Fragments (8 page)

So it began. I was one month closer to the gala and hopefully one step closer to obtaining my dream. All I needed to do now was keep focused and keep my distance from Alex’s lies.

One month later

              What did you do when one of your closest friends broke your heart? You avoided them. You ignored them. You pushed yourself to try to forget that they were ever a part of your life. While trying to forget them, though, your mind played tricks on you. It tried to remind you, through a montage of clips, like a movie, of the moments that you were happy around each other. Your memories seeped through the holes in your heart in a constant battle to see if you would stay strong or forgive. Memories were ruthless mistresses, out to maim, cut, and hurt you.

I spent my time mostly hanging out with my friends at their homes; if I wasn’t there, I was practicing my routine while my worries ran through my mind. I could understand why a guy wouldn’t care about my dancing. As much as it hurt to think back on all the times he’d asked me about it, I still got it. It was his relationship with her that I couldn’t get past. His betrayal came to the forefront; in my mind, I heard Alex and Stacey’s laughter from that day, and with my heart aching for release, it fuelled my perseverance to train. The pain was also my motivation to win a place at the academy, and I used it to take on a new drive. No longer did I doubt myself. Instead, I had become the merciless dancer, willing to strike down anything that stood in my way.

Over the next few weeks, I put a strong routine in place. During the day, I retraced my steps. At night, I dreamt about the routine. I’d chosen a song to use in which I could let myself go. As the month dragged on, I began to see less of my friends, fuelled by a tunnel vision so acute that my will to win was all I could see. I wanted the golden ticket to the academy.  Every time I closed my eyes, my determination soared as I saw Stacey’s hate-filled eyes while she clutched onto Alex. Her words, “You’re ugly,” and, “You’re worthless,” mocked me. Failure was not an option. Every hateful glaze, every venom-filled word, made me pound into the floor with precision. I welcomed the pain,   unleashed it into my movement, and used it to crush these demons. I knew that once I’d done that, and followed my future path out of this fucking narrow-minded town, I could be protected.

I began running more often during the week. No longer did I run on Sundays, and especially not with Alex. I increased the sessions to every second morning. Rising two hours before school started, I got dressed, laced up, and I went.  The pounding of the pavement soothed me and since I have changed directions—I was now running in the opposite direction to my past trails with Alex - I felt liberated.

The first Sunday, I deliberately slept in. I could hear footsteps outside my window, but I hid under my covers. I ignored the text messages and slept away the time I usually spent with him.

When I’d started this new routine, the weeks seemed to fly by. It seemed all of a sudden we were just a week away from the gala, this Saturday. I deliberately told my family that it was just an performance, as I didn’t want them to attend; I didn’t want any distractions. My friends knew otherwise but they were sworn to secrecy.

Hiding behind my ‘everything was okay’ façade, I managed to keep my emotions from my family. In fact, I was lucky if they saw me at all.

While running this morning, I’d stopped by the river’s edge that faced our other neighbour’s property. I had Nitocris blaring in my ears, and I lamented that they had broken up. An angry girl band was what I needed more of.

This new routine felt symbolic; I no longer needed him, and the further I ran away from Alex Reynolds, the better. Each step I pounded into the ground was reinforcement into the shield that protected me. No more did he factor into my dreams.

I pulled my earphones out as I bent over to stretch, and it was then that I felt his shadow behind me. I stood and turned, and there was Alex in his sweatpants, looking furiously into my eyes.

“You avoiding me, Beatrice?”

I cringed at the use of my full name.

“No, Alex,” I threw back. “I’ve been busy. Anyway, better get back home. Later.”

I put my ear phones back in and jogged past him while looking at the ground. I felt him behind me again but continued to ignore him, and it was not until we were almost home that he grabbed my arm. I almost lost my footing as my body whooshed backwards.

“What in the hell, Alex? I could’ve twisted something!” I huffed, glaring at him.

He pulled me closer until we were nose to nose, and he sneered, “I asked you a question, and you lied to me. Are you avoiding me?”

He glared, gripping onto my arm tightly. We both stared at each other, our chests heaving in frustration. His grip tightened as he looked down at my face. His stormy eyes, so close to mine, reflected a gaze that I hadn’t seen before. My breath caught as I watched his eyes trail down my face to my lips and linger there, which caused me to subconsciously lick my bottom lip.
Kiss me,
my mind begged.
Kiss me, kiss me, kiss me.

I stood there, paralysed, unsure of what to do. Before I leaned into him, his eyes cleared as he shook his head, turned and looked away from me.
Oh, that’s right. He is with that she-bitch. Well, screw that.

I pushed him away. “Piss off, Alex, get over yourself. I have finals, too. Just because you’re

in your last year of school doesn’t mean you’re the only one who’s busy. Back off.” I held my face firm, determined to not let him get to me.

“Bullshit, you’ve been acting weird ever since I’ve been with Stacey. What’s the go? Jealous?”

It was like a punch to the gut. I momentarily couldn’t breathe. “Fuck no. I can’t stand her, that’s all,” I rasped, wondering again how he didn’t realise what she was to me.

“Overprotective over little ol’ me?” He batted his eyelashes. “No need to be, honey, as she is easily taken care of.”

Gag. I wanted to vomit at his feet.

“Yuck. As much as this chat has been enlightening, I’m going. See you later.”

I turned to go, and then Alex said softly, “I’m sorry I haven’t been around much, Bea-Bea. Let’s catch up soon, okay? I know your gala is coming up this weekend, so I’d love to hear about it.”

For a moment, I was almost willing to be amicable with Alex. Instead, the anger that I held within rose swiftly to the surface. “No, Alex! I said I was busy. Just lay off, okay? Go hang out with your bitch girlfriend. I don’t need a babysitter.” I tore off back home, determined to run upstairs and away from him.

Instead, I heard, “So, I’ll see you on Sunday for a run then? Or I’ll come and get you!”

I flipped him the bird and raced up the stairs.

“Save Yourself”

Stabbing Westward

Alex

What was her problem? No way was I going to let her get out of our routine. Watching Bea sprint to her house, I knew something was up. Never in all the years that I had known her had we not seen each other for more than a month. She was always about. Even after we decimated her Barbie dolls when she was five, she still came and played pillow forts with Robbie and me a few hours later. The thing about Bea was that she never held a grudge. So why was now any different?

              My gut instinct was telling me that something had happened, but aside from me being with Stacey, I couldn’t think of what it could be. Stepping into our kitchen, I grabbed a quick glass of water and gulped it down. I was frustrated at why Bea was being weird. Rinsing the glass, I reached out for the tea towel to find my dad standing there with his arms folded across his chest.  My pulse quickened as I tried to determine what mood he was in. 

              “Hey, Dad.” I pulled on the towel, eager to keep my fingers busy.

              “Did you pull an all-nighter,
Son
? Seems like you’re looking a bit tired.” He stiffened, drawing his eyes down my body.

              “I was home last night. I was just out now, talking to Bea.” I folded the tea towel neatly and placed it back on the oven rail. 

              “Jesus, Alex! How many fuckin’ girls you got going on at the moment? That neighbour, and that tart? You really are a worthless piece of shit.” My shoulders tightened as I faced him straight on.

              “Bea is a friend. Stacey is my
girlfriend.
” The veins in my neck popped as I raised my pointed finger at him. “It’s none of your business.” 

              “Oh, for fuck’s sake, Alex. Pull your head out of your arse. This is your final year. You better not fuck it up. I’m paying for your fees! Get your arse in your room and study.” This was bullshit. He wasn’t even drunk and he was pissing me off. 

              “Whatever, I’m going out. I haven’t gotten shit grades in years. Next time, read my report before you judge.” I stomped past him but was drawn back by his tight grip on my arm.

His mouth was an inch from my ear when he whispered, “You better not fuck this up, Alex. You fuck it up and that truck goes. It’s time you grew up and became a man.” I tore his arm off me, causing him to lose balance and smack his hip into the table. I ignored his grunts as I walked towards the door. 

              “I’ve been a
man
for over a year. I’m planning on being one again tonight, old man.”
Fuck me.
First Bea, and now my dad was pissing me off. Today was a shit day all around. I flipped my phone open and dialled Stacey’s number.

              “I’ll be there in ten,” I said, flipping it shut and tossing it into my truck.

Driving to pick up Stacey, my thoughts turned back to Bea. I couldn’t put my finger on what was wrong. Unless … was Bea jealous? Nah, couldn’t be. But then what was she hiding from? She never looked at me like I was anything more than her brother’s best mate. Sure, I’d checked her out a few times discreetly—what hot-blooded male wouldn’t?—but I never saw her do the same. 

It was hard being around Bea sometimes. She didn’t seem to realise the effect she had on guys. As far as she was concerned, she was just a boring girl, but to us it was a fuck of a lot more. Her soft hair and her curves were amazing, but it was her eyes that got your attention. You could tell what she was thinking about by looking at her baby blues. And even though she had a very impressive rack, it was her legs that our mates noticed first. Boobs were always a given when it came to getting a man’s attention, but a dancer with tanned legs that went on forever … Well, a man’s fucked if he believed he could get his brain to do the thinking while looking at those. I was just lucky Robbie couldn’t read my mind. He’d already spent enough time kicking heads in for comments about Bea—and I often kicked a few in as well—but if he knew what went through my mind, he’d seriously kick my ass. Thoughts of those legs kept me up at night.

Fuck! I couldn’t go there. I shook my head and put it down to hormones and the need to get laid. Yep, going to get Stacey was good timing. 

              Pulling up to Stacey’s driveway, I lingered for a moment to get my thoughts in check.  I wasn’t nervous; we had been working up to this. From what her lips did to me in my truck the other night, I was looking forward to seeing what else she could do.             

              Her front door opened as she came strolling out in cut-off jeans and a tight tank. My shoes crunched the gravel as I stepped out of the truck, lingered by the door, and smiled.

              “Where did you want to go?” I asked, tipping my chin towards my truck. Reaching my side, she licked her lips and stepped closer to me, running her hands along my chest.

              “Actually …” She grabbed my shirt and stepped back, pulling me towards her house. “My folks are out.”

              Normally, I didn’t date girls. Screwing them was much easier. She was the escape I needed from my shitty home life and Bea’s antics. As she continued dragging me to her front door, my mind started clearing. My pants tightened and I gave her a wink. She stopped at her door and traced her fingers along my abdomen.

“You don’t have to come in, if you don’t want to. But—” she lingered closer to my lips, “—I really, really want you to.” Walking through the front door, she gave me a moment to make up my mind. So, I did what any guy looking to get laid would do—I followed her inside.

Once inside her bedroom, I’d looked around at the posters on her walls and internally cringed at her terrible taste in music. Boy bands gave me the shits. I studied one of her posters, wondering why they all had the same haircut and wimpy smile. I almost reached across and tore one down, before her throat cleared and her seductive voice asked, “Alex, baby, wanna come and sit next to me?”

I turned around and, lo and behold, she was down to just her pink bra and panties, lying across her bed. She curled her finger towards me and as I approached, I tore off my T-shirt and started unbuttoning my jeans. I wasn’t into mind games—if it was on, it was on.

              We became a mess of tangled limbs. Stacey seemed over-eager and desperate. She bit, licked, and tore at me while I tried to hold her back. After a few minutes of feeling mauled, I grabbed her hips and turned her away from me, facing her towards the wall.

“Easy there, girl. If we’re going to do this, then we’ll do it this way. My way or the highway. You choose.”