Forgetting August (Lost & Found) (4 page)

“I’m thinking about going to the hospital,” I blurted out, unable to look up at him. I took the coward’s way out and instead chose to continue reading the words on my mug over and over again.

Just call me Sassenach
. I loved this mug. It usually made me smile and giggle like a giddy school girl. Ryan would just groan and roll his eyes at my obsessive fascination with a certain Scottish book series.

The door to our bedroom slammed, telling me exactly how he felt about my remark.

Obviously that wasn’t happening today.

Moments later, he reappeared, ready to fight. Sleeves pushed up, with his eyes set straight ahead, he was ready for business. Ryan never walked away when it came to me. I’d pushed him away more times than I could count, fleeing arguments and needing air more times than I could count, and yet he still came back.

He’d always fought for me.

“Why, Everly, why? After everything we’ve been through together, can you at least do me the courtesy of giving me an answer?”

“I need to see him.”

The look of devastation on his face was like a blow to my gut, making me feel like the worst kind of human on the planet. If there was an award for that type of thing, I was pretty sure I’d be in a three-way tie with whoever invented the selfie stick and those pants that look like jeans but really are pajamas. That’s just all kinds of wrong.

“I need him to hear it from my own lips that it’s over between us—that I’ve moved on, that I survived after everything he put me through. I don’t want him interfering in our lives, Ryan.”

“He doesn’t deserve it,” he said through gritted teeth.

“No, he doesn’t. But I do,” I pressed, my emotions taking over as I gazed up at him.

He ran his hands through his wavy blond locks and finally nodded. “Okay.”

I went into his arms, letting him believe he’d just won an argument and granted me some sort of blessing over the situation.

“Don’t sweat the small stuff,” Tabitha had once told me when I’d come to her complaining about the way Ryan left the seat up and never washed the dishes. I guess this fell in that category.

I would have gone to the hospital regardless of his opinion on the matter. I needed this for me. Having his agreement obviously made the situation easier, but by no means swayed my decision.

I would never be owned again.

I
n the few days since my miraculous awakening, I’d managed to make several leaps and bounds toward my eventual recovery and release.

Release. This was what Dr. Lawrence had called it.

Soon I would be released back into the world. Like a fish, or a wild animal set free into the wild again.

“What will I do?” I’d asked, like a puppy looking to its mother for guidance.

“Whatever you want,” he’d suggested.

Whatever I wanted… The thought lingered in my mind like a loose thread in the wind. What did I want? How would I even know?

What I’d learned over the last seventy-two hours wasn’t much, but it was enough to know I at least had some security when I left this building. My house was still mine.

In my former life, I had been a wealthy man. While I’d wasted away in this hospital bed, my estate and finances had been taken care of.

How? I didn’t have many personal details, but according to the paperwork I’d been sent from my law firm, there was nothing to worry about. At least I had someplace to return to when the hospital deemed I was fit enough to be discharged. Until then, I celebrated such successes as moving on from applesauce and chicken broth for breakfast to oatmeal.

I briefly wondered if the old me had hated oatmeal as much as the new me did.

The watery, tasteless applesauce suddenly didn’t taste nearly as bad as it once had.

Pushing the oatmeal aside, I grabbed the file box that held the contents of my personal belongings once more. I’d opened and looked over each item a dozen times now, choosing to bury myself in my unknown past rather than dwell in the confusing present I’d currently been thrown into.

Dr. Lawrence said the brain is a curious and complex thing. While I couldn’t remember anything about myself and the life I’d led, I did somehow recollect trivial things such as what a Starbucks was or when the Gulf War occurred. I understood modern living, could write and speak, but had had to ask what day and year I’d been born.

It turned out I’d had a birthday last month. I’d breezed through the end of my twenties and landed in my thirties without a party or hangover to show for it. The only thing I had as proof for the milestone was a hospital bracelet declaring my age.

If my life wasn’t my own…whose was it?

I reached into the box, shuffling around the neatly folded clothes I had not previously touched. Something fell out of one of the jacket pockets. I pushed the suit jacket and slacks to the side until I found it. Wedged into one of the corners was a tiny green stone.

I picked it up, rolling it between the smooth pads of my fingers, and held it up to the light. It was drilled through as if it had once been a set on string, and appeared to be a raw emerald or perhaps a piece of jade.

Why it was in my pocket the night I ended up here, I’d never know.

Much like everything else.

Feeling the familiar feeling of frustration seeping through my pores, I decided there had been enough show and tell time for the day and set the box aside. Closing my eyes, I tried to block out the world and my thoughts but was abruptly interrupted when the door swung open and I found myself staring into a familiar set of blue eyes.

It was her.

Everly—the girl from the picture.

I’d asked the nurse on duty if she could find her and she’d assured me she’d try, but after several days, I’d assumed she’d been unable to complete the task or had simply placated me to keep the unpredictable coma patient calm.

Yet, here she was.

She entered slowly, her steps hesitant and timid, and I took the extra time to absorb every detail.

Her hair was different—shorter maybe, but still that same fiery copper color. She’d aged since the photo was taken, and rounded some, transitioning from a gangly girl to a waiflike siren.

“You’re here,” I managed, grasping at straws. I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know anything about this woman beyond her name.

“Yes,” she answered curtly, her lips barely moving as she formed the word. “Dr. Lawrence called me.”

“I didn’t know if they’d be able to find you after I found the photo.”

She looked slightly confused by my statement but didn’t say anything more. I looked around the room awkwardly, feeling like a showpiece at the zoo. Her eyes roamed all over me, no doubt noticing my lack of muscle and reduced appearance. The insecurity I felt in that moment was tangible.

“Why don’t you take a seat? I know I must look different from the last time you saw me.”

She silently took the seat farthest from me, but didn’t relax in the slightest. Her posture remained rigid and on edge. Was she afraid of me?

“I’m sorry to have bothered you by asking you to come here, but I just wanted to—” I started, but was quickly interrupted.

“August, please don’t. I came here for one reason and one reason only.”

“Okay.” My eyebrows furrowed in confusion as I tried to sit up properly. Setting the box on the metal tray, I placed my hands on the bed and pushed myself upright. The effort caused trickles of sweat to form at my temples.

“I wanted to tell you we’re over. All of it. Done. I’ve moved on. I’m engaged. I have a new life—without you. Please don’t contact me anymore.”

I looked up at her, and while I should have felt nothing but confusion, her words caused me a physical pain I wasn’t prepared for. My heart jolted and I reached up, touching my chest as her words sank in. I didn’t know this woman but my heart obviously did, because in that moment—it was breaking.

“I don’t understand,” I muttered.

“Of course you don’t. Do you remember anything?” she replied, her voice heated with raw anger and annoyance.

“No,” I answered simply.

Her hands went up in frustration as she rose to her feet. “I knew this was a stupid idea.”

“Please, let me speak,” I begged.

Her eyes met mine briefly and she nodded, turning away as she began to pace the room.

“The doctors are calling it a dissociative fugue—or at least that’s what they’re thinking today. I’m sure they’ll come up with something new next week when they bring in more consultants, seeing as I’m now their newest lab rat.”

She turned around, her face contorted in confusion.

“I don’t understand anything you just said.”

“You asked me if I remembered anything and I said no. I mean it, Everly. I have no memories of my life before I opened my eyes a few days ago. I asked the doctors to call you because I found a picture of you in my wallet and thought you might be able to help me figure out who I am. I have amnesia.”

I saw the words hit her like a battering ram; her eyes widened and her breath accelerated. It was as if her body seemed to reject the idea, and suddenly everything went blank. She checked out.

“Nurse! Help!” I screamed as I helplessly watched Everly’s body crumble to the floor.

The look of her soft skin so close to mine was familiar, yet new at the same time.

After the nurse and attendants rushed in and I explained what had happened, they’d quickly lifted her and placed her frail body on the empty bed next to mine. Suddenly my isolation and lack of roommate was paying off. Nurse Amy looked a little wary when I’d made the demand to have her near me, rather than moving her to another room, but quickly complied when she saw the look of distress in my eyes. I wasn’t ready to say good-bye to this mysterious woman.

After a quick assessment, Nurse Amy announced breathing was even, her vitals normal—there was nothing wrong with her, other than what she could only guess was an overwhelming amount of stress.

Stress caused by me.

My fingers reached out, wanting to slowly trace over the curve of her shoulder as I memorized the shape of her pouty pink lips and the slight flush of her cheeks.

How could I forget a life with someone like her? It was as if I’d forgotten something as magnificent as the sun rising over the horizon.

Her eyes fluttered open and locked with mine. Suddenly, realization set in and she pushed upright and bolted away, jumping off the bed and putting as much distance between us as possible without actually leaving the room.

“You passed out,” I stated, trying to explain the situation as best I could.

“So they left me in here…with you? Alone?” she hissed. Her face was beet red with anger as she glared at me from across the room.

“I thought you’d be more comfortable.”

Her gaze narrowed as her arms folded across her face and tightened.

“Look August, you obviously have the doctors fooled and I can see why—you play dumb well. But I’m not falling for it.”

I shook my head in confusion. “I don’t understand.”

She raised her voice as her hands flew over her head. “Cut the shit! This won’t work. I’m not falling for it. If this is some sick way to get even with me for—,” Her gaze turned away as her words cut off mid-sentence.

Dragging my fingers through my long hair, I nearly laughed at irony of this moment. “You think I’m lying?”

“No,” she said, wrapping her arms across her chest as a small chuckle escaped her throat. “I
know
you are.”

“Amazing,” I muttered.

“I’ve got to go,” she said, shaking her head. “I’m not coming back. Don’t come for me. Don’t try and find me.”

I watched in a daze as she marched toward the doorway, her angry footsteps echoing through the silent room as she walked away—forever.

And still I had nothing. Nothing but more questions, more confusion—and even more frustration.

“What did I do to you?” I blurted out, stopping her in her tracks as she reached the door. “What kind of man was I, Everly?”

She spun around, her face filled with shock and raw awe as she took a single step back.

“Are you kidding me right now?”

“No, I genuinely want to know. I was here for two years. Two years and not a single visitor and now you’ve come and treated me like I’m a viper. I need to know.”

“Fine.” Her hands clenched by her sides as she briefly closed her eyes. “You want to play this game. Let’s play. You want to know what kind of asshole would deserve this kind of animosity? What kind of cold-hearted jerk could be in a hospital for two years and yet no one gave a fuck.”

“Yes,” I whispered.

She took a few steps closer and answered, “The controlling, manipulative kind. August Kincaid is a monster who takes what he wants out of life, no matter the cost. The only thing that matters to him is money, and greed is his ultimate idol. He’s the type of man who keeps his girlfriend imprisoned in their own home for two years because he’s so batshit crazy he believes the entire world is out to get him and they’ll do anything—including taking her. August Kincaid is jealous, domineering and—”

“Stop. I’ve heard enough,” I said, holding my hand up. I suddenly felt sick, as every word she’d said settled deep in my chest.

“It’s enough,” I echoed, feeling like I’d just been gut punched.

My mind reeled as I processed everything she’d just said. I’d imprisoned her? For years?

“Did I ever hurt you? I mean, did I ever physically abuse you?” I asked, turning my face away from her, too ashamed to even look in her direction.

“No,” she answered softly. “But I’ve since learned that abuse comes in many forms.”

I nodded, unable to speak.

“You really don’t remember, do you?” she asked.

“No,” I managed to say, the word harsh against my throat.

“Anything?”

I shook my head, tears stinging my eyes as the reality of my life swept over me. I’d been a horrible, horrible man.

“I think I’ve had enough visiting for today,” I said, still turned away from her.

“Right. Of course. Good-bye, August.”

I looked up and her eyes met mine, and I saw her clenched fists loosen. She lifted her hand as if to offer it to me in some way. Maybe a handshake, or a simple touch… She might not have even realized she’d done it, but I did.

I also noticed her hand quiver and shake as she reached for me.

“Good-bye, Everly,” I said, ending her trancelike movement toward me.

She stopped, blinking briefly as her face went blank. I didn’t watch her walk away, but the door clicked shut seconds later.

I was once again alone.

After learning about the real August Kincaid, I decided that was exactly what I deserved.