Forgotten Truths (The Forgotten Truths Series) (14 page)

I was adjusting the pillows a little more when James came back. He walked over to
the chair at the end of the bed and pulled off a blanket before he came back to the bed. He sat on top of the comforter. Unaware that I was watching him, he leaned back against the pillows and adjusted the blanket over him. I continued to stare at him. I needed to do something to make up for our conversation on the beach so things wouldn’t be so awkward. I had to show him that I still trusted him and that I meant what I said. He raised his arms above his head to stretch, and I took this opportunity to lean into him. I placed my head on his chest and slid my arm across his stomach. I didn’t look up at him after I did this. I hoped that he understood why I’d just done it since I hadn’t fallen asleep yet and I’d only done it after I had been asleep. After what felt like a very long moment, he lowered his arms. He placed one of his hands on my waist, and the other he gently placed on the side of my face. He didn’t try to make me face him, but instead he leaned forward ever so slightly and pressed his lips into my hair. I looked up at him as he rubbed his thumb over my cheek. He smiled at me and then leaned back. He closed his eyes as he rested his head against the top of the pillows he had stacked against the headboard. He moved the hand on my cheek down to my arm, and kept it there the rest of the night.

I couldn’t sleep. My mind kept running over our conversation on the beach. I was very serious about what I had said, and I knew he was, too. The only thing was, what about my father? I couldn’t do this to him. He’d be devastated. But I knew that I didn’t want to be away from James either. I’d have to make him understand that I wasn’t betraying him. I just didn’t know how.

After several hours, James moaned and shifted. He moved the hand on top of my arm onto my hand and curled his fingers around it at first. After a few minutes, he yawned and moved his hand again so that he could rub the back of my hand with the tips of my fingers. I watched them. I wondered how hands so scratched and scarred could be so tender and soft. He started tracing a circle around the middle, which told me he was fully awake. I leaned my head back to look at his face.

“You’re awake?” he asked, clearly a little surprised.

“No. I’m just watching you in my sleep,” I said, trying to sound sarcastic.

The corner of his lip twitched as he fought
a smile. “I mean, obviously you are. But why?”

I moved my head so that I wasn’t looking at him. “I’ve been thinking a lot about some things.”

“Yeah? Like what?”

I sighed. “Everything.”

“I thought you were tired.”

“I am. I’m exhausted. But, I don’t know. I can’t stop thinking about this stuff.”

“Can I do anything?”

I
tilted my head back to see his face. “Being quiet could help.”

He smiled again. “If you want me to be.”

I nestled my head into his shirt. “Your voice is very soothing.”

Instead of replying, he started to hum. I could feel myself start to drift off to sleep. After awhile, he stopped and asked. “How’s that?”

“It was fine until you actually spoke,” I murmured.

“I’m sorry,” he said and I could tell there was
still a smile on his lips as he started to hum, and I finally fell asleep.

Chapter VII

For the next couple of days, we waited for Captain Brown to return. He had said he would be back in only a few days, but it had been almost two weeks. James wasn’t concerned. He told me several times that this was common for Captain Brown. In the mean time, we went into town asking around if anyone had seen someone fitting Mark’s description. We were always answered with a no, but that they’d keep their eyes open for him. I started to feel very unsettled. I knew he was here somewhere and for his own reason, he was hiding. I didn’t take this as good thing. He was planning something, and since I didn’t know if it was good or bad, every time we received a no, I felt my stomach sink.

James asked me if he could start telling people we were going to get married, if only to get Meredith away from him. Every time we had gone into to
wn, I could feel her eyes on us. Several times she even followed us from a distance. But only once did she come up and talk to us, well, James anyway. She ignored my existence as she tried to get James interested in her and get his eyes off me. I knew that was a pointless task because I knew just how often his eyes were on me. I didn’t feel uneasy, and I usually tried to meet his gaze. But sometimes, his gaze was so intense that I couldn’t do it. After the news got around though, she came up to us, not trying to hide the fact that she was glaring at me.

“Hello, Meredith,
” James said politely. He removed his hand from mine and gently slid it around my waist.

“James.” She nodded in his direction, but her full attention was on me. I knew whatever she was going to say was going to be cruel and intended to offend me. She had no idea that I didn’t care what she said, and that if I wanted to I could do some damage to her pretty face.

Sensing what was coming, James slid his hand up to my neck, gently pressing his thumb into the heartbeat on the side of my throat. I knew he did it to remind me to stay calm and that I couldn’t hit her no matter what she said. So I just stared back at her with an innocent expression and waited for whatever it was she had to say to me. I didn’t have to wait long.

“You despicable
, little rat. James was mine before you came here.”

“Actually I wasn’t,
” James said. “I told you that several times, Meredith.”

“And I told you that you’d get over it very soon and would come crawling back to me, begging me to take you.” She glared back at him. Up close, she really wasn’t as pretty as I had originally thought. Then again, it could have just been the expression on her face.

“And look how that turned out,” I said despite my knowing I should have kept quiet.

She turned her attention back to me, ready to throw something else at me when James leaned over and whispered just loud enough for her to hear, “Now, now, Love. We don’t want to flaunt it in front of someone who really wanted to be in your shoes right now.”

She turned back to him with a smile. It was clear that she thought the comment was meant more to scold me than to really boast it in front of her.

“Besides,
” he gave me the smile that was only meant for me, “it isn’t fair to make her think she had any chance compared with you.”

Her eyes went wide as her jaw dropped. She snapped it shut, glared at us both, and then stomped back to the group of women waiting for her. By the way they greeted her, she had been strongly urged not to come over to us and was being
lectured. I couldn’t hide the smile that crept onto my lips, so I buried my face in James’ shoulder. I’d been mean enough to her without having to rub it in any further.

“What’s wrong?” He put his hand on my cheek,
and stepped back enough to see me clearly. When he saw the expression on my face, he rolled his eyes and gently pushed my face back against his shoulder. “Such a good girl for trying to hide your smugness.”

“She deserved it.”

“She did, but at least you acted on your best behavior. May we leave now?”

I lifted my head. “Lead the way.”

We started walking toward where we had left the horses when he asked, “Would you mind just walking back?”

“What about the horses?”

“They’ll walk behind us. But I need to talk to you about something.”

I looked at him. His eyes flicked to me, but then immediately went back to the road. That, and the way his other hand kept twitching, made me think that whatever it was he needed to tell me was not going to be easy for him to say, which also meant that it wasn’t going to be good for me.
We arrived at the horses, untied them and started walking. I had gotten better at riding Buttercup around the stable in the past few weeks. I was able to ride her alone without any problem. She walked slowly behind me, and for the beginning of the trip the only sound was horse hooves on stones.

I peeked over
at James. What was he waiting for? Whatever it was he had to say was starting to make me nervous. What could be so bad that it was making sweat bead around his forehead and make his hand continuously twitch? He glanced down at me and sighed.

“I don’t know how to start.”

“Just tell me.”

“But I don’t even know how to begin.” He looked back down at the road.

“Usually the beginning is a good place.”

“I’m not sure where the beginning is. This isn’t my story to tell, but I
told Captain Brown that I’d talk to you before he came back. Seeing as I’ve put it off for this long, I need to tell you.”

“Whatever it is, just tell me? You’re making me nervous.”

His gaze returned to me. “It’ll only get worse, I promise. But I need you to remember something.”

“What?” I hesitated. W
here was he going with this?

“Please trust and believe me that everything I’m about to tell you is true. I would never lie to you. Do you understand that?”

I slowly nodded. This wasn’t going to go over well, whatever it was.

He looked up at the sky. “Here I go. I’ve told you before that Captain Brown’s wife died, right?”

“Yes. It was awhile ago, like ten years ago or something.”

“Nine actually. And you know that she had William, but what you didn’t know was that she had another child.”

“Okay.” I wasn’t sure what he meant. I hadn’t seen anyone else living in the house.

“It’s been rumored that that child died about eight years ago. The sorrow of losing the child is what actually killed his wife. At least, that was the story I’ve known for so long. It wasn’t until
recently that the rumor mill started again saying that the child was actually alive. That started when people heard that Captain Brown was hiring Captain Taylor to search for her. He had been doing it in secret for years, but someone on Captain Taylor’s ship leaked the news and it got around. I was sent on the last trip, though Captain Brown had never requested me specifically before.”

“So did you find her?”

“I’m getting there, and this is a strange shift in topic, but what do you remember about your past?” He looked down at me.

“Well, I just remember being on my father’s ship.” I couldn’t see what he was getting at.

“About what age though?”

“My earliest memories are probably when I was eight, maybe nine.”

“That’s kind of late to be an earliest memory.” He slowed his walk. “You don’t remember when you were younger?”

I opened my mouth, about to tell him that I wasn’t going to tell him what I could actually remember when I had a sudden flash back to it, one that caused me to drop to the ground. I put my hand on my chest as James immediately dropped to his knees.

“What’s wrong?” he asked as he took my face in his hands.

I couldn’t breathe. This was exactly what I had been trying to avoid for the past ten years. In my flashback, I was in a dark building with brick walls. I felt dried blood on my face and all over my arms.

“Andrea!” James’ shout brought me back to the present. I was sitting on the road on the way back to Captain Brown’s house where I was staying.

“Wh
at is it?” he asked. His thumbs brushed my cheeks. I hadn’t realized I was crying.

“I… I can’t tell you what happened.”

“What do you mean? You just collapsed on the road. What’s wrong?”

I looked at him. “I can’t tell you what I remember before I was eight. I can’t tell you why I don’t let people touch me. I just can’t tell you!”

He leaned back. “Andrea, I was trying to tell you something else. I was in no way trying to trick you into telling me why you don’t let people touch you. It’s just, having an earliest memory at the age of eight is very strange.”

“Well, my earliest memory is a little before then, but don’t make me remember any more of it.” I put my head in my hands. I was getting my breath back, and I could feel my body start to calm down.

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean for any of this to happen.” He helped me to my feet. “Just stand here a moment. Can you do that?”

I nodded but kept
my head in my hands. When I felt his hand on my shoulder, I looked at him. He motioned for me to go over to Buttercup. He knew I wasn’t able to walk the rest of the way to the house. And knowing that I couldn’t ride alone in this frame of mind, he had tied his horse to her saddle so he could ride with me. He helped me up before quickly mounting himself. I leaned back into him, still taking deep breaths with my eyes closed.

“I’m so sorry, Love,” James said again.

I shook my head. “Stop. I’ll be fine. Continue with what you were telling me earlier.”

I felt him shake his head. “I’ll tell you later.”

~~~~~~~***~~~~~~~

T
hat night, I pulled back the blankets on my bed to try to distract myself from James. He was leaning against the doorframe, and I could feel his eyes watching me. I could even sense his disapproval, but I didn’t acknowledge it.

“Are you sure you don’t want me staying in here tonight?” he asked for at least the third time.

“I already said no.” I started to fuss with the pillows. I didn’t want to make eye contact.

“I know. It’s just, I guess I was getting used to it and then suddenly you change your mind, and I don’t understand.”

I sighed. “It has nothing to do with you. It’s completely me. And I need to ask you something else.”

“What?”

“When I start screaming tonight, don’t come in and wake me up.”

I heard him shift in the doorway and
he came a little closer to me. “Why not?”

“I don’t want to hurt you when you try to wake me up.”

“How could you hurt me?” He stood right next to me.

“I don’t know. I just don’t want to take the chance in it.”
I kept fussing with the pillows. I was doing anything to make sure he didn’t see how badly my hands were shaking.

“What is it, Love? There’s something you aren’t telling me and I know it has to do with whatever it was that happened on th
e road today.” He reached down and took my hands off the pillows. When he felt how badly they were shaking, he stepped closer so that he could hold them together against his chest.

I still couldn’t look him in the face when I said, “It does. I know the nightmares will change, and I don’t want to take the chance of hurting you because I know I’ll fight against you.”

He adjusted his hands so that he was holding both of mine in one of his. He reached his free hand toward my face and gently placed it on my cheek. His thumb slid under my chin and tilted it up ever so slightly so that I had to meet his gaze.

“I think I can take the risk. I’d be more than willing to.”

“I know. But I don’t want you to.”

He leaned his forehead against mine. “Let me stay in here at least.”

“No. I don’t want you asking me what I was dreaming about.”

“Who says I will?”

“Because when you see how bad it’ll be, you’ll want to know. If you think the dreams about my father getting killed are bad, then you’ve seen nothing compared to what these will do.”

“How do you know this?”

“Because unlike the ones about my father, I’ve had these before. I know that when I have a flashback like I did, these nightmares will start the moment I fall asleep.”

He slowly leaned back. “You’re going to make this very difficult aren’t you?”

“So long as you promise not to come in, I won’t lock the door.” I tried to smile, but it was so forced that he didn’t believe it for a moment.

“Please let me wake you up…”

I started shaking my head the moment he opened his mouth. “Don’t. Promise me you will not come into my room at all tonight.”

He looked at me closely, and after a few minute
s he sighed. He leaned forward to brush his lips against my forehead as he said, “I promise.”

He left soon after that, and I was able to crawl into bed. I didn’t want to sleep, but I knew after my panic earlier that I would. I was exhausted as it was, but I tried to force myself to stay awake. I wasn’t very successful, and after a few minutes, I fell asleep.