Forget Me Not: A Novel (Crossroads Crisis Center) (25 page)

“They were good ones.”

“They were.”

“Don’t worry.”

She lifted a fingertip. “Every time someone says that, it makes me worry more.”

He supposed that it did. “Look, whatever the truth about you is, it can’t be that bad. You’re a woman of faith.”

She managed a little smile. “Yes, I am.” She looked outside, clearly eager to get to the center and see what news awaited.

Edward wound through the neighborhood and stayed on back streets until well away from the beach house. “You’re sure Johnson was out?”

“Positive.” Harry took a drag from his cigarette. “I cold-cocked him. Jerk never could take a punch.” Harry’s voice jittered, his hand shook, and he darted his gaze everywhere at once.

“The police aren’t going to come screaming after us, Harry. Relax.”

He looked over at Edward as if he’d lost his mind. “What did you do back there?”

“Knocked her out and left her where Johnson couldn’t get a bead on her and Brandt would find her.”

“Knocked her out?” Exasperated, Harry slapped his thigh and rounded on Edward. “Why didn’t you kill her?”

Edward buried his disgust behind lowered lids. “That would have been a significant tactical error.” A cop car slid into a gap behind him. Nearing the corner, Edward signaled and watched his rearview. No signal.
Good, so far
.

“What now?” Harry swung around and looked back. “Oh, man.”

“Don’t panic.” Edward took the turn and pulled into a grocery store parking lot.

The cop turned too.

Edward parked and cut the engine.

“I can’t believe it.” He huffed. “Man, this—”

“Shut up, Harry.” Edward stuffed his gun under his seat.

The cop slowed to a crawl behind them.

Watching the rearview, Edward told Harry, “Do not look back.”

Finally, the cop drove on, passing them, then left the lot and got back on the highway.

“Whew.” Clearing his throat, Harry expelled a smoke-laden breath. “I get what you mean about the tactical error.”

“No.” Edward restarted the car. “I don’t think you do.” Amused, Edward backed out of the slot. “Not killing her wasn’t about the cops, Harry.”

He didn’t understand, but to his credit, Harry had finally learned to be patient and wait for answers. Maybe he wasn’t hopeless about learning, after all.

“We’ve been approaching this from the perspective of Chessman and his subject. But it really isn’t about her.”

Harry frowned. “It’s not?”

“Well, it is, but it isn’t. It’s about the woman, but only because she’s tied to something else. So it isn’t about her personally.”

“Something else?” Harry struggled to keep up. “What?”

Edward looked at him and smiled. “That beach house.”

And Edward was betting the bank that it was tied to NINA.

I
’m scared, Ben.” Karen walked beside him on the wide sidewalk in I front of the crisis center. “What if I find out something awful?”

He clasped her hand. “What if you find out something wonderful?”

Her hand trembled in his. Was it a lack of faith, her worrying? “What if I’m not remembering it because I don’t want to remember it?”

He stopped and faced her, waited for a giggling couple to walk past, then said, “If we could block out things in our lives because they are terrible, I’d be a permanent amnesiac. It doesn’t work that way.”

“I know you’re right.” She lowered her gaze to his chest. “It’s really awful that I’m not trusting God more on this. It’s just that.”

“You’re human and the unknown is always scary. Karen, look at me.”

She forced her gaze to meet his.

He smiled. “You’ve been through a lot. So much that most people would be hiding in a closet somewhere, shaking in their shoes.”

“I’m shaking plenty.”

“Of course you are. You’d have to lack sense not to be.” He softened his voice, watched a man walking his dog talk to it as if it were a small child. “How is that not trusting God?”

She thought a minute. “I should trust Him and not be afraid.”

“Well, you know I don’t believe anymore, but if I did—no, never mind.”

“If you did … ?”

He stalled out.

“Please, Ben.” She let him see her vulnerability. “I need shoring up right now, and I’m not too proud to admit it. I have faith, but … I don’t know.”

“If I did believe, I’d tell you that God created everything, including fear. Fear isn’t an enemy. It warns us of danger. It makes us notice things so we protect ourselves. Fear isn’t a failing. Sometimes it’s a weapon, but sometimes it’s a shield too.”

“A shield?”

“Like now.” He lifted their clasped hands. “I’m letting you into my life. I haven’t done that since Susan, and I don’t know why I’m doing it now. I told myself it was just that you were in crisis and needed help, and that’s plenty enough reason, but it’s not the whole truth. For a crisis, it wouldn’t get personal, and I don’t know about you, but for me, holding your hand and talking to you about the things we’ve discussed—private things—that’s personal.”

Joy burst and spread through her chest, seeped deep into her heart. “It’s personal for me too, Ben.” She watched a blue van move down the street. “My challenge with that is I don’t know what’s waiting for me on the other side of that door.” She motioned toward the center’s entrance. “I could find out I have no right to feel things I’m beginning to feel for you. I could find out that I have a husband and children waiting.”

He lowered his gaze. “I’ve thought of that too.”

“Have you?”

Ben nodded. “This makes things even more difficult, doesn’t it?”

“It does.” She swallowed hard and took a leap of faith. “We could both get hurt, and we’ve been hurt enough.”

“Yes.” He looked her straight in the eye.

“So what do we do about it?”

“I wish I could say that it just stops here. But I don’t want that. Do you?”

“No, I don’t.” She paused, gathered her thoughts. “I respect you, Ben. And I trust you. I like you. I think those are rare privileges in my life—they feel rare—and I don’t want to turn away from them.”

“Then let’s just not think too much about it right now. Let’s just go inside and find out what’s waiting, and we’ll go from there.”

Be patient with him
.

She glanced upward and left.
God, please, be patient with me. I am so much a work in progress. Just please don’t let me end up with a broken heart. Or him either
.

“Okay,” she told Ben. “One step at a time.”

They walked on, and just as Ben reached for the door, she touched his arm. “Wait.” When he stopped, she looked up at him. “I’m going to dare to feel for you, Ben, and pray hard that neither of us regrets it. I just wanted you to know that. So if you’re not serious about whatever this is between us, I’d appreciate it if you’d be honest and just tell me so now.”

“I’m not sure what to say.” He wasn’t; it was written all over his face. “I feel things for you, but I’ve got unresolved issues because of what happened with Susan. We both know it.”

True. Very true. “And you won’t pray about it.”

“I … can’t.”

Competing for her own space in his heart and life against Susan was something Karen could do. Susan wouldn’t want or expect Ben to live in the past, and his heart was big enough for them both. But to allow herself to fall for a man who wouldn’t pray? A man who’d banned God from his life?

That she couldn’t do. Or accept. So where did that leave her on this?

She wished she knew.

Seven thirty on a Monday night when it wasn’t tourist season, and the crisis center still bustled. Karen shuddered at how busy it must be during the season, and at all the hurting people who came through its doors.

Clyde had replaced the windows, and no sign of any other damage from the bomb remained. The center had healed, and so would Karen. The receptionist sat at her desk. “Hi, Mel.”

“Hi, Karen.” She smiled broadly, her gaze darting between Karen and Ben. “Mrs. Crane is in her office. She’s waiting for you guys.”

“Thanks.” Karen didn’t recall where Peggy’s office was located, so she followed Ben.

They passed a closed door, but Lisa Harper’s voice was raised and carried out into the hallway. “I have a restraining order, Dutch. Are you going to make me use it?” A pause. “Why won’t you leave me alone? I don’t call, visit, or bother you. I have nothing to do with you.” A quick pause, then, “Look, I’m not asking, I’m telling you. Call me again and you’ll be arrested.”

A loud thump warned she’d slammed down the phone.

Karen shot Ben a worried look.

“Long story,” he whispered. “Her stepfather is a near-miss stalker. He does just enough to drive her nuts but too little to get arrested.”

Awful. Everyone had a burden to bear. “How long has this been going on?”

“Since she was a kid and her mother married the jerk.” His eyes shone bright. “The laws are still catching up.”

“Lawmakers need to move it.” Karen frowned. “No one should have to put up with that.”

“She takes more than she has to—to keep peace with her mother. Otherwise, he takes it out on her. It drives Mark nuts.”

“Why?”

“I think he’s got a thing for her, but she’s so buried between work and family, she hasn’t noticed. He’s worried about the stress Dutch causes Lisa.”

Or maybe Lisa had all she could handle without another relationship to worry about. Why didn’t Lisa’s mother leave? God didn’t mean for anyone to suffer abuse. Karen kept her thoughts to herself. Was that being respectful or cowardly? If she knew more about herself, maybe she could answer that. But right now, she didn’t know who she was and couldn’t judge her own choices or life, much less question anyone else’s.

God should judge, anyway, not her. And He has rendered judgment against abuse. Put Him first and love one another. All the laws are based there, and abuse isn’t sanctioned in either commandment.

Lisa Harper knew this, of course. Working here, she had to know. So why did her mother stay?

Probably money. It’s what kept most abused women stuck in those situations.
Tragic
. Karen made a mental note to add Lisa’s mother to her prayer list.

“Sorry you had to hear that.” Ben tapped on Peggy’s door.

Karen glanced his way. “Sorry it’s happening.”

Ben sighed. “We’ve tried to get her mother out, Karen. She won’t leave. He’s got her convinced he’ll kill her and Lisa if she leaves, and she won’t risk it.”

“Can nothing be done?”

“We’re working on it.” He knocked again. “I’ve offered to send her to my castle in Scotland, but she says the world isn’t big enough to hide her from Dutch.”

Karen knew that feeling only too well.

“Enter,” Peggy said from inside.

Karen and Ben walked in.
Please, don’t let it be anything terrible
.

Peggy looked at her watch. “You made good time.” She removed her glasses and looked Karen over. “You look better. Why are you still wearing scrubs?”

Karen shrugged. “No time to shop today. We got busy.”

Peggy reached over to the wall behind her desk, grabbed a shopping bag, and then passed it over her cluttered desk to Karen. “I figured that would happen, especially after the trouble last night—Nora’s still fussing about her sheets.” Peggy grinned and then shot Ben a reprimanding look. “Here are a few things to tide you over.”