Forgotten (42 page)

Kate really,
really
didn’t want to
talk about it—or even think about it for that matter. It was an
old, bad memory she’d spent years trying to forget. But apparently,
her former self had somehow managed to do just that—or else to get
past it enough to enjoy letting Rone go down on her. How that had
happened, Kate had no idea. But she didn’t want to get into this
now with the big Kindred.

Still, there was a waiting silence in the
air between them—a feeling that Rone wasn’t going to back down from
this. He wanted answers and Kate guessed she couldn’t blame him.
She had allowed the Madam of Shadows to cane her back bloody rather
than allowing the big Kindred to taste her—anyone would want to
know why she would pick the pain over the pleasure.

“
Kate?” he growled softly,
and she knew she was right. He wasn’t going to quit until she
spilled the beans.

“
Fine,” she said, having a
sudden inspiration. “I’ll tell you what—I’ll explain what happened
to make me not want to let you, uh,
taste
me if you’ll tell me about
the
hunger.”

He sighed harshly and she
had a feeling she’d hit a nerve. Well maybe that was a
good
thing. Maybe he
would be so unwilling to talk about his strange secret that he
would let Kate keep hers. But after a moment he spoke, dashing her
hopes of keeping her past hidden.

“
Fine—I’ll tell you,” he
growled. “But you go first—I need to finish healing your
back.”

“
All right.” He had her
and Kate knew it—she had to tell, had to dredge up the awful old
memory like a dead body that had been buried and rotting for years.
Taking a deep breath, she tried to speak in a cold, emotionless
voice, willing herself not to feel as she told Rone her
past.

“
I was a freshman in
college before I ever really dated,” she began, looking down at the
quilt as Rone continued to heal her back. “Part of that was because
of the Knowing—some of the kids could sense it, I think. They knew
somehow that I was different, even though they couldn’t put their
finger on how or why.”

“
It’s the same with me,”
Rone murmured. “Some people can sense the Beast in me. We used to
call them ‘Sensitives’. Most of them picked up my differences
before they were bothered by you, though.”

“
Really?” Kate glanced
back at him.

He nodded. “Uh-huh. My Beast really bothers
the ones that can sense it.” He gave her a lopsided smile. “You
always say I scare the ‘shinola’ out of them.”

“
That sounds like me.” She
gave him a little smile in return. “Anyway, enough people were
bothered in my home town that I got the reputation as being the
‘weird’ kid.’ And it didn’t help that I had to wear this huge, hard
back brace for years after my surgeries either. Looked like a
freaking turtle shell but it went all the way around me.” She
sighed. “So anyway, between that and the Knowing, none of the guys
were exactly knocking down the door to get to me.”

Rone was silent but it was a listening
silence. He’d mostly finished with her back now, but Kate could
still feel him behind her, the warmth of his big body radiating
against her bare skin.

“
When I got to college, I
thought everything was going to be different,” she went on. “I was
out of the brace and even though I still had the Knowing, I was
able to, I don’t know,
shield
myself a little better. Or maybe it was just that
everyone was new and different and I didn’t stick out so much.
Anyway…” she took a deep breath. “There was this guy in my French
Literature class named Greg Compton.”

The name tasted like dust in her mouth—like
fear and sour wine and a past best left forgotten. But Kate knew
that now she had started, she had to continue—there was no other
way.

“
Greg Compton,” she made
herself say again. “He was at least five years older than me and I
thought he was amazing. He was tall—well, everyone is tall compared
to me, but you know what I mean—and he had these big, soulful brown
eyes. I think I was in love with him for a whole semester before he
ever noticed me. But then…then we were assigned to analyze some
poetry together.”

“
And what happened once he
took notice of you?” Rone asked. He spoke quietly but there was a
soft growl in his voice that sent a little shiver down Kate’s
spine.

“
He…he invited me back to
his dorm room to do the assignment together,” she said, trying to
keep her voice even. “And then he asked me if I wanted some wine.
You know—well, you
probably
know—I’ve never been much of a drinker. I just
don’t have much tolerance. Beer I would have said no to, but here
was this sophisticated older man offering me
wine
and I didn’t want to seem like
some stupid little freshman who didn’t know which end was up so I
said yes, of
course,
I’d like some wine.”

She paused for a moment, having a hard time
going on.

“
And?” Rone asked softly
after a long pause.

“
And…and I think he put
something in it.” Kate sighed. “In fact, I’m sure he did. Not
enough to knock me completely out, but enough to make me feel all
warm and dizzy. The next thing I knew he was…” She swallowed,
hearing a dry click in the back of her throat. “He was pushing up
my dress.”

“
What?” There was
definitely more of a growl in Rone’s voice now. “He dared to take
advantage of you?”

“
Oh, he dared all right,”
Kate said grimly. “I should have known better than to drink that
wine or to go with him in the first place, you know? The Knowing
tried to warn me but I…I wanted so badly to be noticed, to feel
pretty and desired that I ignored it—pushed it to the back of my
mind. It was my own fault, really…”

“
It was
not
your fault. Then
what happened?” Rone asked in a low, intense voice. “How did you
get away from him?”

“
I didn’t—not completely,
anyway.” Kate winced at the memory. It was old but it still had
sharp edges that cut her when she took it out to examine it—like an
ancient shard of broken glass half buried in the sand of her past.
“I…I started to panic but it was like everything was in slow
motion. I tried to push him off me, but he said…said I should
just…just let it happen. He said, ‘You’re going to love this,
Katie. You’ll see.’”

Kate swallowed hard and for a moment, she
was back there, back in the dorm room that smelled of stale beer
and dirty laundry on Greg’s crumpled, half-made bed. She could
still feel his ice-cold hands groping between her thighs as he
fumbled with her panties, yanking them roughly down in his
eagerness to get to her.

“
He…he put his fingers in
me first but I was scared and horrified so of course I wasn’t in
any way ready for any kind of…of anything. So he said something
about getting me ‘all hot and bothered’ and then…then he put his
face between my legs,” she said, her voice coming out high and
tight.

“
The bastard! You were too
drugged to get away?” Rone sounded infuriated.

Kate nodded. “I tried to
sit up but he pushed me back down. I started to shout for help and
then he said something like—‘Just shut up and enjoy it.’ And he
put…put a pillow over my face.” She put a hand to her throat, her
voice closing off to a whisper. “It was so awful—I felt like I
was
smothering.
I
couldn’t
breathe.”

The memory washed over her, the awful
sensation of helplessness, of being unable to move, her ankles
tangled in her panties as she kicked weakly but to no avail, the
drug he’d given her holding her down as much as his hand on the
pillow. It sent a shudder through her and she gulped in a breath,
trying to get air in to her lungs, exactly as she had that night in
the dorm room…

A low growl from Rone brought her back to
the present and somehow she was able to go on.

“
He was…so much bigger
than me. And he was…I think he was coming at me sideways. Like,
bending over me from above so he could hold me down with the pillow
using one hand and force…force my legs open with the other.” Kate
drew in another trembling breath and the words came out in a
rush.

“
Then he started trying
to…to get his tongue in me, I guess. It was cold too, just like his
fingers. I remember that vividly, I don’t know why—maybe it was
cold from the chilled wine. Anyway, it felt like he’d been sucking
on ice cubes or something. It was weird and really awful—like a
cold fish trying to worm its way inside me.”

She pressed her thighs tightly together, the
memory so deep and visceral it nearly made her sick.

“
And the whole time I
couldn’t get a deep enough breath because of the pillow and I was
wondering…wondering if I was going to
die
because I couldn’t
breathe
. I was seeing
spots in front of my eyes and I remember telling myself,
don’t pass out. You can’t pass out or you’ll
never wake up!
”

She clenched her fists in the quilt, trying
not to let the memory sweep her completely away, trying to anchor
herself in reality. But it was hard…so hard not to let it take over
her completely, not to get washed away in the tide of nightmares
letting herself remember brought with it.

“
Kate…if you can’t go on…”
Rone murmured behind her.

“
No,” Kate surprised
herself by saying. “No, I started this. I…have to finish.
Unless…unless you’d rather not hear it?”

“
I’ll hear anything you
have to tell,” he reassured her. “Although the hearing makes me
want to kill the one who hurt you.”

Kate gave a shaky laugh
that was more than half sob. “I wanted to kill him too. But mostly
I just wanted to be able to
breathe.
I think he put the pillow
on my face mostly to muffle my screams but he was pressing down
really
hard.
I
finally managed to turn my head but I could still only get little
sips of air. I was panicking but the drug still made it feel like
everything was in slow motion—like drowning in a dream.

“
It seemed to go on
forever—that cold tongue poking and probing inside me and the
feeling that I was going to smother, that I was going to suffocate
at any minute…” She shook her head. “It was awful. But
finally…
finally
he seemed like he’d had enough of…of
that
anyway.”

“
He let you up?” Rone’s
voice was still angry and tense but Kate knew the anger wasn’t
directed at her.

“
He did.” She nodded. “I
think he thought he’d been doing me a favor and that I’d be all
warmed up and…and ready for anything else he wanted to do. He said,
‘Now wasn’t that good, Katie? Didn’t I tell you I’d make you feel
good?’” She fisted her hands tighter in the quilt, the memory of
his condescending words bringing tears of fury to her eyes.
“Fucking
pig,”
she spat.
The rage was still there,
just under the surface. It made her wonder how she’d ever managed
to push this memory under the rug in the first place.

“
Did you get away from him
then?” Rone asked in a low voice.

“
I tried. He started to
climb on top of me and this time…” Kate swallowed hard. “He had his
dick out. And I knew what was coming next. I was still disoriented
from whatever he’d put in my wine but I kicked out at him. I was
aiming for his balls but I got him in the stomach
instead.”

She could still remember the look of shock
and anger that had come over Greg’s handsome face when her foot
connected with his toned midsection.

“
Hey, you little
bitch,”
he’d growled.
“What the hell is wrong with you? I just went down on you for
like, thirty fucking minutes. You owe me something in
return!”

“
I don’t owe you a Goddamn
thing! Get off me,”
Kate remembered
gasping, twisting and kicking, fighting to get up—to get away—to
get anywhere but where she was, pinned to the dirty bed and about
to be raped.

“
I managed to twist
around,” she told Rone, closing her eyes. “I was scrambling off the
bed but he grabbed the back of my dress and tried to yank me
back.”

Rone made a low, menacing sound but said
nothing, though Kate could feel the tension in the big body behind
hers.

“
It was my scars that
saved me,” she said, trying to laugh. But the laugh came out
sounding more like a sob.

“
How?” he asked in a low
voice.

“
My dress ripped.” Kate
swallowed hard, remembering the choking feeling of the material
pulling tight against her throat and then the low, purring sound of
fabric ripping down the back seam of the dress she’d been wearing.
“It ripped,” she said again. “And when he saw the scars from all my
surgeries, he gagged—actually
gagged.”
She took a trembling
breath. “And he said…he said, ‘God, no wonder your pussy tasted so
fucking weird. What are you, some kind of a circus
freak?’”

“
The bastard,” Rone
growled angrily. “How dare he try to force himself on you and then
play on your worst insecurity?”