Forever Waiting (57 page)

Charmaine looked up at John, who’d turned Marie in his arms so she could see everything around her, her back propped against his chest. She could hold her head up now and was alert, her large brown eyes riveted first on the gulls that squawked and darted in and out of the rigging, then on the aquamarine water.

Charmaine hugged John’s arm and sighed. He had convalesced quickly, strong once again, thanks to rejuvenating rest and Fatima’s good cooking.

“Don’t be unhappy,” he coaxed.

“I’m not,” she said. “Now that the departure is behind me, I’m looking forward to seeing your homes in Virginia and New York.

“Our
homes,” he corrected.

As they forged into the open sea, the winds increased, the sails billowing like giant pillows on towering spars high above them. Those on the deck were buffeted by gales that caught in their hair and whipped at their clothing. Jeannette and Yvette squealed in delight, sidestepping sailors who tried to concentrate on their work. Soon, there was nothing to see but ocean, and Marie began to fuss.

“She needs to nurse,” Charmaine remarked. John smiled down at the protesting babe, then escorted his wife and daughter to their cabin one deck below.

When Paul returned to the other ship, Frederic spoke to George. “I’ve a favor to ask of you. I’d like you to make a trip to North Carolina and a plantation known as Silver Maple, west of Durham and south of Burlington.”

George’s interest was piqued as Frederic produced a paper from his pocket and handed it him. “Maximilian Sledge owns the Silver Maple plantation and a slave named Henry Clayton. I want to purchase that slave. Actually, I want you to purchase him under your name. I don’t want the Duvoisin name mentioned in any of the negotiations.”

“Why?” George asked, further intrigued.

“Mr. Clayton has a beautiful wife, who is free and lives in New York City with their three children,” Frederic explained. “Lily Clayton helped save John’s life, and I would like to repay her.” The memory of Nicholas Fairfield and Hannah Fields was potent, a driving force. They were of another time, and yet so much a part of everything that had happened. That realization allowed him a glimpse of Colette’s smiling face, and he knew that, wherever she was, she greatly approved. He relished the vision a moment longer, then turned back to George, who remained attentive. “It is the least I can do for her and her children.”

George nodded, having met Lily two years ago when he had gone in search of John, bearing Colette’s letter. “But why me?” he queried.

“Because, according to Michael Andrews, Maximilian Sledge would not sell Henry to a Northern sympathizer like John. His Southern loyalty runs as deep as John’s abolitionist views, and Mr. Sledge was not about to sell a slave who would ultimately be freed. Therefore, he must never know your intentions concerning Henry Clayton. He must believe you are purchasing him to work on another plantation. To that end, you are to tell Mr. Sledge you’ve purchased a plantation and are interested in buying three strong men. Henry mustn’t be singled out, or Sledge will grow suspicious.”

“And what if Henry is no longer at Silver Maple?” George queried.

“According to what I’ve heard, he was too powerful a man to lose, lighter skinned and very big. However, if he has been sold south, do whatever it takes to find him and spend whatever amount to purchase him.”

“And after I’ve done that?”

“That second address is Lily’s home in New York,” Frederic said, nodding at the paper George now held in his hands. “Once you’ve secured the purchase, sign the documents entitling him to his liberty and transport him there.”

“And the other two men?”

“I’m certain John can find them work in New York.”

George nodded, but Frederic could read hesitation in his eyes. “If you’re concerned about leaving your wife behind, why not take her along on an extended holiday?” The younger man’s reservation disappeared, and Frederic produced a sizable purse. “If you need more than this, there are signed notes within. They can be redeemed in the States through the Bank of Richmond.”

“Well, then,” George said. “I guess it’s a matter of asking Mercedes.”

They turned together to begin the day’s labor. When Frederic reached the end of the boardwalk, he looked up at the meetinghouse, remembering his precious Colette.
For you
, ma fuyarde,
for you …

It was dark when John left the cabin. The twins were finally asleep, giggling for the longest time before succumbing to the lull of the rocking ship. Marie had been fussing since they left port, but she eventually accepted the nipple Charmaine had been offering all afternoon. She’d sleep soundly once she had nursed her fill.

John strode to the railing and contemplated the ocean, the choppy water that no longer mirrored his life. Contented, he breathed deeply of the salty night air. After a while, he reached into his shirt pocket and withdrew Colette’s letter. He unfolded it, and his eyes roamed over the delicate script. It was impossible to read her words in the poor light, for there was only a crescent moon, and the lamps on deck burned low. It didn’t matter. He had memorized every line. He brought the stationery to his lips and savored the delicate scent of lily that still clung to the pages. Slowly, he allowed the sheets to slip from his fingers. The ocean breezes caught them, catapulting them high into the air, tossing them about like the seabirds that had careened around the ship that afternoon. The leaflets were carried off, three white specters flying effortlessly in the freedom of openness, luminescent against the inky night. They relinquished the buffeting updrafts and fluttered to the water, settling on the swells and floating serenely away.

Charmaine grasped his hand.

Startled, he turned a guilty face to her. But she said nothing; rather she squeezed his fingers and looked out at the vast emptiness.

“Charmaine—” he began.

“I found the letter,” she whispered before he could say more. “I didn’t read it. I was
afraid
to read it.”

“It’s over, Charmaine,” he promised. “It doesn’t matter now.”

“But you kept her letter—
all this time
.”

He heard the despair in her voice, wanted to put it to rest forever. “And you should know why. You should know what it said,” he murmured, beckoning her to step into his embrace as he leaned back against the railing. With his arms around her waist and chin atop her head, he recited:

My dearest John
,

I cannot know your present state of mind. It is not my intention to cause you greater pain. I pray you receive this letter. I have every faith in George to deliver it into your hands
.

I know I have few days left in this life. If I am to go to the afterlife clear of conscience, I must do what I can now to end the terrible hatred between you and your father. I desire eternal serenity, but without your help, this is impossible. Your father is in a miserable state, consumed with jealousy, anger, and sadness. If he leaves this life this way, then I will be responsible, because I am the one who came between you. I do not want to die knowing he will shortly follow me in such a state of mind. The ferocity of his rage belies the depth of his love, but he needs somebody to show him the way. I was unable to do so, but I know you are. If you have ever truly loved me, please take my dying prayer to heart, return home, and make amends with your father
.

I also beg your forgiveness. I am sorry for turning to you in my loneliness and selfishly taking your love, only to abandon you to suffer all on your own. I think of you every day, wonder how you are, and pray you will be happy again. I long to see you just one more time before I leave this earth. If I could only behold your smiling face before I close my eyes, I wouldn’t be so frightened of going into that dark, endless night
.

Our son is a beautiful child, John. I beg you to come home to see him. I want Pierre to experience the excitement for life that only you can show him, and I want you to know his innocent love. He has so much of it to give, and you need that love desperately
.

I beg you to look after Yvette and Jeannette’s happiness, too. If your father cannot put his bitterness behind him, the only love my children will have when I am gone is that of their young governess and Nana Rose. It is important they know the love of family, so please, please take care of them for me. Show them how to run and play, how to laugh and sing
.

I love you, John. I love you for the comfort and happiness you brought to me, not once, but twice. I love you for showing my daughters how to seize the day during that miraculous time when we were all together. I love you for your courage in letting go, for sacrificing your own desires in the noble interest of doing what was best for everyone. Live and love again, John. There is somebody in this world who deserves the privilege of sharing your unique zest for life and your beautiful, intense love
.

Even though I know I am dying, I have hope for the future and for my children—hope that their lives will be happy and that some day, a true family will surround and embrace them. I have hope you will find contentment in this life and a loving wife and children you can call your own. And lastly, I have hope you will find empathy in your heart for your father. Forgive him, John, so we can be forgiven. If God is so good as to take me into his perpetual light, I will watch over and pray for you and all of my loved ones here on earth
.

Until we meet again,

Your loving Colette

Charmaine was weeping by the time he had finished, her arms wrapped tightly around him. On a ragged breath, he finally spoke. “Yes, I came home, but selfishly, it wasn’t to answer Colette’s prayer.”

“And yet,” Charmaine said in amazement, “her prayer
was
answered all the same.” Suddenly, the tears she shed were bittersweet and joyous. “You saw her, didn’t you?”

“Yes, Charmaine, I saw her.”

“But you came back to me,” she choked out, lifting her eyes to his. “Why?”

“I had a choice,” he rasped. “And I chose you.”

He pulled her farther into his embrace, buried his head in her hair, and held her more fiercely than ever before. He was weeping, and she could feel his tears trickling down her neck, uniting with her own. “She never belonged to me, Charmaine,” he breathed. “But you do. You’re all mine.”

“Always,” she promised, “and forever.”

About the Author

FROM
DEVA
GANTT
AND
AVON A

TOPICS FOR DISCUSSION AND AUTHOR INSIGHTS
FOR
FOREVER WAITING

1. Three compelling themes drive the Colette Trilogy and are identifiable once
Forever Waiting
comes to a close. Discuss:

HOPE AMIDST HOPELESSNESS

An evening mist settled over the moss-scarred walls of the stone church, shrouding it in hopelessness … A resplendent serenity settled over him, bathing him in hopefulness
.

The opening and closing lines of the Colette Trilogy are the very heart of the Duvoisin story.
A Silent Ocean Away
opens with a solitary man, John Duvoisin, praying for the death of his father, Frederic. In his despair, he contemplates the most wretched of solutions. At the close of
Forever Waiting
, John recites a very different prayer—Colette’s prayer. To understand the paramount message of the Colette Trilogy, the reader should compare and contrast John’s self-serving prayer in the prologue with Colette’s prayer in the epilogue. What deeper understanding about life’s tribulations had Colette achieved in her journey that John and Frederic had yet to learn? Think again about author insights at the end of
A Silent Ocean Away
. To what extent did Colette yield herself to death in the interest of restoring the Duvoisin family and achieving God’s greater good? Thus, the driving theme: Even in the most egregious of situations, there is always hope, and happiness is
forever waiting
, especially for those whose hearts are not hardened.

WHOLESOME LOVE VERSUS DESTRUCTIVE LOVE

Love—in all its forms—is explored in the Colette Trilogy: first love, passionate love, maternal love, fraternal love, selfish love, guilt-ridden love, deadly love, and ultimately, paternal love. Each one impacts the Duvoisins, bringing
Forever Waiting
to its sublime conclusion.

Conversely, several characters are beset by heartache yet choose to meet it in opposing ways. Identify the parallelism between the following characters:

• Agatha and John
  
• Agatha and Marie
  
• Father Michael and Father Benito
  
• Paul and John
  
• Paul and Frederic
  
• John and Pierre
  

AUTHOR INSIGHT:

AGATHA AND JOHN …

Frederic breaks his betrothal to Agatha, just as Colette does with John. Both Agatha and John are embittered; both eventually resume a love affair with their intended spouse. Despite his anguish, John takes the high road and bows out of Colette’s life. In contrast, Agatha chooses to nurture her hatred and, no matter the cost, claim what she desires.