Forever After (Montana Brides) (23 page)

Sam checked his watch for the tenth time. Nicky was late. Maybe she wouldn’t come at all. When he’d suggested they meet for coffee he hadn’t expected her to hesitate for as long as she had. Coffee was coffee. Except when coffee involved face to face conversation with the person who’d crushed her heart not once, but twice.
 

He checked his watch again.

“Sorry I’m late. I got held up at the office.”

Sam’s gaze shot to the woman sliding into the booth opposite him. His breathing struggled to keep up with his heart rate as he watched her take off her navy blue jacket, and straighten her pale yellow blouse.
 

“You went into Scotson Construction?”

Nicky nodded. “I wanted to see Giles while I was here. The new processes we put in place are working well. How long have you been waiting?”
 

Her clear blue eyes focused on his face. She hadn’t changed. His feelings for her hadn’t changed. He still wanted her like no other woman on the planet. And he still couldn’t have her, not until she’d heard what he had to say. And then maybe she might want him in her life.

“Sam?”

He shook his head. “I haven’t been waiting long.”

She smiled, and his gut tightened another notch or two.
 

“Have you ordered our drinks?”

“No. I thought I’d wait for you. What would you like?”

“Hot chocolate, please.”

He watched her lips move beneath pale peach gloss, remembering a certain red lipstick that had turned his world upside down. “I’ll umm…I’ll be back in a minute.” He escaped to the front counter, ordering their drinks and adding a couple of slices of cake.
 

Sam felt the heat of her gaze on his back, felt an answering need build deep in his body. He clamped down on his wayward thoughts. This was coffee. Coffee and conversation. The most time they’d spent together in weeks. He moved back to their table, sliding a slice of chocolate cake toward her.
 

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.” He cringed. He had this meeting planned out in his head. He’d rehearsed what he wanted to say, over and over again until he knew it by heart. But he couldn’t remember a damn word.
 

“How’s the retirement village going?”
 

“Good.” Her eyebrows lifted, waiting for more. “The concrete foundations started going down yesterday. The steel framing goes up in a couple of day’s time.”

 
“Granddad said you were heading back to Wyoming soon.”

“In about four days. The architect has another project in Cheyenne that he wants to discuss with me. I thought I’d stay for the weekend and catch up with some friends.”

“Oh.” The smile slipped from Nicky’s face.

“Men friends. I mean…you know…males.” He shuffled back in his seat and could have kissed the waitress that brought their hot drinks across. Well, not kissed her in front of Nicky…or at any other time for that matter. Hell. His brain was in a serious state of meltdown. He took a deep, steadying breath, soaking in the rich aroma of roasted coffee beans. It was time to get his act together and focus on what he needed to say. “I’ve missed you, Nicky.”

A faint tinge of red streaked across her cheeks. Her long lashes fell over her eyes, hiding what was going on in her beautiful head. Without warning she lifted her chin, staring straight at him. Silver flecks glittered around the edges of her eyes, drawing him closer to the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.

“I missed you too, Sam. But that’s not enough reason to see you again outside of work.”

His heart slammed against his ribs. “If you don’t want to see me, why did you come here?”

She pulled her mug of chocolate closer. “I don’t know,” she said softly.

He felt like a fool. He thought Nicky would welcome him back into her life. That she’d missed him as much as he’d missed her. He’d been wrong. He needed to explain why he’d acted like an idiot. Why he hadn’t been able to give her what she needed two years ago.
 

He took a deep breath. “My parents divorced when I was nine-years-old. Mom had an affair with a married man and dad never forgave her. They fought hard and dirty to get custody of me. In the end the only people that won anything were their lawyers. For nine years I spent alternate weeks at each parent’s house. Neither place felt like home.” He fiddled with his coffee cup. “Mom remarried again, but that didn’t work out either. I think dad gave up finding someone else after mom left. He died seven years ago, a lonely and bitter man.”

“I’m sorry, Sam.”
 

He shrugged his shoulders. “I worked hard to show everyone there’s more to life than having the perfect family. I wanted to be better than my parents. I’ve never been interested in long term commitment because as far as I was concerned it didn’t exist. But here’s the kicker…” A bitter laugh escaped his lips. “After everything that’s happened I want to be a part of your life.”

Nicky stared at him. “And that speech is supposed to make me feel special? Grateful that you want to be in my life?” Her blue eyes glittered with tears. “What you’ve been through wasn’t nice, but a whole lot of people go through worse things. You need to get over your past, Sam, and start living your future. Otherwise you’ll end up like your dad.” She picked up her jacket and pulled it on.

It was his turn to stare at her. “Are you calling me selfish?”

“No,” she growled. “Try self-centered. The whole world doesn’t revolve around one person’s misery. Believe me, I know.”

Sam’s blood pumped hard and fast through his veins. “What do you know about a person’s misery?” he almost yelled. “You run a mile at the first sign of trouble. You don’t have any right to lecture me about being self-centered. You’ve got the market covered already.”

Nicky gasped. She pushed her mug of hot chocolate away. “That’s a low down dirty thing to say. I had to leave Bozeman to look after Toby’s projects while he was in hospital. You know damn well I wouldn’t have left before I’d finished my contract unless it was absolutely necessary.”

Sam squinted across the coffee table. “That might account for the last time you left. But what about two years ago?”

“I loved you, you idiot,” Nicky hissed. “God knows why, but I did. Put it down to bad taste. You slept with me and then flaunted a gaggle of women under my nose. How long did you want me to watch you make a fool of yourself? I’ve got more pride than you’ll ever have in your little finger.” Nicky’s voice rose above the noise in the café. “I left because I didn’t want to put up with your alley cat manners any longer.”

“Bullshit!” he bellowed. “You left because you were as scared as I was. The only reason I pretended to date
three
other women was because I was too scared to admit that I loved you. I didn’t want to love anyone, let alone someone I’d only known for a few months. And to top it all off I was working for your grandfather. I couldn’t have stuffed my reputation up more if I’d tried.”

Tears fell from Nicky’s eyes. “You should have thought of that before you had sex with me. Don’t flatter yourself by thinking I left because I was scared. I left because I was pregnant!”
 

Everyone in the café stopped what they were doing. Nobody spoke. Not one cup hit a saucer. Even the coffee machine stopped hissing.
 

Sam stared at her. His breathing slowed down. All he could feel was his pulse pounding against his skin.
A baby?
 

Nicky looked around the silent café, shock turning her face white. She reached for her purse. “Good bye, Sam.” She tried to stand up but the table and bench seat kept her locked in place. She gave up trying for a dignified exit. Lunging for the end of the table, she dragged herself along the vinyl seat in a fast shuffle.
 

Sam shook his head, still not believing what he’d heard. “Where’s our baby?”

Nicky froze. She fell back against the seat in a puff of air. Her mouth opened and then closed again. He didn’t think she was going to answer him. “I had a miscarriage when I was fourteen weeks pregnant.”

He frowned. This wasn’t making any sense. They’d always used contraception. They’d been careful. More than careful.
 

He tried to imagine what he would have done if he’d known about the baby. He would have taken care of her. Two years ago he’d loved Nicky, but he hadn’t been ready to let anyone into his life and he sure as hell hadn’t been ready to be a father.
 

“Why didn’t you tell me you were pregnant?” His voice echoed in the quiet café, drawing more stunned stares from the people around them.
 

“You told me you didn’t love me. When I lost our baby it didn’t matter anymore.” Nicky’s head bowed forward, her eyelids shielding the anguish he’d seen blazing from her eyes.

“Come with me.” Sam moved out from his seat, gently helping her to her feet. Every pair of eyes in the café watched them. Every pair of women’s eyes condemned him. He didn’t need their guilt. He had enough of his own, welling up like a vat of rancid oil inside his body.

He led Nicky outside, turning them toward the intersection. He moved his arm around her waist, anchoring her trembling body to his side. “It’s okay,” he said, trying to console her.

He’d parked his truck across the street. While he waited for the traffic lights to change, he stared down at Nicky. Tears streamed down her face.. The lights changed and he held her close, half dragging her across the road.
 

“I’m okay,” she sobbed.
 

“No you’re not.” Sam pulled her closer, away from the curious stares of other pedestrians. He moved quickly. “We’re nearly there.”

He stopped beside his truck, fumbling in his pockets for the keys. “I’m going to unlock the doors.”

“For goodness sake, Sam,” she hiccupped as another sob wracked her body, “I’m not a baby.” Her face turned grey. Nicky bit her bottom lip, pulling her jacket close to her body.

He opened the back passenger door and nudged her into the cab. “Wait here.” He raced to the driver’s side and hunted for some tissues. “They’ve got to be here somewhere…” He opened and closed the storage area between the front seats, and felt the pockets behind the seats. No tissues. He leaned across the cab, yanking the glove compartment open. Thank God he’d found them. He joined Nicky in the back seat, dragging tissues from the box. He tilted her chin up and gently wiped the tears off her face.
 

 
“I need to blow my nose,” she whispered.

Sam handed her a wad of tissues.

She blew her nose and took a deep breath. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about the baby.”

He didn’t know what to say, so he just held her. Sam could feel her trying to control her breathing. His heart nearly broke every time a hiccup escaped her trembling lips.

“I found out I was pregnant a couple of weeks before I left Montana. I tried to work out how to tell you. I felt so dumb. I was twenty-four-years-old, not some hormonal teenager. We’d used contraception.”
 

Sam squeezed her shoulders.
 

“I wasn’t ready to be a mom,” she cried softly.

A piece of his heart broke. Holding her tight in his arms, he didn’t think anything he could say would make her feel better. Nothing could take away the pain of what she’d been through.

In a flat, unemotional voice she said, “Just when I was ready to tell you, I found out you were dating other women.”
 

His body tensed. What an idiot he’d been, too wrapped up in his own insecurities to see what Nicky was going through. “I’m sorry,” he murmured.

She pulled herself out of his arms and stared at his shirt. “I’ve ruined your clothes.”

He looked down at his chest. Wet streaks of mascara, foundation and tears covered his grey cotton shirt. “It doesn’t matter.”

Nicky wiped her eyes again, sitting a little taller in the seat. “I stayed with Erin for a week before I left Bozeman. We must have drunk ten gallons of hot chocolate over the first couple of days.” A watery smile slipped across her face. “I felt like a zombie, but Erin was always there to make sure I had something to eat and a shoulder to cry on.” She glanced down at his chest, a sigh catching in her throat.

“She persuaded me to go and see a doctor. We went into the consultation room together.” Another tight smile crossed her face. “The poor man didn’t know which one of us was pregnant. Both of us looked like we’d been through hell and back. Anyway…a few days later I left for Denver and about a month later I lost our baby.”
 

Sam gazed at Nicky, regret and sorrow pushing like a heavy weight against his chest. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there to help you.”

She shrugged her shoulders. “There was nothing you could have done. If you hadn’t come to Denver a couple of months ago I never would have told you about the pregnancy.” She looked up when he sucked in a sharp breath. “There was no reason to, Sam. I miscarried the baby. She died and there wasn’t anything anyone could do about it.”

“She?” His voice shook. He’d almost had a daughter. He stared at Nicky’s blonde hair and huge blue eyes, wondering if she would have grown up to be as beautiful as her mom, or if she would have inherited his crooked nose and stubborn chin.

Tears fell down Nicky’s face. “She was perfect, Sam. She had fingers and toes.”

He pulled her close, holding her tight. He felt guilty and sad and so mixed up that he couldn’t think straight. Nothing would ever make up for the loss of their daughter, or the pain of letting Nicky down when she’d needed him.
 

Nicky pulled back, tugging another handful of tissues out of the box and blowing her nose.

He reached for her hand, gently squeezing her fingers. “I had a speech all worked out before I went into the café. I was going to ask you if you wanted to start again. I know that I’ve let you down and it won’t be easy having a long distance relationship, but do you want to try?”

Nicky’s gaze dropped to their hands. “It wouldn’t work, Sam.” She untangled her fingers from his. “And it’s not the long distance part that would be difficult. It’s us.” She glanced down at her watch. “I have to go.”