Forever and Always (7 page)

“Let's take a break, Josiah.”

“What’s the matter, Papa Smurf? You tired?” I said, gasping for air. “I'm the one doing all the work.”

“Papa who?” Goshi asked.

“You never heard of the Smurfs? It used to be a Saturday morning cartoon back in the day.”

Goshi sat on a rock near the courtyard. His legs were small and pointy; his body and demeanor appeared to be beaten down from life. I wondered how old a creature like him could possibly be.

I sat on the grass and stretched my back in a sitting lotus position. “Why are you doing this, Goshi? What are you getting out of it?”

“I thought you didn't want to know about me,” he said, in a way that my assumptions that I hurt his feelings were correct.

“It's not like that at all,” I said, honestly. “I'm very curious about you. I just don't need to know all the behind the scenes crap. I don’t think that would benefit my attitude.”

“Behind the scenes crap? Are you really that selfish?” Goshi was really turned off by me.

I needed to save this. “Okay,” I asked. “What’s there to know?”

“Josiah, I have seen things and experienced heartache that you will never understand.  You could walk the earth for a thousand years and never see the things I have seen with my own two eyes. You think the world revolves around you, because you were given this gift. A gift you didn’t even deserve. But the Triat shined their good will on you. All I can tell you is you need to show some appreciation for those who came before you.”

“It’s hard to appreciate a culture that every time I turn around one of them is trying to kill me.”

“That doesn’t change the fact a trail was blazed before you and now you have a task ahead of you.  You can’t protect a future of a people if you don’t know anything about their past.  You need to hear their stories. You need to feel the pain of their persecution.  Someone like you doesn’t understand heartache, and until you do you won’t be a good leader.”

“I don’t understand heartache?” I yelled at Goshi. “Are you fucking kidding me? My entire family was taken away from me two years ago. I have had the life I once knew stripped away from me! Do you think for one second that if I didn’t know about heartache, I would even be here?  Don’t you know that it’s my pain that drives me?”

Goshi stared at me for the longest time without saying a word. Then he mumbled, “You shouldn’t have called my life crap.”

“I didn't mean it like that.”

Goshi got up and walked out of the courtyard. I watched him as he went inside the actual castle from a side entrance.

Great, I hurt this guy's feelings. I wasn't trying to do that. I liked the little guy. He was a kickass teacher. I knew there was a depth to him beyond his blue surface. I sat on the ground and waited for him to return. I didn’t know what I was supposed to do. Was I supposed to go after him? That castle is huge, I could get lost in there.

I waited for him to return for about twenty minutes. I finally came to the conclusion that he wasn’t returning to the courtyard tonight. I suppose the little guy needed a proper apology from me. But the nerve of him to tell me that I don’t know about heartache.
I am heartache.

So I got up off the ground and headed toward the side entrance of the castle that I saw Goshi go through. I walked into the castle and it felt like I had just gone into a time machine. The place must have looked exactly the same as it did hundreds of years ago. It was sensational how my dream was spot on with the details of the castle. The walls were grey with a very course finish. The floors were made of brick. Even the odor in my dream was accurate.

I couldn't help but get a sense of history that was in this place. I walked around taking in the ambience.  It was quite intoxicating. Eventually, as I made my way to the back of the dimly lit castle I heard the sound of classical music playing on a piano. I walked through the final part of the hallway and made towards the music. I stood in front of the room where the music was coming from. The door was slightly ajar and I poked my head in and saw Goshi sitting at the piano playing. I walked into the room and sat on a wooden chair in the corner of the room and observed this creature play some of the most beautiful music I had ever heard.

The room was empty except for the piano and a couple of chairs. There was a bookshelf filled with music books. “Wow,” I said, from the chair in the corner of the room.

Goshi stopped playing and looked over in my direction. “Josiah, are you ready for your next lesson?”

“Are you going to teach me how to play the piano?” I said, amused.

“I don't need to teach you,” he said.

He didn’t need to teach me? “
Is one of my gifts that I can play like Mozart?” I asked.

“Maybe not Mozart, but you could give John Tesh a run for his money!”

“You know who John Tesh is?” I laughed.

“Yes, Josiah, even a creature of the night knows icons of such.”

“An icon?” I guess he was to someone.
To each their own, I suppose.
“So,” I said. “You’re telling me I can play the piano. How so?”

“Everything in nature has a melodic scale. Every note, every experience, every memory is played out on the grand piano of life. This piano is only an instrument. It is up to you to find your own song, your own voice.”

“How will this make me a better fighter?”

“It doesn't. It will make you a better leader. Being able to express yourself in other ways besides your fists is a very good thing.”

I walked over to the piano and Goshi got up. “Goshi, before I do this, you need to know I do care about what has led you to me. It is just as important to me as why I have been led to you.”

Goshi smiled.

“Goshi, I do have a question for you.”

“Oh, this should be good. Go ahead, ask.”

Are you a Mani?”

It was the first time I had seen him smile. “Yes” he said, “I am.”

“Wow” I thought you were a–”

“—a little blue troll that happened to get the Josiah Reign assignment?”

“It's a good assignment,” I said.

“I know it is. You and I are making history and you don't even know it.”

“Trust me, I know it.” I stared at Goshi and realized that in many ways we were in this together. I was glad to not be alone. I was happy that I had a mentor.

I looked down at the piano. “So what do I do with this thing?” I asked. I placed my hands on the keys and pounded like a three year old. It sounded like a freight train screeching to a halt.

“Please don't do that, Josiah!” Goshi said, as he stuck his entire arm over the piano keys to stop me. “That piano has been played by some of the most amazing pianists in history.”

“Sorry.”

“Just close your eyes and feel. Feel every moment, every trial you have ever had.  Feel the pain and feel the celebration. Then allow the music to come out of your fingertips.

I closed my eyes and opened my heart. I thought about the details of my life in which I had the most to gain and the most to lose. I felt the keys with my fingertips. As I looked deep into my soul, I pressed down on each key. Soon, the music was coming out of me. It was my own music, my very own song. The music moved me to tears as I played. I pressed the keys harder and harder as each memory passed.  Eventually, my heart had made its way up to the loss of my family.  I looked over at Goshi and he seemed extremely moved by my outpouring. I had seen that look he had in his eyes before.

I kept playing and as I did, I thought about Lena and the last few months. The music poured out of me. The music became a part of me. I was one with the notes. For the first time since I had become a Mani… I felt reborn.

For the next three weeks Goshi and I trained every single night. We went over every detail and idiosyncrasy of my gifts and abilities. He helped me master fighting, flying, mind control, and we spent days on telekinesis. Not to mention we found time to get on the grand piano and just allow our souls to play music that would make Beethoven and Bach jealous. One thing we hadn’t done was go over any of my prophetic gifts. I was eager to do so but whenever I bring it up Goshi would teach me something else.

It was my 24
^th
day of training and when I arrived in the courtyard Goshi was dressed in some weird white ceremonial robe. It was unusual to see a creature of the night wearing what appeared to be a graduation outfit in the year 1900. I wondered if this was the day I had finally reached the end of my training.

I flew down into the courtyard. These days I could land on my pinky if I had to. I had more control with my flying than I did with my walking.

“Hey there, blue man,” I said.

Goshi looked over in my direction with an unusual smirk on his face. He appeared to be up to something.

“Last day of training,” he said.

“Really, you think I'm ready?”

“Not even close, Josiah. But you do need to go home after this, and take some time with your training and let it become a part of you.”

“Then I'll be ready?” I asked eagerly.

Damn, I wanted to be ready so I could move on with my life.

“I will come to you once you have preserved your gifts for a period of time.”

“You will come to me? You mean back in the United States?”

“Yes.”

“You're just going to pop up in all your blue glory? Not to be mean, but you'll stick out a tad in the real world.”

Goshi looked at me and was not amused. “I will find you Josiah, and we will have one final lesson, or should I say, session.”

I had more questions, but decided to keep them to myself. I really wanted to go home. “Okay, Goshi, it sounds like a plan. So what's on the agenda for today?”

“Absolutely nothing.”

“Really?” I asked.

“Really.”

“Then I can go home?”

“You could have gone home whenever you wanted to, Josiah. You have chosen to stay here. It was always your choice to leave at any moment you felt fit.  You never had to come here and see me. You would have been just fine discovering your abilities on your own. It would have taken you much longer, but eventually you would have mastered all the things I have taught you.”

“So what are you saying?”

“I'm saying that you are the one choosing your path. I know it doesn't feel that way, but you are the one that is completely in charge. I know it feels like a lot of things are happening that are beyond your control. But, you are the one who is choosing how to deal with them. You didn't have to kill Atticai, train Tommy, or even fight Goliath, but you chose to do all those things.”

“How do you know all of these things about me?”

“You don’t lock it away inside you.  It’s not a secret. You're an open book, Josiah. And that is not a good thing. That is your last lesson I want to talk with you about before you leave. Only you control the information that you’re sending out. I am a powerful Mani, but Josiah, you have become more powerful than I. There is no reason why I should be able to look into you and know your soul. There is no reason why someone like Atticai, Krull, or even myself should be able to see into your heart.”

“How do I stop it? It isn't like I'm running around inviting you guys to know the depths of who I am.”

“Josiah, deep inside you there is still a man. Not a Mani, not a mixed-martial arts fighter, but a man. There is a core of who you really are that you need to protect. The man that you once were before you became a Mani will always live inside you.  You need to protect that piece of you by surrounding it with strength and wisdom.”

“Wow, I like that.”

“That also means you need to stop believing your destiny is to walk hand to hand with a woman you barely know.”

“Who? Lena?”

“Yes.”

“Barely know? I know her very well. What does that have to do with my inner strength, or lack thereof?” I asked.

Goshi stared directly at me and said, “You need to stop this fairytale belief that part of your calling is to stand next to a woman who isn’t part of your eternal plan.”

“Not part of my eternal plan? What are you talking about? How could she not be? Saving her has made me who I am.”

“And that is where it ended, Josiah. On that night!  She was a piece on the chessboard and nothing more. You protected that piece but it’s not going to get you the checkmate. If you choose to chase this fairytale, it could be the end of you.”

“The end of me?” I was confused. I had always thought that loving her was part of the calling. “I love her,” I said.

“Do you?”

I thought about it. “Yes.”

“Why?”

“Because all that we have been through together. Do you have any idea the magnitude of what we shared?”

“Shared?”

“Yes, shared,” I stated.

“What you have shared is a myth. A myth that there is some mystical connection that has brought you together. That some life force had decided that she is your destiny. All she has become is a crutch that you’re holding on to because you’re afraid of doing this alone.”

“That could be partly true, but it’s more than that. I know it. What I have with Lena is real.”

“Real? What does that quite mean? Real?”

“There is substance to us. Something I don’t think a creature like you is capable of feeling or even grasping.”

“Is that so? Is it so hard to believe that a creature like me might know what he’s talking about in regards to women?”

I looked at Goshi. He was tiny and creepy looking. I couldn’t imagine any female creature of any sort being attracted to this thing.

“Yes, Josiah! Look at me with disgust! Tell yourself that I couldn’t possibly know what love is. Tell yourself that I have never been in love and that is why I’m being so difficult. Maybe, just maybe the reason I am so indignant about this subject is because I know better than most. I know what it’s like to allow a woman’s love to destroy your true calling, your true destiny.”

I paused and looked at Goshi. Was he this adamant because love ruined his true calling?

“So what should I do?” I asked. “Not love her? Turn my back on what we have built?”

“No, but put it in the right perspective. She can never become bigger than your calling, and if she ever does, I’m afraid that will be the beginning of the end for you.”