Forget Me Never (26 page)

              Lance had phoned a couple of times and my parents begged me to go and stay with them for a few days. I didn’t want to leave the house, so I stayed inside, hidden from the world.

Emily phoned for the first time since the funeral the night before the box arrived. We talked about the girls and their school holidays coming to an end. She talked about Mark and how hard it had been for her, how she keeps expecting him to phone or pop in and then she asked when I was going to scatter Alec’s ashes. I couldn’t answer her because I knew I wasn’t ready.

              My GP had assigned me a midwife and as I refused to go and see her, she came to the house and carried out her checks. It seemed the baby, oblivious to my pain and heart ache, was growing well and on her second visit, I got to hear the heartbeat. It made me cry and I finally opened up to the midwife who was practically a stranger. We talked about everything that had happened, though I wouldn’t let on that I felt that if I went out, I would have some sort of break down. She suggested some counselling, in my eyes I felt she wanted me to see a psychiatrist, so I refused and insisted that I was getting better, when really, every day was the same, empty and lonely.

I rubbed my fingers over the gold label on the box, I had removed the brown paper covering the box and then as I stared at the label I realized what is was and I didn’t want to open it completely, I wasn’t ready.

              I placed the box on the coffee table and walked out of the room, the clock in the hall ticked and echoed throughout the empty house like my heart chiming in my empty body. Taking a deep breath, I did my usual thing at nine, I washed all of the counters over with disinfectant, scrubbed the sink until it sparkled and made sure everything was in its place. Alec liked the keep the house clean and it was all I had left to do now, wait for his baby and keep the house clean.

At twelve I picked at a bowl of dry cereal, I couldn’t stomach much else, not until after five at least, that’s when the nausea, I felt for most of the day, had faded enough so I could eat something.

              I rinsed the bowl under the tap and dried it before putting it away and all the time, that box was niggling at me. Part of me wanted to open it and remember the happiest day of my life, I wanted to see him again, his smile and his eyes, alive with the light in them. I wanted to see him kiss me, and look at me, but I was fragile and I wondered if I dared to look at the day, if it would bring everything back. The raw and excruciating pain had appeased to an ache, a more tolerable ache and I didn’t want it to erupt again.

A knock on the door disturbed my thoughts that afternoon, I pulled it open to see a face I hadn’t seen since the funeral, Camilla. She looked tired, still as beautiful as ever, but tired.

              “Look at the state of you,” she sighed and walked inside.

              “Thanks,” I frowned, “come in, why don’t you?”

              “The place looks like a bloody shrine,” she said as she walked through to the living room.

              “Al… I like to keep it clean,” I retorted as I followed her. She looked at the box on the coffee table and sat on the couch. She pushed her black leather jacket from her shoulders and crossed her long legs, hooking her foot behind her ankle. “Can I get you something?”

              “Do you have any vodka?” she asked.

              “No, I don’t.” I replied, “I have tea or coffee.”

              “And I drink neither.”

              “Is there something you wanted?” I asked.

              “Actually there is. I had a call from Alec’s solicitor, it seems he is still waiting for you to arrange the will reading.”

              “No,” I frowned.

              “Why not?”

              “I don’t want to,” I insisted and folded my arms over my chest.

              “It needs to be done, Grace. His company has lost half of its investors, because they are unsure of what is going to happen. Jake is a mess and everyone just wants to move on with their lives.”

              “That’s right, everyone can move on, they get to forget about him and just carry on like he didn’t matter, like he didn’t exist.” I snapped as my eyes filled with tears.

              “You think that you are the only one who loved him?” she frowned. “I loved him too, I had loved him since bloody school, you had him for five minutes, Grace, you loved him for five minutes, I have loved him my whole sodding life.” She roared.

              “Yes, well, at least he loved me back which is more than I can say for you.”

              “You are right, Alec didn’t love me, he never loved me, but it didn’t stop me loving him.” She sat forward. “Grace, Alec died.”

              “I know.” I swallowed.

              “Alec died and he is gone, not hearing his will can’t change that. Hiding in this house can’t change that. Its crap, it is not fair and God knows, I wish is wasn’t the truth, but it is. He is gone, Grace and nothing we do or say now will make it better. People’s lives are hanging in the balance because of his will, it can’t be honoured until it has been read and as his next of kin, you are the only person they will allow to organise it.”

              “I… can’t.”

              “He told me you were strong and independent, he told me that one of the things he loved about you was the fact that you were rarely afraid, and yet here you are, hiding in this house, you look pale and I know this is not good for the baby.” She heaved a sigh, “He wouldn’t want this, he wouldn’t. He’d want you to take care of things, the adhere to his wishes. You are letting him down, Grace.”

              “How dare you,” I roared. “You walk in here like you own the place. You don’t tell me what to do, you are not my boss or even my friend. Just who do you think you are?”

              “I am one of Alec’s closest friends and I am looking out for him.” She stood from the couch, “Suck it up, Grace, acting like this isn’t going to bring him back. He is dead and you can’t even do the one thing he wanted.”

              “Get out,” I screamed.

              “No,” she frowned.

              “Get out of my house.” I ordered.

              “You don’t know that it’s your house, you haven’t heard the will,” she retorted. “This is still my friend’s house and as far as I am concerned, I have more right to be here than you.”

              “Fine, I’ll call them,” I said marching to the phone. I dialled the number on the card and spoke with his solicitor, Barry Constantine. We agreed a will hearing for the following week, he promised to notify the beneficiaries, and I hung up the phone. “There, it’s done, next Wednesday at one and then I never want to see you again.”

              “I’ll let Jake know,” she muttered and lifted her jacket. “Thank you, Grace.”

              “Just go, please.” I grumbled.

              “If they were my wedding pictures, I’d want to see them.”

              “Well they’re not your pictures, are they? They are mine and I will bloody well look at them when I am good and ready.”

              “Okay,” she muttered and walked out to the hall, I followed to make sure she left. “The last thing I wanted was to upset you, Grace, Alec would kill me for that and you have already been through so much. I only wanted to let you to know that I am concerned for you, we may not be friends, but I thought that maybe one day we could be.”

              “The way I feel about you right now; I wouldn’t hold my breath.” I snarled and pulled open the front door.

              She stepped forward to leave, “One other thing, when are you going to scatter his ashes?”

              “I don’t know,” I frowned swallowing my emotion down.

              “Fine,” she sighed, “I’ll see you Wednesday.” I didn’t respond, I just slammed the door shut, allowing it to bang loudly, echoing throughout the house.

I took the box from the photographer’s and put it up in Alec’s office. Setting on his desk next to the pile of his mail that I couldn’t bring myself to open. I gazed at the pictures of Scarlett and Paige that he had plastered all over the walls.

              I left his office with a heavy heart as I always did, knowing he used to sit in his chair and work in that room hurt too much to stay for long. As I came down the stairs, the phone began to ring in the living room. I answered it,

              “Hello?”

              “Grace, its Kim…” we talked for a while, she asked how my pregnancy was going, hinting that working for her was become too much of a struggle. She never asked when I was returning, but I knew she wanted to know. I explained that the will was being read Wednesday and I was hoping to return to work the week after. I didn’t want to go back and face them all, but I suppose Camilla was right, I had to stop hiding.

The sun beamed through the windows of David’s car as we drove across London. I didn’t want to take the tube. I also wanted to show David that even though Alec was gone, he still had a job driving me if he wanted it.

              We arrived at the office of Blackwater, Constantine and Ware’s Solicitors. I gazed up at the building and frowned.

              “I’ll park the car, Mrs Richards and then I will join you.” David said.

              “Yes, of course,” I nodded. Alec liked David a lot and it didn’t surprise me to hear that he would also benefit from the will.

Lance met me from the lift and we walked the long corridor to join the others. Brian, Miles and Camilla stood by the window of the waiting room. As soon as Emily noticed me, she raced over and threw her arms around me. Jake, another man and two women from the office were sat on seats and as I stood beside Lance, a door opened in front of us.

              “Mrs Richards?” he asked. I nodded and stepped forward. He was about Alec’s size with dark brown hair and light blue eyes. He didn’t look old enough to be a partner in a firm, but then Alec was only young too. “If you could all follow me please?” he asked and we followed him to a large room. In the middle sat a huge table with chairs surrounding it. “Take a seat,” he told us. David hurried into the room and sat with Jake and his associates.

              I sat in between Jake and Lance, both were very good friends with Alec and I don’t know why, but I felt comfortable sitting between them. Emily and Mark sat beside the and as I gazed around the room, I could clearly see that no one really wanted to be there.

              Mr Constantine placed a folder on the table in front of him. “Thank you all for coming at such short notice, I realise this is rather painful for you all, but it is a formality that needs to be finalised.” He opened the folder and smiled slightly, “Shall we begin?” a few grumbles came from around the table.

We listened intently to Alec’s wishes. His first wish was for his business was to continue under the directive of Jacob Hammond and William Summers, the other man that had come from the office. For the two females that had come, Sharon and Hayley, he wanted them to take the lead at the Oxford branch which was in the final stages of opening. For Emily and Mark, he left a ridiculous amount of money and for Scarlett and Paige, he had set them both up with a trust, in plain terms, they would never have to worry about money.

              He also left money to Lance, Brian, Miles, Camilla, Heidi and Amelie, all benefitting from Alec’s wealth. Money, shares and bonds. A number of charities that Alec supported also received generous donations. David was given enough to retire from his job early and he got to keep the Mercedes. I was pleased for him, but I would miss having a driver, especially since I had only just got used to having one. I sat and listened, as he read out the will almost hearing his voice.

              “Grace,” Jake whispered resting his hand on my arm, “are you okay?” I frowned and looked at him, my face felt wet, I didn’t realize it, but I had started to cry.

I brushed away my tears and pressed my hand on my stomach. My nausea was raging again and all I wanted was to go home. Mr Constantine’s words caught my attention when he said,

“Finally, for my beautiful wife, Grace. You will never know how happy you made me, whether this is after only a few years or sixty, know this, I will always love you, wherever you are and whatever you do. I want you to be happy, above everything else. I don’t know if we have been blessed with children, but I do know that if we are, you are a wonderful mother and it only makes me love you more. There is a trust I set up for our future children, I hope it is needed.

For you, I leave everything else, it’s all yours. Everything I own including Maria’s Meadow, you know how much I loved it there and when you go there, I want you to smile and remember the day I asked you to marry me, how we laughed and talked in the sun. Hold on to that, sweetheart, because I know I will. I love you so much, thank you for making me the happiest man alive. If you haven’t managed to live your dream of owning a publishing company yet, I truly hope you use this to help you start your dream. Remember my love, I want you to live, to really live. I’ll remain forever yours, Grace, all my love, Alec.” I looked at Mr Constantine. “There are also two life insurance policies he had taken out, one was for three million and the other for two. Obviously there are probate rules and fees, but everything will be released within the next few months. Just one other matter,” he said and placed a small jewellery box in front of me. “I believe this is yours.” He said. I opened the box, it was the beautiful bracelet that he had bought for me in San Francisco. Underneath the chain there was a small folded piece of paper, I opened it and it read,