Fosters: Blackhawk (24 page)

CJ

Holy shit!  That was beautiful, is
beautiful.  I feel like I'm still floating on air with his
arms wrapped around me.  I don't ever want to move.  I
hold on and relax into him.  I hear a phone and open my
eyes. 

Cloud lays me down and reaches for his pants.
 "Yeah Brother."  He laughs, "thanks." He hangs up
smiling.  "Steve says I jump to the wind too easy and it's
been an hour."  

"Oh my friggin word!  It's been an
hour?  How the heck does he know?"  I'm so friggin
embarrassed and surprised, it's been an hour and we didn't move.
 

He kisses me, "I have no fuckin clue how he
knows and I'm never asking him.  According to my phone it's
been an hour.  I love you my wife.  Making love is as
much spiritual as it is to satisfy our bodies.  I was always
told that, but I feel it every fuckin time with you.  The
spirits connect us in ways the physical world can't, it's beautiful
and only ours."  

"Wow when you say it like that I'm not
embarrassed that Steve knows."  I lift his head and kiss him.
"I'm hungry."  

He laughs and sits me up.  "Then I'll feed
you.  I hope you like me taking care of you because all I want
to do is make everything perfect in your world."  

Oh my God!  "Kate and Jess said that's
exactly what the guys do.  They used the same exact words."
 I wonder if they practice saying shit like that, it feels so
friggin good.

"It must be meant to be.  Come on I want to
feed my wife."  He pulls me out of bed and dresses me in a
shirt and shorts that are new.  I wonder where they came from
but don't ask because he has a beautiful smile on his face. 
He's happy.  I'm not changing that look just for an
answer.

CJ

We spend the morning talking, we hear the noise
outside but ignore it.  At one we walk out the door.
 "They are absolutely batshit crazy."  Cloud barks out a
laugh.  There is a friggin carnival going on with bouncy
houses, food and drink stations, music and even tepees.  I see
Indians in full regalia moving through the crowd. 

We walk to the street and the boys come running
with big smiles.  They all hug us and kiss my cheek. 
Jeremy is smiling so pretty I give him an extra squeeze. "Where's
Joey?"  They point to the teepees.  I see her on a
regular chair smiling at us.  She's in Indian regalia and
Nunánuk is braiding her hair.  The kids walk with us over to
her.  Nunánuk finishes and comes to kiss my cheeks and hug
Cloud.  She goes back to Joey, Jeremy is holding her
hand.  They pull her up and she friggin stands.  I can't
hold the sob back but hold my hand to my mouth.  "My baby can
stand Cloud." Mitch stands behind her putting hand crutches in
front of her.  Joey holds them and moves her leg then the
crutch.  She's fuckin walking.  I don't move tears are
falling unchecked.  I'm squeezing Clouds hand so hard, I'm
surprised he's not screaming.  She's walking!  She makes
it to me and I throw my arms around her.  The crutches fall
but I'm holding her standing up. She's breathing heavy but she did
it.  "You walked to me.  I'm so damn proud of you
Joey.  You walked to me."  

She laughs.  "I needed a new look.  I
like the view from up here."  

Cloud crushes us both, he's laughing. "Fuckin
kids."  

Mitch comes over.  "I don't know what
changed in her but the braces should help her get around without
taxing her system.  I expected that she'd have a long road of
therapy ahead of her but now I think she just needs to get used to
moving her legs.  I'm so happy for all of you. Congratulations
Blackhawks!"  She's bouncing and clapping her hand and robotic
together.  She's so friggin cute I hug her saying a tearful
thank you.  Joey yells thanks too.  Too cute.  Cloud
gets her crutches and hands them to her.  

I look at Jeremy.  He turns to look at me
and smiles like an angel.  I bend and hug him saying thank
you.  Christian comes to me.  "He fixed what he
could.  Steve said it’s what can be fixed."

I hold Jeremy's face in my hands.  "It's
more than enough.  She's walking Jeremy.  You did
that.  Thank you my littlest son."

He jumps on me causing me to fall on my
butt.  I hold on to him.  "Mommy."  Fuck. 

I cry holding him tight.  "Yes baby
always."  A box of tissues appears in front of me.  I
grab one and look up.  Aleena is smiling with her own tears.
 "He talked."  She nods. 

Cloud sits with us pulling us to his lap.
 "He just needed a reason.  My son is wise."  I look
at him, tears are on his cheeks and he’s smiling.  He hugs us
both.  "Just needed a reason baby."  The kids hug us
however they can.  Everyone is laughing.  "Let's do this
standing so Joey can hug us too."  He stands with everyone
holding on laughing.  Setting me down, he holds Joey and we
hug again.  Then everyone is hugging us.  Batshit crazy
feels really fuckin good.  Christian cracks up.  I slap
his arm.  Fuckin kids.

Nunánuk comes to us hugging us then she says
something to Cloud not in English.  He answers her shocking
me.  “Náy, 
yes
.   Wikun pumôtamuwôk
,
Life is good
.”  He’s smiling wiping his face.  Aleena
gives him a tissue making me laugh.  Where does she get all
the friggin boxes of tissues?

Nunánuk smiles at us.  “
Let’s
dance!
  Mutákôtuk!”  The Indians cheer.  A group
is sitting in a circle around a big drum.  They all have stick
things and watch Nunánuk.  She says something to Cloud. 
He answers and smiles down at me.  He kisses me and goes to a
tepee. 

Aleena moves closer to me.  “They will do
the
w’sintamuwôkansh, 
wedding
 Mutáhká, 
dance
 for
you with the yáhsháwôkansh 
spirit of
 his
awáhsh, 
hawk
.”  I nod like I got all that. 
Christian laughs.

Nunánuk moves a chair and gestures for the
others to move chairs.  She walks on the side of Joey and
helps her sit.  I can’t get past she’s walking.  I bend
and kiss Jeremy again he pulls me to a seat and sits on the side of
me.  Jacob stands behind him with Brantley and Taylor on the
side of him.  Christian sits on the side of Joey holding her
hand.  I love my kids.  The drum sounds and people
migrate over.  There is a big circle of people waiting. 
Cloud comes out of a tepee looking like a warrior.  A real
friggin Indian warrior with paint on his face and hardly any
clothes on.  He looks extremely virile, all male and I can’t
take my eyes off of him. He has some kind of breast plate and his
bottom half is covered to the knees.  His moccasin boots are
decorated with beads and feathers.  He has leather arm bands
and a headdress of feathers.  Not a full one like you see on
tv but feathers on his head.  Everything he’s wearing is
beaded and looks like real bone.  He’s absolutely
beautiful.  A group of men in similar outfits stands with him
in the center of the circle.  He says something to me
smiling.  “Yo mutah mutu nutah, wipi kutah.” 
  

Nunánuk translates for me, “
This heart is not
mine, but yours
.”  How friggin beautiful, I blow him a
kiss.  The drum beat changes and a high pitched war cry goes
up.  The men are stand looking up at the sky then they start
to move.  It is primal and riveting Jeremy squeezes my hand,
it’s beautiful.  Nunánuk explains it to me; since Cloud’s
guide is a hawk this dance is his guide introducing me to the
spirits as Cloud’s wife.  I’ve never seen anything more
profound in my life.  He does all the steps the other men do
as if they practiced it every day.  The drum beat changes and
the men dance faster.  Nunánuk explains talking loud so others
can hear her. “
The drum calls on the spirits of the
ancestors
, Popowutáhuk huyáw yáhsháwôkansh wuci
ocátôkának.” 

I look at the crowd they’re feeling it
too.  I look back at my beautiful husband; he looks like he’s
somewhere else, in a different time.  I see no one but him
until he stills right in front of me. 
“Kuwômôyush,
 
I love you
.  My guide tells of
our love.  The spirits bless us with a long story.”  I
jump up and kiss him.  People start clapping.  I don’t
care, I don’t let him go. 

He lifts his head when we hear Nunánuk say, “She
loves him, Wômôyáw.”  People start laughing.  Cloud
too.  Nunánuk asks if he’ll do another dance.  He agrees
but says after that he needs a shower; she nods with a big
smile.  She stands and speaks to the crowd.  “
This is
my family
, Nucáhsháyuwôk ayuw yo.  
These are my
children
, Nunicônak ayuwak yok.  
This is my
daughter-in-law
, N’shum ayuw yo, and 
my Warrior
,
Waskitôp.  
Listen to your heart
, Kihtamoq
kutáh!  
Live in peace
, Pumôtamsh
wuyohtiyôkanuk.”

Aleena joins in with other Indian women, they
are all so beautiful.  Their shawls are beautifully beaded in
so many colors.  They all have aqua and navy in them, I wonder
if tribes have specific colors like a baseball team.  We watch
a different dance, the shawls fly as they turn, the men dance
around the women.  They’re happy; it looks like they are
making the women happy.  I watch Cloud smile through the whole
dance.  He jumps and spins in front of Aleena making her
laugh.  When they finish he kisses her cheek.  Everyone
claps so loud.  I whistle and hear the bikers whistle and
holler at the dancers.  Cloud comes to me all sweaty.  I
pull his breast plate and kiss him then I whisper, “I like the
sweaty look.” 

He pulls me to his tepee to laughing and
whistles.  He wipes off while I look around.  There are
drawings on the walls I walk closer looking at everything. 
“This is mine.  She brought it for me to remember my
heritage.  I made it when I was a boy.  My elders helped
me since I didn’t have a father, they made it bigger so I didn’t
feel slighted.  I only remember how proud I was that they all
helped me.  Over the years, during Pow-wows this is where I
slept and changed for the dances.”  I look at
him
, 
my husband with a culture I know nothing
about.  I know he’ll bring this to me and our kids and feel
nothing but proud.  When I tell him he comes to me and lays me
down on a blanket.  “Who I am brought us together.  I am
proud to share that with you and my new family.  I am proud of
each one of you for who you are.  I’m glad you’re proud of me
too.  It’s the start of our story.”  He shows me how much
he loves me. 

Leaving the tepee after however long we were
appreciating each other, not one single person says a word.  I
love it and feel like I see making love different since I met
him.  I would be embarrassed but it's just part of life here.
My ex always made me feel dirty. Why the hell am I thinking of him
when I have Cloud? I shake my head and jump back into now.

We talk with some of the Indians; they name me
some word that means hair of fire. I laugh thinking it works for
me.  Cloud is respected by these men even the older ones show
him that. I’m so proud of him.  We make our way to some food
and sit with Brantley and Taylor.  Pretty soon all the kids
find us.  We’re laughing and talking when we hear Ben on a mic
somewhere. He calls for us to come to the center of the road. 
We walk slowly with Joey. I can’t believe she’s friggin
walking.  When we make it there I notice everyone is
here.  The girls from the City house are standing
together.  I nod to Cindy with a smile.  Ben gives a
speech about serving our community and taking care of what’s
important and how I do that.  I cry.  Friggin Aleena and
her tissues appear.  He keeps going making us laugh about the
real life warrior watching over us with our precious treasures; the
kids.  Then he tells everyone that the adoptions became final
yesterday. He calls each kid up using their new last name. 
They’re all crying and laughing. It’s so friggin special.  He
bends down to Jeremy and puts the mic to his mouth. “Mommy and
Daddy Blackhawk.” The whole crowd goes still; he spoke again! 
Ben calls us up saying we are so stunned that Jeremy can indeed
talk.  Everyone laughs looking at him.  I hug him; Cloud
picks him up thanking him.  Ben introduces the whole Blackhawk
family.  Everyone claps.  He tells us there is an suv in
the garage and the old van was donated to the Senior Center. 
I laugh and cry hugging my kids.  They’re so
excited. 

Danny points out a tent with boxes.  “Those
are gifts for you.  They’re fuckin crazy buddy, good luck with
that.  We had two garage bays filled with boxes.”  He
slaps Cloud on the shoulder and walks away shaking his head. 
I crack up, Batshit Crazy!  People come to us congratulating
and giving hugs to us and the kids.  When the crowd thins we
sit again.  Holy Shit, I need a rest.  The kids take
off.  Joey goes back to Nunánuk.  We watch everyone
having fun, dancing to the band, playing games and talking in
groups. 

Mitch, Jamie, Kevin and Ben come and sit with
us.  “Love the dance Cloud.  You’ve never done that one
at the Pub.”  Mitch says, her eyes are shining.  She’s
always so happy. 

“I was saving it for my wife.”  He squeezes
my hand.  They laugh.

Jamie leans forward.  “How is Joey
walking?  Mitch took her tests to the doctor.  The most
she was going to be capable of was pulling her legs behind her
leaning on a walker.”

“Jeremy healed her.  Like me.”  I pull
my shirt down so they can see my neck.  “A heat moved through
him to me.  When Little Ben and Jessie held his hands it felt
like hot water was zinging through me.  Cloud went to change
the bandage and it was healed.”  I watch them for their
reaction.

Jamie looks at Cloud.  “Christian told me
when I was looking at her thinking it was incredible.  I
didn’t say a word but he was answering everything I was
thinking.”  Cloud nods.  “We have to protect them
Cloud.”