Forgiving Lies (23 page)

I was still sitting in the parking lot an hour later. My sobs had run their course, and all that was left was a steady stream of tears. I felt hollow. It didn’t matter that
I
had just broken
his
heart or that I’d done it for him. I would never again get to enjoy being in his arms, feeling his lips on mine, or waking up with his tattooed arm curled tight around my waist. Knowing I’d just lost the most important person in my life had shattered me, and I didn’t know how to begin to cope with that.

My phone chimed and I frantically looked through my purse, praying it was Kash.

BLAKE:

You’re done being upset about this, sweetheart. Now, go back to your apartment and pack a bag before Candice gets back. You’re staying with me this weekend.

I hate you.

BLAKE:

We’ll work on that.

BLAKE:

Drive. Now.

Dropping my phone in one of my cup holders, I slowly went through the process of putting on my seat belt, cranking the engine, and backing out of my parking space. My tears never stopped, and a few times I had trouble seeing the road, but ten minutes later I was pulling into the complex. My breath caught when I saw Kash’s motorcycle and truck there. He was home. Would he try to talk to me? Hope blossomed in my chest and I prayed that he would, that he would demand to know what had changed in me all of a sudden.

I’d barely pulled into my spot when my phone was chiming again.

BLAKE:

My guy is trailing Candice’s parents right now. Don’t even think about it.

What the hell? How can he even possibly know what I’m thinking?
Blake had followed me as far as the street I lived off of, and then turned around. I quickly looked around until my eyes fell on a green Explorer.
So this is the man that has been watching me?
Wiping hastily at my cheeks, I took three deep breaths and got out of my car, giving Blake’s creepy guy my best glare before heading to my apartment.

While I knew I needed to keep Kash away, it still hurt that he didn’t once come by while I was in there packing. I knew he knew I was there. The fact that Mason was standing at their window shooting daggers at me when I let myself into our unit left no doubt that Kash knew.

Just as I was pulling my duffel bag into the living room, a knock came from the door and I shot toward it. Opening it wide, a small sound of surprise escaped my mouth and I instinctively began to shut the door when I saw Blake was standing there. His hand held the door open and his eyes narrowed as he felt the pressure.

“If you make this look like anything other than me taking my girl for a weekend with me, you won’t like the consequences.”

I immediately stopped pushing and stood aside as he walked in. My shoulders hunched and as soon as the door was shut, I shakily asked, “Are they still okay? Candice’s parents, they’re still okay . . . right?” I wanted to ask about Eli, but he hadn’t mentioned him today, and I was afraid if I brought him up, it would give Blake a reason to have someone follow him.

“For now. Write a note to Candice saying you’ll be back Monday. And for God’s sake, Rachel, hurry the fuck up. You wasted enough time, she’s already on her way back here.”

My hand froze from searching for paper and a pen in one of the kitchen drawers, and I slowly looked up at him. “H-how do you know that?”

Blake smirked. “You really thought I only had someone trailing her parents and you, sweetheart? That’s cute.” He huffed, “Hurry.”

“How do you even have these people, Blake? These guys working for you, ready to—ready to . . . You’re a monster, do you realize that? You’re doing
all
of this for me, but you’ll never have me! Why don’t you get that?!”

He stalked toward me and pulled me away from the counter, shoving me roughly against the refrigerator. With one hand clasping both of mine in front of me and the other arm pressed hard against my chest, he looked straight into my eyes for tense, silent moments before letting go and finding a pen and paper himself. Laying them on the counter in front of him, he leaned casually against it and read every word I wrote to Candice.

When he was satisfied, he grabbed one of my hands and led me toward my bag, which I’d dropped in the living room on my way to answer the door. After he picked it up and pulled the strap over his shoulder, he yanked me toward him, his lips going to my neck, then my ear.

“It’s a safe bet we’ll have an audience, since the cousin saw me walk in here. When we leave, you
will
have your arm around me and you
will
lean into me. You won’t look scared or upset, and if anyone approaches you, you won’t say anything. Understand, Rachel?”

I sighed in defeat, and my head shook once before he grabbed my chin roughly. It was already sore from the numerous times he’d done it that morning, and I knew I would have bruises there soon.

“Unless you want another show like you got this morning”—he paused and smiled when I inhaled audibly—“you will tell me you understand and you will make this look believable.” Blake kissed me deceptively softly and murmured against my lips, “Go on, sweetheart; say it again. I know you’re thinking it. I’m a monster.” He kissed me again once, then brushed his lips across mine, his grip on my chin never loosening. “But like I said, we’ll work on your feelings. Now, do as I said.”

I nodded and blinked back tears. I was shaking so hard, I didn’t know how I was still standing. But figuring Blake would be upset, or just carry me out of there if I fell to the ground like my legs were threatening to make me do, I took another deep breath in and resolved to do this for the Jenkinses and Kash.

We walked outside, and Blake kept one hand on my hip as I turned to lock the door. When I faced forward, he pulled me close to his side with his arm now hanging over my shoulders, and it was then I heard the door across from ours open. Kash stepped out, his eyes glassy and red, his jaw tight as he mashed his lips together. My heart ached something fierce, but I forced my arm around Blake’s waist and let my weight fall into his side.

Just as Blake started walking us toward the parking lot, I heard Kash’s strained voice. “What the fuck did you do to her? She hates you, she’s
terrified
of you! What did you do to her?”

Blake didn’t stop walking me, and in an effort to not turn and look back at the man I loved, I dropped my gaze down and a shaky sigh left me.

“Rachel, what does he have on you? I know you, you wouldn’t just choose this.”

“If he doesn’t shut up soon, I’ll make sure he
is
shut up,” Blake whispered, and continued to walk.

“I will find out,” Kash said in a low growl. “And if you hurt her, so help me God, Blake West, I will end. Your. Life.”

“Rachel,” Blake said, warning me.

I turned, and though it killed me, I looked up at Kash’s murderous expression. “Lo—” Clearing my throat, I tried again. “Logan, don’t you see? I lied to you.”

“Babe—”

“I’m sorry this isn’t what you want—”

“Not what I want? Rachel, he’s been stalking you!”

I shook my head and Blake’s grip on my shoulder got painful. “He wasn’t,” I whispered, “I’ve been seeing Blake for months, Logan. I never
stopped
seeing him.” He opened his mouth again and I shook my head quickly. “Just stop. Kash,
please
understand . . .
please,
” I begged. I needed to cut this relationship now. Give him a clean break. But part of me couldn’t stand to see him hurt. Couldn’t stand knowing he thought I’d really left him for Blake.

My eyes pleaded with him to understand what was happening, and when his head shook at my last sentence, Blake’s grip tightened even more and he swung us back around toward the cars.

“You’re done talking,” Blake said, and led me to my car. “Just in case you feel like doing anything else that would piss me off . . .” He grabbed my purse and duffel bag and put them in his own car. I knew letting me drive myself was a test, so I forced myself not to consider driving to a police station instead. Acting on that fantasy would only hurt everyone. Not allowing myself to look at Kash one last time, I put my car in reverse and followed Blake back to his place.

17

Kash

I
FELT NUMB.

Looking down at the solitaire that just that morning I had caught Rachel admiring when she thought I was still asleep, my heart broke even more. It didn’t make sense. Something wasn’t adding up.

“Kash, you’re just going to let her go?” Mason asked incredulously when he found me sitting on the floor, my back up against the front door. “I’ll admit, when you first came back I thought maybe she’d found out you’d been lying. But this? You can’t just let this happen.”

“She left me for him. I don’t know what you expect me to do. She called off the engagement. I—I don’t—I don’t fucking understand.” I rubbed at my aching chest and let my head fall back ’til it hit the door.

“Rachel
hates
that guy. He raped her!”

I shook my head. “It was all a lie. She’s been lying this whole time. You heard Candice this morning.”

“You and I both know what Candice said was bullshit. You’ve seen Rachel break down! You saw what he did to her emotionally and what his coming around did to her. Something’s not right.”

I agreed on the last part . . . but that was just because I wanted my girl back. I wanted to believe this was all some sick joke. Or a nightmare. I wanted to wake up to Rachel in my arms again, smiling softly as she studied the way the light caught on the diamond on her finger. My vision blurred again and I shut my eyes, letting the tears fall down my face. I didn’t care that Mason could see them; I didn’t care about anything anymore. My reason for living didn’t want me.

“Kash, you can’t—”

“It’s over, Mase. It’s over.” I stood from my spot on the floor and took a few steps toward my room before stopping. Looking down at the ring pinched between my fingers, I felt my heart being ripped out of my chest again. I held my hand out to Mason and had to clear my throat a few times before I could speak. “Do something with this. I don’t want it . . . I can’t keep it.”

“Kash—”

“Take the goddamn ring!”

As soon as it was out of my hand, I stormed into my room and shut the door. I could still smell Rachel in there, and that killed me even more. After stripping the bed, I opened up the windows to air out the room and fell onto the bare mattress. Scenes from that morning flashed through my mind and I groaned as I prayed for sleep to escape this new hell I was in.

I
WAS WOKEN
up by my cell phone blaring its ringtone and scrambled to answer, thinking it would be Rachel. It wasn’t. After a few clipped sentences with Ryder, I woke Mason and we both changed quickly before rushing to the station for an emergency meeting. Since it was barely after three in the morning, there was an ominous tension in the truck at the possibilities of what this could mean.

Detective Ryder began and the room quieted down. “All right, thank y’all for coming in on short notice. We’ve got something on the Camden case that’s going to help us more than anything has since it was discovered he was in Austin. Seems our man finally slipped up when using Camden’s credit card. He signed a different name on the receipt, and we have him on camera this time. The name he signed matches up with the man we caught on camera.”

Mason and I shared a glance from across the table and you could feel the excited energy flowing through the room. This was big. Every time there’d been a hit on the card, there’d never been anyone to link it to; the bartenders never knew who it belonged to, and the cameras hadn’t caught anyone. And every damn time, Mason and I hadn’t been working.

“This man has lived in every city that the Carnation Murders have taken place in and conveniently moved quickly after. Obviously that’s much too coincidental, and we have reason to believe he stole Camden’s identity and this is our guy. We already have a location on the guy and the takedown to bring him in for questioning will happen at oh five hundred.” Ryder began working his way around the room, passing out pieces of paper with the suspect’s picture on it as he continued speaking.

“Now, he’s only in the system for a bar fight a few years ago, but if this is our guy, he will be armed and is considered extremely dangerous. We will meet behind the Denny’s a couple miles out from his property to suit up and go over the takedown once more. Any questions before we head out?”

“Oh shit,” Mason harshly whispered, “no!”

My brow furrowed as his face went white and I held my hand out to Detective Ryder for my copy of the picture.

As soon as the paper touched my hand, Mason tried to jump over the table and yelled, “Someone grab Kash!”

I’d barely glimpsed at the photo before Mason made it across the table and tackled me out of my chair, restraining me on the floor. But it was enough. I’d already seen. I already knew.

Rachel

“N
O!
” I
CRIED
as Blake continued to turn on different TVs and monitors. “What is this, why are you doing this? I’m here! I’m with you, I left Logan, what more do you want?!”

“You did,” he said darkly as he walked back to my side and pulled me into his arms, “but this is assurance that you won’t leave. You should have seen what was on these screens before, sweetheart. I loved watching you in your place.”

It shouldn’t have surprised me, but my eyes still widened and a sick feeling settled deep in my stomach.
He has cameras in my apartment?
I looked at the screens in front of me now. Candice on a date with Mike. Her parents at the insurance office. Kash and Mason’s apartment door. And I was positive that was the town home we’d helped Eli move into two years ago. How many people did Blake have watching and following the people I loved? Tears streamed down my face and all I could do was shake my head back and forth, my hands covering my trembling mouth.

“Please,” I finally managed to say, “please call them off. Don’t do this. They’re your family, Blake! I’ll do anything, I swear.” Turning in his arms to face him, I pleaded with my eyes. “I’ve already proved that!”

Gripping my chin roughly in his fingers, he leaned over until his face was directly in front of mine. “You’re right. You will do anything. But you’ve already ruined a lot, Rachel. We need to rectify that . . . first.”

“First? I don’t—what?”

“Yes, first. Before we move on to the next . . .
step
.” His blue eyes took on some weird form of heat that I couldn’t name.

“Well, didn’t I do that by telling Logan I’d lied about you? By having him watch us leave together and telling Candice I was spending the weekend with you?”

“You’re oddly eager to get to that next step, sweetheart.” He smiled, and the arm around my waist tightened.

“If it’ll get you to leave all of them alone, then I’ll do whatever it takes to get to that step!”

“I’m counting on that,” he whispered, and crushed his lips to mine, pushing his tongue into my mouth and growling when he didn’t get the reaction he was looking for. “We’ll work on that. Until you’re convincing enough to fool me, this”—he pointed at the various screens—“is how it’ll be.”

Blake started to unwrap his arms, so I grabbed the back of his neck and brought our mouths back together. I tried to picture Kash as our lips moved against each other and I sucked on his bottom lip. But this wasn’t Kash. Even if there had been a lip ring, or if Blake had been chewing the cinnamon gum that Kash always did, I wouldn’t have been able to make myself believe this was the man I was in love with.

A sob ripped from me and my arms fell limply to my sides. Blake moved his lips to my neck and made a trail to my ear. “While I appreciated that, like I said, we’ll work on it. Now, go get ready for bed, I’ll be back in a minute.” My body went rigid and he laughed soft and low. “I won’t touch you tonight. Now that I have you where I want you, I need you to realize you’re in love with me. Scaring you wouldn’t help with that right now.”

“You are scaring me!” My hand shot out toward the screens. “This—this is terrifying! Everyone I care about is in danger. You blew up George’s car, for shit’s sake! Does it not bother you at all that you’re related to them?”

“For the last damn time, sweetheart,” he sneered, “nothing will happen to them if you do what I say. And the faster you realize you’re mine and you acknowledge and embrace your true feelings for me, the faster my men leave them alone.”

“You can’t just force someone to fall in love with you, Blake.”

He huffed. “I’m not. You
are
in love with me. You’re just being difficult. Get ready for bed.” With that he turned and left the room.

Tears continued to fall down my cheeks as I went through the motions of getting ready for bed. The entire time I wondered what Kash was doing and if he was okay. My eyes flicked over to my phone thousands of times, but I knew he wouldn’t call. And with what had already happened today and how closely everyone was being watched, I knew I couldn’t call him. Not that calling him would do either of us any good anyway. If anything I would just make things worse. I prayed for the hundredth time that he would someday forgive me.

When I walked back out of the bathroom, Blake was lying in the bed, propped up against the headboard, his upper body bare. I wondered how many women wanted this. How many fantasized about his body against theirs and downtime before or after. I wanted to laugh at how seriously mistaken they all were about this Adonis. No. Not Adonis . . . not anymore. He was the damn devil. Lucifer had been a beautiful angel. And that’s exactly what Blake was. He was beautiful, but something had happened to him and he was now nothing but pure evil.

Forcing myself to climb into bed beside him, I kept myself as close to the edge of the bed as possible and tried not to cry out in protest when he stretched out beside me and pulled me close. My body was shaking so hard, the entire bed was shaking with me. I prayed he’d get tired of it, but he held me closer and began whispering soothing words in my ear. But I knew it was all a lie, and I knew what he was capable of. I stayed awake for hours shaking and silently crying until sleep finally claimed me.

M
Y EYES FLUTTERED
open and I looked around the dark room. The first thing I noticed was the empty bed beside me before I heard my phone vibrating again. Trying to remain quiet, in case Blake was somewhere nearby, I crept back into the bathroom and my heart squeezed when I saw the name on the screen.

“Hello?” I whispered, and peeked behind me into the empty room.

“Rach, oh my God, you need to get out of there! I’m not just—”

“Kash, slow down and talk a little softer. What’s wrong?”

He was breathing heavily and I could hear the rumble of his truck’s engine in the background. “Are you okay? Has he hurt you?”

I wanted to tell him that I was sorry for everything and that I’d lied to him yesterday . . . but I needed to keep up with this pretense to keep him safe. I cleared my throat and tried to sound strong. “Of course he hasn’t. B-Blake wouldn’t do anything to me.”

“Babe, you don’t need to keep lying to me. I’m coming for you. I will keep you safe. Just try to stay safe until we can get there, okay? Rachel, I love you. I love you so much, I need you to know that.”

My heart broke at his frantic declaration, but I didn’t understand. “Who is ‘we,’ Kash? And don’t come here, please don’t. I’m fine, I promise.”

“Is he right there next to you?”

“No.”

He breathed a heavy sigh of relief. “Rach, he’s bad. He’s so much worse than you originally thought. Stay as far from him as you can. If you can escape, I need you to. If not, just stay where you are, I’m coming to get you.”

“Kash, no!” I harshly whispered, and turned again to make sure I was still alone. “Don’t come here, I’m fine. I’m sorry you’re upset that we broke up.” My voice hitched and my eyes began watering. “But you need—you need to move on. I’m so sorry. Wait. How do you even know where I am?”

“How is his house set up, babe? I need your help on this.”

“What?”

“C’mon, Rach. How is it set up, where’s the room that you’re in?”

“Listen to me, you can’t do this! You need to go back home, you’re going to ruin ever—” I cut off and ran into the room to watch the screens. If Kash was coming for me, that meant one of Blake’s guys was following and Blake would know soon. “You need to turn around! Turn around, Kash,
please
.”

“What room are you in?” he yelled suddenly, startling me and causing me to drop the phone.

I knelt down onto the ground and swiped my hand under the bed until I felt it and pulled it back toward me. “Kash, are you there?”

“This is very important. I need you to tell me exactly how the house is laid out, what room you’re in, and what room Blake is in. Can you do that for me?” His voice was strained and I didn’t understand why he needed to know all this so badly.

“I don’t know where Blake is. Really, this isn’t a house, it’s more like a studio apartment. It’s just one big room with a bathroom, and when I woke up from the phone vibrating, he wasn’t in bed with me any—” I broke off quickly at Kash’s quick intake of breath. I slammed my eyelids shut and wanted to curl up in a corner and die. I wanted to assure him we hadn’t done anything, but what was the point? Forcing my eyes back open, I studied the screens. Almost all were of shots of the Jenkinses’ houses and our apartment complex, focused in on Candice’s and my door and windows. But one was facing a building. I studied the nondescript outer walls for a few moments until I noticed the three cars in front. “Are you or Mason at the police station?”

“Why would you ask that?” His tone was harsh and clipped.

“Um, well, just tell me if you are.”

“No, I’m coming to get you.”

“Where’s Mason?”

He paused for a few beats. “He’s on his way to get you too. Did you—” He inhaled deeply and the pain in his voice when he spoke tore at my heart. “Rachel, did you sleep with him?”

“Kash . . . ,” I whispered softly.

“Please, I need to know.”

I turned to look at the empty room again and hung my head. “No. I’m so sorry for today, Kash. I didn’t want to do that to you, please know that I would never just hurt you like that.” I choked on a sob and pressed a shaking fist over my mouth while I collected myself. I knew I shouldn’t be telling him. But I needed him to know I couldn’t just do this to us, and maybe if he understood he would turn around and go back to his apartment. “Blake has these guys tailing everyone. He’s watching you and Mase; he has someone on Candice, her brother, and their parents . . . I’m so sorry, this is all my fault. He blew up George Jenkins’s car this morning.” I willed him to understand how demented Blake was. “If you do something right now, I don’t know what else he’ll do. I need to do this; I need to be with him. So please, go home.”