Forsaken (4 page)

These
days I was coping better with the loss of half of my family, but I
was struggling with a different loss. As long as I was careful to
limit how much I thought of
him
during the course of a given day, I tended to be okay. It was still
touch and go occasionally, but it seemed like the psychiatrist had
been right for a change. Time and distance was gradually taking off
the edge of having lost Alec.

I
picked up the thread my thoughts had been following earlier and shook
my head slightly as I looked around the bright, open study space. The
girls almost all sported artificial tans and six-hundred-dollar
backpacks, and they had never had to worry about anything more
serious than whether or not they'd get asked to Prom.

Even
before, back when I'd lived in Minneapolis, I still wouldn't have had
anything in common with the kids in this school. After my experiences
in Sanctuary, I almost felt like we were from different species
entirely. There was a world outside these walls where people fought
and died without the local news stations having any idea anything was
happening, and I'd been in it up to my eyeballs for a few short
months.

It
put all of the games that the boys and girls at Brathingford played
into stark perspective. Questions of whose parents were the richest
paled against the fact that I knew there were things that went bump
in the night, things that were all the more terrifying because
they looked just like anyone else.

I
looked back up at my enemy, the self-satisfied digital clock on the
wall, and sighed. It was time to go to my math lecture. Brathingford
heavily utilized recorded lectures to give students the chance to 'go
at their own pace,' but I still had to go to actual classes from time
to time. The concept was actually pretty neat because it meant that
I'd been able to finish up my algebra class way faster than I'd
expected. I just logged onto the intranet, watched a lecture, and
then did the assigned homework problems. Once I'd demonstrated
mastery of a particular concept, the system opened up the next
section for me to watch.

Nearly
all of my classmates were smart, but while some of them took
advantage of the flexibility to learn faster than they could
have, most of them just spent more time
screwing around and less time in lectures.

I
was back to having absolutely no social life since we'd moved, so I
just liked that it meant I could avoid interaction with most of my
peers and teachers more than I could have at another school. I still
had to go to mandatory lectures, though, for whichever unit I was on.
At least the lectures just covered much larger blocks of material and
were more along the lines of a question and answer session where the
students got to ask the teachers about the concepts they were either
struggling with or interested in.

I
also had weekly twenty-minute sessions with a counselor who checked
to make sure that my progress through the various subjects was on
track for me to graduate at the end of my senior year. I figured I
might as well get as much out of the fortune that Mom was spending on
tuition as I could, so I was well ahead of plan in every single
subject.

I
packed up my school-issued electronic tablet, and the coat that just
barely sufficed for a New York winter, and headed off to the
auditorium that had been assigned to my math section for the next
hour and a half. I arrived early enough to get a seat at the back of
the class—more because I wanted a corner to myself where I
could ignore everyone else than for any other reason.

Ten seconds before the lecture started, a flash of movement caught
my eye and I looked up to see Isaac sit down at the front of the
class. His presence in New York was so unexpected that my mind
struggled to accept that it was all real rather than some kind of
hallucination. My thoughts automatically went to Alec and a
flash of vertigo rocked me in my seat.

I
got my systems back under control, but it was a close thing. I'd
already used up too much of my quota of Alec thoughts for the day. I
tore my eyes away from Isaac and focused on my tablet. I already knew
I wouldn't learn anything important from the lecture. My professor
was young, energetic and personable, but he was more flash than fire.
He was capable of answering questions and explaining the concepts in
the units we'd be reviewing today, but he was no Mrs. Campbell.

I
opened up a history quiz that I'd been saving specifically for this
lecture, and started through the questions, but my gaze kept flowing
back up to Isaac. He looked much like I remembered. He was still as
massive as a college lineman and unlike the rest of the students, all
of whom sported only their tablets, he also had a pair of hardback
books on his desk.

I
watched out of the corner of my eye as Isaac blatantly ignored the
lecture, instead spending the time reading from one of the books he'd
brought. I'd suspected for a while that the teachers had been
instructed to give certain students more leeway than the rest of us
as a way of encouraging more donations. Isaac seemed to prove my
theory beyond a shadow of a doubt, and it had the fingerprints of a
certain obscenely rich pack alpha all over it.

I
spent the rest of the lecture debating the best course of action, but
in the end I simply followed Isaac out of the auditorium and into one
of the quiet, smaller study nooks that were scattered around the
sixth floor. A few of the other girls from the class had stopped at
one of the tables closest to the spot Isaac had staked out. They'd
probably made the same deduction I had and were all kinds of excited
about just how much money Isaac represented.

"Hello,
Adri."

I
cocked my head at him and waited for several seconds before sighing.
It was all that I could do to keep my voice to a whisper.

"That's
the best that you can do? 'Hello, Adri.' You show up out of nowhere
and you don't feel the need to explain?"

Isaac
shrugged, obviously unshaken. "I haven't been able to decide how
much you'd really want to know."

"How
about we start with what it is you're doing here?"

"Alec
sent me to watch over you. I guess you could say you've got a
bodyguard again."

Having
someone else say his name was nearly more than I could take. It was
surprising that there was more of an impact when Isaac said it, but
it was undeniable. My breath caught, and for several seconds, it was
all that I could do to fight off the vertigo.

My
inner battle didn't go unnoticed by Isaac. It was almost impossible
to keep secrets around a shape shifter, so Isaac got a front-row seat
as I struggled to hold everything together. Isaac had always been
considerate, though, so he didn't comment on just how broken I still
was. He just waited for me to pull myself together and resume.

"What
if I don't want a bodyguard? What if I'm doing just fine on my own?"

It
was a calculated lie. Hopefully the way that I had phrased things
would throw him off the 'scent' at least a little bit. The truth was
that sometimes I couldn't sleep thinking about all of the things out
there that could kill me.

"I'm
sorry, Adri. I'm afraid I don't have a choice. Al...he didn't
make obedience optional this time around. I'll try very hard to stay
out of your way; but if I don't keep a close eye on you, things will
get very unpleasant for me back home."

I
couldn't tell if I'd succeeded or if he was just being polite and
allowing me my illusions, but there were other questions that I
wanted—no needed—answered.

"How
are the girls? Is Jess dealing okay with everything that happened?"

The
hands that he'd casually set on the table were suddenly gripping the
heavy wooden edges with a force that made the entire table creak
alarmingly. It was so rare to see Isaac in the grip of strong emotion
that I just sat there frozen, unsure of how to proceed.

"Jess...Jessica
is slowly rebuilding her life. She and her father seem to finally be
reconnecting. She's adjusting to pack life, but it hasn't been easy.
There are...pressures there that are hard on even those of us
who remember standing off Brandon's pack together."

If
I was a boy, I probably would have just left well enough alone, but I
couldn't help myself.

"Things
aren't okay between you and her yet then?"

Isaac
shrugged, but the motion wasn't the nonchalant thing it had been a
few minutes ago.

"No,
not really. Every so often there is a glimmer there, but it never
seems to last very long. We fought some vampires a little while ago
and I thought I'd finally broken through to her, but she retreated
back into herself."

The
way he'd just casually mentioned vampires practically blew my mind.
I'd wondered if that legend was also based on fact, but the pack had
been so tight-lipped about everything while I'd been with them that I
knew only barely more than nothing about the rest of the creepy
crawlies out there. I wanted to find out more about the vampires, but
it wasn't the right time for that line of questioning.

"I'm
really sorry to hear that, Isaac. She probably just needs some time."

His
smile was bittersweet, but he changed the subject with such
smoothness that I almost believed that I'd imagined his near
loss of control.

"Rachel
is lonely, no more so than before you came to Sanctuary, but it was
hard for her to transition back to being the only human in the pack.
We got a new girl, Kristin, so Rachel isn't the only human any more,
but Kristin doesn't interact with the rest of us very much. Rachel is
pretty listless a lot of the time. Dom and Jasmin too. Jasmin
hides it better than the other two, but they are all having a hard
time dealing with the demands being placed on everyone."

That
didn't sound very good. Part of me didn't want to ask, didn't want to
know any more than I already knew. It was going to be hard enough
knowing that Rachel was pining away from loneliness. Diving headfirst
into a full knowledge of all of the pack's issues was just going to
make it harder to hold to my resolution. Still, I couldn't stop
myself from asking.

"What
do you mean demands?"

Isaac
took a deep breath. "I'm not sure you want to know that, Adri."

"You're
probably right, but please tell me anyway."

"He's
ordered the pack not to ever say your name, on pain of death, and he
backed it up with an imperative from his beast. Even worse, we have a
stream of challengers headed our way. Jasmin nearly died fighting the
first one, because Alec was hoping that her beating a hybrid would
make the other challengers scared to come up against the rest of us.
He could have intervened before he did, but he waited until the last
possible second to step in and save her."

Isaac
paused for several seconds and then pushed the last bit out in
what was obviously an effort.

"It's
only a matter of time before Dom and Jess get pulled into challenge
matches themselves and everyone in the pack is worried, either for
themselves or for someone they love. Everyone but
him
.
He doesn't seem to feel anything but rage anymore."

It
looked like Isaac was going to say something else, but I raised my
hand and cut him off.

"Thank
you for telling me, Isaac. You're right, though; I can't take any
more right now. I'm really sorry things in the pack have gotten so
bad, but all I can do right now is make it relatively easy for you to
keep an eye on me. At least that way Alec won't punish you when you
finally get called back home."

I
stood to walk away but put one of my hands on his shoulder before I
left.

"It
really is good to see you again. It's hard, even harder than I'd have
expected it to be, but seeing you brings back a lot of good memories,
too."

I
made my way over to another table, one that was still within sight of
Isaac's, but which would afford me some distance so that I wouldn't
have to watch too closely as five or six of the most eligible girls
in the school proceeded to throw themselves at him.

I
knew my thoughts weren't very charitable, but I was already
struggling with larger concerns. Isaac hadn't given me very much
detail behind what was going on, but it was still enough to paint a
picture that was the worst of all worlds, at least as far as I was
concerned.

I'd
left Alec because I'd been convinced that there was no other way to
wake him up to how unjust he was being to the rest of the pack. He'd
let Agony and the rest of the bullies from the Coun'hij kill Alison
and the others, and he'd never even blinked. I'd been convinced he
loved me enough that my leaving would make him realize he was in
danger of losing other things, more important things.

Hearing
that my actions had produced the opposite effect made me want to curl
up in a ball somewhere quiet and just sob for days. I hadn't wanted
to leave Alec; I'd loved him then and I still loved him now, but I
hadn't been willing to sit by and watch him lose his soul to
'necessity.' I'd deprived myself of something I needed almost as
badly as food and water, and he'd gotten worse instead of better.

Yet
again I wondered if I'd made the right decision, but ultimately there
wasn't anything I could do about it now. Him having ordered the rest
of the pack not to talk about me was plenty sign enough. I'd known I
wouldn't be able to go back, but having that simple, terrible fact
confirmed hurt with a searing heat that made it hard to breathe.

Adriana Paige
Upper East Side
Manhattan, New York

I
exchanged cell numbers with Isaac on the ride home. My school was
just a 'short' ride down the number 6 train and then a jog over on
the L line. The relative proximity of the school to Central Park East
had a lot to do with its success when it came to filling its
classrooms with the children of millionaires and billionaires.