fortuneswheel (59 page)

* * *

The apartment was empty when they arrived. Sensitive to her mood, Kaid suggested that she might prefer to eat there rather than the refectory.
She accepted gratefully, glad to be alone for a few minutes. Settling herself in a chair and dropping her barrier, she tried to sense where Kusac was. She knew he was nearby, but no more than that. Once again he'd blocked the permanent two-way flow of emotions and thoughts, cutting himself off from her. Despite the fact that she'd been doing the same, she felt angry with him.
When Kaid brought the food, she toyed with it, only too aware now of the cause of the nausea she had been experiencing every evening for the last month. It hadn't seemed so bad when she'd been with Vanna and her family. Now, although hungry, she had no stomach for eating.
Suddenly their Link flared into being, sending the Terran girl's fear exploding like a physical blow into her own mind. It lasted only a second and then was gone, to be replaced by the feel of Kusac protecting Raill's fading thoughts from the fear projected by his dying Leska.
She gasped, the tray slipping from her lap onto the floor.
"What is it?" demanded Kaid, at her side in an instant.
"They're dead," she moaned, her mind still wide open through her Link with Kusac to the reactions of those in the IC room. She felt Konis' anguish and realization that his son had come close to the same awful death, and Vanna's helpless anger with the Terrans for allowing the young couple to die. Then, mercifully, it stopped, as Kusac's barrier snapped back up.
She returned to the here and now of their apartment to find Kaid shaking her.
"Who's dead?" he demanded.
"The younglings, Kaid. Raill and Lynn. They couldn't save them," she whispered, no less distraught at their deaths than anyone present in the IC room.
Kaid released her and leaned forward, wiping a tear from her face with his thumb. "I understand," he said gently, "I felt an echo of it, too, but you can't cry for the whole world, Carrie. They're gone now, at peace. Leave them there."
She blinked, looking at him. "What are you, Kaid?" she asked. "Your mind's always so still, too still."
"Someone who's seen a bit more of life than he likes at times," he said with a faint grin, bending to pick up the fallen crockery and food.
"Let me help," she said.
"No, you rest. Leave it to me."

* * *

Kaid stayed with her throughout the evening, but there was still no sign of Kusac. According to the reports first from Meral, then T'Chebbi, he had requested a study room in the guild and was still there.
At last she gave up and retired for the night, curling up in the lonely hollow at the center of the large bed. She pressed her hands against her stomach feeling for any differences, but there were none yet. No roundness, no tiny fluttering movements such as she'd felt from Kikho. Mentally she'd felt nothing either, but then Jayed had said she wouldn't for at least another month. It seemed impossible, unreal, but her body was telling her she was pregnant even though her mind couldn't accept it.
Their child was an impossibility, Vanna had said. So had Kusac. Jayed and his wife Kikho told her she'd been blessed by the Gods. Whatever anyone said, it was there, growing inside her. Like her, it hadn't been consulted as to its wishes. Had they created a monster between them— something neither Terran nor Sholan— a hybrid? She shivered. Fear of what the child would be was uppermost in her mind. Shying away from the problem, she eventually retreated into an uneasy sleep.
Sometime later the door opened, rousing her briefly. Barely awake, she saw Kusac standing framed in the doorway by the light from the main room. He came in, stopping only to take some blankets from a chest at the foot of the bed before leaving again. It hardly registered in her mind before sleep claimed her again.

* * *

She was torn from sleep by an overwhelming sense of horror and panic surging through her.
Kusac!
She leaped out of bed and ran to the door. Wrenching it open, she looked wildly around the room trying to find him, fighting to stop his panic from engulfing her. She missed him at first, then running farther into the room she saw him lying in a tangle of blankets on the settee.
Although deeply asleep, he was twisting and turning restlessly, making low moaning noises.
She rushed over to him, taking hold of his hand to feel if he was feverish. At her touch he began to mutter incoherently, instinctively tightening his grip on her hand, claws pressing into her flesh. Prizing herself free, she put her hands on either side of his forehead, reaching into his mind with hers. He was locked deep into some nightmarish situation beyond her comprehension. Unable to understand it, she called to him, trying to draw him back to wakefulness.
At length he lay still and a shudder passed through him. As his eyes opened, he found himself looking up into her eyes— Sholan eyes. Linked as deeply as they were at that moment, he sensed her fears concerning the child she was carrying, and the knowledge that unlike Sholan females she couldn't control her fertility. He absorbed the facts, filing them away for later and raised his barrier again, this time to protect her from the remnants of his nightmare.
The dream had been a jumble of memories of the time immediately before they'd become lovers when they'd both come too near to death, and what he'd experienced while trying to help Raill and Lynn. Reaching up for her wrists, he pulled her hands away from his face before pushing her aside.
"Get dressed," he said, untangling himself from the blankets and getting to his feet.
Carrie sat there, her face taking on a stunned look. He knew he wasn't thinking straight right now, but the nightmare had only crystallized his fears. There was only one decision he could make, but he hated the feeling that once again circumstances were pressuring him. He'd taken too many safe options of late, trying do the right thing at the right time. Not any more. For good or ill he'd made his decision and now was the time to implement it. He wasn't waiting any longer.
He went over to the desk, switching on the comm and punching in a code. A sleepy Meral answered him.
"Meral, get my aircar round to the front entrance within five minutes," he ordered curtly, breaking the connection. He crossed the room toward the bedroom door, stopping briefly to look back at Carrie.
"I said get dressed," he repeated. "We're going out."
He was aware of her following him into the bedroom, watching him as he searched in the wardrobe. "Wear these," he said, pulling out her rich olive-colored robe and an open over-robe of heavy black wool edged with the purple border of their guild.
Wordlessly, she took them from him and began dressing.
Pulling similar clothing out for himself, Kusac dressed hastily, then left the room, closing the door behind him. Kaid was standing in the center of the room, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.
"Meral said you were planning to leave, Liegen," he said.
"I need you to come with us. You've got about two minutes to get ready," said Kusac, going over to his desk again. He looked up briefly at Kaid. "You'll be pleased with tonight's work," he said dryly as he punched in another number.
Kaid looked at him quizzically before leaving.

* * *

Meral was waiting for them in the aircar when they arrived at the main entrance. Kusac handed Carrie up into the craft, jumping in behind her. Quietly, he gave directions to Meral before joining her in the back.
He could feel Carrie's unhappiness, but he couldn't cope with it yet. There was still too much hurt and anger inside. He'd spent the best part of the day reading Vanna's data, then going to ask her to clarify what he couldn't understand. After that, he'd tried to put his own feelings of fear and anger aside so he could think. It had proved virtually impossible.
Meral slowed the craft, taking it down to land in an enclosed garden lit by wildly flickering torches.
"Stay with the craft," Kusac said curtly to Meral as he got to his feet. Turning to Carrie, he held out his hand to her.
She rose, refusing the hand.
He shrugged and took hers anyway, tightening his grip as she tried to free herself. He led her out of the craft to where a tall Sholan wrapped in a blanket waited for them.
He searched Kusac's face before speaking. "Are you sure this is what you want to do?" he asked, letting go of the blanket to hug him.
Kusac returned the greeting. "Yes, Ghyan. I'm sorry to drag you from your bed at this time of night."
Ghyan nodded, pulling the blanket around himself again. "I understand," he said. He reached out to take Carrie by the hand. "One of these days I'll get the opportunity to meet you properly," he said, tucking her hand round his arm and turning to lead them into the building which loomed darkly behind them. He led them up the steps and through an archway into the interior of the Temple.
Kusac, walking behind with Kaid, hadn't missed the startled look as the Brother realized where they were.
Carrie stopped suddenly. At the far end of the hall, flanked by candles set into tall holders, a massive stone statue loomed. The figure was of a seated Warrior with his weapons laid in front of him at his feet. His face was peaceful, with the attitude of one who has laid aside his cares. In front of him a brazier glowed.
"This isn't the hall from your vision," Ghyan said reassuringly, drawing her onward with him. "All Vartra's temples are like this."
The four of them walked down between the pillars, Carrie's footsteps echoing in the silence. As they approached the statue, Kusac could see the small table to the right of the brazier. On it lay the traditional book, dagger, and bowl of incense cubes.
Ghyan stopped and turned, waiting for Kusac and Kaid. "You know where you are, don't you?" he asked Carrie.
She nodded, looking up at the statue. "The Temple of Vartra," she said. "I didn't realize it was so near the guild."
Kusac joined them. He wanted to let his barrier down, but his emotions were still too confused, too angry for her to share, especially now. "Carrie," he said, gripping her hand tightly for a moment. "Ghyan is a telepath. He'll need to probe your mind for a moment. Don't resist him." He gave her hand to Ghyan.
He waited impatiently until his friend had finished and turned back to him, a look of utter surprise on his face. "It's as you said," he confirmed. "She is indeed expecting your child. In this case my duty is clear. I'll perform the service with pleasure."
Kusac nodded. "Kaid Tallinu," he beckoned him forward, "will witness the life-bonding." He heard Carrie's gasp of shock and turned to her. "It's what you wanted, too, isn't it?" he demanded. "What you Challenged Rala for?"
"Yes, but..."
"Then let's proceed. We've a lot to do tonight. Remember, do what I do." He turned back to Ghyan.
"Wait, Kusac," his friend said. "There's a Challenge?"
"The Life-bond Challenge, yes."
"You know this bonding won't stop the Challenge, don't you?"
"I know, and I also know it may be enough to make Rala cancel the Challenge."
"I can approach Rala and ask her to cancel it," said Ghyan. "She comes to the Temple. She may listen."
"Would you?" asked Kusac, seeing the first ray of hope in the last few hours.
"If Carrie wishes," said Ghyan, looking at her.
She looked at Kusac, then Ghyan, and finally at Kaid. The latter nodded. "Ask," he said.
"Yes, please," she said quietly.
"Do you want to go ahead with the life-bonding now?" Ghyan asked her.
Kusac suddenly found a knot of fear within him as he realized she could be the one to change her mind, not him.
Carrie hesitated, then in the stillness of her own thoughts she heard another mind, a quiet mental voice.
Say yes.
"Yes," she said, with the faintest of smiles.
Kusac realized he'd started to breathe again.
Ghyan nodded. "In that case, I'll perform the ceremony." Turning to Kusac, he asked, "Have you got the bracelets?"
Kusac took a package from his robe, handing it to him.
Ghyan unwrapped them, laying the bronze bracelets on the table by the book. "Given the hour, and the informality of our gathering, I'm sure we'd all prefer a short ceremony," he said with a smile, holding out his hands to them both.
"Give him your right hand," said Kusac, putting his in Ghyan's right palm.
Carrie put hers in Ghyan's left hand, palm up like Kusac's.
"Do you both want to be made one, of one blood?" Ghyan asked them.
"Yes," said Kusac, looking at Carrie, his ear tips flicking gently. Doubt concerning the wisdom of getting married now had vanished when he'd realized that she might have refused him.
"Yes," she said.
Kaid took up the knife. Before she had time to react, he'd made a small cut first in her palm, then Kusac's. Ghyan pressed their hands together, letting their mingled blood drip down into the bowl of incense.
"Then you are one," he said, holding their palms together for a moment or two before releasing them.
His palm still smarting, Kusac picked up some of the incense and threw it into the brazier, indicating that Carrie should do the same. As she did, the coals blazed brightly, throwing up a cloud of aromatic smoke.
"As an outward sign of your life-bond, here are your bracelets. Wear them with the blessing of Vartra," said Ghyan, picking up the bracelets and holding them out toward Kusac.
Checking them, Kusac picked one of them up and taking Carrie's right hand in his, he slipped the bracelet on her wrist and pressed it closed until it was a snug fit.
Ghyan turned to Carrie. Hesitantly, Carrie reached for the other bracelet, looking to Kusac for confirmation.
Impassively, he nodded, holding out his hand to her.
She placed the bracelet on his wrist, trying to pinch it closed as he had done.
With a flick of his ears and a wry smile, he did it for her.
"May Vartra grant you peace and happiness," Ghyan said, pulling his blanket back round himself again. "I won't ask for the gift of fertility since He's obviously given you that," he said with a smile. "Now if you and your mate would sign the book, the legalities are over."
Kusac stepped forward and taking up the stylus, scrawled his name with a flourish. He handed it over to Carrie.
She looked searchingly at his face, still unable to read anything of his emotions. Moving toward the table, she bent forward and added her slightly shaky signature under his.
Ghyan took the stylus from her, handing it to Kaid. "We need your signature as witness."
"Certainly," said Kaid as he signed the book.
"Thank you," Kusac said to Ghyan, relief sweeping over him.
"I'm only glad that in the end I was able to help," his friend said. "Let's hope this is the last of your problems. I'll talk to Rala for you. I assume your parents don't yet know."
"That's what I've got to see to next," said Kusac. "We must go. My thanks again."
"Don't leave it so long the next time you come to see me," said Ghyan. "But I will insist on a hug from Carrie." He stepped forward, wrapping his arms around her and laying his cheek alongside hers.
His coldness won't last. He wanted this bonding to you
more than anything. Just have faith in him.
He released her, smiling.
"Remember, both of you, the God has blessed you with this child. Trust in Him and all will be well."
"The Gods' help always costs," said Carrie quietly. "They give you nothing for free."
"Good-bye," said Kusac. "I'll be in touch soon."
"See that you are," his friend said.