Forget Me (Hampton Harbor) (16 page)

His words are frank and I know this is how doctors speak, but I'm
starting to feel upset.

"You were about 8 weeks along," Dr. Morgan tells me.
"Which might be a hint to your previous life."

I close my eyes again, letting the information take a stroll
through my mind. Could I have been running
because
 I
am pregnant?
Was
 pregnant? Am I
running from the person that got me pregnant? My head beings to throb and I
open my eyes again.

"That isn't all," Dr. Morgan stands up and sits on the
edge of my bed now. He pats my hand, and the gesture is fatherly.

"What else could there be?" I ask with a groan.

"Since you were bleeding so heavily, you had a gynecological
exam as well." He pauses. "There are some signs that you've been
pregnant before, and delivered."

A new wave of dizziness falls over me and I'm gripping Dr.
Morgan's lab coat, frantic.

"Are you saying... do you mean... are you telling me?" Incoherent
sentences escape my mouth.

           
"Melissa."
He uses my true name. "There is a good chance you already have a child.”

Somehow I’m conscious
when Charles and Marie come in to visit me. I had a panic attack after Dr.
Morgan told me the news, and a nurse had to give me a mild sedative. I slept
for a short bit and woke up with a dinner plate placed in front of me. A nurse,
whose nametag reads Betty, comes in to ask if I am ready for visitors.

When Marie enters the room, she immediately runs to my bed and coddles
me.

"We were so worried. As soon as we got off the plane there
was a message from Will telling us you were in the hospital. They wouldn't tell
us anything at the desk, since you aren't a minor," she says.

Charles stands at the end of my bed. "It's a good thing he
was headed to the house to check on you in the storm..." he trails off.

I have a sneaking suspicion he knows Will wasn’t just there to
check on me, but none of that matters anymore.

"I have something to tell you both," I say. I’m tired of
keeping secrets, so I tell them all about the memories that have come back to
me, and finally about Dr. Morgan's news. About my pregnancy. 

Marie holds me while I cry into her shirt and ask questions no one
can answer.

"Who was the
father?" "Do I have a boyfriend, fiancé, husband?" "What
will Will think?"

"Oh, Will," Marie says. "He is in the waiting room
and has been since they brought you in."

I sniffle and Marie hands me a tissue.

"We'll send him in, and then you can get some rest. Dr.
Morgan says that you can come home tomorrow."

I nod, unable to find the words to even say good-bye, and watch
them disappear from my room. I count the seconds on the clock as I wait for
Will to arrive.

One. Two. Three. Four....
Forty-seven.

The door opens and Will steps into the room, taking care to close
the door behind him. He steps over to my bed cautiously, his eyes raking over
my body. Eyes that are filled with worry, and fear, and love. I can't take him
looking at me like that. He doesn't know what I know. He doesn't know what I've
done. Unwelcome tears fill my eyes, and are soon spilling down my cheeks. Will
is at my side quickly, sliding onto the bed and wrapping his arms around me,
ever so gently.

"It's okay Jane, you're safe now." He whispers calming
words into my ear and runs his hands over my hair, which flows over my
shoulders in unruly waves.

I can't tell him, not yet. I need to wait until we are both emotionally
stable, and when I’m somewhere I can think clearly. Not in his hospital bed,
and not in this hospital. He holds me tight, rocking me gently back and forth.
He thinks that I’m crying into his shoulder because of my surgery, which he
hasn't even asked about. But instead I'm crying for my loses. Both of them.

Because tonight I feel like I've lost two people, both my baby and
Will.

Charles and Marie
pick me up from the hospital the next afternoon, and Marie makes quick work of
fussing over me when I'm home in my bed. She brings me tea and snacks often,
and Charles even moves a TV into my room so that I have something to keep me
occupied. Dr. Morgan told me to stay off my feet for at least another day. Will
is out on a night fishing trip with his dad and brothers, which I begged him to
still go on, so I don't have to worry about seeing him. I know that the next
time I see him I'll have to share my news. I was so distraught in the
hospital that he didn’t even ask about the reasoning behind my surgery. I don’t
think he could bring himself to cause me any more stress.

           
I was pregnant
. I practice the words.

I mainly sleep while I am home, but I do get out of bed the
following day, even though Marie throws a fit. It’s warm and sunny out, nothing
like the weather when I collapsed in the kitchen. I step out into the back yard
and I can barely tell that there was ever a storm at all. The ocean is calm and
the waves lap gently against the wall dividing the yard from the bay. The trees
sway in the wind, not in half like they were before. I lower myself carefully
into a chair and close my eyes, feeling the sea breeze hit my face. I can taste
the salt on my lips, and the taste reminds me of Will. It’s how his lips taste every
time we kiss. I wonder if there is a permanent layer of sea salt on his skin
from years of working at the marina and being out at sea.

I hear the back door open and the chair beside me creaks under the
weight of someone else.  I open my eyes and glance over to see Charles. He
offers me a glass of Marie's famous sweet tea and I accept it willingly. I take
a long swig.

"So, Melissa, huh?" he asks me. The name falls off of
his lips smoother than Jane ever did.

I nod. "At least, that’s what I remember. Maybe my mind is
making up a name for me, but I think this is real."

"Me too," Charles says. "You look more like a
Melissa than a Jane. Melissa," he repeats the name. "Missy is a
nickname, you know." He waits, as though I might react.

I mull that over in my head, wondering if a new name gives me a
new identity. Do I even like sweet tea anymore, or being a waitress? Right now
I know that I still love the bay, and that I would stay here forever if I
could.

"Maybe it’s time that we start looking," I say.
"For my family, you know?"

I look over at Charles and he is nodding. "I’ve been thinking
the same thing, even though Marie completely disagrees with me."

"Things are getting complicated," I say.

"Will?" he asks and I answer with a nod.

"Will is a good young man. We've known his family since we moved
here, and he used to come over and play in our backyard with his brothers.
There is something to be said for boys romping in the grass." Charles
gives me a small smile. "You've made each other happy, and I'm glad. I
think everyone deserves to feel happiness like that in his or her life at least
once. But I also think that things are going to get messy if the complete truth
doesn't start to come out."

"Will you help me?" I ask.

He nods. "I'll make some calls later today. Right now I need
to head down to the cafe and get things back in order from the storm."

I listen to him walk through the grass behind me and hear the door
to the house shut behind him. I sigh and stand, kicking off my flip-flops and walk
across the yard barefoot. The feeling is familiar; familiar in a way that
reminds me of home. My real home, yet I still cannot picture it, or where it
is. I have the sinking feeling that it’s not near the ocean.

I head out onto the dock, stepping across the wood planks
carefully. I'm still slightly achy from my surgery and I know that I am due for
more pain medication. I walk all the way to the end of the dock and cross my
arms over my chest. I'm wearing a long sleeved Hampton Harbor shirt that Marie
bought for me, and white shorts. My hair is down again today, and it whips
behind me, mimicking the flag on the end of the dock.

I think about the first time that Will came to the house in his
boat, pulling up to the dock with so much confidence that I would get in the
boat. It feels like months ago. I think of his tanned skin, dark hair, and
bright smile. Details I know I’ll never forget.

Something about that day stands out to me.

My one and only. Missy.

My breath catches in my throat.

Missy was a friend I had
when I was younger. I barely remember her, since it was so long ago, just that
she was my best friend back then. We would play on the docks some days, and
down at the playground on other days. Then one day she was just gone.

I crouch down on the dock, ignoring the sharp pain in my abdomen.

Memories do not rush back to me this time, just a sense of familiarity.
My love of the bay, the way it feels natural to be out here, and the
comfortableness I feel with the town.

"I've been here before," I mutter to myself. And Will
knows, he has to.

I hurry down the dock, finding my flip-flops and rushing into the
house. Charles is just pulling his keys out of the basket by the door when I
catch up with him.

"Take me to the docks. Please," I ask him.

I look around the kitchen for Marie and see that she isn't here.
She would throw a fit if she knew I wanted to leave the house, but I don't care
right now. 

"Please," I say again.

"Okay," Charles says evenly.

I follow him to the car and climb into the passenger side. For the
first time I may get some answers about my past, and from someone who knew me.

Although the last person I expected that to be is Will.

Will isn't at the
docks. I search three of them before one of his coworkers tells me that he is
at lunch.

I hurry down the boardwalk, pushing past tourists in my haste.
When I finally get to the cafe, I look for him through the front windows. He sits
in his usual booth, a grilled cheese sandwich and bowl of chili already placed
in front of him. Amy is leaning against the side of the booth, talking animatedly.
She glances up briefly and her eyes meet mine. It’s as though she sees a ghost.

Will flips his head around and the sight of me has a similar effect
on him. He pushes his plate away and stands up, saying something to Amy before
walking across the cafe and coming outside.

"What are you doing here?" He stops in front of me and
puts a hand on either of my arms, rubbing them lightly. "Shouldn't you be
in bed?"

I shake my head. "I'm fine."

He leans toward me and hugs me tightly. His lips brush my hair and
I can feel his breath near my ear. It's intimate, and wonderful and alarming
all at once. I push away from him and look at the ground.

"Will, I can't do this."

"Are you feeling sick? Let me give you a ride home. I just
need to pay Amy real quick." He is already reaching for his wallet.

"No Will. This. Us.” I motion back and forth between our
bodies. "Both of us are lying, and it isn't healthy."

Will stiffens in front of me. One hand cups my chin and he tilts
my head up. I have no choice but to look at him.

"What lies?" he asks more seriously. His eyes are
searching mine and I try to memorize the odd blue color of them. How they look
like a sea that is trapped under a storm. 

"You must know who I am..." I say.

He cocks his head. "What are you talking about? Jane, you're
worrying me. Please let me take you home."

He tries to lead me away from the boardwalk but I'm locked in
place. Instead I turn and walk down the small dock in front of the cafe. I can
hear Will following behind me. It isn’t until I reach the very end of the dock
that I turn to face him. So many pivotal moments have happened on this dock in
the past month.

           
It’s
where I had my accident. It’s where I first talked to Will. It’s where he first
kissed me.

"I've been having dreams at night," I say. "Dreams
that are really memories."

Will looks hurt, and I gather that he is disappointed that I
haven’t told him, but then he smiles. "That's great, Jane."