Fragments (23 page)

Both girls’ mouths drop and Trin’s grin turned to a scowl.

“You are kidding me,” she growled. “You’ve been close for years and we all thought that one day …” Haze elbowed her in the side to shush her.

Surprised, I look at Haze and asked, “What do you mean, you all thought?”

Sighing, her shoulders tensed as she answered, “We thought you guys would be together one day. You have such a light around you when you’re together. I can’t believe he’s being a jerk.”

“I can,” I said, “he’s been doing it for years.”

The tears soon evaporated, as I leant forward with my hand on one knee.

“He should be at the twenty-first tonight as Robbie mentioned going with him; I will get an explanation. I just hope it’s a ‘sorry I didn’t call as my mum needed me,’ one.” Both girls agreed and then Trin declared that it was absolutely necessary for me to dress up—without overdoing it, as it was a bonfire after all—and show him what he could have. If he stopped being a jerk.

“Trice, you need to wear those hot jeans and your boots. Guys love boots,” Trin said. “Man, I need to sexify myself. Enough with the V-card. Mum’s condition is depressing me; I need a distraction.” She played it off as a joke, but we all knew better. Trinity was the master of disguise.  Haze cleared her throat, “You ready for that, Trin?” Trin straightened her shoulders and looked straight at us.

“Yep. No time like the present.” I gave her a tight nod.

“Does Theo know about your mum?” I hedged, hoping he did. She shook her head and held a straight face.

“Nope,” she declared. “He hasn’t been around and he’s dating that art skank who can’t draw, so fuck him.”

“Trin,” Haze begged, “you should tell him. He’s gonna be pissed when he finds out.”

“Pfft, as if. He’s too busy playing hide the sausage with his new toy … ew.”

Shaking my head, I realised how messed up we all were at the moment. Haze, with her shitty family, Trin with her denial about her feelings for Theo and her mum’s sickness, and me … Well, I just did the ultimate cliché’ and slept with my neighbour who I happened to fall for. Yep, we needed to have a great time tonight and I needed to face whatever bullshit Alex had in store. I just hoped that my outer shell would protect me from my inner one.

              Nick’s house was located across the river on a two-acre property. His parents owned a vineyard, so we knew that tonight there would be a lot of free wine and whiny bitchy girls.  Something about girls and red wine … as soon as they hit their limit, an Armageddon would occur. I decided to go for my newer skinny jeans and brown knee-high leather boots; both looked great on my legs as well as my electric-blue knit that I teamed up with my hip black leather jacket. A few years ago, we went to the Queen Victoria Markets in Melbourne and I bargained this down a good seventy dollars. It was one of my favourite items of clothing, and according to the girls, I looked like a ‘hot vixen’ in it. I blow-dried my hair and let the waves fall naturally down. As it was going to be cold, my hair was a good buffer and I deliberately styled it in place to shape my face well. I also decided to go smoky on the eye colour and put on my new red lipstick.  I wanted to make an impact, and from the cheer that the girls gave me, I knew I was.

Stepping out of Haze’s Jeep, we double-checked our lips and headed out to the back of his house. Balloons and streamers lined the walkway, and we heard the bass of Nick’s stereo blaring with the current rock ballads.

It was a typical setup for a country bonfire party. A huge bonfire was in the centre of the yard, with many chairs—or hay bales, depending how country your folks were—surrounding it. There were two Eskies near the back door with all the drinks in them, as well as a table covered in wine bottles. I suddenly felt glad that I didn’t have the hassle of driving. We headed over to the table to nab a cheeky wine, while Haze grabbed a Coke.

“Have you spotted him yet?” Haze asked. I took a sip of my Pinot and glanced around. Running my gaze back and forth, I saw Robbie in the distance and my chest tightened as Alex was close by. Sure enough, he stood alone to the side of the group that Robbie was talking to, facing the river. It was go time. I nodded and tilted my head towards him. Putting my best foot forward, I clutched my plastic cup and I walked briskly over to him.

              He was wearing similar jeans to what he wore last night, with his Docs as well as his thick bomber jacket. I exhaled to release my tension but it didn’t work. I pushed my shoulders back before I reached out and tapped him on his shoulder. He turned and jolted when he realised it was me. For a moment he stared at me, until his eyes trailed up and down my body while his face held a grimace.
Great. He hates what I’m wearing.
Shaking the vain thoughts from my head, I tilted my chin up and greeted him. “Hey.”

He glanced away and said faintly, “Hello, Trice.”

Trice? He never called me that.
My skin began to prickle as I felt him begin to shun me. It was too late now; I was here and I would get answers.

“So,” I said, flicking my hair over my shoulder, “did you leave your phone charger in Melbourne?”

He squinted, flicking a glance over to me then away again, as he replied, “Ah, no.”

“Oh. Did you accidentally drop it and smash the screen?”

“No, Trice. It’s not broken. What’s with the weird questions?” he asked, still not looking at me. Apparently the river was much more interesting.

“Oh, you know. Just trying to find out the reason why you couldn’t write back to the messages I sent after leaving me with nothing … that’s all.”
There
, I thought
. Elephant, you may piss off.

He turned and faced me. “Look, Trice, I didn’t feel that …” Locking his jaw while he

struggled to reply. “How do I put this? Um, Trice …”

“So, now I’m Trice? Not Bea? Not,
oh my God, Bea
.” I pretended to moan. He cringed and moved quickly, grabbing my arm and pulling me to the side.

“Stop making a fool out of yourself,” he chastised.

“Well, tell me what the hell happened and I’ll stop,” I snapped, ripping my arm from his grip
.

He puffed out a deep breath and stared at his boots, before sighing and finally looking at me. “
Bea,
last night, you were there for me. But I'm sorry I took it further … I don't see us going anywhere. I just don’t feel that way.” His Adam’s apple bobbed, and a nervous swallow soon followed. 

Any romantic ideals that I hoped for crashed. Before I could retaliate, a slender, tall and complete stunner blonde bimbo strolled up to us.             

"Oh, there you are," she said as she leant forward and kissed him on the mouth.

What the fuck?
Shock froze my chest as I stared at her, momentarily stunned. He was with someone? After being with me? I looked back to him, but his eyes were on the blonde and ignoring me.

Hurt and humiliated, I turned sharply and walk away. With each step that I took, memories of our friendship scrolled through my mind like they were on a jagged edged film reel. Each moment fell down and painfully struck me like shattered pieces of glass. Fragments of my imagination begin waging war, tearing up the happy moments in my memories with Alex. Birthday party. Crash! Riding our bikes along the river. Smash! Counting the stars. Boom! With each moment, my heart wrung so tight that the muscle began to fray under the tension. The wave of hope came crashing down, but as it fell, I willed my heart to build a wall so strong that I would never feel this pain again. No man would ever get this close to me.

              I marched towards the girls who were near the bonfire. They soon spotted me, and their faces mirrored the anger that resonated from my own.
I will not cry. I will not let this get me down
.  I made eye contact with them and shook my head in a silent explanation of my rejection. Trin’s back automatically stiffened and I watched as she glared over to him and narrowed her eyes. I knew she’d made eye contact when she raised her middle finger and mouthed
you fucker
to him.

I couldn’t help but smile. As much as it hurt to be shunned and used, I was so grateful that my friends had my back if needed.

              By the time I reached them, my plastic glass was empty and crushed into my hand. Trin passed me the beer that she had, clearly seeing that I needed it.

“Well, ladies,” I began, “apparently his phone was in working order but seeing as it was just a slip up for him to sleep with me, he chose not to call.” Both girls grumbled as they eyed him off.

“Please stop looking at him. He doesn’t deserve your attention. We’re here to have fun, so let’s have

a great night. I dressed up for a change!”

They agreed and we saw to having a good night.

As the night continued, my traitorous eyes had other plans and kept seeking him out, and each and every time the blonde was by his side. Swallowing my pride, I refused to look angry. I didn’t want to be the victim anymore. If I meant nothing to him, I could easily return the favour.

“Trice,” Trin said as she rubbed my back. “You found out early. Thank God you didn’t date for longer, only for him to hurt you worse. Shake it off, honey.” She passed me another beer,

“Let’s see what other fishies there are in the sea of men here at this party. Clint is over there, and man is he hot! I’m cashing in the V-card.”

I couldn’t help but admire her optimism, especially since her mother was so sick.

“Honey, he’s such a man whore, though, you want him to be your first?” Haze said.

“Yeah, well, at least he’ll know what to do with it,” Trin conceded. 

Another solution to our surly problems. Fuck and forget. We were all hiding from our issues, and as the beer warmed my body, I couldn’t help but consider what better way to move on than to find someone new.

But you don’t want someone else, do you?

Oh, shut up brain.

“Oh, girls,” I huffed into my beer can. “Dante’s Beatrice didn’t have these problems with her man; she just had a full-on admirer. Imagine that.” I laughed, staring at my shoes.

“That’s because her right guy had already come along at the right time,” Haze explained.

She nudged my side and I looked up to see Kyle smile and walk towards me. I smiled back, and glanced over to Alex who was glaring at Kyle.
Whatever.

“Hey,” he greeted me, lightly touching my shoulder.

“Hey yourself.” I smiled back. I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and looked at him. He was wearing dark jeans and a long-sleeved black T-shirt.

“Aren’t you cold?” I asked, thinking about how rugged up I was.

“Nah, I’m used to being out in the cold helping out my folks in the orchard. Besides, I’m feeling rather warm standing here.” I couldn’t help but grin at him. We’d spent a year chatting at parties or at the Saturday monthly markets. He took a swig out of his beer bottle and then winked at me. I took one last look over to Alex and saw that he was still glaring at me so I stepped to the side so I couldn’t see him anymore and grabbed Kyle’s hand,

“Well, I’m a bit cold so help me out here.” I grinned. He smiled back and intertwined his fingers with mine. I couldn’t help but compare how his hands were smaller than Alex’s.
Don’t go there. Don’t be a bitch.
Straightening up, I squeezed his hand and tilted my head, suggesting we go for a walk. I looked at the girls who both smiled at me, and I winked back. Making sure that wall was in full force, I prepared myself for a bit of fun, without falling hard like I did for … He Who Must Not Be Named. He could be my personal Voldemort. I deserved to be happy.

              I spent the next few hours sitting on one of the wicker hammocks on the porch by the back door with Kyle talking about anything and everything. Usually we would tease each other about music tastes, but tonight felt different. Our hands hadn’t left each other. Our friends seemed to know what was going on, as no one had come and interrupted us. The only interruptions I’d had had been texts from Trin saying things like:

I’ve spotted the hot older brother, Clint. I’m going in. Haze is chatting to the girls from her drama class.

Or from Hazel:

Trin is drinking fairly heavily, I’m keeping an eye on her.

Or again from Trin:

Pashed him yet? Clint is really funny.

I rolled my eyes as I put my phone in my pocket and hinted to Kyle that his brother was getting hit on by Trin. He laughed and told me that Clint thought she was hot, so she wouldn’t have to try too hard.

“So, Twinkle Toes, how are your audition performances going?”

I’d been telling him about our finals, and how we were nervous as hell.

“Yeah, not too bad. Aiden and I have been practicing together as he has to lift me. It’s not as easy as it looks. I’m just preparing my solo for the judges, too.”

He nodded and sipped his beer. I couldn’t work out if he did actually care or if he was just making conversation. He seemed genuine, but I’d learnt not to trust that.