Fragments of your Soul (The Mirror Worlds Book 1) (14 page)

The Month of Determination

The next few days, Arvid spent more time in the library, because her conversation with Gerdur and Nod had reminded her why she originally wanted to come to Vero-Maghen. She had to study the records and descriptions of the world transitions to learn more about them and to be able to make her own investigations one day. She still found it hard to read long and complicated texts, but if she never tried, she would never get better.

The documents relating to the world transitions were mostly copies and consisted mainly of dry collections of data. There were long lists with where and when a world transition had been observed over the last two centuries. They had also noted the estimated size and the duration of its existence, but the latter was missing in many cases, because the transitions were rarely sighted at their formation. Arvid didn’t know exactly how this data could help her, but she could see that between three and nine transitions were recorded per year—at least in the last fifty years. Before that they had occurred much more frequently; a fact which was, however, already known to her. If she went back one hundred years, she found data about forty and more transitions per year.

Several documents contained reports from people who had accidentally observed world transitions. Most of those which Arvid could read resembled imaginative stories and varied widely. Many, but not all, described the portal as a flickering disc that radiated bright light.

On a day of rest, when Arvid sat in the library until late, she noticed a leather wrapper with a map. It was hand drawn, ornate and very detailed, and seemed to show Jördendheim and neighboring regions. All cities, villages, forests, rivers and mountains had Old Jördish names, which Arvid only could read partly, since she didn’t know all the old runes yet. All over the map, small dots in red ink had been drawn. At the edge she finally discovered a few short texts, one of which was also written in red. It was difficult to decipher it, and Arvid didn’t understand the meaning even after several attempts.

A sound tore her from her thoughts. When she looked up, she saw Thoke standing at a bookshelf, on which he had obviously knocked. He wasn’t wearing a school uniform, but a brown leather jacket and a green shirt that was dark and wet on the sleeves. His blond hair was wet and plastered to his forehead.

Arvid smiled at him. “Did you just get back from town?”

“Yes. As you can see, it’s raining.” He pushed off the shelf and came closer. “What are you doing here so late?”

Arvid leaned back in her chair, stretched and yawned. “I’m looking at records about the world transitions,” she said. “Actually, I was just about to go to bed, but then I found this map. How good is your Old Jördish?”

“Not particularly good,” Thoke replied and leaned over the map on the table. “What are you trying to read?”

“This here, on the edge.”

Thoke looked at the text attentively. “Sorry,” he said then, shaking his head, “I don’t understand it either. It’s a copy. And there’s a date.” He pointed to some runes. “You could ask your teacher. Or Nod.”

“Nod?” said Arvid. “He told me himself that he didn’t study Old Jördish.“

Thoke smiled. “That’s right, he’s studying new languages. But he has a natural talent. Believe me, his Old Jördish is still so much better than mine.”

“Oh. Then I’ll ask him,” Arvid said, folding the map carefully. “And why are you here?”

“I was looking for you,” replied Thoke. He played with the hem around his vest and looked a little embarrassed. “If you have a moment… I wanted to show you something.”

Arvid gave him a puzzled look. He looked nervous, which he had never been otherwise. “I just need to quickly clean up here. What is it you want to show me?”

“Well, it… I can’t really explain it. You… you have to see it yourself.”

After Arvid had cleaned up, she followed Thoke to his room. All the way there, he seemed nervous and distracted, and Arvid’s confusion about his odd behavior grew and grew.

Thoke’s room resembled Arvid’s, but he had also a chest and a small shelf. On the table, there was a mess; on the bed were various books and a bunch of school uniforms. Arvid pushed everything aside and sat down.

With unsteady movements Thoke began to rummage in a bag. Finally, he pulled out a small, brown, paper-wrapped package, then stopped and looked at Arvid. “I… actually wanted you ask you something,” he said haltingly, and sat down next to Arvid. She felt uncomfortable, because she had the inkling that Thoke’s question wouldn’t turn out to her liking.

“Well, we’ve known each other a couple of months,” he continued, nervously playing with the package in his hands. “We often spend time together, but… what I wonder is whether… whether you like me?”

Arvid’s heart almost missed a beat when she realized what Thoke was getting at. The question sounded innocent, but the look in his eyes told her that it was much more. She realized with a shock that she had to choose her next words very carefully, if she didn’t want this to end in a disaster.

For what felt like an eternity, she looked into his blue eyes and didn’t know what to say. Finally, she nodded hesitantly. “I like you,” she said. “You’ve shown and explained many things to me and… probably you’re the reason why I’m still alive. It’s good to have a friend who knows what an automobile is.”

Thoke stared intently at the package. “I like you a lot, Arvid,” he said. “You’re a good friend and you’re… so beautiful.”

A fleeting smile played around his lips, then he looked back up at her, and Arvid swallowed. Her inkling strengthened.

“Do you think someone like me could ever… be more for you?” Thoke asked softly. Now it was Arvid who avoided his eyes and looked at his hands. They trembled ever so slightly. Arvid frantically tried to find something she could say that wouldn’t hurt Thoke, but at the same time wouldn’t let him think that she wanted more than just a friendship with him.

“Thoke, I… I appreciate our friendship very much,” she said, “and I really like you. I think you’re great and… some women would be happy to have a man like you, it’s just…” She looked at him again, but at that moment Thoke leaned forward and kissed her.

For a moment, Arvid was perplexed, but then she gently but firmly pushed him away. “No, Thoke… no,” she said softly. “I don’t want that, you… you’re my friend!” Her voice trembled. When she looked in Thoke’s face, she saw such pain that tears welled up in her eyes. She had not wanted this. It was exactly what she had wanted to avoid, but now it happened anyway. She had ruined everything.

Thoke opened his mouth as if to say something, but Arvid got up with a start and drew back. “I better leave,” she managed to say. “I’m sorry, Thoke, I… you’re not… I mean, how can you think that…” She broke off and nervously ran her hand through her hair. She felt helpless and cornered and could feel the darkness awakening inside her. “What were you thinking?” she finally blurted out. Her voice suddenly sounded angry, but at the same time she felt a trace of hot tears down her cheek.

She turned around and flung open the door to go, but Thoke had jumped up and grabbed her wrist. “Wait!” he said hastily. As Arvid turned to him, she saw that his eyes were red and wet.

“This is for you,” he said in a quivering voice, laying the package in her hand. Arvid felt that his fingers were sweaty and cold. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, but Arvid could no longer bear looking at him. She turned around and rushed away.

Arvid knew it was forbidden to leave the building, but at that moment she couldn’t have cared less about prohibitions and rules. Even the risk that somewhere in the darkness, demons could be about struck her as laughable and insignificant. She was so upset, she felt sick. All she wanted was to get away, as far as possible, out into the fresh air, where no one could see her. She almost longed for the biting cold and the darkness out there, as if she needed a place that matched her innermost feelings.

She ran down the stone stairs and straight into the orchard. The sky was overcast with thick clouds, and the cold wind blew raindrops in her face. The ground made sucking noises when she walked through puddles and muddy holes in the tall grass. Soon there was absolute blackness around her, which was only broken by the distant light of the road’s lanterns.

Eventually she reached the humble tool shed in the middle of the orchard, a little house made of wood. Under the roof, a handful of small star lamps glowed. On the side facing away from the main building stood a narrow bench. There Arvid sat down and with a low moan buried her face in her hands.

Again and again she wondered why. Everything had just been so good, in spite of all that had happened with the demons, despite the difficult circumstances of her presence here. On the one hand it caused her pain to have hurt Thoke; on the other hand she didn’t understand how he could believe she would have this kind of interest in him. Had she ever given him reason to think that? Did he feel more connected with her because they both came from the Light World?

She just sat there and racked her brain for what felt like hours. The icy wind overlaid her unprotected skin with an unpleasant tingling, but Arvid enjoyed the dull pain and the cold rain that slowly dripped from her wet hair. The cold hurt, but at the same time it had an almost soothingly anesthetic effect.

Suddenly, she was startled by a noise. Heart pounding, she looked around and stopped abruptly. In the distance she saw a broad-shouldered, tall figure who approached with a firm step between the fruit trees.

Fear rose in her. She had promised to abide by the rules. When she was discovered out here, although all students had been forbidden to leave the building, she could get in trouble. Instinctively she knew that it was a bad idea to break her promise to Loke. But if she simply got up and ran away now, she would be discovered more easily than ever.

An illusion
, it flashed through her head. She had been experimenting so much with these light images, she could easily hide in one. It seemed almost ridiculous, but she had no intention of gambling her hard-won privilege to live at Vero-Maghen.

With all her willpower she tried to remember the exact image of the front of the shed, but it was difficult to clearly imagine the details. Just when she seemed to succeed, she heard a new sound, and her concentration was gone.

With horror she saw a second figure heading towards her. It came directly from the school building and moved more quickly and purposefully. Arvid felt panic rising inside. She needed more time. She had to anticipate them—she just had to.

The man’s movements among the fruit trees suddenly became infinitely slow. Finally Arvid managed to form the image of the shed in her mind and to shape the details of the wooden boards. She focused on the area directly in front of her, and the illusion appeared before her like a sudden fog.

The figure that came from the building, a man with fiery red hair, was now almost at her. He seemed not to be affected by the mysterious effect, which almost had brought the giant under the fruit trees to a standstill. For a brief moment Arvid thought that he would look at her directly, but then his gaze wandered on.

The first man now approached from between the fruit trees and came to meet the redhead. Arvid was shocked when she saw that it was Thor. She had to muster all her self-control to continue to focus on maintaining her illusion. Whatever happened, she mustn’t get distracted in any way.

“Found anything?” asked the redhead now.

“No,” Thor replied grimly. “Maybe they have already fled.”

“If you say so,” replied his counterpart. “This search is a waste of time anyway. We shouldn’t deal with such kid stuff. If there’s still a demon around, that would be the ideal opportunity for the students to try their skills.”

“Are you mad?” snorted Thor angrily. “Some are very young and had no chance to defend themselves.”

The redhead laughed. “You don’t know what forces fear can awake. Oh, I’d want to see it. I’m sure it would be very entertaining.”

“I warn you,” Thor said threateningly, “If I catch you bringing lives in danger again because of some insane experiments, you’ll take me on personally.”

“You’re a killjoy, Thor. I’m sure there would be students who would try it voluntarily.”

Thor seemed to be about to give another angry reply, but the redhead made a conciliatory gesture. “All right, all right!” he said hastily. “You have my word. No experiments. How long until the circle of protection is completed?”

“I don’t know yet. Ten, maybe twelve hours. Hedinn is not Odin. We must have patience.”

“Beautiful. Then I’ve still got time.”

Thor pulled a mocking face. “You’re so self-pitying.”

“And you lack wisdom! You shouldn’t make fun of a pain you don’t have to endure yourself.”

Thor laughed. “What nonsense.” He tapped his interlocutor on the shoulder in a comradely gesture, so hard that he shook under the force of his powerful arms. “I’m looking further, then we’re hopefully done soon. You better help me—I really had more important things to do.”

“You think I don’t?”

“Good, let’s go then,” growled Thor. “You look in the other direction.” He went off without any further hesitation.

Arvid watched spellbound as he disappeared into the darkness between the trees. The smacking sound of his footsteps slowly disappeared, but the redhead didn’t move from the spot.

Arvid almost couldn’t hold out anymore. She had never had to maintain an illusion for so long, and she felt her mental powers gradually subsiding. The man just stood there, his back turned to her, and intently looked up into the sky. He wore no cape, only a green tunic with ornate embroidery. His thick hair was plaited into many braids and looked a bit like a lion’s mane.

Who was he? She had not seen him when the group had arrived, and yet he clearly seemed to belong to the gods. Why else would he talk to Thor as if he were an old friend?

“I admit you’re pretty good,” the redhead said aloud.

Arvid was so startled, her illusion almost broke. Was he talking to her? But that was impossible; she had not made any noise at all. Thor had stood facing her and had not seen her. His words could not possibly be addressed to her.

The man turned around to her, but without looking at her directly. She could make out a pale, freckled face. For a moment Arvid thought she had seen him before, but it was just a vague feeling that immediately disappeared again.

“The illusion is meager,” the man went on, and there was no longer any doubt that he was talking to Arvid, “but you’re damn fast, I’ll give you that.”

Arvid’s heart was beating wildly, but she realized that it was no use trying to fool the man. If he really was a god, that was probably not very smart either. With a faint, almost relieved sigh she gave up, and the light image in front of her dissolved into nothing.

The redhead crossed his arms in front of his chest. Amused, he looked at Arvid. “Disregarding bans, sneaking around outside and secretly eavesdropping on people… Is this your kind of recreational activity?”

Arvid swallowed. “It wasn’t my intention to eavesdrop on you. I just happened to be here. I needed some fresh air and then…”

“… You came here against a clear ban, to sit alone in the dark, while a few stray demons walk around somewhere,” the redhead finished her sentence. “A truly brilliant idea. And so safe.”

“I… didn’t know that demons are near,” Arvid said haltingly. The thought disturbed her more than she cared to admit. Instinctively she looked around. Of course it had been stupid to come into the orchard, but she had been too upset to think clearly. “Will you report me to the headmaster?” she asked. The idea of how Borgarr would react was oppressive. Certainly he wouldn’t understand.

The redhead looked thoughtful. His gaze was intense and searching, but in his eyes there was no reproach, more a kind of subliminal pleasure.

“No, I don’t think so,” he said, to Arvid’s equal amazement and relief. “I think your audacity to want to fool me with an illusion should be honored somehow.” He grinned. “Who has taught you?”