Forever, Jack (25 page)

We drove with the windows down. The spring night air washed over us, the smell of the marsh riding the wind.

“I’m not sure I trust him.” Joey ruined the calm I’d finally collected on the ride to the parking pad under the bridge.

Instead of answering, I hopped down and pulled my kayak out the back. The normally inky dark of the island and its inland estuary was splashed with silver from the moon.

Working in silence, Joey held my kayak while I got in and settled myself. Then I leaned over and held his steady for him.

“Up the creek?” he asked.

I smiled. “As long as I have my paddle.” It was always our joke when we decided to head away from the open sound. “Yeah, let’s stay close.”

I back-paddled and turned, waiting and drifting slowly. The water was black and eerie but beautiful with the light from the moon. It was a full moon high tide, so the water level was higher than normal. If we had an early warm snap, the mosquitoes would hatch in larger batches than usual in the water left behind.

As Joey pulled up close, we moved in silence, soaking up the peace.

I kept my eyes pealed for dolphins. It was the best part of full moon paddles.

Joey cleared his throat to warn me he was about to speak. “I know he’s got a movie coming up here and all, but what about after that? I mean if you two are still together, what then? Will you just follow him around the world?”

Sighing, I tried not to get upset. “God, Joey, I don’t know. Why are you worried about something so far in the future? We’ll figure that out when we get there.” I kept up the rhythm of my paddle strokes and my breathing.

“Why
aren’t
you worried about it?”

“Because it feels right, because I feel like I’m supposed to be with him.” I didn’t think he needed to know about Nana’s letter. That I believed she’d been involved in getting Jack and me back together. He’d never consider that anything but a coincidence.

“And you think if you give up your life and your dreams to follow him around he’ll still respect you? That he won’t get tired of feeling responsible for you all the time? He’s not giving up his life for you, but you seem pretty wishy-washy about sacrificing not only
your
future, but this town’s respect, and frankly my respect, and our family name.”

Blood drained from my head leaving a buzzing emptiness in its wake. A sharp prick of hurt stuck me in the back of the throat, and my eyes welled with tears. I pulled the paddle out of the water and laid it across me.

“Joey—” I tried, but it came out a whisper.

“I’m sorry, Keri Ann.” Joey stopped paddling too and reached out the end to grab a hold of my kayak. We paused in the middle of the waterway. It was the dead of night, but the moon was like a spotlight on earth. His features looked pained. “I’m sorry,” he said again. “But this is the way I feel. I don’t think he’s using you. He’s seems like a pretty genuine guy. But I can’t see the two of you together. I just can’t. And I think in the end, you’ll be the one hurt.” He raked a hand through his hair. “God, do you even remember Mom and Dad? Mom danced, did you know that? I loved watching her dance. It was magical to me. She’d take me with her sometimes if I didn’t have school. She was amazing. People told me she was good enough to be in New York, dancing as her career, but she met Dad and fell in love. He promised her they would find a city that had a dance company. He kept promising, promising. Then she had us and eventually all she wanted to find was a teaching job. If she couldn’t dance for herself, then she’d teach others. But no. Dad kept fucking moving, and she eventually gave up. She just gave up.”

I wanted to tell Joey this had nothing to do with me and Jack, but he’d never talked about Mom and Dad, and I wanted to soak it in like a desert rain.

Joey let go of my kayak and started paddling again. Slow and forceful strokes. I followed, pulling my paddle through the inky water.

“When I was nine or so,” Joey said as I pulled up close, “you were twirling around the kitchen in this apartment we’d just moved into in Wilmington. You were so little.” He smiled. “We were there for some other deal Dad was working on. A sales contract or something. And mom, she … she started crying out of the blue. She was crying while you were dancing around the kitchen. I didn’t know what to do. I thought we’d upset her, or something, or you’d done something wrong. I knew she’d been trying to get a job since we’d arrived, so my nine year old mind wanted to help her feel better, and I told her she should teach
you
to dance. She just looked at me, sobbing, and then stood up and went and pulled out all of her dancing stuff, leotards and ballet shoes, and threw them in this big metal garbage can that was outside.

“She threw all her stuff away,” he said, shaking his head as if he still didn’t believe it. “The way she was acting was so scary I screamed at her to stop, and you were crying at all the commotion. Before I knew it, she had set the whole lot on fire. The neighbors called the fire department. It was awful.”

I sat in stunned silence. Tears streaked my cheeks. I felt the cool sting of the salt in the breeze.

We’d both stopped paddling again.

Joey was far away in his mind, his eyes glazed as he remembered. “Dad came home a few hours later celebrating. He’d just ‘closed’ the deal or whatever. He didn’t even know anything had changed or that anything happened that day. It all just went on business as usual. But everything was different. God, she was so different. She wasn’t sad so much as she was just … nothing. I hated it. It was awful. And I hated that Dad never even noticed. I don’t even know if they ever discussed it, the fact that she wasn’t looking for work anymore. That she never danced again.” He took a deep breath. “I look at you, and you remind me of Mom so much. The mom I remember when I was younger. You are creative and honest and good and beautiful, and if it is at all within my power to save you from a situation like that, where you’ll give yourself up for someone else, then by God, I have to try.”

He looked at me, his normally blue eyes dark in our current black and white world. But they glittered unshed tears. He let go of his tightly-held paddle with one hand and clenched and unclenched a fist.

I reached for his hand and held it in mine. My heart felt like it was breaking. I’d never known. I was thankful not to have experienced her pain so keenly, but immeasurably more sad I had no memory of it at all. I had no images of the magical and dancing mom Joey so obviously remembered in his mind.

“Please think, Keri Ann. I said it from the beginning, since I saw you together in Savannah, and God, tonight even, you guys have a kind of intensity that is insane. I’m not saying you’re not grown up and can’t handle it, but you know what I mean.”

I nodded. “I do, Joey. I have all the same concerns as you do. I understand everything you’re saying. I’m not going into this blindly. And I don’t know how we’re going to figure out being together and keeping it private. Or how I am going to be my own person and not be sucked into his vortex. I have no idea what the future will bring, and I’m shit scared that I’m going to make the biggest fool of myself.”

Joey cringed.

“But no one can plan their life like that. You can’t plan it for me, you can’t protect me from hurt … and I don’t want you to.”

His shoulders slumped. “I know.”

I thought of him and Jazz, but I knew he wasn’t ready for me to draw the parallel. Perhaps he was scared she was
it
, and she’d hold him back. Or that she’d give up her plans to be with him, and he wouldn’t be able to handle the guilt. “And you shouldn’t hold
yourself
to that either,” was all I said.

“So it really doesn’t matter what I say, does it? I just want to protect you. I swear if he hurts you, he’ll regret it.”

Squeezing Joey’s hand, I tried a smile.

“And he’s Jack Eversea, for God’s sake,” Joey added, incredulously. “I mean,
seriously
?”

I managed a small laugh. “I’m so sorry about Mom, Joey. I don’t remember.” My eyes welled again. “I never remember her dancing. I’m so sorry you had to go through that. And that
she
went through that.” I swallowed in an attempt to keep my voice from disappearing. “
And
that I never got to see her dance. She must have been beautiful.”

“Yeah, she was,” he said quietly. “And look, I didn’t mean to say I’d respect you less if you and Jack got together. I’m sorry. I’m just worried.”

“Yeah, well, me too. And I forgive you, even though you ruined the shit out of what could have been an amazing night paddle.”

Joey chuckled. “C’mon, let’s head back.”

We drew our kayaks through the water silently except for the sounds of our breathing and the water trickling off the paddles. I kept my ears strained for the sound of a puff of air signaling a dolphin nearby.

As we got to the dock, all I heard was the low buzz of my phone where I’d left it with my sweater. I waited until we were on the way home, my head resting against the window frame, drawing the last bit of spring air for the night, before I read it.

Late Night Visitor: Take the day off tomorrow? I have plans for us …

As soon as I woke up, I texted Brenda. I was only working the lunch shift today. Confirming she could cover me, and get some other help in, I called Paulie.

“You’ve never officially asked for the day off,” he said gruffly. “Anything important?”

“I have no idea.”

Then I texted Jack.

Me: What are we doing?

Late Night Visitor: Dev and I will pick you up in 45. Bring a swimsuit in case. Do your brother or Jazz want to come?

The surge of disappointment that I’d be sharing Jack with Devon, and also that he wanted to invite as many people as possible was so strong, I almost laughed at myself. Swimsuit?

Me: I’ll check … again, what are we doing?

Late Night Visitor: Location scouting and looking for horses (don’t ask).

Looking for horses … in a swimsuit. Right. I’d just started to text Jazz when another message from Jack popped up.

Late Night Visitor: Don’t worry, I also have alone plans for you and me.

A giddy laugh escaped me, and I bit my lip down to hold onto my emotions.

Me: Didn’t even cross my mind.

Late Night Visitor: Lucky you. It was all I could think about.

Me: I lied about that. Obviously. Me, too.

Late Night Visitor: I know.

Me: Arrogant.

Late Night Visitor: Confident.

Jack and Devon had pulled up in their silver Jeep, the top down, and Jack hopped out in aviators, wearing his uniform of dark ball cap, distressed jeans, and solid color t-shirt. He’d shaved and his strong jaw was grinning.
My, what beautiful teeth he has.

My brother shook his hand and was introduced to Devon.

As Jack pulled his seat forward so Joey and I could climb in, Joey stepped back to allow me in first. I gave him a shove. I wanted to sit behind Jack.

My brother rolled his eyes, and climbed in, then took the bag from me with our towels and stuff. He and Devon exchanged a couple of comments and talked about where we were going. I’d already told Jazz to meet us at the Marina per Jack’s additional instructions.

“Good morning,” Jack murmured softly as I moved in front of him to climb in after Joey.

I glanced up but couldn’t see his eyes behind his glasses.

“Yes, it is,” I returned and settled myself in the seat, tying my hair up with a band.

Jack put the chair back and got in. I could see the smooth nape of his neck over the seat back. Seriously, was every part of him like the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen?

As soon as we were moving, his hand came down the gap between his seat and the door and touched me lightly on the ankle.

I pursed my lips, inhaling deeply through my nose. My chest began a deep steady thump, and I wanted to close my eyes and just revel in the feeling of his fingertips on me. Rummaging around in my brown leather purse, I pulled out my mirrored sunglasses and slid them on. I shifted my foot forward, and his hand closed lightly around my leg.

The Harbor Master at Palmetto Marina was salty and weather-beaten, with the palest blue eyes I’d ever seen. He also may have been the only person in the world who had no recognition of Jack.

Devon filled out paperwork for the charter boat, and then we bought enough drinks, sandwiches, and snacks for an apocalypse and headed down the jetty.

“Wow,” I said, getting a good look at the large white yacht at the end. “This one?”

“Dang!” Jazz echoed my surprise. “This beats tooling around in Cooper’s dirty old Carolina Skiff dropping crab traps. This has to be like forty feet.”

We climbed on board, and Dan, the captain, who was also older and turned out to be the second person in the world to be completely oblivious of who was on his boat, gave us a tour and showed us where to stow our stuff. We all settled on the front sundeck, chatting over the sound of squawking gulls.