Fractured Hearts (Shattered Lives, Book Three) (43 page)

He wiped away the tear trickling down his face. After leaving the room, he stormed down the hallway and headed toward the gym, not knowing where else to go. At least he could work off the tension.

Leaving her room, Cora watched Gunther stomp past, practically running down the hall, wiping tears off his face. She let him be for a few short moments, just in case he was going to go have himself a good cry. Then she decided since he could be so explosive when he was emotional, maybe she ought to check on him.

When Cora turned down the hall, he was nowhere to be found. The first place she decided to look was the gym.

She knocked and cracked opened the door and saw him leaning against the wall, crying. “Gunther…,” she whispered.

“Just leave me alone, please.”

“Not until I know you’re okay and won’t do anything stupid. Tell me what’s wrong and maybe I can help.”

She crossed the room to the mess of a man standing with his arms and face pressed against the cold, blue brick wall.

He wiped his face. “I don’t know what’s wrong.”

“With you, or is it something with Quinn?” He didn’t want to respond. “Gunther, I can’t help if you don’t talk.”

“I don’t know what happened. I was fighting with James out in the hall because somehow, in his simple mind, he thinks he’s going to win her back. She took me back to our room and she started crying, saying she didn’t know what was wrong. I told her to lay down and I would watch after Grey but, instead, we ended up…” He rubbed his eyes.

“Did you fight?”

“No. Sex. It was the first time we’d been together in months. She cried when we first started and I told her I would stop, but she convinced me to keep going, even though it was against my better judgment. I didn’t last like I normally do. Afterwards, she practically kicked me out.” He couldn’t believe he actually told someone that, but he felt comfortable around Cora.

“Oh, geez. Well, I doubt it had anything to do with that.” Cora rubbed his back.

“I don’t know what I did, and she won’t tell me.” She brought her hand to his shoulder, making him turn to face her. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t burden you with our problems.”

“Has everything been okay with her since Grey arrived?” He shrugged his heavy shoulders. “What’s been going on?”

“She’s just been really emotional, sometimes up and sometimes really down. I’ve woken up in the middle of the night to her crying while he’s feeding. I don’t know how to help her or help her take care of him. I try to take him when she needs to rest, but she usually takes him back before I can walk away with him. She says she’s scared and worried about everything. She’s distant and won’t talk to me. It’s like she’s shutting down and doesn’t see the joy in the life we created from our love.”

“This sounds like she may have a little post-partum depression. Would you like me to chat with her?”

“I don’t know what that is, but I don’t want her to think I betrayed her trust by confiding in someone else.”

“You’re not betraying her. Post-partum depression can be extremely serious. I have a very important question to ask you… Do you know if she has had any thoughts about harming herself or Grey?”

Horrified, he said, “Jesus, no! I don’t think so. She has never said anything to me like that, but… Shit. It’s not like she would tell me anyway, would she? Damn it!” He slapped his hands over his face.

“Listen, sometimes those thoughts can happen and people hide them because they are ashamed. I assure you, most don’t act on them. Please, allow me go talk to her,” Cora pleaded. “Let me try to intervene, just in case.”

Gunther sighed and nodded, turning around and facing the wall again. With reluctance, Cora left him alone.

At first, Quinn didn’t acknowledge the knocking, but when it became insistent, she thought she better answer. She was still crying when she opened the door.

“Hey, sweetie. Your foxy fiancé is falling apart in the gym. Anything you want to talk about?”

“Cora, I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

Cora stepped into the room and closed the door behind her. “Talk to me. Tell me everything.”

“I feel overwhelmed. We brought this beautiful little boy into this world, but I can’t even diaper or dress him properly.” Grey made a few noises from the bed and Quinn ran to him.

“Listen, you’re doing the best you can with what we have. I will work on altering more of my kids’ clothes for him. If you have another blanket I can cut down, I will make larger diapers.” Quinn scooped him up, and he cooed. “Let me take him.” Cora took Grey from Quinn’s hesitant arms. “Relax. I’ve done this before.”

“He hardly sleeps. I’m up all the time. He wants to feed constantly, and Gunther can’t help me with that. He doesn’t know what to do. He tries to help, but I just take him back. It’s just easier that way because then I don’t have to hear him cry. He will hold him and walk with him until he tuckers himself out. Sometimes he can quiet him down, but he usually just stands there, staring.”

“Quinn, cut him some slack. Knowing his situation, he probably has never seen a newborn before, let alone held one. But when I see him with Grey, is it so obvious this little boy has his heart. Do you tell him how he can help you?”

Quinn thought about it for a moment. “No, probably not.” Then she fell apart at the seams. “I’m so scared he’s going to be like Gunther…or Gunther’s going to have a true death…or something terrible is going to happen to us. And then with James… He keeps challenging Gunther. He’s going to snap one of these days. And what if James is right? What if I do walk away from Gunther and fall back into his arms?”

“Take a breath. Let’s start with Grey. He has been here for a little while now and he’s acting like a normal baby. His eyes are blue, not green or gray. He’s warm. And, yes, something
could
happen to us or Gunther, but you can’t dwell on that. Live each day like it’s the last. That man thinks he did something to hurt you or upset you. Then, with James…” Cora stepped right in front of Quinn. “Do you love James like you did when you first married?”

“No, not really. I spent a lot of time devoted to him, so it’s hard to let go.”

“You need to shut him off if you want to be with Gunther. If you can’t shut him off, you cannot devote yourself completely to Gunther. I would imagine that scares him to death, worrying he may lose you to someone who treated you so poorly. You and Grey are everything to him. You two are all he has.”

“I know. I just need time to work through this.”

“Just keep in mind Gunther is a wreck. He needs reassurance sooner rather than later. I mean it, Quinn. He was crying. It was painful to see such a strong man crippled by sadness.”

“Oh god…”

“Let’s sit and chat about how you can talk to him about helping you with Grey.” Cora sat with Quinn and offered her a little advice.

They talked about everything long into the night. After about the third time Josie interrupted them with something new Silas had gotten into, she decided it was time to go tend to her own children.

Night had fallen and Gunther was still in the gym, torturing himself one set after another. He decided he was far too exhausted to lift another weight.

As he walked through the halls, he wiped the sweat off with his shirt. Arriving at his and Quinn’s door, he hesitated for a minute wondering if he should knock, walk away…or if maybe she would be waiting for him.

The anxiety was strangling what life was left in him. He rested his head against the cold door for a minute, hoping a few deep breaths would calm him.

Finally, Gunther grew a pair and opened the door, exposing the utter darkness in the room. Quinn and Grey were sleeping. The soft snores of his baby boy made him smile.

He gave a slight sigh of relief. He wouldn’t have to talk with her just yet because he worried what she’d say about him talking to Cora. Or if he could even hold himself together long enough to endure a conversation with her.

Without making too much noise, Gunther washed up in the bathroom, changed his clothes, and slipped into bed. Normally, he would cuddle up to her, but already having upset her enough for one day, he thought it would be best if he just stayed away from her.

He lay on his back near the edge, staring into the nothingness that was swallowing him. The emotions couldn’t be held back. He missed the Quinn he used to know. He just wanted to hold her, making every one of her doubts and fears disappear.

That was the first time since they had been a couple he would sleep away from her. The desperation of wanting to hold her tore him up. His heart ached for her, but he feared the rejection. There was no way in hell he could handle her turning away from him.

He worked hard not to cry and did his best not to be too loud during his agonizing meltdown. Although not wanting to disturb them, he couldn’t hold back another moment.

Grey moaned in his sleep and Quinn shifted. He wasn’t sure if she was awake. His body trembled with anxiety when her warm fingers touched his wet face.

“Gunther…” He didn’t say anything. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “This is on me. Don’t blame yourself for any of this.” He swallowed hard and wiped his face. His trembling hand grazed hers. “I’ve been having a hard time with Grey. Maybe I’m not cut out to be a mom again.”

That grabbed Gunther’s heart. “Quinn, you are doing an amazing job with him. Don’t say that. You’re brill. Our little Grey bear is lucky to have you as a mum.”

“Gunther, how do you even know? You have no experience with a mom.”

All the air left his lungs. That hurt—knife to the gut. He shot out of bed and headed for the door before he went into a fury.

“Gunther, wait…” Quinn picked up Grey and chased after him.

He turned and glowered at her. “If I
did
have a mum, I would’ve wanted her to dote on me like you do for our son.” He opened the door and she grabbed him before he could leave.

“Please. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean it that way.”

His voice was stern. “How exactly
did
you mean it?”

“I don’t know. Please, come back in.”

He stepped back into the room and closed the door with a slam, causing Grey to jump in Quinn’s arms. “Let’s have this out because I can’t do this, Quinn. You’re either backing me or I need to walk away before this kills me. My heart can’t take this anymore. These past few weeks have been hell for me, as well, but you haven’t considered that, have you? I can’t tell which way you’re going. You keep pushing me in the opposite direction of wherever you land. I’m so fucking worried about you, I can’t handle it. I just want to help you but, apparently, you think I’m bloody useless and suck at being a father.”

“No… Christ, you’re a great father. The best. I love you, but…”

He put his hands on his head and they slid over his face. “There’s always a motherfucking ‘but’, isn’t there?” he mumbled into his palms.

“I’m having a hard time dealing with this whole James thing. Between dealing with my feelings for him, caring for Grey twenty-four hours a day, and worrying about everything else, I feel like I can’t give you one hundred percent of me.”

His jaw clenched. She still cared for him, and he wasn’t going to listen to it anymore. “It’s me or that cockface. You decide. I have to go before my heart is crushed completely.” His voice went soft and full of sorrow. “Come find me and let me know when you make up your bloody mind.” He pushed past Quinn and left.

“Gunther!” She chased behind him. In the murky darkness, she could see his stalking form round the corner of the hallway, so she ran to catch up to him. He was facing the wall, fists up high on it. “Gunther…”

“I can’t believe I’m losing you to that fucking douche,” he growled. He spoke again, being careful to be quiet enough so he wouldn’t wake Grey, “He left you alone, Quinn. He left you, Carrie, and Max alone. You had to do something so horrific, it took a piece of you away and you will
never
get that back. But you still have feelings for him? Please, help me understand this.”

“I devoted nearly two decades to him.”

“Look what he did to you. He cheated on you countless times. He left you and didn’t look back. He walked away from you because it was easy. I would
never
walk away from my family. I will always be here for you and Grey, even if it means my true death. Even if you don’t want me to be.”