Forever Love on Fireweed Island (Island County Book 4) (20 page)

Jake seemed momentarily appeased with my assessment, and I let out a slow breath I didn’t even know I’d been holding in.

“You okay?” he asked.

“I’m not sure being this close is a good thing right before work.”

“You’ve got work today?”

I nodded. “Until six.”

“That’s going to interfere with what I had planned for us.” His embrace only tightened, and for the first time since I’d been on the job, the idea of calling in sick didn’t seem so bad.

“Planned for us? Does it involve Todd?”

“It didn’t, but I can see if he is available.”

I giggled, and he swept a piece of hair from my cheek that had fallen from my ponytail.

“What are you doing after your shift?”

“I’d planned on jumping into one of the books you brought over.” I smiled and pressed my body deeper into his. “But I can always change plans.”

“Change them.” The mischievous look in his eyes made my mind spin into extraordinary possibilities. “And I’ll be here a little after six to pick you up.”

I nodded without another word, and he kissed me softly, giving me the best send off to work I’d ever had.

I wasn’t ready for the kiss to end, but his mouth parted from mine.

“You’re all set for the Fourth of July on Hound Island?”

“I am more than ready. I actually took the third through the fifth off.”

“Good. I’ll let you get to the library.”

“First, I should change out of yesterday’s clothes,” I informed him.

“No one would know.” His arms loosened around my waist.

“Well, thank you for that. I actually have a post I need to get up too.”

His gaze hardened and he looked away. “You know, I’ve been thinking about something you told me.”

“What in particular?”

“It really struck me that you’d been with someone who didn’t support you when what you do is such a part of you.”

I shrugged. “It happens. Besides, aren’t you the one saying what’s done is done?”

“I might be saying it, but I might not be as good at following it.” He took a step back. “You know what’s strange?”

“Besides an alpaca named Todd?” I grinned and so did he.

“I’ve never shied away from telling people why I got divorced or what led up to me moving to Fireweed until I met you.”

“Why do you think that is?” I didn’t know whether to be offended or flattered, but above all, I was relieved he was admitting it.

He crossed his arms and shook his head. “I don’t know. I’ve been trying to figure that out.”

“I feel like I’ve had the exact opposite problem. I feel like at every turn, I’ve been sticking my foot in my mouth. I think I’d like to experiment with silence. The guy I was married to wasn’t a saint. He was vindictive, but I don’t know why I can’t leave it at that. Why I can’t move on? Every so often, I get an email from him telling me how much better he is without me. It’s usually late at night, probably after he’s well-past drunk.” I groaned. “See? There I go again.”

“A real man wouldn’t do that to someone he supposedly loved.”

“I’m not sure he ever did, to be honest.” Speaking the words aloud stunned me. I’d never wanted to admit to myself that I’d married someone who I knew never loved me. He only wanted to control me. I’d always prided myself on being a strong woman, but in that one area of my life, I met a weakness I didn’t understand and couldn’t reconcile. I despised my willingness to overlook my pain for the sake of peace. “I think I was more of a prize than a partner.”

“It sounds like your ex leads a baleful existence.”

 “You know, that just might be the perfect definition. I used to try to figure out or at least understand what made him tick, but the moment I realized it didn’t really matter because he was still going to do what he did, I decided to file for a divorce.”

“So that was your breakthrough moment.”

“I guess it was. What about you?”

“It does get easier,” he said softly, ignoring my question.

“I kind of get the feeling it’s always been easy for you,” I replied, studying him.

“What in particular?” he asked.

“Divorce.”

He chuckled bitterly. “I refuse to let my past cloud my future . . . that’s all. I’m done with it.”

“That’s all, huh? But is it
that
easy? All you have to do is tell yourself nothing mattered?” I asked. “I hear bitterness underneath your laugh.”

He let out a deep sigh and rubbed his hands over his eyes.

“No, it wasn’t easy. My life wasn’t easy while I was married to her, and dissolving my marriage was merciless.”

“I’ve heard from more than one person your divorce was nasty, and that’s why you came to Fireweed. The story I’ve been getting from you is that your divorce was fine and you came to Fireweed for the fleece. If we’re just doing the rebound thing for both of us, I guess I don’t need to know the details, but if we’re not, I’ll want to know.” I paused for a second before continuing and saw the conflicting emotions running through his gaze. “I’ll want to know, because your experiences are a part of you like they are me.”

“Things are complicated.”

“Listen, I’m not asking for confirmation one way or another. I’d be game for either. It’s been a long time since . . .” I stopped. No sense in telling him how long. “I guess I’m just saying the longer you go without telling me about your life beyond Todd and Dotty, the clearer your intentions will become, and that’s fine.”

“Duly noted.” Sadness weighed down his features, and I wondered if I took things too far.

I only did it because I knew how close I was to falling for him—truly falling for him.

“Are we still on for dinner?” I asked, trying to lighten the mood. I hadn’t meant for things to veer off course so drastically.

“I hope so.” His brows pulled together, and I nodded.

Turning to leave the kitchen, his fingers circled my wrist, and he pulled me back into him, giving me one last kiss before I left for work.

I’d left a comment on BlznBookie’s latest blog post about some photographs he took of Altun Ha. He’d visited the ruins of this ancient Mayan city two years ago, and back then, he wrote a piece about the public rituals that many of the communal buildings were dedicated to in some form or another.

However, what his blog post touched on this time was how he took the photos two years ago and completely missed out on the beauty of minutiae. By focusing on the large landscape shots showing the complexity of the city’s layout without catching the nuances of each of the structures, he’d lost the heart of the experience. Of course, I couldn’t write his point as eloquently as he did, but his words struck something deep inside me.

I didn’t want to miss out on the relationship—however short or long—with Jake. I congratulated myself on turning a light-hearted summer fling into a DEFCON-three relationship. Thankfully, this morning, I didn’t push the talk to all-out nuclear war, but rather, I kept the discussion at a steady level where strengthened security measures were in force and any intel I received would be dealt with as it came in, and that was a problem. I needed to enjoy the small moments with Jake and quit digging at something that maybe he didn’t want to reveal. He was busy giving me lots of small, beautiful moments, and I continued to search for the big overhead shot.

I’d pretty much stayed behind my desk all day and tried to come up with a plausible excuse to cancel dinner. I was embarrassed for putting him on notice. All the poor guy probably wanted was a relaxing few dates with me over the course of the summer without our baggage weighing either of us down, and I seemed determined not to give him that. I let out a silent sigh and stared at my computer screen.

“Hey, Jewels.” I looked up to see Nick leaning on the counter and waving. He had a suspicious look in his eyes, which worried me tremendously, considering what I’d just been through.

“Guess what I’ve done?” he asked with an almost evil grin.

I pushed my chair away from the desk and walked over.

“I’m afraid to ask.” I whispered.

“I’ll tell you anyway. I contacted your Blzn guy.”

I froze in place, my palms literally sweating with dread and fear.

“Why in the world would you do that?” I almost hissed.

“If I had a woman look as excited about me as you do about Blzn, I’d want to know about it, so I made it my mission. This could be love at first sight.”

I groaned and slowly shook my head. “What about the girl behind the look? Maybe she’d rather just keep that look under wraps with no sightings?”

His brows pinched in confusion as if that were completely absurd. “The guy you’ve been writing to is actually in town the next two weeks.”

“Not this town,” I stated.

“Well . . . no, but he’s in Seattle.”

“Why in the world would he be in Seattle? He didn’t mention anything on his blog about being in Seattle.”

Although he did post a throwback of sorts in his latest post.

 Nick shrugged. “I didn’t ask.”

“What did you ask?” My brow rose slowly.

“I said you were a really good friend of mine who was a huge fan of his, and you’d love me forever if you could meet him.”

I was so furious I couldn’t even get mad. All I could do was stare at Nick in absolute disbelief.

“I thought you’d be a little happier about this.” He pressed his lips together and tapped the counter with his index finger.

“Have you ever thought that maybe I never wanted to meet him?”

“Why would that be? If you guys click—”

“Because right now, he is on a pedestal—a platform—I never wanted him to leave. He was up there with Jack London and Robert Louis Stevenson in my mind, and the real thing will always disappoint. I like illusion, mystery, and adventure, and now, I’ll have to go find some other unattainable male to daydream about who won’t burst my idealistic bubble.”

“You know Jack London died at forty from being an alcoholic. That’s not setting the bar real high.” Nick threw up his hands.

I cocked my head and stared at him. “You know what I mean. Creative, intelligent, adventurous, sexy, successful. Besides, London couldn’t help that. But you’re missing my point.”

“I thought you’d be kind of stoked. I got a group of us together to go meet him.”

“Are you serious?” I sighed. “When?”

“Tonight.”

“I can’t. I’m busy.”

“Busy doing what?”

“Don’t act so surprised. I actually have a date.” I refilled the pencils near the library forms and refused to look at Nick.

“That’s quite the dilemma. Have him come too.”

“I honestly think you need to figure out a way to get yourself out of this. I don’t want to waste Blzn’s time, and truthfully, this is quite the embarrassment, professionally and personally. Now, I’ll no longer be able to privately or publicly stalk his blog, leave comments, send messages—”

“You’ve traded messages?” Nick asked, his eyes wide. “You never mentioned that.”

“Would that have changed things?” I asked, crossing my arms.

“Probably not.” Nick actually looked remorseful. “I promised the guy I’d buy him a beer. I’ll go meet up with him and tell him it was a mistake.”

“No.” I shook my head. “Just . . . I’ll come. I can cancel or see if Jake wants to ride along. This is going to be disastrous either way. Might as well blow two relationships out of the water at once and free up my summer.”

“Are you sure? I honestly don’t mind clearing this up. I thought I was doing a good thing. Maybe in the end, you’ll gain a friendship and you won’t want to kill me.”

“I had a friendship with him.”

“A cyber friendship where you could be getting catfished.”

“Are we back to that again?”

“Well, this way, we’ll be sure he is who he says he is.”

“How are you positive you got the right guy?”

“Walter King, writer and adventurer.”

“I posted on his post earlier today, and he didn’t mention anything about this.”

“We just confirmed like fifteen minutes ago. Plus, I didn’t tell him who you were in case this guy doesn’t check out.”

“So he’s coming to meet a random stranger, not the woman he’s been messaging online, as far as he knows?”

“Correct.”

I breathed a sigh of relief, but I was still ready to torture Nick.

“Okay, fine. I’ll call Jake and explain the situation. What time are we supposed to meet him?”

“Eight o’clock.”

“So we’ll take the seven o’clock ferry.”

“We can just walk on. He’s meeting us at the pub by the ferry terminal.”

“Fine. Does Natty know about this?” I asked.

“Who do you think pushed me to find this guy?” Nick smirked before turning around and walking swiftly out of the library.

I thought about all the years I’d suffered in silence away from Fireweed Island, and suddenly, that didn’t seem so horrible.

I glanced at the clock on the wall and decided to get my call over with to Jake. This was beyond awkward, but maybe this was where my sense of adventure would begin.

I picked up the receiver on the library phone and slammed it back down. Maybe a text would be better.

I grabbed my cell off my desk and typed a quick message.

The man who gets hives from relationships has apparently tracked down BlznBookie. Supposedly, the guy’s in Seattle and Nick set up a “fan” greeting with a bunch of us. I’d like to crawl under a rock but decided to face my fears. Would you be game to come tonight?