Found (35 page)

“
Stop,”
Xairn roared. The
single word seemed to vibrate in the air and Lauren felt her arms
break into goosebumps.

Lorenzo froze where he was, one leg raised to
take the next step. He looked bizarrely like a kid playing
statues.

“
Come here,”
Xairn ordered
in that same, strange voice.

Lorenzo turned stiffly and came to stand in
front of the larger man. “What?” he asked, his eyes wide. “What the
hell do you want?”

“You and I are going to have a talk.” Xairn
beckoned to him. “Come.” He led the way out of the kitchen and
Lorenzo followed him, moving in a stiff, jerky fashion as though he
was doing something against his will. Something he couldn’t help.
Lauren heard the bell on the front door tinkle as the two of them
left the shop.

She shook her head. What was going on? Why
had Lorenzo obeyed Xairn’s commands like that? Had Xairn compelled
him in some way? Or was it simply some kind of machismo—facing off
against another male and not backing down because it would hurt his
pride?

Whatever the reason, any kind of
confrontation didn’t bode well for Lorenzo. Xairn had looked mad
enough to kill her ex-assistant or at least maim him. Then again,
looking around at the mess in her once pristine kitchen and food
prep area, she was inclined to think Lorenzo deserved a little
maiming.

Suddenly everything seemed to come down on
her at once. In coming back to work, she was trying to get her life
back on track—to get back to normal. But nothing was ever going to
be normal again. Not really. For the first time she began to wonder
if she ought to get some counseling after all. She’d been through a
lot—maybe she hadn’t processed it yet. Maybe she never would.

If only things were going better with Xairn,
what Lorenzo had done might not bother her so much. But nothing was
working and lately she was wondering if he even wanted to be here
with her at all. Maybe he would be happier if she just gave him
back the silver O-ring she was wearing and let him go. You were
supposed to do that, if you loved someone—give them the freedom to
leave. But God, just the thought of it, of Xairn leaving, made her
feel like her heart was being ripped out.

“God, what a mess,” she whispered, and she
wasn’t talking about the trashed kitchen. Putting a hand to her
face, she started to cry, low, wrenching sobs that felt like they
were being pulled from her gut.
Please,
she thought.
Please, I just want to make things all right. But I don’t know
how…

“Lauren?”

Xairn’s deep voice took her by surprise. She
did her best to stop crying and blotted her eyes quickly on her
sleeve before she turned around. “Hi,” she said brightly, trying to
smile. “Where’s Lorenzo? I hope you didn’t break his legs and leave
him in the dumpster.” She was only half kidding—from the look on
Xairn’s face when he took after her former assistant, broken legs
weren’t the worst Lorenzo could expect if he pissed Xairn off.

“I let him go after I extracted a promise
that he will never try to see or talk to you again. He’s lucky he
didn’t harm you or I would have killed him.” Xairn frowned and came
toward her. “Are you injured after all? I heard you crying.”

“Injured? Oh no, no I’m fine.” Lauren sniffed
and tried to smile. “Just a little shaken up, that’s all.”

He shook his head. “It’s more than that, I
can tell.” He held out his arms and then let them drop, helpless to
his sides. “I…I want to comfort you but I’m not sure how to go
about it.”

Lauren looked up at him. “Hold me,” she
whispered, her voice breaking. “If…if you can stand it, I mean. I
just…I need your arms around me now. Please, Xairn.”

“Of course I can stand it,” he said roughly.
Coming forward, he swept her into his arms and held her tight
against his chest. “I love you, Lauren,” he murmured, kissing the
top of her head. “I’m sorry I don’t show it the way I should. I
feel like I’m doing everything wrong but please know that I do love
you.”

“I love you too.” Putting her arms around
him, she buried her face in his broad chest and breathed in the
warm, spicy scent of his skin. God, he always smelled so good, so
perfectly
right
, somehow. It was as though the deep,
masculine musk he exuded was part of her—just smelling it could
make her feel better.

Xairn held her for a long time and she
reveled in the feeling of being close to him for the first time in
ages. A few more tears leaked down her cheeks but they were more
tears of exhaustion than anything else. She’d been up all night
analyzing their relationship and now she had a huge mess to clean
up. Lauren sighed.
Well, no time like the present.

Reluctantly, she disengaged herself from his
embrace. “Thanks but I think I’d better get to work now. I’ve got a
hell of a mess to clean up before I can even
think
about
making any cupcakes.”

Xairn nodded as he let her go. “I’ll
help.”

“You don’t have to,” she protested. “It’s my
shop, I can do it.”

“I want to.” He looked around the kitchen.
“Besides, it won’t be the first time I’ve cleaned. I helped in the
urlich
kennels when I was a boy—you should see the mess that
fifty untrained animals can make in a night. It’s not pretty, I
assure you.”

Lauren gave a little laugh. “Okay, well that
does
kind of put things in perspective.” She reached for the
industrial sized garbage bags she kept in a box on the counter and
tore off one for Xairn and one for herself. “I, uh, have a
question,” she said, looking at him from the corner of her eye as
she shook the bag out.

“Yes?” He copied her motions with his own
bag, found the opening, and began to load it with the flour-covered
trash.

“You were just, uh, holding me pretty close a
minute ago.” Lauren concentrated on filling her own bag as she
talked, almost afraid to look at him as she asked what was on her
mind.

“Yes, and?”

“Well…” She cleared her throat. “In the past
after we’ve been close you had to, uh, excuse yourself.” She risked
a quick glance at him. “But you’re not this time. Why?”

“Are you asking me why holding you didn’t
arouse me?”

“Uh, yeah. I guess.” Lauren looked at him
curiously.

Xairn frowned, his trash bag held open in one
hand. “How could I become aroused? You were in pain, crying. My
instincts were to protect and comfort you—not fuck you.”

“Oh Xairn…” Lauren shook her head, not sure
what to say. “Honey, I know this sounds strange, but that’s one of
the sweetest things you’ve ever said to me. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” He nodded gravely and then
bent to pick up another empty beer can.

“I wonder if the human DNA you got from me is
working in this case?” Lauren said carefully. “I mean, from what
you’ve told me about your people…”

“Yes.” Xairn sounded thoughtful. “A normal
Scourge would have been aroused by your pain. Rather than wishing
to alleviate it, he would have tried to increase it. Of course,
emotional pain and sexual pain aren’t quite the same thing.”

“Sexual pain?” A shiver ran through Lauren.
Part fear and part…something else. “What do you mean?”

“It’s part of the training a female goes
through when she is claimed by a Scourge male.” Xairn suddenly
seemed very busy with cleaning and wouldn’t look at her. “She is
taught to be obedient—to treat her mate as a master to be obeyed at
all costs.”

“And if she doesn’t?” Lauren’s heart was
racing but she didn’t know why.

“She will be punished,” Xairn said in a low
voice. “The punishment takes many forms. Her master might attach
weights to the rings piercing her nipples and pussy—so she is
reminded of her disobedience with every move she makes. Or he might
chain her to the wall and flog her. In severe cases he might employ
the torture of a thousand sighs.”

“The what?” Lauren heard the tremble in her
own voice but she couldn’t seem to stop it. “What’s that?”

“He puts her over his knee and orders her to
spread her thighs.” Xairn’s voice was rough and he still wouldn’t
look at her as he spoke. “He spanks her—she’s already naked so he
has full access to her ass and pussy, of course.”

“Of course,” Lauren murmured, her heart
giving a jump. “Then…then what?”

“He touches her. Pleasures her. Explores her
inner pussy with his fingers until she’s moaning and writhing on
his lap.” Xairn cleared his throat. “Then he spanks her again. He
alternates pain and pleasure—sometimes for hours, never letting her
come. Until…”

“Until what?” Lauren’s breath was coming
short and she felt wet and hot and swollen between her legs for
some reason. God, was Xairn’s description actually turning her on?
But I’m not interested in this kind of stuff,
she told
herself. Apparently she was, though. Or her body was and someone
had forgotten to send her brain the memo because what he was saying
was
definitely
making her hot. “Until what?” she asked
again, realizing that Xairn was just standing there, silent.

He shook his head. “We shouldn’t be talking
about such things.”

“Why not? You can’t leave me hanging like
this,” Lauren protested. “Tell me what he does to her next? How
does the torture of a thousand sighs end?”

“It ends when she calls him ‘Master’ and begs
for his cock deep in her pussy.” Xairn looked at her, his eyes
blazing. “It ends when he fucks her and fills her with his
cum.”

“God.” Lauren put a hand to her heart to
still the racing. “I…I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to speak.” He finished
filling the trash bag and knotted it closed savagely. “Your face
says everything.” He put down the bag. “I’m going to get a
broom.”

“Xairn, wait,” she said but he had already
stalked out of the room, his broad shoulders stiff with
tension.

Lauren was feeling pretty tense herself. Why
did his description of the sexual punishment practiced by his
people turn her on so much? It was along the same lines of what her
boyfriend in college had been interested in but then it had just
seemed silly. With Xairn it seemed…primal somehow. Wild. Intense.
Lauren could almost see herself spread out over his knee, her
panties down around her ankles while he alternately caressed and
spanked her with those big hands…
Stop it,
she told herself
sternly.
Things are hard enough for him as it is. It’s obvious
he’s ashamed of what his people do. I shouldn’t have made him tell
me about it.

Then again, maybe what they really needed to
do was talk about it—all of it. Maybe if they could just talk
things out—

Xairn interrupted her train of thought by
coming back into the room with a broom and dustpan. “You should
probably wipe off the surfaces first to save time,” he said,
nodding at the smears of flour on the stainless steel
countertops.

“Um, yeah. Sure.” Lauren got moving.
Obviously now wasn’t the time to talk. But she still couldn’t get
the image of herself over his knee out of her head.

Xairn cursed himself as they finished
cleaning the food prep area. Why had he told Lauren about the
torture of a thousand sighs? It was clear from the look on her face
how much his descriptions had bothered her. Her breathing had been
uneven and her eyes had been wide and uncertain as he talked.
It
frightens and disgusts her,
he thought, mentally kicking
himself again.
Of course it does. It
should
. Forcing a female to submit in that way,
punishing her—it’s wrong. Cruel.
And though it wasn’t nearly as
brutal as some of the things the Scourge did to their females, the
punishment of a thousand sighs could lead to other things. Worse
things. Things he couldn’t control…

“Hey, lunch break.”

Lauren’s voice broke into his litany of self
recrimination and Xairn looked up to see her watching him. “All
right.” He put down the broom and straightened up. “Is there
anything to eat here?”

She made a face. “I doubt it, unless Lorenzo
and his stoner friends left some old pizza in the fridge. Let’s go
out for lunch—there are tons of little cafes around the Circle.
What do you feel like?”

Xairn shrugged. “It doesn’t matter.”

Lauren rolled her eyes in obvious
exasperation. “I try and I try but you never seem to care
what
you eat.”

“Why should I?” He frowned as they left her
shop walked out into the sunshine. “Food is fuel—nothing more. Why
should I care what it tastes or looks like as long as it nourishes
me?”

“
Because.”
Lauren locked the door and
absently brushed some flour off her blouse. “Just because, okay?
Look there’s an Italian place with nice outdoor seating a few doors
down. Let’s go there.”

“If you like.” He could tell that it bothered
her that he didn’t have a preference for what he ate but he had
never had that luxury before. All his life, growing up on the
Fathership, he was lucky if he got
enough
to eat, never mind
what it was. He had eaten whatever was put in front of him, no
matter how repulsive or bland. Now, though most of the foods she
had introduced him to were tasty, it was hard to allow himself to
like them—his past held him back. Xairn told himself it was
impossible to change the habits of a lifetime in a few weeks,
Or
maybe ever,
whispered a dark part of his brain and he knew he
wasn’t simply thinking about his taste in food.

They were seated at a table along the
sidewalk outside the café and a human female with long brown hair
came up to serve them. Lauren appeared to know her because they
chatted for several minutes before Lauren gave the female their
orders. Just as the waitress was leaving, a skinny canine with
scruffy black fur came bounding up to their table.