Found by Love (9 page)

"Oh Cash... Quit calling him that! He's never going to know what his name is! It's Hank!"

They both left the house and Caleb and I looked at each other and busted up laughing at their argument that we could still hear from inside the house. It felt good to laugh after the last couple of days and especially after remembering the phone call that I have to make. I feel myself panicking again and Caleb frowned at me and I gave him a fake smile in return.

"I'm just so nervous about making this call. I don't even know what to say to the guy. What if he does want me to head down there immediately? What if Grayson didn't ask about me at all and this guy is just... just... I don't know."

"Claud, calm down okay. You're asking way too many what ifs right now. I'm going to go make us some more coffee and breakfast because I know that you haven't really eaten since breakfast yesterday and after you've calmed down some then you can make your phone call. By then your head should be a little clearer. Just try to relax and lay over here on the couch. Let me take care of you." He grabbed my arm and led me to the couch and made me lay down and then threw a cover over me. He then leaned down and kissed me on the forehead.

"Caleb... I.. I've really been a shit to you for years and I so do not deserve you and I just want to tell you that I'm.. So-"

"Stop whatever you were going to say. Have you ever heard the expression ‘you hurt the ones you love the most’? Well... I always knew you would one day realize how you felt about me but because I'm such a patient man, I never gave up hope and have been waiting very patiently for your walls to crumble down. Now, that being said, we have all the time in the world for you to make it up to me and I so cannot wait."

He leaned down and kissed me softly on the lips ever so gently and winked at me before he  walked into the kitchen. For the first time in months my mind is not only thinking about the biggest mistake of my life by giving my son up for adoption. My thoughts are also about Caleb and how much I plan to make him happy from now on and how I can't wait to see how great we are together as not only friends but lovers as well.

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Four hours later Caleb and I were on Cash's jet flying to a little town outside of San Francisco. The conversation with Mathias didn't go as bad as I thought it was going to go. He has invited us down to stay at his place for the rest of the weekend and informed me that Grayson was already there and was ready to meet his birth mother.

Birth mother... For some reason those two little words always mess with my head. I've loved Grayson from the moment of his existence but I knew in my heart that I wouldn't be able to give him the life that he deserved or be the mother that raised him.

I wish I could have been able to have seen our future because I would have never in a million years given him up and I would have kept him and moved back to Kansas to live with my parents. I know that they would have been embarrassed that I wasn't married and that the father wasn't in the picture but they would have eventually gotten over it by the time I had given birth to him.

I can't go down this winding road because if I do then I will start blaming myself for my brother's death as well. It took me forever to not blame myself for being the reason that he died. I’ve always felt that if I would have just moved back to Kansas, he and Olivia wouldn't have been driving to Oregon to visit me. I looked over at Caleb to try to quit thinking the thoughts that are going on in my head and he's frowning at me. I scrunch my eyes at him silently asking what is wrong.

"You're playing the ‘what if’ game again in your head aren't you. You're going to drive yourself crazy if you don't stop it Claudia."

"I can't help it Caleb. What am I supposed to tell my son when he asks me point blank, face to face, why I gave him up? If I would have just changed schools and not had to go to the best college on the west coast and had put him first then we would all be in Kansas right now. We probably would have spent summer vacations with Derek and Olivia and the kids. Who knows? Maybe my parents would have still been alive to go on the vacations with us.”  I wasn't planning on telling him everything I was thinking about but it was out there and I said it. I looked over at him and he seems irate for some reason. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"It's just. Wow! I knew that you thought very highly of yourself but... Just wow! Let me bow down to you now Queen Claudia." He lowered himself down out of his seat and literally bowed down in front of me. "I had no idea that the decisions you seem to make affect the whole world the way that you seem to think they do."

"Excuse me? How dare you say that to me! I was only telling you what I was thinking and trust me when I say this. It'll be the last damn time I ever do that again!"

I stood up and stormed off to the back of the plane to the bedroom quarters, thankful that I have a place to get away from him before I knock him out. Queen Claudia? Really? No I don't think every decision I make affects the whole freaking world but this one decision that I made could have prevented a lot of terrible things that happened to my family not... Well... Happen.

Even though my immediate family might have come through everything unscathed, it didn’t change the fact that Vanessa still would have died. Cash would have never met and fell in love with Olivia, who resulted in the twins being born and Gideon and Eden finally having a mother to love them unconditionally.  I wouldn't have been given the opportunity to have fallen in love with Caleb and I couldn't imagine my life without him. Oh he's right! As much as I hate to admit it, he's right dammit!!!

I look over at the bed and it looks so comfortable that I crawl on top of it to just try to relax and calm my thoughts. I'll apologize to him when it's time for us to land. I closed my eyes and tried to visualize in my mind how much Grayson has changed this past year. I bet he's grown a few inches and I wonder if he's cut his hair or if they've let it grow out and-

"Claudia?" I jumped up because I was not expecting him as I was so deep in thought.

"Holy shit! You scared the crap out of me and you could have knocked ya know. What do you.... Oh never mind. I'm so sick of fighting with you. You were right about what you said and I'm sorry.  Are you happy now?" I looked up at him and he has a scowl on his face and doesn't look like he's too happy with me at all.

"No, I'm not happy now! I'm tired of fighting with you, too but come on. Use your brain! Do you know how long I've been in love with you?" He waited for me to answer him but all I could do was stare which made him shake his head. "I have been in love with you since I was 18 years old, Cru. Since the very first day I ever laid eyes on you and you never even noticed me whenever I was in the same room with you because to you I was such a scrawny geek back then." I'm at a total loss for words at his confession but I still can't seem to say anything and I can tell that he's getting madder. "It's too late to go back and change things but if you would have told me what was going on when you found out that you were pregnant I would have married you and raised Grayson as my own! So… You have your ‘what if’ games and I have mine and there's nothing that we can do about any of the crazy thoughts we are having because that's NOT WHAT HAPPENED! It wasn't supposed to have happened like that. Everything happens for a reason Claudia. At least that's what I've always believed."

I don't know what to say to any of what he just admitted to me. He's loved me since he was 18? That was when we first met and all of this time he's been in love with me? What a stupid idiot I've been. I walked up to him and he started backing up and was staring at me like I have the plague or something.

"You're right Nerd Boy and I know what an idiot I've been and especially about how I've ignored your affection for me. You know I would have probably laughed in your face if you would have proposed. No... Not probably. I know for a fact that I would have so here's what I propose. Enough of this what if shit! You're right because it's not going to get either of us anywhere. So from here on out it's time to-"

I jerked forward when I felt the bed behind my legs and finally noticed him standing in front of me with nothing but lust and heat in his eyes. He was staring intently at my mouth and then into my eyes letting me know with that one look; exactly what he wanted and I knew that I wanted it just as much as he did. He leaned down and whispered into my ear.

"Time to what Cru? What exactly are you proposing here?"

Tears sprung to my eyes because I feel like all of my walls are completely crumbling down and it's time for me to trust someone other than just myself and time to lean on someone else instead of trying to fix everything on my own.  I turned my head towards the ground but he grabbed my chin and forced me to look at him and I let it all out.

"Time to show you how I really feel about you. Time to just let go and just... FEEL and not guard my heart with lies anymore and to start trusting you because you're Caleb Kingston and not some asshole who just wants sex from me and not some asshole that's going to- "

He shut me up with his lips and leaned me back onto the bed gently. I grabbed onto him and held onto him as tight as I could without breaking away from our kiss. This kiss is more possessive and demanding than this morning’s kiss. I pull him even closer and ran my hand up and under his shirt and felt nothing but flesh and bone and muscle and oh he feels so good! 

I pulled away from him and leaned into his neck and gently bit him on his collar bone and grazed my teeth up and down his neck causing him to moan which turned me on even more. I pulled his shirt up over his head and managed to flip him over onto his back with me straddling him as I slowly grazed my nails down his chest and all the way down to the top of his faded jeans.

"Oh Nerd Boy... Do you know how many times I've wanted to touch you like this when you would walk into the living room wearing nothing but a towel? Or do this?"

I leaned down and gently bit one of his nipples and swirled my tongue around it a couple of times. I could feel his muscles contract under my finger tips that are traveling ever so slowly to the button of his jeans and I grinned at the arousal that is now bulging between my thighs. I looked up into his eyes and I can tell that he’s just as on fire as I am.

"Oh I don't think so. Come here Cruella, we're going to finish where we left off this morning." He pulled me up and flipped me onto my back which about knocked the breath out of me from the rush and excitement of what is about to happen.

"What's wrong Nerd Boy? You're not afraid to let a woman have her way with you are you?" I leaned up and tugged on his bottom lip with my teeth and ran my fingernails down his back to pull him closer to me which has him moaning in my ear. He gave me that cocky grin of his and chuckled under his breath and grabbed both of my hands and raised them over my head and I started bucking underneath him to let me loose.

"Uggghhhh! Would you stop holding my hands up over my head! I want to touch you!" I looked into his face and the animal lust and want that I see in his eyes has me moaning and writhing beneath him as I wrapped both legs around his hips to pull him in closer. He reached between us with his free hand and raised my shirt up and started caressing my stomach and drawing little circles from my navel and all the way up to my breasts and I held my breath and wondered what all he was planning to do to me.

"See... I can get you all ready and excited too Cruella. But here's the deal." He leaned in and nipped at my ear lobe with his teeth and whispered in my ear. "You will not be in control here. I'm in control and I can't wait to feel you lose yourself to me. Do you think you're ready for what I’m about to do to you?"

The heat from his breath against my neck about pushed me over the edge as I try to pull my hands out of his grip but he's not budging which is turning me on so much more. I reached up and shoved my tongue into his mouth, daring him to give in to me.

He pulled away from me and unbuttoned his jeans and slid them off and did the same to mine all one handed. I heard him catch his breath and see that he's staring at my black lace panties and matching bra. I tried to use this to my advantage and to pull my hands out of his wrist but he still won't let go.

"Hot damn Baby! Do you always make sure to match your panties with your bra or is this something special just for me?"

Aww... So he's into lace... I might be able to use this to my advantage. I batted my eyes at him and started grinding my hips against his.

"Come on baby.. I want to touch you. This isn't fair because you're getting to have all of the fun."  

He looked up at me and grinned and shook his head no and is still staring at me while he slides his hand underneath the band of my panties. Oh my god! I think I might come by the way he's looking at me I'm so ready for this. He pulled my panties down and looked at me all naked and wet and waiting and looked into my eyes.

"You're even more beautiful than I ever imagined and oh so ready for me, aren't you Cru. I wish I had more time to spend down here but I don't so I will give you a little kiss for now."

I bucked against him because I wasn't ready for what he did when he parted my lips with his tongue and licked his way up to my swollen nub while pumping me with his finger. What he's doing to me is causing me so much pleasure and pain at the same time and all I want to do is run my fingers through his gorgeous curly blonde locks that are right now between my legs softly grazing the inside of my thighs making me burn all over.