Fragile Eternity (24 page)

“I know.” She brushed his hair from his face.

Sorcha felt it when Devlin entered the garden. Her brother wasn’t near, but she could feel his steps on her soil. This wasn’t just any garden in Faerie: it was her private home, warded well. Few faeries could enter it at all; only one could do so at will.

“I should go back,” she murmured.

“Fine.” He stepped away from her, seeming hurt for reasons she didn’t understand.

“Are you angry with me?” Strange that it mattered, this mortal child’s opinion. It did, though.

“No.” He gave her a curious look then, as calm as one of her own faeries. “Can I ask you a question?”

“For exchange?”

He grinned. “No. I just want an answer that only you can give me.”

“Ask.” She glanced up the path to assure that her brother was not approaching. She suddenly didn’t want him to hear this conversation with Seth.

“This kindness you show me…What is it?”

She paused. It was a fair question. The answer was one he could ponder while he was away in the mortal realm. Perhaps it would even convince him to come back sooner. “Are you sure that’s the question you want answered? There are other things you—”

“I’m sure,” he murmured.

“I am the High Queen. I am without consort”—she held up a hand as he opened his mouth to say something, and then she continued—“or child.”

“Child?”

“Children are a rare gift in Faerie. We live too long to have many young. To have one—” Sorcha shook her head. “Beira was a fool. She had a son, but she let her fear that he’d be like his father rule her. She kept her own affection bound away from him but for strange bursts of kindness he didn’t see. Had she done otherwise, Keenan wouldn’t have been a Summer King but…”

“Her heir.”

Sorcha nodded. “He was born of sun and of ice. Beira’s fears made him not hers.”

“And you?”

“I have no heir, no consort, no parent. If I had a child, though, I’d visit him if he wanted my…meddling.” She hadn’t spoken this to anyone. It was irrational, this desire to have a real family. She had Devlin. She had her court.

And one very disturbed sister.

It wasn’t enough. She wanted a family. Eternity with no true connections made sense; it helped her keep her focus. The Unchanging Queen had no business wanting change—but she did. “I want a son.”

“I’m…honored.” Seth didn’t look aghast at her words. He paused, and he lowered his voice to say, “I have one mother who gave birth to me as a mortal, so she’s been stuck with me because of that, and since you gave me a second birth, I guess that kind of means you’re stuck with me too.”

She felt warmth in her eyes, maudlin tenderness that made her leak tears. “To be remade means someone giving you of themselves. To be remade strong enough to withstand the dangers of that world and of my affection meant having a strong faery make that gift. I wanted you to be strong.”

Admitting what she’d done wasn’t her intention either—at least that was what she’d told herself when she’d made the choice.

He was following her implications, though. “Did a
faery lose immortality for this?”

“No.”

“What was the cost? The exchange?”

“A bit of mortal emotion and a little vulnerability.” Sorcha kept her voice low too. Devlin might be trustworthy, but that didn’t mean he respected her privacy fully. Her brother was as protective as Bananach was destructive.

“You did this?” he whispered.

She nodded slightly.

He had something like awe in his eyes as he looked at her. “Will you visit me?”

“I would come to check on you.”

“Right.” He embraced her, hastily, but still an embrace—a sudden, impulsive
hug
.

It was a kind of heaven she hadn’t ever felt before.

Then Seth added, “Tell me who I’m allowed to speak to of this or bind me.”

“Niall. Irial. They may know if you choose it. Niall already knows, I suspect.”

“Aislinn?”

She’d known that question would come if Seth learned the truth, but she’d not known that it would come so soon. Careful of the words, Sorcha told him, “If you believe that not telling her will endanger your relationship irreparably or if you are ever so injured that you need me. Beyond that…”

“But Irial and Niall?”

Sorcha was pretty sure that she wasn’t doing this maternal thing entirely right.
Already.
However, she was starting it with a child who was far from a true infant. She trusted her instincts, not logic, not well-pondered thoughts. “Irial has been in love with Niall for centuries. Niall cares for you and will keep you safer in that world, so I won’t keep this from him. If he knows, I’ll allow Irial to know as well. They’ve had enough troubles between them that I won’t add a new one. I want them to be at peace with each other. That’s why the mortal girl they love is not here with the other Sighted ones.”

“You’re far kinder than you admit.”

“The mortal taint—” she began but stopped herself from that attempt at a lie. “I really should see what Devlin has come to tell me.”

Her son leaned in and kissed her cheek. “You
just
became ‘tainted,’ and Leslie’s been free for months.”

“That was a gift to…someone who was once my—” Sorcha stopped. Her cheeks were actually burning. She was
blushing
on her own, fully in control of herself, with no Dark Court faeries near. She liked it.

“Mothers don’t often tell their sons such things,” Seth quipped, “so I would rather not hear.”

It was positively endearing.

“Niall will help keep you safe in that other place you will live,” she added hurriedly. “I could—”

“You should still come check on me. I will miss you.”
Seth held out his arm to accompany her back to the end of the path where Devlin now stood.

“I will come then.” She put her hand in the fold of his arm, and together they walked forward.

As the next month passed, Aislinn didn’t speak of what had happened in the Dark Court. Each time Keenan had tried to discuss it, Aislinn had fled. Hearing that Seth had chosen to leave her was like having the hurt made new again. She didn’t want to touch that feeling, so she doted on her court. She acted lighthearted. She danced in the street with Tracey. She coaxed plants to strength all over the city. The earth and her faeries flourished under her attention. After a couple weeks of her being the epitome of an attentive queen, even the most cautious of her faeries believed she was fine.

Except Keenan.

But tonight was the monthly revelry, and after tonight, he would know that she was going to be fine too. It was Autumn Equinox, and she’d mourned Seth’s loss longer than they’d been a couple. She couldn’t spend eternity like this. He’d made his choice; he’d left her world, chosen not to be a mortal trying to love a faery. He’d turned his back
on what she was, on what they had.

Choose to be happy.
She’d spent almost six months mourning.
Let him go.

Aislinn walked across the street to their park. Somewhere inside her she remembered that it was odd to own a park, but nestled next to that thought was the awareness that faeries had been staking territories for longer than mortals had walked the earth. Tonight, the oddity of what she was faded under the one truth that she could hold to:
I am the Summer Queen.

Keenan stood waiting. He was her king, her partner in this strange world. Without mortal eyes watching, he was utterly himself—sunlight made solid, promises made tangible.

He knelt before her; his head was bowed as if he were her subject. And tonight, she wasn’t objecting. Tonight, she wanted to feel powerful and free—not like her heart was being laid bare and sorrow was eating her alive. She was the Summer Queen, and this was her court. This was her king.

“My Queen.”

“I am,” she said. “Your
only
queen.”

He still knelt, but he looked up at her. “If you choose that…”

Around them, faeries waited as they had last autumn when she was a mortal. This time, though, she understood the stakes far better. She stood, a faery queen, in her park at the end of summer, and her king knelt before her. She
knew what she’d be choosing—a chance at being fully his.

Keenan held out a hand, an invitation he’d given her at every faire. At every turn he put the choice forward for her. And, at each faire, she’d taken his hand, but she’d kept herself back from him.

“Will you start the revelry…with me?” he asked. The question had become rote, a ritual that started a night of dance and drink, but the almost imperceptible pause was not routine.

“I can’t promise forever.” She took her king’s hand.

Keenan stood and pulled her into his arms. As they began to move across the ground, soil warm under their feet, he whispered, “You already gave me forever, Aislinn. I’m asking for a chance at right now.”

She shivered in her king’s arms, but she didn’t pull away. And this time, she welcomed it when he brought his lips to hers. Unlike that first time—at the faire that had changed everything—or the other two times he’d stolen kisses, she had no excuses: she was not drunk, angry, or caught off guard. She let herself enjoy the feel of his lips open against hers. It wasn’t the tenderness that she’d shared with Seth. It wasn’t the pressure Keenan had included in his earlier kisses. It was new and bittersweet.

She felt her hope and his joy spread like a tempest through their court. Flowers blossomed everywhere they touched the earth. This was what they’d lacked: the promise of happiness.
It can be enough. It has to be.
Then, the world spun away, or maybe they were the ones spinning.
She wasn’t sure. Summer Girls twirled by, blurs of vibrant green against shades of copper and mahogany skin as their flowering vines slithered over their barely clad bodies, and for an unexpected moment, Aislinn didn’t like how close they were to Keenan.

I have no right.

He pulled back only for a breath and whispered, “Tell me when to let go.”

“Don’t let me fall.” She held tighter. “Save me.”

“You’ve never needed saving, Aislinn.” Keenan, her friend, her king, held on to her as the Summer Court danced dizzily around them, like spirals radiating out from their combined sunlight. “You still don’t.”

“It feels like I do.” She felt tears slipping down her cheeks; as they moved in ever-faster turns, she saw the violets spring from the soil where those tears splashed to the ground. “I feel like…I feel like I’m missing a part of me.”

“Would you feel that way if…” His words faded away.

“If it were you who left me?” Her voice was as soft as she could make it.

“It was selfish to ask. Forgive—”

“I would,” she whispered. She closed her eyes against the tears—or maybe against the confusing emotions on his face. They matched the tumultuous feelings inside her. Even with her eyes closed, she knew that she was safe as she moved at impossible speeds through the crowd. Keenan had her in his arms, and he wouldn’t let her fall.

If I’d met him before Seth…
She hadn’t, though.

Aislinn kept her face against his chest and told him, “I want to be sorry that you’re apart from Donia, but I’m not.”

Keenan didn’t comment on bringing the subject up just then. “I’ve only truly loved a couple of times, Aislinn. I want to try loving you.”

“You shouldn’t lo—” Her words froze on her lips.

“That would be a lie, my Queen.” His voice was gentle, even as he rebuked her. “One hundred eighty days, Aislinn. Seth’s been gone for one hundred eighty days, and I’ve watched you try to pretend it doesn’t hurt for every one of them. Can’t I try to make you happy?”

“For the court.”

“No,” he corrected. “For you and for me. I miss your smiles. I waited for centuries to find my queen. Can we try this? Now that he’s…”

“…left me,” she finished. She caught his gaze, let herself forget that there was anyone else around, and stood still. The faeries spun around them. It was just them in the center of a maelstrom. “Yes. Make me forget everything but right now. That’s what the Summer Court is—not logic, not addiction, not war, not calm or cold. Make me warm. Make me not think. Make me anything but this.”

He didn’t answer; he just kissed her again. It was still like swallowing sunshine, and she didn’t resist. Her own skin began to glow until any faeries not of their court would’ve had to turn their faces away.

There was earth under their feet, but she didn’t feel it.
She didn’t feel anything but sunlight chasing away everything that hurt inside of her. They moved through the park, flowers blossoming at their feet. She could taste the sunlight like warm honey on Keenan’s lips.

Like every other revelry, she felt drunk on the dance and night. This time though, when morning came, her feet weren’t touching the ground. She was in Keenan’s arms, carried from the park and from their court to the side of the river where they’d been after the first faire. There was no picnic, no carefully planned seduction. It was just them along the riverbank.

When they had their monthly revels, they weren’t sensible, but they also weren’t vulnerable. Even War herself wouldn’t cross them tonight.

Aislinn stayed in his arms when he sat down alongside the river. The cool water rolled over her feet and calves, like tiny electric pulses on her skin. It balanced the warm earth that they sank into as their combined sunlight turned soil into slick mud. And she shivered—as much from the river’s touch as from Keenan’s.

Some stray thought whispered that she was on the ground in a formal dress, but she was Summer—frivolity, impulsivity, warmth.
It’s what I am. With him now.

“Tell me when to let go,” Keenan reminded her again.

“Don’t let go,” Aislinn insisted. “Talk to me. Tell me what you feel. Tell me everything you don’t want to admit.”

He grinned. “No.”

“Treat me like a faery queen then.”

“How so?”

She sat up and knelt beside him.

He stayed where he was, resting on the muddy bank, watching her.

Aislinn thought about the day they stood in the street and he’d let sunlight fall onto her like raindrops. Like so many other things since becoming Summer Queen, she understood now how to do that, but she’d not been able to experiment before. “Like this.”

Every pleasure under the sun was hidden in the droplets of sunlight that fell from her skin to his. Faery magic was what she wanted to share with him. It was what she was now, and she didn’t have to worry that she would hurt him as she would a mortal.

If Seth weren’t human…

But if he hadn’t been human, she’d never have had his friendship or love. If she’d still been human, she wouldn’t have lost it either. But Keenan wasn’t human, and neither was she.

Not now, not ever again.

She caught Keenan’s gaze and gave him the words he’d given her: “I want to try loving you.
Make
me love you, Keenan. You’ve convinced so many others. Convince me. Seduce me so I don’t have to hurt anymore.”

She leaned toward him, but Keenan stopped her. He shook his head.

“This”—he gestured between them—“isn’t love. It’s something else.”

“So…”

“Slower. Falling into bed…or riverbanks…isn’t going to make you love me.” Keenan stood up and held out a hand. “You’re my queen. I’ve waited nine centuries to find you and almost a year more to reach this moment. I can wait a bit longer for the rest.”

“But…”

He leaned in and kissed her softly. “If you’re finally going to try to let yourself love me, we’re going to date.”

“We sort of
have
been.”

“No.” He caught her hands and pulled her into his embrace. “We’ve been trying very hard
not
to date. Let me show you our world. Let me take you to dinner and whisper temptations. Let me take you to ridiculous carnival rides and symphonies and dances in the rain. I want you to laugh and smile and trust me first. I want it to be real love if you are in my bed.”

She paused. Sex seemed far easier than dating. They were friends; they had a spark.
Sex isn’t love, though.
Keenan wanted a real chance. That meant something more than sharing her body.

“My solution was easier,” she muttered, “and quicker.”

He laughed. “After nine centuries, I was willing to accept whatever terms you set, but if we’re going to try being together, I don’t want any doubts. If you don’t love me but still want to be…with me, I’ll settle for that, but I want a chance to have it all.”

“And if Seth…”

“Comes home?” Keenan pulled her closer and kissed her until the glow of sunlight shining from both of their bodies was blinding.

Then he promised, “That’s up to you. It always has been, hasn’t it?”