Fractured Affections (The Affections Series Book 1) (10 page)

We ride go-carts for hours, every one of us laughing and goofing off. It’s the best day that I’ve had so far, since coming here. I think we all needed it, even the boys. Dalton’s absence has affected all of them. I should have spent more time focused on the boys, instead of running off to bars and burying my dick in easy pussy. While I thought I was relieving tension by getting off, I still felt every ounce of this situation when I would walk back through Reagan and Dalton’s door. Some nights it made me feel worse. Spending the evening with them feels good.

Spending time with the people you care about and helping them cope has been way more fulfilling than any random piece of ass. I need to make more time for this. I’ve been so lonely over the years that it’s time I got my family back. Even if Reagan can’t be mine, I’ve realized tonight that I just want her in my life.  I want to be able to spend more time with Dalton and his boys and not have to hide when I come to town.

“Hey, Uncle Striker, thanks for bringing us tonight. It was a blast,” Dylan says around his ice cream.

“No problem, bud, I had fun. Happy to do it.” I look over to Reagan, who is wiping off Colt’s chin and smile.

“Uncle Striker, I’m glad you came to stay with us this time. Why didn’t you stay with us before?” Max asks and my head jerks up to look at him.

I glance over at Reagan and she is still focused on Colt, not paying any attention to our conversation. “I will from now on, buddy, okay?”

Max smiles and nods before returning to his ice cream. We all finish up and head home.

*****

Reagan goes upstairs with the boys to get them ready for bed. I take a seat on the couch to relax and watch some TV. After a little while, I let my eyes drift closed. I’m in a light sleep when I feel a blanket being draped over me. I reach up and grab Reagan’s wrist, peeking through the crack of one eyelid.

“Come sit. Watch some TV with me, for a bit,” I say in a whisper.

“You’re tired, why don’t you go to bed?”

I nod my head toward the couch, silently requesting that she sit. I let go of her wrist as she moves and feel the couch dip. I turn my head to look at her. She is sitting sideways, facing me. Her head is resting on the back of the couch, with her knees bent up, wrapped in her arms. We face each other in silence for a short time before she speaks.

“Thanks for today. It meant a lot to the boys. They really enjoyed themselves. I think we all needed to get out of the house.” She reaches up, and my eyes follow her hand, as she gently tucks her hair behind her ear. “So tell me, what was Max talking about? Why would he ask you why you never stayed before?”

I turn away from her. “I think this is something you need to talk to Dalt about.”

“Well, considering Dalton isn’t here and you are, I’m asking you,” she states in a calm tone.

This isn’t right. Dalton should be the one telling her this. I wouldn’t have hidden it from her in the first place, but I don’t want to lie to her either. If I keep trying to push the conversation off she will be angry. The outcome will probably be worse than if I just tell her now.

“I’ve been coming to visit, a couple times a year, and would meet up with Dalton and the boys. Mostly, we went fishing and I would stay at a hotel in town.” When I turn to look at her, she looks down and breaks the contact.

“So you would come and spend time with my family, and everyone would keep it a secret from me? Why did my kids never mention it? Did you and Dalt ask them to keep it from me?” I can hear the hurt in her voice.

“Reagan, all I know is that Dalton would tell them it was our men’s weekend, and what happened when we were together stayed between us, but I knew he was hiding me from you. I just never forced the issue. I knew that if you found out, then my time with them would end. I always enjoyed the times we would get together.”

She looks back up to me. There is so much sadness covering her face. “So there was more to Dalton’s lies than I know. All this time you have known my children, and I had no clue.”

“I’m sorry, Rea. I know it was wrong and you feel left out, but I wouldn’t change a thing. It gave me a sense of family, something I’ve been missing for awhile.”I watch a single tear slip down her cheek and I want to reach up and wipe it away.

“Why do you think he hid you for all these years, and now throws you into my life, into our home? I’m having a hard time understanding any of this.”

“I don’t understand it, either. I was trying to figure that out tonight. Maybe he just felt guilty leaving his family and wanted to know that someone he trusts was here, in case you guys needed anything.”

She shakes her head. “I don’t know. I feel like there is this major secret he is keeping from me. I’ve felt like this for a while. I just can’t figure out what it could be. Deep down in my gut, I can feel that something is wrong, and now knowing he has lied to me about other things, only makes it worse.”

I reach out and take her hand. It breaks me to watch her cry, it always has. I lean my head back again and close my eyes. “I wish I knew, but I swear to you, he hasn’t told me a thing, other than being away for work.”

“Are you sure he hasn’t mentioned anything? I’m having a hard time believing anyone lately. It’s like he is slipping away slowly. Our conversations are so short. I would think that he would want to talk to me at the end of the day.”

I still have a hold of her hand; she reaches up to wipe away more tears with the other. I can’t help but move a little closer to put my arm around her shoulder and pull her in close. There is no desire in my gesture, just the need to comfort and soothe her. “I wish I had answers for you, I really do.” We sit like this for a while longer before we both fall asleep on the couch.

*****

I’m jostled awake by someone shaking my shoulder.

“Striker, wake up,” the voice says in a loud whisper.

I slowly pry my eyes open and try to focus. It must be the middle of the night. I don’t remember where I am exactly. It takes me a minute before I focus on Dylan standing in front of me. I feel a weight on my lap and notice that Reagan’s head is resting there, and she is sound asleep. I draw in a deep breath. “Hey, Dyl, we must’ve fallen asleep while talking.”

“Yeah, I never heard her come up to bed. Can you carry her up?”

I look around the room a little bit, trying to come up with a different plan. I don’t know how she would feel about that, and I don’t want to press my luck. We got along so well tonight. She didn’t even get angry when she found out about my prior visits. “Maybe we can just wake her up so she can walk.”

“No, don’t wake her please, she’s so tired lately. Well, more than usual I guess with Dad being gone. I want her to get sleep so she can feel better.”

This kid loves his mother. He is always so in tune with how she is doing. Dalton has told me, in the past, that it can sometimes be a blessing, and then other times, a curse. Once he knows something is bothering her, he wants to make her feel better. Sometimes there are things that he doesn’t need to know.

“Um, okay, just lead the way, alright?” I slowly slide out from under Reagan’s head and stand. I scoop her tiny frame into my arms. It’s almost too much for my aching heart when she wraps an arm around my neck and tucks her face against my shoulder. My heart is pounding while I follow Dylan up the stairs. We get her all settled and tucked in, and I turn to head to my room.

“Hey, Uncle Striker?”

I turn to look at Dylan’s silhouette in the dark room. “Yeah, bud?”

“Thanks for being here. I know it makes her happy. Us too, we had fun.”

I just nod my head in his direction and head downstairs to my room. Once I’m settled, I lay awake for hours, wondering what tonight might mean. Can we get through things that have happened in the past? Just having Reagan be a part of my life is a good feeling, but her sadness is unbearable to watch. Dalton is getting a phone call, first thing in the morning. I need to see if I can figure out what is going on.

Chapter Ten

Reagan

It’s been a week since I fell asleep with Striker on the couch, and things have been going well. We seem to have reached some understanding with each other. We don’t talk about the past, because we both know it won’t get us anywhere. We loved each other completely when we were young, and even though things are different now, I enjoy just having him back in my life.

For so many years I was angry with him. I let it ruin any chance of having a friendship. Looking back now, I’m filled with regret. I cut him out of not only my life but also my family’s. I hate that Dalton kept things from me, but in a way I’m glad that the boys know Striker. He was such a large part of their father’s life, growing up. They deserve to have a relationship with him. Who am I kidding? He was an important part of my life, as well.

We lost so much time together, all because I blamed him for how wrecked I was after he left, but that was never his fault. He did hurt me, by the way he left, but it was my responsibility to get help when I was having a hard time coping. I should have never let things get as bad as they did. It was unhealthy for me to rely on someone like that. I still feel that way sometimes, like I rely on Dalton too much, but since he left I feel okay.

I miss Dalton like crazy, but it has not broken me. He has been better about calling every night. It feels good to have a routine. After having a huge argument about his dishonesty, and my lack of trust in him now, we have kept conversations light. We talk about the boys, and he always ends the call by reminding me to check the mail. Nothing from him has arrived yet, but I almost wish it would so I won’t have to worry if he’s serious or not.

Dalton calls the boys every morning. I get to talk to him briefly, but I let the boys monopolize most of that time with him. After their daily phone call, we are usually off to school, and I return home to have coffee with Striker. He really is the same guy that I always remembered. The one who loved me, laughed with me, and waited for me.

“So are you ready for your surgery tomorrow?” Striker asks then raises his mug to his lips.

“No, I’m not.” I place my cup down and stare into it.

“You’ll be fine, Rea. I’ve made arrangements with the jobs I’m running right now, so that everything is taken care of. I’ll be able to help you with whatever you need. Plus it’s your left hand, so it won’t be as bad as it could be.”

I look up to him with annoyance. “How am I going to wash and do my hair?”

“Well, I don’t know. I didn’t think about that, but you’ll figure it out. I won’t let you go around with dirty hair, especially since I’m the one who has to live with you, right now.” He wrinkles his nose in disgust.

“Oh, whatever. I know I’ll be fine. I guess I’m a little freaked out about being put under anesthesia. Once it’s over and I’m back home I’ll be fine.” I walk over to the sink and set down my mug.

“Alright, well, I have to head out, but I promise everything will be fine. You will make it through okay. The boys and I are here to help once you’re home.”

“I appreciate it, Striker. I guess it’s just weird to go through this with Dalton out of town. I’ve always had him to rely on. I know I’m not alone though, so again, thanks.”

Striker walks over and places a quick kiss on my forehead. “No problem, Rea. See you tonight.”

*****

The next day we arrive home around two in the afternoon. All I want is to head to bed. All the meds have me a little loopy. Striker helps me up to my room and lets me get settled, before heading downstairs to do a little office work until he leaves to pick up the boys. I lie there for a few minutes, dozing in and out, and then realize I need to call Dalt.

He answers after one ring. “My sweet Rea, how are you, baby? I hate that I’m not there with you.”

“Mmmmm. I’m doing good, babe. Still pretty doped up and in need of some sleep, but my hand feels fine right now. The doctors said things went well.” I snuggled deeper into my bed and let my eyes drift closed.

“Good, baby, I’m glad. Striker kept me updated, but I was dying to hear from you. I’ve had a rough day not being there with you.”

“I know this is probably hard on you. I felt terrible when you had a stomach bug and couldn’t be with you. Striker is handling everything though, so no need to worry. Today, I’m just going to sleep off these drugs and hopefully feel better tomorrow.”

“It makes me feel worse knowing that you have to rely on him to help care for you guys. This wasn’t in my plan when I decided to leave.”

“Don’t beat yourself up. We’re okay, and Riley is going to stop by to help me with things too.”

Dalton laughs softly into the phone. “Good luck with that. You may not be able to pull her away from Striker long enough to help you out. You know how she is. Maybe you should warn him before she comes over, and he can leave for a while.”

“Shit,” I whisper.

“Just warn him, please. The last thing he needs is to welcome that drama into his life.”

I never thought about that. Riley has no clue about my past with Striker. There is no way that I can sit here and watch her fawn all over him. We have been able to find a common ground, but that doesn’t mean it’s not hard being around him sometimes. If she tries to get her hands on him, I know that jealousy will show its ugly face.

God that sounds so unfair, but I can feel it already. I’m on the phone with my husband and becoming jealous of another man.

“Yeah, that would not be good. I don’t want to be in the middle of that catastrophe.”

“Well, baby, get some rest and call me when you have some more energy. I can hear how tired you are. Thanks for calling me, so I know you’re okay.”

“I love you, Dalt. I miss you and can’t wait until you come home to us.”

“Rest well, baby.”

No sooner than we disconnect, I fall into a deep sleep, waking hours later when the sun is down and the house is quiet. I roll over in bed to check the time. Wow, it’s quarter of nine at night. I slept way longer than I thought I would, but I feel pretty good, except for the throbbing in my finger. I need to get to the kitchen, so I can get a drink and take some more pain medicine.