Four Summers (11 page)

He balls his hand in a fist and even though my parents will freak, I’m not about to let him hit me. I’ve been in enough fights this year to promise I can come out on top.

“Alec!”

We both freeze at the sound of her voice. I turn toward the office and she’s standing on the porch. For a second I feel like someone has knocked the breath out of me. Her hair is longer. It’s kind of whipping around her head in the breeze. She looks a little curvier. Not big or anything, but last year she looked even younger than she was. Now? Not so much.

The first thing I wonder is if she’s still wearing the necklace. If she has the star that matches the one in my pocket. It got ripped off in a fight this year and it took me forever to get a new clasp on it, but it’s there now and even though I don’t wear it, I keep it.

The second thing is she dresses the same and it’s almost like some of the weight slides off my chest. She’s still in cut-off shorts. Still wearing a tank top and it reminds me of our nights last year when everything was easier.

“Alec!” she calls again, but doesn’t look at me. She crosses her arms and I smirk. Damn, I missed her.

“Go ahead. I got this,” I tell Alec, but my eyes don’t leave Charlotte. Alec doesn’t need to be told twice. He jogs off toward Charlotte who waits for him. I watch them, tightness taking hold of my chest. All the shit that I’ve been through this year, I didn’t realize it, but somehow I thought things would get better when I got here.

Look at me.
I feel like such a pussy for silently begging her to turn back, but I need someone to see
me
and not the one whose family had to uproot their lives for, or the guy who would have gotten himself in that kind of situation in the first place, the nark who ratted out his friends when they were just having a good time.

Alec gets to her on the porch and wraps an arm around her shoulder. The tightness in me spreads and I tell myself it’s just because she’s my friend and I think he’ll hold her back.

Alec turns her so her back is to me and they start to walk away. It’s not until they get to the far side of the building, just about to go around the corner, that she glances over her shoulder and her eyes find mine.

Somehow, just that one look, makes it so I can breathe again.

Brandon and I unpack all our stuff in our room. Mom and Dad went to town, but they said they want us to all go to the Bash tonight. I forgot about that from last year, though we must have come a day later this year since it’s tonight. It was the night I saw Charlotte sneak off and I followed her. I’m surprised she didn’t think I was a creeper. Hell, maybe I was. It’s not like I make it a habit to follow girls at night, but I’d noticed her that day. How she kind of always looked like she was on the outside looking in. Not really that people treated her that way, but she felt it. The way she would step out of the circle or how many times her eyes darted toward the sky.

It was like she’d been in on a secret that no one else could begin to fathom. She looked lonely, carrying that secret on her shoulders, and I wanted to be the one to discover what it was.

I look over at my brother lying on his bed. He’s tossing his football up and down in the air and I wonder what it would be like to love something the way he loves football. Yeah, I like baseball, but
like
is the key word. I don’t love it. Brandon deals with school because he has to in order to play ball. I actually don’t mind school and work to be good at it.

“You find out about Alec and your girl?” he asks.

I shake my head. “She’s not my girl. But, no, I didn’t find out.” He said she was his best friend, so maybe that means they aren’t together. I roll over so my back is to him, hoping it will make him shut up. I don’t feel like talking about Charlotte, Alec, or anything else.

It does the job and Brandon doesn’t say anything else. Pretty soon our parents are home and they’re telling us it’s time to get ready to go. It’s not like it takes that long so Brandon and I are ready in about five minutes. My brother looks nervous, making me wonder why the hell he’s so sketched out to see Sadie. She can’t be that bad.

Grabbing my iPod off the bed, I stick the buds in my ears before dropping the iPod into my pocket.

“Nate, you don’t have to bring that thing, do you?” Mom asks.

Yeah. Yeah, I really do. “It’s not on,” I tell her, but that doesn’t mean it won’t be really soon.

It’s almost dark when we go outside and everything is decorated just like it was last year with a small dance floor right in the middle of the sand surrounding the lake. There are tiki torches, white Christmas lights, only this year a DJ is playing instead of a band.

“You guys hungry?” Dad asks.

The barbeque smells good, but I’m not really in the mood to eat. “I’m good.”

Mom and Dad shrug, and then wander off in search of food from the row of grills. The cabins line a circular driveway, with the office-slash-store directly across from 3B. To our left are the boats and lake, and behinds us, nothing but trees.

I sit on the stairs of the porch and my brother does the same. Crap, what is this? Usually we’re doing our own thing.

“I really wish we didn’t come back here,” he says. Brandon’s seventeen. Our parents thought about letting him stay home, but didn’t. They probably would have come home to the house burned down if they had.

Since I don’t really know what to say, I don’t say anything. Part of me wishes the same thing, but it feels good to be here, too. Mixed emotions.

“You’re trippin’ out.”

“Fuck off,” he replies.

We sit there while the party goes on around us. So far Charlotte and Alec are both missing. Sadie comes out not long after and I see her eyes shoot right to my brother. Shoot is the perfect word because she looks as though she wants to murder him.

It’s not until I see her that I remember what Charlotte told me last year. That her mom wanted to leave and take Sadie with her, leaving Charlotte behind with her dad. I’m glad they didn’t go, but it pisses me off that she could even think to do something like that when Charlotte wants out too.

Brandon shifts and watches still hot as ever Sadie as she heads over to the group of people about our age. This tall guy grabs her hand. Sadie looks over her shoulder and the smile on her face is nothing but smug. Yeah, she definitely has something to prove.

“What went down with you guys?” I ask. When we’d come home I just assumed he was still talking to her the way I continued to speak to Charlotte. It wasn’t like they would stay together. We hadn’t planned to come back. Plus they were sixteen and nine months apart is a whole hell of a long time, but I figured they were still cool.

Brandon shrugs. “I kind of didn’t call her or anything.”

My brother is a fucking idiot. Not that I didn’t end up doing the same thing to Charlotte, but it was different. I hadn’t been having sex with her. Plus, I was talking to her until everything went down.

“Did she call you?”

“Didn’t answer.”

“Are you shitting me?”

He just shakes his head. It’s going to be a long summer.

I don’t leave the porch when Charlotte comes out, Alec right by her side. They aren’t holding hands or anything, but I can’t help but wonder if they usually are. If she wants to be. Maybe she’s changed and this is what she wants, and she and Alec will end up together, running The Village one day like everyone expects they will.

I shake my head. No, not her. Not that there’s anything wrong with it, but it’s not her dream.

Last year I would have just walked up to her. Found my way to the middle of their group or by her side and cracked a joke or whispered something in her ear. Anything just to be a part of the group because it was easy for me.

This year, I don’t do that.

All their friends laugh and talk. They dance some of the time and Charlotte dances with Alec. Her dad steals her away to help him every once in a while and she leaves her friends to do whatever he needs, like always.

He never asks Sadie.

My hands tighten into fists. It’s shitty that it’s like that for her.

I turn my music on and Brandon throws his football to himself.

Yet again, I feel this crazy, unexplainable pull to her. Questions swim around in my brain and I wonder if she still likes stars or if her feelings for Alec have changed or if she’s still scared of her mom and Sadie leaving her behind.

Even though I know I shouldn’t do it, I can’t stop myself from pushing to my feet. Then, turn off my music.

“Where you going?” Brandon asks, but I don’t answer.

I feel my brother step up behind me and I’m pretty sure he thinks I’m about to do something stupid so he’s here to have my back. Maybe it isn't the smartest decision, but I’m still going and don’t stop until I walk right up to their friends.

“Hey! What’s up?” a guy with a shaved head asks. We all played night games and some football with him last year, but I don’t remember his name.

I pull the hear buds out of my ear and shove them into my pocket.

Everyone’s saying hi. Sadie is giving Brandon the evil eye and he isn't so much as looking at her. Alec’s jaw is tight and I see him step closer to Charlotte. Is it just me or did she move away?

I want to ask her to leave with me. To go to our spot so I can talk to her, but I know Alec won’t let her go and that just pisses me off more.

“Can I talk to you?” I ask her. She still has those few freckles on her cheeks and her skin blotches red. I wonder why she’s embarrassed.

“We’re busy, man,” Alec says.

“She knows how to answer for herself.”

I feel a little guilty but he’s been an asshole to me since the first time we met. I’m not stupid. I know he’s never liked me.

Alec takes a step toward me, but Charlotte grabs his arm. I study her holding him for a second, before I pry my eyes away to look into hers. What am I doing? I don’t know. I want to talk to her. It doesn’t feel right to be here if I can’t talk to her.

“I just want to talk, Charlotte. Dance with me.”

Her eyes go wide and she gasps quietly. I wonder if it’s because I called her Charlotte or because we’ve never danced. Or maybe it’s none of those reasons at all. Maybe she hates me.

I hold out my hand and try to plead with my eyes.
I just need to talk. I’m sorry.
A girl giggles, but I ignore it. Sadie huffs, but that doesn’t matter either. She looks at me as though she expects me to turn away. Like she’s not worth holding my hand out to her and I wonder why no one pays her more attention. When I don’t turn away, she places her hand in mine. Her fingers quake gently and it reminds me of how her lips trembled when I kissed her.

Alec curses and we walk away. I don’t go to the dance floor, but not too far away either. Off to the side of the party, close to the same stretch of beach she walked down that first night we really talked.

They’re playing a slow song and I pull her to me. My arms wrap around her waist and hers around my neck. People are all around us, some I recognize from last year and others are probably new guests. We’re silent as we move together. This is the quietest my thoughts have been in months.

I want to tell her what happened. That I’m sorry. That I’m a jerk and she really is my best friend and I shouldn’t have turned my back on her.

I want to know how things have been here for here. Like if she’s told her parents she wants to leave one day, Or if she's learned anything new about the stars she can teach me.

What comes out first is, “Are you and Alec…?”

“No.” She answers quickly, honesty in her features.

My muscles relax. I would have felt like a jackass if I asked some other guy’s girlfriend to dance.

I feel her hand knot in the back of my shirt. I don’t understand it, but I’m glad if I’m giving her some kind of support. Someone to lean on.

“I’m a jerk,” I tell her.

“Yeah.”

It feels good to laugh.

We keep moving in a circle. I let my hand move up and down her back and she buries her face in my shirt.

“I missed you, Star Girl.”

She stiffens and I wonder if I went too far. Maybe I shouldn’t have assumed or shouldn’t have pushed, but it’s the truth and I want her to know it. I need her to, so I keep going.