck he’ll turn me over to go at it from behind, one of my favorite positions, and he’ll lose his erection due to the ugly sight that is my back. I don’t see it much. I feel it, and I know what it looks like. But it’s not something I physically have to see every day. It pains me to think about it and embarrasses me to have him look at it. He holds my face steady, his kind eyes stare into mine.

“I’ve seen you Elle, everything but your bare tits. Unless you count the wet t-shirt night at your place.”

I can’t help but let out a small laugh.

“Nothing left to hide from me, I want it all Elle. And until you’re ready to share that with me, it’s my fingers and mouth from here on out.”

He leans down and places a promising kiss on my lips before getting up.

“When you’re ready babe. Until then, I’ll make the coffee.”

Chapter Twenty-one

I lie in bed for a while resting in post orgasmic bliss, hashing out everything Ryder said between last night and this morning.

The man is relentless, I’ve gathered that much. He knows what he wants and he goes after it. I can appreciate that in a person. I’m much the same way. What gets me is the why?

I completely understand that we
know
each other, deeply like chemistry. It’s one of those things I realized before that just happens. You can’t slow it down, you can’t really speed it up. All you can do is strap in and trust where the ride is going to take you. It may have bumps, it will certainly have a few forks in the road, but you know the ride is going to be so good that regardless of the dips and dives you hang on for dear life, and pray that you’ll come out intact on the other side.

That's what Ryder is, a ride. A damn good one judging by his hands and face but he’s still completely unpredictable and I think that's what intrigues me the most.

Growing up in a small town, you learn to create your own unpredictable situations and fun times, because if it weren't for yourself nobody else is going to do it for you. You take more chances and heighten the risks because without them life would be bloody boring.

I didn’t go sky diving with Ryder or any outing for that matter, but the man still blew me away by showing up at Fist the other night and pulling a fast one on me by refusing to leave.

I’ve always worn the pants in any relationship. Not that any lasted very long. I had a few throughout high school and university, and a short term fling that resulted in the most beautiful child I could ever ask for, but unfortunately not with the right person. Most of us always parted on good terms. Minus a creep or two in my early twenties, I just have yet to feel that deeper connection with someone.

What bothers me about this whole thing is that as much as I want to embrace it, there’s still a question that won’t stop nagging at my mind.

Is it a case of pity? Pity for the woman who lives alone with her dog that's extremely recluse and never answers personal questions? Does he want me because I come off as the so called damsel in distress that needs saving? It’s what he does for a living, right? Essentially solves problems and puzzles.

Will the thrill of me wear off eventually when my case has been solved? Will he choose to move on to something, or someone else?

Am I a job to him? He told me he worked missing persons and rescue missions. Will he rescue me, and then send me a metaphorical bill for services rendered in the mail?

The metaphorical bill in this case being ‘thanks, but this isn’t working out’.

I shut off my mind and throw on my robe. I need coffee. I look at the clock and see that it’s now almost noon which means I’ve been laying in here locked in my mind instead of getting answers for almost an hour.

I’m a straight shooter, always have been. I tell it like it is and I don't care what you think of me. Minus the personal details of course. Time to drink up some java and search for some answers.

I stop in the bathroom, having yet to see Ryder, and take care of business and then brush my teeth. I don't hear him in the house and figure he must have gone outside.

I head to the coffee pot and make a cup of the wonderful brew. I see no sign of Ryder out back and quickly realize why when I hear the chair in the dining room.

No.

No, no, no!

I’m stiff as a statue as I turn my eyes to peer into the dining room. Ryder’s angry eyes stare back at me, a handful of paperwork in front of him. My case files. What happened to me, and the mess I’m trying to figure out.

He could’ve been staring at me from the time I went to the bathroom but I didn't notice. My mind was set on coffee, and the conscious effort to avoid that room like the plague unless I’m going in there to work on things. Otherwise, I steer clear, especially before coffee and usually not until I have something containing alcohol in my hand.

He lowers the papers down in front of him and settles his elbows on the table. His head rests in his hands and he loses eye contact. Judging by the mess in front of him he noticed my load of casework not long after he started the coffee, which was almost an hour ago.

“I wish you would have told me babe. Fuck!”

His voice carries an amount of agony I wasn’t expecting to hear. I don't know how to handle this situation. I don't know what to say to him or what I should do. I know at this point I can’t deny it, but I don't think I can handle the questions either.

I’m sure he’s noticed the wall with all of my sticky notes trying to piece it all together. Then I wonder if he too after reading the case files thinks I’m a nutcase for arguing there were two people in on my abduction.

I know I won’t be able to handle the rejection if he does believe that. I also know I’ll need to change my name if he does try to ship me back to Canada to solve this mess. Hopefully that doesn’t happen, but I question what he holds in higher regard- having my back, or obeying the law.

I grab my coffee and smokes and head out back. I don't have a porch, but whoever lived here before me made a small area of pavers which holds a picnic table. I sit down and light up.

Today I need it.

* * *

A short while later Ryder comes and straddles the bench beside me. He doesn't look at my face though; he stares out at the water. I’m not stupid, I understand he needs a moment and I don't interrupt him.

Long after my coffee is finished and I’m on my fourth smoke he finally speaks but doesn’t look at me.

“I’d like to say this doesn’t change anything beautiful, but it does.”

My disappointment couldn't be greater, but I don't dare show it on my face.

I’m tough.

I’ve been through enough of this shit for the past year, and before then when my family was taken from me. You learn to live with the fact that when people learn shit things about your life, they tend to treat you differently.

I can understand that. I don't think less of them for it, but for some ungodly reason I least expected it from Ryder. The man has dealt with this kind of shit. So instead of speaking, I harden my features and nod my head like the cold hearted bitch I learned to be and roll with the punches.

I’m good at that.

“I can’t be with you like this now Elle. I can’t do this after seeing what I saw on that table. Fuck, Elle I can’t.”

He still isn't looking at me. I’d like to call him a coward and tell him to say it to my face, but I don't. I butt out my smoke and face the man regardless if he’ll look at me or not.

The numbness is back—or should I say I’m back to numb.

“No worries handsome. I didn’t figure anyone could, which is why I keep the fact that I’m a wanted regarding a murder to myself. So you just let me know if you’re going to keep your mouth shut when you leave, otherwise I’ll be moving again.”

His head snaps back to mine so fast I’m surprised his neck doesn't pop.

“What the fuck do you mean, leave? I told you yesterday I’m not fucking going anywhere Elle and I fucking meant it!”

He’s vehement with his words, I don't believe his eyes have ever been so angry.

“Well color me fucking surprised handsome, you just told me you couldn’t
‘do this
’, so forgive me if I don't understand!”

Firm hands grab onto my shoulders and he roughly pulls me toward him. His face inches from mine, his breathing harsh through his teeth. 

“I can’t do the fucking lies Elle! That's what I can't do! You think I don't want to be with you now? You’re fucking wrong! I want to know everything! The where, what, when, who and fucking why! I don't want to do this if you can't open up to me! I need it Elle, and if you don't give it to me I will make it my business to find out on my own. With or without your fucking help!”

He smashes his lips down onto mine in the most brutal kiss he’s given me yet.

I don't know whether I want to hit him or cry. I do know I won’t kiss him back right now. This man is practically all I have at the moment, but it’s all going to come down to one crucial answer.

I tear my mouth away from his before questioning him.

“How much did you read Ryder?”

I ask with my hands pushed against his chest and my eyes firmly on his.

He leans his face closer to mine before he replies.

“All of it, Elle. All your notes, most of the case file and also noticed everything that was missing about you. Your detail of injuries, as well as most of your statement. It’s cut off where a Detective accuses you of having an imaginative mind in your ‘state’ about there being two attackers. Pages eight through thirty-two are missing as well as pictures forty-seven through ninety-six of your personal case file. Talk to me Elle, because if you don't, no fucking joke woman I will find everything out on my own and I’ll fly to Canada to do it if I have to.

“I’m guessing you don’t want that babe, so my suggestion would be to let me in. Fill in the blanks and let me help you figure this out. Together, Elle,” he pleads.

Flashbacks of those days in the hospital and a few times at the station being questioned filter back into my mind. I can't go there right now, I can't explain anything, yet I still need to know.

I wipe the snot from my face and the angry tears off my cheeks before putting my bitch back on to confront him.

“Tell me Ryder Callaghan; from your years in the service to your time spent in security and hostage rescue, what exactly is your experienced opinion regarding what you
did
see on that table? And don't fucking lie to me, you give it to me straight.”

My voice is firm and so is my gaze into his.

He doesn't waver, doesn't blink.

“No bullshit, no sugarcoating and no fucking lying Ryder.”

I know he’s assessed and gathered what he needed to before he came out here, he knows his answer and he shouldn’t have to think about it. Ryder is a smart man, not just because of what I’ve seen but because of what he does for a living.

He rests one arm on the picnic table and the other on my thigh before speaking while looking directly into my eyes.

“I think someone sick and twisted was obsessed with you for a long time. I believe he spent as long as he said he did planning your abduction and subsequent attack. He was calculated, and he took a few risks. The biggest one being the death of your family which I don't doubt for one second was his doing in a way to get closer to you by preying on a victim with not much left to live for.”

I close my eyes at the pain piercing though my chest. It’s one thing to look at the files as I’ve been these past few months, and remove myself to think of it happening to someone else. Not that I would wish that upon anybody else, but it’s easier dealing with it as an outsider looking in.

To hear it coming from his mouth is enough to make sad tears form in my eyes, tears I haven't had for a very long time. My breath is stuttering and he wraps an arm around my shoulders before continuing.

“What someone is not factoring in though Elle, is that he held a full-time job with a software development company where he worked long hours making code and spent his extra time at the gym. He didn't have much of a social life and no apparent living family which makes me wonder how he was able to take so many photos of you during the daytime at your own work, and out for lunch with your friends.”