Fragile Truths (24 page)

She swallowed but didn’t relax, her suspicious eyes still narrow and fiery, “But you lied to me. You said you didn’t know me when we met in the club, but you did. You knew who I was yet you still… you still…”

“I still what, Frankie?” I screamed at her. I’d had enough; the demon had sliced through the shackles, torn from the cage and battled his way to the front, his ferociousness detonating inside my veins with a fury I was struggling to control.

Her eyes widened when she sensed it, when she saw it in my eyes; the blackness descending like a mist in my eyes, the shadow bleeding across my face as my chest heaved with everything that wanted to rip away from inside me. The blaze was furious inside me, its ferocity so frenzied she took a step back.

“You wanna know the extent of my lies, Frankie. You want to know what my life is, what it has been? I’ve killed, I’ve maimed, I’ve fucking tortured; I’ve had men on their knees before me, begging and sobbing for their death to be quick. I’ve ripped the hearts out of men with my bare hands. I’ve cheated, I’ve taken what I’ve wanted when I’ve wanted but you know what?”

Her mouth was as wide as her eyes as she stared at me, shock and repulsion radiating from every pore on her body. I took a step towards her, growling and snatching her wrist as she stepped away from me, “Seventeen years ago, I met a small girl, a girl who was so broken she tore my heart to shreds right before my eyes with one look. She was so utterly destroyed that no matter what my future held, no matter how many fights and torments I would face, I knew they’d be nothing over her torture. And I swore, I made a promise that night, September 8
^th
1997, that I would fight the fucking devil to protect her. So consider it as training… preparing me for the biggest fight of my life….” She stared at me, her heart thumping wildly through the thin material of her t-shirt, her eyes brimming with tears as her pulse stuttered against the soft skin of her throat, “…earning your love.” I finished with a whisper.

Frankie

Many things happened at once as his words hit my brain. My heart crushed against my ribs, my lungs squealed, sweat seeped from every pour on my body, every single bone in my body turned to jelly but above all, his eyes told me his truths, his lies, his secrets, his regrets and his demons.

I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t comprehend. I couldn’t stand the pain. I couldn’t accept his words or his heart.

I shook my head; fear, dread, elation, hope, resentment, joy, terror, they all erupted in me bringing an incredible agony with them, a crushing and crippling ache in my chest when this latest cruelty in my life beckoned my own beast.

He stood, watching me, his eyes full of hope and fear, a mirror image of mine but it was the pleading that finally encouraged me to breathe. “Say something,” he urged with a choked whisper. He was pale, his eyes as watery as his forced smile, the faint acknowledgment of my denial in his broken expression.

Why was life so fucking cruel? Why did it take, take and take and then finally when it actually gave you something, something so invaluable and precious you couldn’t sanction it?

“How long?” I eventually asked after clearing my throat, the race of my heart beat blocking my airway with its furious throb.

He pulled his brows together and shrugged, “I don’t understand.”

“How long have you loved me?” I asked fiercely, my anger now making me hate myself at how I was treating him. I watched as despair ruptured his heart and made his body tremble, his teeth drawing his pale lips furiously as he dropped his gaze to the floor and remained quiet. “Well?” I spat, “I think you owe me that much!”

He blinked at me then narrowed his eyes into a glare. “I owe you? I owe you?” he spat back. I watched as his chest heaved angrily and he fisted his hands. “My God, are you really that selfish, that cruel?”

I swallowed, forcing myself to fight him, forcing the anger and refusal to the forefront, stomping my foot on the need and want that was threatening to engulf me. “I’m nothing, Tate. Don’t you understand that? I have nothing, nothing to give you. Nothing in here.” I thumped at my chest, trying to show him as well as tell him how heartless I was. “I feel nothing for you. You’re just a man I fucked a couple of times.” He wheezed and reeled back, the pain in his eyes was consuming me but I held firm, dragging the blade over the last inch of his destroyed soul. “You mean nothing to me. You were just a means to an end.”

The last embers of my heart died, the dust sifting through the holes in my soul and slipping away as I stood firm, protecting the man I loved so fiercely, so completely that I had to destroy him, destroying myself along with him.

I remembered the day my father had discovered me in the cellar; memories suddenly flooding me, twisting at my guts and bringing on a violent need to throw up; his face had held the mirrored expression to Tate’s, his eyes had dimmed to the same drab grey and his whole body had been so broken you could read the devastation on him. Tate reflected that grief right then, his own devastation so brutal I closed my eyes to it. I couldn’t watch as I destroyed him and I couldn’t listen to his heart break inside his chest.

His mouth opened and closed but his pain conquered him, engulfing his anger and draining every last drop of life from him. His eyes left me, his gaze dropping to the floor before he gave me a simple nod, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have…”

What the hell?

“No!” I spat. I couldn’t bear this. I wouldn’t survive a fucking apology from him. I was ripping him open and spitting on his soul yet he was stood before me, asking for forgiveness.

I stepped closer to him, my fury still running wild but no longer with him or myself but with the bastards who ingested every breath I took, tore at every shred of hope I dared chance and turned my dreams into dark and vile nightmares.

He swallowed and finally lifted his eyes to me, the intense sorrow making my knees knock. “Don’t you dare apologise for loving me. Don’t you ever apologise for feeling.”

He stared at me as confusion consumed him but I didn’t give him a chance to question it as I threw the final handful of dirt on my coffin. “But I don’t love you back. I’ve never thought of you since that day in the dandelion field. I don’t even remember you.”

His eyes narrowed on me and I watched as a spark ignited in them. My heart stuttered in panic when I watched him read my lie; his whole spirit revitalised and his soul jumpstarted his heart. He tipped his head slightly and flicked his eyes to the camera in the corner of the room then swung his fierce gaze back to me, realisation covering his expression.

My breath leapt from my lungs when I suddenly found myself on the bed, my back pressed to the mattress as Tate completely imprisoned me under his body. “Don’t let them win this, Frankie. They’ve taken everything from you; your Momma, your childhood, your spirit, your hopes and dreams. Don’t let them destroy what you have left.”

The sob was clawing up my throat, threatening to annihilate me as it demanded freedom. His face held so much fury I was suddenly fearful his love would crush me, subdue every other emotion I had struggled to hang onto since Momma had died.

“I have nothing left.” I hissed at him, “Don’t you understand that? They will end you because of me and then what? Then I’m completely alone, Tate.”

The emotion on his face obliterated my rejection to this. It made me want for the first time in seventeen years. It made my spirit reach out selfishly, begging for the slightest glimmer of promise as my heart craved to feel again, hungered for the touch of another. “Please,” I begged, trying one last time to save him.

“You think I need protecting, Frankie, is that it?” He seethed as if reading my mind. “You have no idea what I actually need saving from.”

“Don’t do this.”

He growled, his head shaking from side to side angrily. His fingers braced my chin, forcing me to look at him. “For years I’ve watched you, followed you…” He glared at me as my eyes widened, “Don’t look at me like that. You want the truth? Well you’re gonna fucking get it. It’s about time you learnt. It’s time to face up to this because I’m sick of all the secrecy, tired of being a fucking Shadow. I’m done with living
in
a shadow.”

He hoisted me up until I landed on my knees before him, but he circled my waist and dragged me onto his lap then cupped my cheek and brought my face to his, our foreheads resting against each other so close our lungs supplied each other with what they were fighting for.

 His fierce eyes fired with lightening as he locked me down and refused me any opportunity or desire to look away. He lifted his other hand until he was cupping both my cheeks, his grip domineering but tender. Then he pulled in a fortifying breath, “I love you, Capella. I’ve loved you since you were nine years old.”

The lump in my throat that had been caging the sob shattered, allowing the cry to gush from me as I closed my eyes.  I rejoiced in his words yet they terrified me.

“Open your eyes and look at me.” His tone held no argument so I did as he asked. I owed him that much. He had no idea how he had kept me afloat for most of my life.

He smiled shyly at me and my heart purred, it fucking purred inside me, the hum tickling every single fibre of me. “I don’t want you thinking I’m some creep, lusting after kids. It wasn’t like that then. It was… hell; I can’t even describe what it was. It was a connection with you, like I
felt
you, like your soul was linked to mine and we shared the same air. I can’t…”

“I understand,” I whispered as I nodded to him. I did, because I felt exactly the same way. That night in the field, he had made me ache with a fierceness but he had also enlivened something within me, something that had kept me alive for the last seventeen years. However, like Tate, I couldn’t describe what that something was either, but I felt it and I lived it, just like he did.

He nodded in return. “I watched you, made sure I knew every single step your life took.” His brow furrowed for a moment and he sighed heavily, “Obviously not enough to stop that fucker doing what he did.”

I scowled at him and shook my head. “How were you expected to stop that? I don’t even understand how you even… followed my life.”

He snorted, the slight puff of air brushing my lips. I ran my tongue over my lips and licked at the dryness causing Tate to groan softly and close his eyes. “Please, don’t do that. I’ve been trying so fucking hard not to sink myself into your warm, wet pussy. And now all I wanna do is slide my dick into the heat of your mouth and watch you take every damn inch down your delectable throat.”

Every single word shot a pulse through my body, straight down to my clit which then drove a fire through my belly with need. I couldn’t understand the hold he had over me, the need he aroused in me. His body was the epitome of male rawness, his bronze smooth skin embraced all hard lines and strict contours, his dense muscles drove me wild with a need to touch him. His thick dark hair gave him a rough but sinful look, but his eyes, the intense rawness to them held me hostage every single time they were on me.

Since Jarod, I had hidden away from all things sexual. Even with Gray, I hadn’t let myself go. Our sex life had been boring and tame, even though he had always been tender and gentle it had been nothing more than a quick grunt under the quilt with the light off.  I’d gone wild for a while after the Jarod ‘thing’. It was as though I’d had to prove to myself as well as all the people pointing and laughing at me, that yes, I was the slag they all thought I was. I figured I may as well go down for doing something, than go down for not doing it. But it hadn’t been me. As much as I’d tried to let go with the one night stands, the oral relief given and taken in the offices where I worked part-time, or the quickies in numerous club toilets, I had hated every single fucking second. It hadn’t been until Maggie had dragged me, drunk and hurting, from a pub toilet one night, my knickers still in the cubicle with the bloke she’d dragged me from that reality had sunk in and  I’d sobbed over her for hours.

But now, this man whose stiff erection was throbbing against my inner thigh, the man I was straddled over, the man who had my cheeks in his tender hold and his heart offered before me, I needed with a passion I had never experienced before. I felt sexual, wanted and brazen. He lit me up inside, made me feel desired instead of unnatural, made me wet instead of nauseous but most of all, he made me feel erotic and beautiful.

I lifted myself, positioned the glorious head of his stiff cock at my entrance and slid down slowly on him as I pulled the sheet up and around us. His eyes widened with my boldness but then fluttered closed as I sank down and took each amazing hard inch of him. “Oh Christ, babe” he shuddered with each strangled word.

My head fell back in bliss as he filled me completely, my slick walls gripping him firmly in case he made an effort to run, although I had no doubt that was far from what he was thinking right then. His lips worshipped my neck, his tongue lapping after each of his tiny nibbles. He covered every part of my skin in kisses. “Make love to me my little fucking whore,” he growled softly, his mouth still against my neck as his hot breath caused ripples of goose bumps to explode across my sensitised skin.

I stared at him, the twitch in my lips giving away my need to laugh. His eyes lit up when he sensed my humour before he grinned at me. I couldn’t hold back the laughter as I shook my head at his words. “How contrary was that sentence?”

He laughed with me, his chuckles loud and hearty as he shook his head at himself. “Well I was trying to be romantic and not actually say ‘fuck me, you fucking hot whore. Take my hard cock and fuck me like you wanna fucking annihilate me.’”

My jaw dropped as my whole body trembled in need and my thick, slick juices coated his cock. His words electrified my need, made me high and wired as my body craved the carnal thrill of a brutal pounding. “Jesus Christ. Fuck romantic, I want exactly what you just said.”