Fragile Blossoms (26 page)

‘Oh I’m sorry have I got it wrong? I heard you and Stefan Adelman were responsible for the Girl’s Home in Cambridge. Isn’t it you rehabilitating the fallen, caring for girls until their babies are born and helping them find employment? I thought it was you working in that direction, Julianna. You capturing the attention of goodhearted souls even that of our own dear Princess of Wales. Why do you do it that’s what I want to know? What is your hope, a place in history alongside Florence Nightingale, is that it? Are we looking at a burgeoning angel, our very own Lady of the Lamp? ’

There was a moment of silence, words digested, and then Julia spoke.

‘I am not going to enter into an argument with you. We are at odds over Susan Dudley and always will be but I ask you not to malign Stefan Adelman when as you know a kinder man does not exist. He lives only to serve those less fortunate than himself and deserves to be remembered so.’

‘Is that why you sleep with him?’

‘What?’

‘I said, is that why you sleep with him? Do you hope in so doing some of his goodness will rub off?’

‘Freddie is right Evelyn. You are cruel. You say such ugly things.’

‘Ugly?’ Evie shrugged. ‘That depends on your point of view. The things I say become ugly only if untrue. I don’t hear you rushing to defend yourself. Do you deny when you visit Bradbury you stay overnight at his house? And that you are alone, the two of you, no maid servant and no man?’

‘I deny nothing. My life and my doings are my own. I answer to no one.’

‘You see world?’ Evie spread her arms and turned in a circle. The truth is not ugly. Every word is honest and clear and simple.’

‘Evelyn, that’s enough!’ Hugh barked. ‘You are letting yourself down.’

‘I’m not letting anyone down. I am sick of hearing of Julianna Dryden, how good she is and how kind and how beloved of Prince Albert. I said you and Lillie had much in common. You’re both superb actresses. Bravo, Ju-ju! The beloved ingénue strides the boards declaiming innocence and every word is a lie.’

A crowd had gathered, ears twitching.

‘I’m sorry, Hugh,’ said Julia. ‘I can’t stay.’

‘Of course not! Wait and I’ll see you to the carriage. I must settle Evelyn first. I can’t leave her like this.’

‘It’s alright!’ Luke pushed through the crowd. ‘It’s best you go. Julianna needs to be away. I’ll stay with Lady Carrington.’

Evie rounded on him. ‘Don’t try managing me Mister Wolf! I’m not one of your kind to be restrained. What will you put a choke about my neck for fear I’d sink my teeth into the face you adore? You know what I say is true. Ju-ju Dryden is a liar and a cheat! She promotes homes for fallen women when in fact it’s she that is fallen! She cheats the helpless! Yes she visits a hospital for the insane and tends a sick woman. Then she beds the sick woman’s husband. Ask her if that is not true. Ask!’

Sick and sorry Freddie kicked his hat out into the darkness. ‘I have to talk to Julianna. I need her to understand I never meant it to end this way.’

‘I’m sure she understands that.’

‘I’m sure she don’t! She’s a parson’s daughter and a Puritan at heart. You see, she’ll be harkin’ back to her pastoral roots and damnin’ me to Hell. I’m tellin’ you, Luke, she ain’t the softie she was. It comes of mixin’ with the Marlborough Set. They’re brutes beneath the ermine.’

‘Julianna Dryden is the opposite of hard and if you do this, go at her hammer and tongs looking to offset blame, it’ll be me damming you to hell.’

‘I’m not lookin’ to offset blame. I know where that lies. I’m just sayin’ she doesn’t understand me or Evie.’

‘Who does? You two are crazy! You live in a crazy world. The only people that understand you are more crazy people!’

‘Oh don’t you have a go at me, Luke. I couldn’t stand it.’

‘Then stop whining! It doesn’t help. What’s done is done! You must try to make a new life.’

‘A new life!’ Freddie pulled his hair. ‘I’ll never have any kind of life with this is hangin’ over me. The best thing I can do is run. I’m done with London and I’m done with England. I’ll go back to Italy or to Johnny in Paris, anywhere so I won’t have to listen to Evie tellin’ me what a sorry arse I am.’

‘I shouldn’t worry about that.’ Luke watched the carriage pull away, Evie inside, a hood over her head and face turned away from the window. ‘There’s no one to tell you anything.’

Freddie swivelled. ‘Is she going?’

‘She’s gone.’

‘And she’s left you as well? God damn it, Evie, must you always fly off the handle! I’d better find a place to stay.’ Freddie looked back to where guests stood at windows watching. ‘I can’t go back in there to be gaped at. ’

‘You can stay at my house.’

‘You have a house?’

‘Yes I have a house. No need to sound so surprised. Contrary to Carrington opinion under all of this dirt there hides a civilised brute.’

‘Where is your house?’

‘Not far from the Julianna. Come on!’ Luke whistled up a cab. ‘I will take you to her but you need to sleep on it first. ’

‘What about Evie? Can we leave her alone?’

‘Your sister’s an enterprising woman. We were booked into the Swan at Sudbury. It’s a popular Inn. No doubt she’ll find a way of passing the time.’

Freddie’s laugh was hollow. ‘You are learning.’

‘Yes and not before time.’

‘I wouldn’t take any of this to heart,’ said Freddie boarding the cab. ‘Evie is a lesson in survival. She’s seethin’ now but come the mornin’ she’ll have waved her wand and this night and its absurdities will be washed clean.’

‘And how will she do that?’

‘She’ll contact friends. She’ll laugh and lie and the damage will be mended.’

‘Can such damage be mended?’

‘Yes if you know the right people. Our name still carries weight in certain circles. Since her marriage to a Yankee Eve’s less of heavyweight but there’s always the Pater to call on if things get sticky. The Baines Carrington have weight enough to sink the whole of the British Empire. A whisper to HRH and other whispers are mute. But that’s not the damage you’re referrin’ to.’

Cold, Luke buttoned his jacket and his mouth. He’s in no position to condemn another’s weakness. He forfeited that right the day he met Evie. This thing about Susan Dudley is a shock. Freddie is an idle spendthrift, a talented dreamer sucking on a silver spoon, but never a spoiler of kitchen maids. He prefers men, a Mary Ann as Albert would say.

Luke knows he should be outraged for Susan but all he feels is a desperate sadness for everyone himself included. There was a moment during the séance when his mind was open to Other Worlds and he had hoped for of a loving word from brother Jacky, but with Freddie’s disclosure and Evie’s jealous rage, Other Worlds dropped into oblivion heavy with the shit of this world. Now hope is again replaced with suspicion. Why would his father speak from the dead? What purpose did it serve? Better to assume in moment of weakness he mentioned Justine Newman to Evie and she’s made use of the information.

The mud heavy the horses were having to struggle and the cab is slow.

‘Is it far your house?’ said Freddie.

‘Not too far.’

‘Is it a comfortable house?’

‘I like it well enough. I’d as soon live there as any other place.’

‘You’re a liberal sort of fellow, aren’t you, Luke. Independent, no ties, free of mind and opinion, able to come and go as you please, I do envy you. ’

Luke closed his eyes. If that’s how Freddie sees things he really is a sorry arse.

Truth is he could not be more unsettled. Business thriving, money in the bank and plenty opportunities to make more, yet with every passing day England is more a prison than a home. ‘I’m thinking of leaving England.’

‘Where will you go?’

‘Italy.’

‘Of course! Everyone has their spiritual birthplace. Yours is Italy and sepia-tinted walls. Mine is Rhode Island and Jamieson with a pistol in his pocket.’

Oh Christ! Freddie sighed. Why must I exaggerate? It’s Luke. It’s the way he stares through a person stripping veneer away and exposing a man to what he is. Every time they meet even to the shaking hands Freddie does and says foolish things, though where Rhode Island, and the pistol, is concerned he told the God’s honest truth.

Freddie came to America July 4th 1879, his seventh birthday, a day of Independence in every way. Evie’s husband brought him, Sidney Bevington-Smythe, a cherub of a man with a will of iron. Sidney was accompanied by a man of mystery one Reuben Jamieson. They made the crossing aboard RMS Flagship Oceanic. Freddie shared a cot with Sidney, the mysterious Jamieson slept on the couch fully dressed a pistol in his belt and boots untied. Wherever Freddie went Jamieson went. ‘He was a strong-arm hired by Sidney.’

‘What?’

‘Sorry, Luke, I was remembering when I left England to be with Evie and how Sidney hired Jamieson to keep us safe.’

‘What your butler?’

‘Yes.’

‘Jamieson is some kind of bodyguard?’

‘Yes, are you surprised?’

‘Not in the least. He walks soft, one minute there and the next gone. So what was Evie’s husband that he needed protecting a racketeer?’

‘Protection wasn’t for him. It was for me.’

‘And why did you need protecting?’

‘I don’t know.’

That’s not true. That was Young Freddie, the seven year-old, telling lies. Thirty-year-old Freddie knows why Sidney hired a gun. It was to stop George Carrington stealing back his son.

Independence Day is right. Freddie was taken from Charlecourt. More than a decade would pass before he would see the house again. Since memory twists and turns when recalling fear the story is apocryphal, Sidney coming to Charlecourt that day to discuss business with Sir George, the business in question the removal of Freddie to Rhode Island. Why it became a kidnapping no one is ready to say. When questioned Evie, who hates talking of the past, shrugs. ‘Don’t blow it out of proportion. Sidney was in England and took you for a spin in his new landau. He spun you further than anticipated.’

Thousands of miles across an ocean is some spin. That area of his life is so blurred Freddie rarely asks questions. One question, a Big Question, was asked of him the second week at Rhode Island. ‘Now listen, son,’ Sidney had sat him down. ‘I’m gonna put a question to you. It’s a big question and so you must answer truthfully. All you have to do is nod your head for yes and shake if the answer is no. You get me, son?’

Freddie got him and suspecting what was to come steeled his nerve.

‘I wanna ask if your Poppa did things you did not like. Did he for instance ever touch you in ways that hurt? I mean, did he try leading you into foul ways?’

It was summer when Sidney asked the Big Question sunlight through the veranda roof making patterns on the wall. One pattern looked like a circus elephant balancing on a drum. Freddie once saw an elephant do that when a fair was pitched in the far meadow. The poor elephant kept slipping and a man kept whipping. Freddie cried and so did Nanny. Nanny Goldsmith was the one person he missed. The day he left with Sidney she seemed to know he was going for a long spin and taking him in her arms told him to be a good boy.

‘Be a good boy.’ Freddie hates those words. Only Nanny could make them sweet. Had Freddie’s son lived he would never have heard those words from his daddy. Never! False words they promise a gift but bring pain.

The day Sidney asked the Big Question the elephant was trying to stay upright. Not wanting it to fall Freddie had shaken his head. ‘No sir,’ he’d said. ‘Papa didn’t lead me into foul ways.’ Young Freddie decided that day to quit the Past. He was in America an ocean between him and England. Evie had said he never need go back, he was to stay with her and Sidney forever. So it didn’t matter what Papa had said or done. Freddie denied the Question and forgot everything else because forgetting is much better than remembering.

There are times when he does remember. Dribbling things like water spouts and painted fire screens come in nightmares. Even now he wakes screaming. Evie will rush in and hold him close. ‘I’m sorry,’ she’ll say. ‘I shouldn’t have left you.’ Evie and Freddie have lived together more than twenty years. Dear old Sid, bless his soul, is long gone. Sidney never asked the Question again but the week he died he came close. It was after an incident at college, an accusation. ‘I’ve been all over the world, son,’ he’d said his face screwed up. ‘I’ve seen miraculous things and terrible things and the older I get the more the line between miraculous and terrible blurs. I’m concerned for you. You’re a good boy but bruised and the bruises are beginning to show. Maybe if you told how they came about they’d go away.’

Sidney died soon after. The Question was never asked again, nobody cared or dared to ask again until this day.

‘I don’t know why I had to drag Bella into it,’ said Freddie to Luke. ‘I was up at Cambridge at the time and desperate. I suppose I was tryin’ to see if my understandin’ of me was wrong.’

‘And what is your understanding of you?’

‘I am what fellows refer to as a bugger. I have been beaten about the head for being a bugger. I’ve been kicked and whipped and spat upon and often at the same time. I have been accused of theft, of stealin’ innocence, of pervertin’ younger boys, which I swear to you I’ve never done. I have been chastised for sayin’ things I never said and beaten for doin’ things I never did. So much and so often and all boilin’ down to one thing, I can’t love a woman.’

‘And yet you tried.’

‘I did and I’m sorry. Bella was kind to me. I told her, you know, how things were. She said it was alright she had enough carin’ for two.’

‘Susan was a simple girl. You must have known that.’

‘I did and I’m not makin’ excuses. I’m tryin’ to tell you how it was. What we did felt unnatural to me and she wasn’t over keen. We laughed about it. It was only once. I didn’t think it would lead to anythin’.’

He wrung his hands then that wretched song about a lost dog still in his head.

‘At first she wanted the baby in the way a child wants a doll. Then I panicked and wouldn’t see her and she began to hate her condition.’ He began pulling his hair. ‘I must see Julianna! She’ll stop this horror goin’ round in my brain. She was there when they died. I need forgiveness. She’s the one can give it.’

‘That’s crazy talk. You can’t ask forgiveness of anyone but a priest. Go to church and seek absolution there.’

‘Do you believe in God then, Luke?’

‘No more than I believe in the forgiveness of sins. A man must have courage and live with his mistakes. If you’re going to need forgiveness don’t sin. ’

‘I never meant to hurt Susan,’ Freddie whispered. ‘She was a bruise I had hoped to make better. All I did was make more bruises.’

They were inside the house. Freddie gazed about him. ‘Why did I think you lived in a Forge?’

‘Because before the big bang I did.’

‘The big bang? Is that Evie?’

‘No, not your sister so much as me realising there was more to life than taps and washers.’

‘You are more than taps and washers and always were.’

‘You reckon?’

‘I do. This house says so. I like it. It has space and is quiet. I could paint here. The light comin’ off the Common must be somethin’ to see.’

‘Then paint! There’s nothing to stop you. You’d be welcome. Meantime get some sleep.’ Luke flung a blanket over the bed. ‘You’ve a bathroom alongside and usual amenities. There are clothes in the cupboard and shirts in the drawer. You might find them a bit on the roomy side, you the size of a sparrow, but they’ll do for now.’

Freddie knuckled his eyes. ‘Where shall you be?’

‘On the couch.’

‘I say, that won’t do! I’ll take the couch. You must have your bed.’

‘I’ve stuff to sort, papers to look at and the like. Sleep and be easy.’

‘I feel awkward takin’ your bed.’

‘No need. If I’m tired I’ll sleep. I’m one of those that die when sleeping.’

‘You have a clear conscience.’

‘I doubt that. Anyway as I say I’ve things to do.’ When Freddie lingered Luke smiled. ‘It’s alright,’ he said his glance kind. ‘No need to be spooked. I’m not going to steal up later and do you a disservice.’

Freddie laughed and coloured up. ‘Surely that should be my line.’

Luke stamped downstairs. ‘I thought to save you time.’

Freddie is dreaming. It is a familiar dream. He’s back in Charlecourt and he’s four-years old. Nanny Goldsmith has him by the hand and is taking him down the back stairs and into the library. Nanny sits him down on a padded stool. She wheels a fire screen in front of Freddie, a big wooden screen with huntsmen blowing a horn and hounds, the one that stands by Papa’s desk.

Nanny is unhappy, Freddie can tell, she mutters of sinners and the Wrath of God. She always speaks of the Wrath when cross. She wheels the screen closer. Freddie laughs thinking they are to play ‘Beep-Boo!’ Nanny’s not laughing. She puts a finger to her lips and says, ‘be a good boy. Be very quiet, do not utter a word, Nanny will come and fetch you when it’s all over.’