Fractured (24 page)

In classes I turn things over in my mind. So after all my hardened resolutions – my commitment to do
anything
– has Nico found a way out for me? He cares. He doesn’t want to hurt me, he believed me when I said Mum doesn’t support the Lorders. He’s finding another way.

At the end of the day Jazz drives Amy and me to Mac’s – a visit planned earlier this week. I’d forgotten it with everything else. The promised meeting with Aiden so he can update me on Ben.

When Jazz and Amy go for a walk, I find Aiden in the back room.

He doesn’t say a word, just looks at me with his intense blue eyes, until I blink, turn away. ‘What is it?’ I ask.

‘I didn’t want to leave this. I wanted to tell you straight away. Yet now that you are in front of me, it’s hard.’

‘Has something happened to Ben?’ I say, panic suddenly filling inside.

‘No. Not as far as I know. But I’ve been looking into the boarding school he’s at. It doesn’t exist.’

‘What do you mean? We saw it.’

‘It is physically there. But if you look at the usual places schools exist, it doesn’t. It isn’t in any of the county or country educational databases. There is no information on it in any official channels.’

That stress on ‘official’. ‘What about unofficial?’

He hesitates. ‘This is more guesswork and rumour than anything else.’

‘Go on.’

‘All right. There may be some connection between that school and Lorders. You know how we saw agents at the training field? That wasn’t just some weird coincidence. They have a presence in that school.’

‘There are Lorders in my school sometimes, too. They go to Assembly, and seem to have an office there.’

‘Not like that. They are always about the place, and not just a few of them. The rumour is that there are some sort of experiments and training happening there, something new. And the students: there is something different about them as a group. They’re not your average mix. All of them: fit, healthy, tall. Athletic or with other skills that make them stand out.’

‘What are you saying?’

‘I don’t really know. We’re curious to find out more if we can. But one thing I do know: it is far too dangerous for you to see Ben.’

I cross my arms and stare into space. Aiden pulls me close, a comforting arm across my shoulders. ‘You don’t seem as upset as I expected you to be.’

So many secrets: when is it right to share? I slump forward, head in hands, and sigh. ‘There is a reason for that.’

‘What is it?’

I straighten and face Aiden. Face the truth.

‘I’ve already been to see him.’

‘You
what
?’

‘You know that canal we crossed in the van near the training field? I saw it out the back window. And somehow, I just knew: the Ben I knew would run there, early in the mornings. And he does.’

Aiden’s jaw drops. ‘Are you completely crazy?’

‘Nothing happened to me, did it?’

‘That isn’t the point.’ And Aiden looks angry, really angry. ‘I told you to wait until we found out more.’

‘You’re not my boss,’ I snap, then regret it. ‘I’m sorry. I couldn’t wait.’

He pauses, gathers himself. Studies my face. ‘I take it this wasn’t a happy reunion, then,’ he says.

‘No. He didn’t know me. Not at all. At the time I thought he must have been re-Slated, though he is too old.’

‘At the time? What did you think after?’

‘I don’t know. It wasn’t right for that. For a start, I still knew him, what he is like, didn’t I? That he’d run there in the morning. And he wasn’t like a new Slated. Not all smiley and dopey. He was more…distant. Not like a Slated at all.’

‘Interesting. Did he have a Levo?’

‘His sleeves were too long to tell. What do you make of it?’

‘Well, a few things: he isn’t a prisoner there, is he? He is trusted to come and go, or he wouldn’t be running in the early morning alone.’

True. I cling onto that bit of good news.

‘And they are doing something else. Not Slating. Or at least, not as we know it. But to what purpose?’

He grips my hands, stares into my eyes. ‘Promise me, Kyla, that you will keep away from him. For now, at least. I’ll see what else we can find out.’

‘But—’

‘No buts. It is far too dangerous to go there with that degree of Lorder presence. I don’t want anything to happen to you. Neither would the Ben we knew.’

Ben: subject of some unknown Lorder experiment. He doesn’t remember me. At least he seemed fit, well. Not Slated-happy, but not miserable. Despite Coulson’s threat, they’re not likely to do anything to him because of me, are they? No matter how cruel, Lorders are rational. They won’t ruin an experiment just to get at me. He doesn’t know I know where Ben is: he could just tell me some other tale, and expect me to believe it. But there is nothing to gain by going to see him again. He still won’t know me.

‘All right,’ I say. ‘I promise.’

But no matter that logic tells me Ben is safe, at least for now, everything inside screams in fear for him. Who knows what is happening or is going to happen to him there?

Dr Lysander might know, or be able to find out. I’m meeting her tomorrow, our usual hospital appointment. But will she tell me?

CHAPTER THIRTY FIVE

The same Lorder stands guard outside Dr Lysander’s office while I wait. He stares straight ahead, expression blank. Whatever possessed him to wink at me the last time has clearly gone.

‘Come,’ Dr Lysander calls, and I escape inside, shut the door.

She watches me walk across the room, sit down. Her hands are folded in front of her, the computer shut. Something is up.
Danger
.

I swallow.

‘Good morning, Kyla,’ she says, finally. ‘How are you today?’

‘Fine. And you?’

She pauses. ‘I’m well, thank you. But I realised something after our last meeting. We’ve been playing cat and mouse, you and I.’

‘Am I the cat or the mouse?’ I quip, before sense can stop me.

‘You should be the mouse, but sometimes I’m not so sure. I want some answers, Kyla.’

‘I have questions, too.’

Annoyance wars with curiosity on her face. ‘All right,’ she says at last. ‘You ask one, and I will answer it; then it will be your turn. Deal?’

‘Deal,’ I say, though caution says it would be better for her to go first. I search for the words.

‘Well?’

‘You remember Ben: Ben Nix. My friend,’ I say, and she inclines her head slightly. ‘I want to know what happened to him. Where he is now.’

‘I’ve already told you, I don’t know.’

‘You knew he cut off his Levo; you said so. You must know something.’

‘You knew also, and I never asked you about that. But as far as what happened to him afterwards, I looked at the time: that information wasn’t on our system.’ She sighs. ‘Look, I’ll prove it, all right?’

She opens her computer. ‘Come round, and you shall see with your own eyes. Surname Nix, did you say?’

I nod. She taps ‘Ben Nix’ into the search box.

Nil return.

‘Perhaps he was a Benjamin.’ She tries that: nil return.

‘I don’t understand.’ She frowns, then her face clears. ‘He will be in your notes. Yes. I cross-referenced him under your friends and family listings.’ She switches screens. ‘Yes, here is his number.’ She taps at the screen again.

Nil return.

Her face flickers between anger and something else. She closes the computer.

‘What is it?’ I ask.

She sits back, takes her glasses off, rubs her eyes. She looks different without them – they are harsh, heavy black frames. Her eyes without the lens magnification look tired, more human. She puts them back on.

‘He must have been deleted.’

‘What does that mean? Is he…’

‘Is he dead? I don’t know. Merely dying isn’t enough to delete you from these records, Kyla. Even I haven’t got clearance to delete a record from the system. No one at the hospital can, not even the Board. I can create new patient files, update them, edit them, but not delete them. It is against every rule. Yet it is like he never existed.’

‘Who could do that?’

‘Nameless faces, with…’ She stops. ‘Are you the cat, am I the mouse? Enough of your questions. You can see I have answered you, as much as I can, and told you things I should not. It is your turn. Tell me: have you had any more memories come back?’ She leans forward, face still carefully detached, but behind it is eagerness, curiosity.

There is part of me that longs to tell her everything. She could see what has happened to me, explain it. But
danger.
No one can know. I’m on the Lorder radar: who knows if they listen?

And my eyes are looking, searching about the room. There could be listening devices in here, hidden anywhere.

‘What is it?’

‘Not here. I can’t talk about it here. I don’t feel safe.’

‘I can assure you, this room is not monitored. It would be a complete breach of doctor-patient confidentiality.’

‘Is that a bigger rule to break than deleting a patient record?’

She half opens her mouth, closes it again. Thinks a moment.

She writes on a slip of paper, then hands it across:
meet me 9 am on Tuesday
it says. A bridleway near my school is marked on a rough map sketched underneath.

With so many reasons to say
no
I clutch the paper in my hand. Nod.

‘Can you ride?’ she asks.

‘Yes,’ I say, the word out before I even know if it is true. And it is. There is a flash of memory, horses running across a field. Jumping a low fence: like flying!

‘What is it, Kyla?’

‘I remember,’ I whisper. ‘A horse. Black and white. We could fly!’

And her eyes hunger to know, to know everything. To see what went wrong inside my head.

But if her curiosity is satisfied, what then?

Once home from the hospital I stare at Nico’s envelope in my room, willing it to reveal its secrets.

I could open it; see what is inside. I shove it in my pocket and head downstairs.

‘I’m going to Cam’s,’ I announce, put shoes on, and open the door.

I step out, pause, and stick my head back in. ‘Mum?’ I call.

‘What?’ She comes into the hall.

‘This was stuck in the door. It’s got your name on it.’ I hold out Nico’s envelope, not hidden where Mum could find it alone as instructed. But I have to know. What is in it, what is her reaction?

She frowns, takes it. Tears it open and pulls out a sheet of paper. Scans it and her eyes widen. A sharp intake of breath.

‘What is it?’

‘Nothing important,’ she lies, and shoves it in her pocket.

I stare back at her, disbelieving, and for a second her eyes relent, there is indecision there. She is on the verge of telling me something, whether the truth or some other story. There are so many secrets between us. Will she open up? If she does, will I?

Rat-a-tat-tat
.

We both jump.

Mum opens the door. ‘Cam, hi. Come in.’

He steps in, looks between us as if he senses something is up.

‘Great minds think alike,’ I say. ‘I was just about to come over to see if you want to go for a walk?’

‘Sure,’ Cam says. ‘But first I’ve got a question. What should I wear to this thing on AMD?’ Mum and I both look at him, surprised, and he looks between us. ‘Uh-oh, he didn’t tell you, did he?’

‘Who? Tell us what?’ I ask.

‘Your dad. He asked if I want to come along to this ceremony thing with you, so I can take you home before the dinner.’

My eyes widen with alarm; I fight not to show it. No, Cam! Don’t be there. Who knows what will happen?

‘But if you don’t want me to come…’

Mum jumps in. ‘No, of course we do, Cam. That’s a good idea! Just didn’t know, that’s all. Suit and tie needed, I’m afraid.’

And I make the right sort of sounds, and try to make it convincing. While thinking what can I say to make him
not
come, once we’re alone.

‘Time we head out for a walk,’ I say. ‘Before it gets dark.’

‘Cam, a question before you go,’ Mum says. ‘Have you seen anybody out front of our house today?’

His eyes flick to me, back to her. ‘Don’t think so. Just Kyla coming out then going back in a moment ago. Why?’

‘No reason. Go on, you two.’

We walk up the footpath above the village. I look at Cam sideways. ‘You don’t want to come to this stupid ceremony at Chequers.’

‘Sure I do! A chance to get all dressed up, and rub shoulders with the great and the good. What’s not to like?’

‘It’s going to be
really
boring.’

‘Probably!’ He grins, and winks. ‘But you’ll be there.’

‘Cut the lines, bonehead. It’ll be speeches, politicians. Lorders everywhere. If there was any way I could get out of it, I would.’

‘That is why I’m going. So I can whisk you away after. So no buts.’

We reach the top lookout, and with Cam there, demons are exorcised. He does a Tarzan impression swinging off the side of a tree, and I laugh, standing in late afternoon sunshine. The sun is low in the sky; soon it will be dark. I shiver.

‘Come on, we best start back,’ I say, and he follows as I head down the path.

‘So,’ he says. ‘Are you going to tell me what is going on with you? It’s obvious
something
is on your mind.’

‘Nothing.’

‘Don’t take me for an idiot.’

‘I don’t,’ I say. Shrug, hesitate. ‘It’s just the usual.’

‘The usual and mysterious?’

‘Pretty much.’

He holds my hand on the way down. Says goodbye out front. Adds, in a low voice, that if I ever need a friend to talk to, he is there.

But I can’t put him in danger like that.

CHAPTER THIRTY SIX

Nico pulls up at the back of a pub. We get out of his car and he knocks on the back door; it opens. We walk through a kitchen, then connecting rooms. The building is old, very – thatched roof, uneven floors, strange nooks and crannies in higgledy rooms. There are faint voices, people, to the front of the building. A back room with a few mismatched tables and chairs is empty. There is another door at the back of it: Nico opens it to reveal a small storage room.

‘In you get,’ he says.