Forever Too Far (18 page)

really thought that Rush would be there for me in the end. He’d been wrong.

“I’m glad you came,” I told him as I stopped a few feet away from him keeping enough distance to

make Rush comfortable.

“Not gonna lie. I didn’t want to. Granny Q made me,” he replied. “But you look beautiful. So

breathtaking it hurts to look at you.”

“Thank you. I didn’t know Rush had sent y’all the tickets and invitations until Granny Q walked into

my dressing room today.”

Cain nodded. “Yeah, I guessed as much. Since it was Rush inviting us and not you. Granny Q was

determined we were coming once she got it.”

“I’m happy, Cain.”

He gave me a sad smile and nodded. “I can see that. It’s hard to miss. He’s pretty damn whooped

himself.”

There wasn’t much else to say. Our time was in the past. He’d been my best friend once but now Rush

was my everything.

“Take care,” I said, knowing I needed to get back to Rush before he decided we’d talked too long.

“You too, Blaire. Send pictures of the baby. Granny Q will want to see them,” he replied.

I turned and headed back to Rush who was standing on the edge of the dance floor with his eyes

locked on me.

Normally I spent Christmas drunk in a ski resort with whatever girl I was dating at the time and some

friends. It was my go to place for the holidays. Growing up my mother didn’t decorate a tree or bake

cookies. I had only seen those kinds of things on television.

The smell of pine trees, apple cinnamon, and cookies filled our house. The biggest ass Christmas tree

I could find in Rosemary filled our living room and was decorated with bright colorful decorations

and twinkling lights. We had live garlands and berries on our mantel and three stockings

monogrammed with the letter F hung by the fireplace. Two big wreaths with red velvet bows

decorated our front doors and the house was filled with Christmas carols as they played through the

sound system. Blaire had found a Christmas station on the satellite radio and she threatened me if I

touched it.

Gifts with colorful paper and sparkly bows were piled up under our tree and I couldn’t get rid of my

friends. They were always here. Eating the sweets that Blaire kept making and drinking the apple

cider that she never let get low. It was like Santa Claus had thrown up in our house. A year ago this

would have sounded like hell to me. Now, I couldn’t imagine ever doing Christmas any other way.

This was Christmas done Blaire’s way and I liked it. No, I fucking loved it. She sang along off-key to

the Christmas carols as she pulled cookies out of the oven and rolled those peanut butter balls in

powdered sugar while I waited for her to put one in my mouth.

This was going to be what my kids grew up believing Christmas was all about and I loved it.

Cuddling on the sofa watching Christmas movies and drinking hot cocoa while I laid my hand on

Blaire’s stomach and enjoyed feeling my boy kick. This was something money couldn’t buy. Not this

kind of happiness.

“Do you think we’ll see your dad before Christmas?” Blaire asked, walking into the living room

where I stood enjoying the tree while listening to Blaire sing “We Wish You a Merry Christmas.”

“Doubt it. He just left last week,” I reminded her. She frowned then nodded. “Okay. I guess we need

to mail his present then. I have Harlow something that I need to mail too. I was hoping you’d help me

think of something for your mother and Nan. I don’t know what to buy them. I’ve never spent time

with them.”

My mother and Nan? She’d bought my dad a present? And Harlow? Damn. All I’d done was buy

things for her and the baby. I hadn’t thought to buy anyone else something.

“Uh, yeah, um, I guess. But they won’t be expecting anything. We don’t really exchange gifts. It’s not

really a holiday we celebrate as a family.”

Blaire’s face fell and she looked at me with sad eyes. I didn’t like seeing her sad. I liked the off-key happy singing she had been doing just minutes before. “But it’s Christmas. You buy the people you

love things on Christmas. Doesn’t have to be much. Just something. It’s fun to give things.”

If she wanted to give my evil mother something and my sister then I’d fucking go buy them whatever

the hell she wanted me to and ship it off with a smile. “Okay, baby. I’ll find them something and we

can ship it off with the other things.”

That seemed to appease her and she nodded. “Oh good. Okay.” She started to turn around and

stopped. “I have Kiro something too. We need to mail that when we mail the other things going to

LA.”

I couldn’t help but laugh. She’d bought Kiro something. Everyone was going to think I’d lost my mind

when they all got packages from me. “Kiro too. Got it,” I replied.

The one good thing about Blaire’s endless shopping was that it gave me time to prepare her surprise.

She kept saying that after Christmas we needed to think about a nursery. I kept agreeing with her. But I also kept the last room on the left, the one with the view she loved, locked.

Last year I’d let my mother sleep late because she’d been up late sick the night before. I had gotten up and fixed her favorite breakfast, strawberry waffles with whipped cream, and turned on the tree

lights. It would be my last Christmas with her and I had known that. I’d made sure everything was

perfect.

When she had walked into the living room she had been greeted with a fire in the fireplace, a stocking

full of her favorite splurge items, Christmas music playing, and me. She had laughed then cried and

hugged me as we sat and ate our breakfast before opening gifts. I had wanted to buy her so much but

money had been tight. Using my sparse creative abilities I had made her a scarpbook of Valerie and I

growing up. Mom had been buried with it in her hands.

This year I had done everything I could to make my mother proud of me. There were times when her

favorite Christmas carol would play and I had to fight the urge to go curl up in the fetal position and

weep. But she’d made me promise her something last year. She had known it was her last Christmas

too and she’d asked me to do her a favor: that next Christmas I would celebrate enough for both of us.

I had tried my hardest.

My eyes had opened before the sunrise this morning and I’d eased out of bed without waking Rush. I

needed some time alone. Time to process things. To remember. I knew that if Mom could see me now

she would be so happy for me. I was married to the man I loved. I was going to be a mother myself

and I had forgiven my dad. I held my coffee close to me and pulled my legs up under me as I sat on the

sofa facing the colorfully decorated tree. This picture of my life would have been what Mom wanted

for me.

I didn’t wipe away the tears on my face because they weren’t all sad. Some were happy. Some were

thankful and some were memories.

I enjoyed the silence and watched the sunrise through the window. Rush would want me in bed when

he woke up. I would need to sneak back in after I finished my coffee and brushed my teeth. This year I

wanted Christmas to be perfect for him. It was our first one and this was me setting a precedent for

years to come.

“Waking up on Christmas without your favorite present in bed sucks bad.” Rush’s sleepy voice

startled me and I glanced back to see him walking into the living room. He had pulled on a pair of

sweat pants but that was it. His hair was messy from sleep and his eyes were still half closed.

“I’m sorry. I was going to sneak back in bed after I watched the sunrise,” I told him as he sank down

on the sofa beside me and pulled me over against his side.

“I would have gotten up and watched it with you if you’d asked,” he said with his chin resting on the

top of my head.

I was almost positive that he would do anything I asked of him. That hadn’t been why I’d left him

sleeping. “I know,” I replied.

Rush trailed his hand up and down my left arm. “You needed some alone time?” he asked. The

understanding in his question told me that he didn’t need details. He knew.

“Yeah,” I replied.

“You need some more?”

“No,” I said, smiling up at him.

“Good ‘cause I wasn’t going to go away easily,”

I laughed and laid my head back against his chest. “It’s a beautiful morning.”

“Yeah, it is,” he agreed and bent his head down to my ear. “Can I give you one of your presents

now?” he asked.

“Does it require us being naked?” I asked teasingly.

“Uh, no... but if you wanna get naked baby, I’m always on board for that,” he replied.

Surprised, I turned around in his arms and looked up at him. “You mean you want to open presents

now?” I asked. I’d thought we would make love first.

“Not open exactly. I need to show you,” he said, standing up and pulling me with him.

This was not what I’d expected. I nodded and let him lead me back through the house and to the stairs.

Maybe we were going upstairs to have sex after all?

Rush stopped at the room I’d once chosen as my own. I hadn’t been in there since I had shown it to

Harlow before the wedding. The door was closed and Rush stood back and motioned for me to open

it. I was really confused now.

I stepped forward to turn the knob and let the door open slowly. The first thing I saw was a massive

cherry wood baby bed sitting in the middle of the room and an elaborate mobile with exotic sea

animals dangling from it.

Rush reached inside and flipped a switch. Instead of the overhead light coming on, the mobile lit up

and began to play. But it wasn’t a lullaby. It was the song Rush had sung to me on our wedding day.

The entire mobile was lit up all the way to the ceiling. All I could do was cover my mouth in

complete awe and shock as I stepped further into the room. Lights danced across the walls as the

mobile spun slowly playing our song.

A rocking chair sat in the corner with a beautiful handmade blanket thrown over it. A changing table,

an armoire, and even a small day bed also decorated the room. The soft blue paint on the walls was

perfect considering one wall was mostly windows that overlooked the now blue sky and ocean.

I finally found my voice but all that came out was a small sob before I threw myself in Rush’s arms

and cried. This was perfect and he’d done this. He had chosen the perfect room for our son.

“I really hope those are happy tears because I’m gonna be honest. I was worried you’d be pissed.

Bethy mentioned you might want to do this yourself and I hadn’t thought about that,” he said in a tight

whisper.

Bethy didn’t know anything. Maybe Bethy would want to do this herself but knowing Rush had taken

all the time and thought for the nursery made my heart swell until I thought it was going to burst.

“This is perfect. It’s beautiful. It’s... oh Rush, he’s going to love it. I love it,” I assured him then I grabbed his head and pulled it down to me so I could kiss him. A fabulous magazine worthy nursery

makes a pregnant woman horny. Who knew?

I was a southern girl. That much was obvious. While I loved our time in New York I was glad to be

back home where I could find sweet iced tea when I wanted it. Rush had missed Rosemary too. I

could tell. We had unpacked and then taken all the clothes and toys we’d bought for the baby, who we

still had not named, and put them in the nursery. It had been fun to hang up his clothes in the closet and fold his blankets and line up all his little shoes. We had gone a little overboard with the purchasing of clothing.

Grant had stopped by to take Rush away for some guy time on the golf course shortly after our arrival

so I decided to go do some visiting. There was nothing to eat here and I was starving. Going to see if

Jimmy was at the club working and getting something to eat would kill two birds with one stone. I

grabbed my keys and headed outside to my car... or SUV... or whatever it was. I hadn’t driven it yet.

Rush had it sitting in the driveway waiting on me when we got home.

All I knew was that it was the Mercedes Benz idea of a utility vehicle. I was just glad he hadn’t

gotten me a minivan. Apparently, this one was one of the safest cars on the road. He gave me a very

long sales pitch on it then told me if I didn’t like it I could take it back and get what I wanted.

It was a Mercedes, for crying out loud. I wasn’t going to snub my nose at that. Of course I was happy

with it. I just needed to figure out how to drive it. I looked down at the key he’d left me. There were

directions he’d given me. I was supposed to just stick this thing that was most definitely NOT a key in

my purse and carry it with me. When I touched the door handle it would automatically unlock as long

as the key was on my body. Then I had to put my foot on the brake and press the “on” button by the

steering wheel to crank the car. Everything else should be easy enough. Yeah right.

I did as I was told and climbed into the car which isn’t easy when your stomach is enormous. After

buckling, I managed to crank the car without the key which was all kinds of weird. I didn’t even try to

touch the stuff on the dash. It looked like something in an airplane. I understood none of it. I opened

my purse and took my gun out then slipped it under my seat. I hadn’t been carrying it with me since I

was always with Rush. But now that I had my own car again and I would be out by myself, and soon