Forever After (Montana Brides) (17 page)

Losing her baby had almost broken her spirit. If it hadn’t been for Erin and Emily’s no nonsense approach to mending broken hearts she would have found a quiet hole and drowned in tears.
 

“Everyone wants to be loved, Sam. We expect the best from the person we decide to spend the rest of our life with. Sometimes it doesn’t work out.”
 

She thought about her mom and dad. There hadn’t been any arguments, no raised voices. One day she’d been in school, the next day she was on a plane heading to Seattle with her mom. Sam didn’t need to tell her about heartache and grief. She’d seen enough of both. “What’s the alternative?”

Sam stared at her. “The alternative is enjoying each other’s company for as long as the attraction lasts. No long-term commitment necessary.”

Turning to face him, Nicky whispered, “And how has that worked for you so far? You’re thirty-four-years-old, live alone, and haven’t had a girlfriend that’s lasted more than a few weeks for years.”

Nicky bit her lip. She’d said too much. Hoarding every stray piece of gossip from her sister had kept Sam tucked tightly in the corner of her heart. Two years of occasional dreaming and occasional stupidity was ending in a conversation heading nowhere.

“My point precisely. I’ve gotten off lightly.”

“Life isn’t about getting off lightly. Loving someone throws you in the deep end of every emotion you’ll ever experience.” A wistful note crept into her voice. “Loving someone is about letting go of everything you’ve tried your entire life to hide, knowing that you’ll be loved no matter what happens.”
 

Sam stood silently beside her. “It doesn’t exist.” Raking his hands through his hair he turned from the window. “What you’re talking about belongs in fairy tales, not real life.”
 

She stared at his hunched shoulders. “I want the fairy tale, Sam.”

“You can’t always have what you want.”

She didn’t know what to say. She’d once believed he felt more for her than what he’d told her. And look where she’d ended up. In Denver, crying over a man who didn’t believe in happily-ever-after and grieving for their dead baby.
 

Nicky knew darn well she wasn’t the only one wanting more from whatever was happening between them. “What’s wrong with wanting a relationship that lasts longer than the food in your pantry?”

“Nothing. As long as it doesn’t involve a ring. Everything’s got a best before date, including relationships.”

Nicky stared at him. She couldn’t believe she’d been so stupid to fall in love with someone that had a block of ice for a heart. Opening her office door, she tried to hold back the tears threatening to spill down her face. “I guess we’ve just passed our best before date then,” she whispered. Heading down the corridor, a weight heavier than she thought she could carry settled on her shoulders. Regret and grief mingled with bitter disappointment. With her head held high, she walked toward the elevator, determined to ignore Amanda’s worried gaze.
 

“Are you okay?” she asked.

Nicky couldn’t speak, couldn’t even acknowledge Amanda’s concern. Her only goal was getting out of the building. Out of Sam’s life. She’d been on the losing end of his commitment phobia before and never thought she’d return. Hadn’t she learned anything? Was her life so desperately out of control that she’d settle for second best, someone who recklessly tore her heart into pieces every time she came near him?

“Nicky, wait!”

Jabbing at the down button, she prayed the elevator would arrive before Sam did. The doors slid open, and she disappeared inside the cold safety of the stainless steel box.
 

The doors closed as Sam ran toward her. “Open the doors, Nicky. I’m sorry.”

Holding the ground floor button under her finger, she refused to look at the biggest mistake of her life. Sorry didn’t go anywhere near to bridging the grief ripping through her body. Reaching up, she wiped the tears from her face.
 

The elevator doors opened and she took a deep breath, glad that nobody else was around to see her fall apart. She headed toward the ladies restroom, desperate for something to wipe her face with. Sam Delaney would not get the better of her this time around. She was a successful, independent woman. She didn’t need the baggage he brought with him, dragging her down every time their paths crossed. It was over.
 

Pushing the restroom door open, she walked across the floor, pulling a fistful of tissues off the wall. Nicky glanced at herself in a mirror and wished she hadn’t bothered. Her face looked like it had been through a howling storm. After blowing her nose, she cleaned her face, whispering words of encouragement to the bedraggled woman staring back at her.

Sam’s heart pounded against his chest. He tore down the emergency stairs, desperate to catch Nicky before she left the building. Before she left his life for good. Throwing open the ground floor door, his gaze shot around the entrance.
 

She wasn’t there.
 

He moved toward the main doors, hoping he’d catch a glimpse of her on the street. A door banged behind him. Ignoring it, he threw open the glass doors and ran outside, franticly searching the faces of the people around him.
 

She’d gone, disappearing into the crowd of tourists and office workers catching a late lunch or a glimpse of the hot afternoon sun. Pulling his cell phone out of his pocket, he rung her number.
 

She wasn’t answering her phone. He ended the call before her message clicked in, not knowing what he’d say to the clam voice telling him she was unavailable.
 

She’d always been unavailable, always just out of reach. He didn’t want the type of commitment she craved. Did that make him a bad person or just want something different?
 
Whatever it made him, a two second message wasn’t going to fix the friendship he’d managed to destroy.
 

Jamming his hands in his pockets, he walked back inside the building. Another door banged. His head shot up at the sound of high-heels clicking against the floor. Two seconds later he came face to face with the woman’s whose heart he’d just broken.

Her shocked blue eyes stared straight at him; an open, bottomless pit of misery that twisted something deep in his gut. She blinked, hiding her thoughts behind a thin veneer of anger. In other circumstances he would have been impressed with her self control. Today, right at this minute, it made him realize she wouldn’t be interested in listening to anything he had to say, even if he knew what that was.
 

“Nicky…I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

She searched his face. “I need a few minutes alone. I’ll be back soon.”

Stepping around him, she headed out the glass doors toward God knew where, and didn’t look back.

Nicky sat on the grass in Bogart Park. She’d thrown her jacket and shoes off, hiking her skirt half way up her legs to soak in the sun’s heat.

Leaning her arms on her knees, she watched two children build a castle in the sandpit. They built high turrets decorated with leaves and tunneled through the sand, creating a wide moat. Another little girl stumbled back to them carrying a bucket. Water sloshed over the top, dripping down her clothes and over the ground.

With a squeal of delight she tipped the water into the moat. The sand dissolved, taking most of the castle with it. Instead of being upset, the children laughed at the destruction. Busy hands rushed to rebuild the castle and within seconds it was ready to fight another bucket of water. Nicky smiled as one of the little boys built a second wall around the castle to protect it. More buckets arrived and no matter how hard the kids tried, the water pounded the castle to mush.
 

The smile slipped from her face. Maybe that’s what Sam was doing; rebuilding his defense system quicker than she could break through. And maybe she’d never be able to conquer the man behind the walls.
 

“Nicky? What are you doing here?”

Raising her hand to shield her eyes from the sun, Nicky stared at Emily. A bright red floppy sunhat perched on top of her head, shading her shoulders and most of her chest from the afternoon sun. Her sandals dangled from her hands.
 

Nicky’s day had just gone from bad to worse. “I thought I’d take a break.”

Emily reached out, brushing a hand over her sister’s hot cheek. “Are you okay?”

Nicky shifted her gaze back to the children. Another bucket of water washed a wall of their castle away. “Would you believe me if I said yes?”

“Only if I couldn’t see your red eyes and blotchy face. What happened?” Emily sat down, dropping her sandals on the grass.

Nicky’s bottom lip quivered. “I’ve done it again.”

“What?”

“Expected more from Sam than what he’s prepared to give.”

 
Emily reached across and gave her a hug. “Bastard.”

 
“Precisely.” She choked back a sound that landed halfway between a sob and a laugh. Her heart felt like it had splintered in two, leaving raw, jagged edges rubbing against her chest. They sat in silence, shoulders touching, watching the children in the playground.
 

With a sigh, Emily stood up. “Come on.”
 

She pulled Nicky to her feet and walked toward the sandpit where the children had been playing. Crouching on her knees, Emily dug a deep hole, molding and shaping the sand into the goofiest looking castle Nicky had ever seen.
 

“So what are you going to do about Sam?” Wet sand slapped against the sides of Emily’s creation.

Tilting her head to the side, Nicky frowned at the masterpiece. “Emily?”

“Hmm?”

“That’s not a sandcastle.”

“What do you mean?” she pouted. “It might not have molded walls, or fancy shells decorating the sides, but it’s kind of cute in a primitive way.”

Nicky grabbed her elbow, moving her around the mound of sand. She looked for the group of children. They were running toward the swings with their parents in hot pursuit. “Definitely primitive. You’ll be arrested for indecent exposure if anyone sees what you’ve done.”

Emily’s gaze connected with the sculpture. “Oh...” Diving into the sand she added another tower to the lopsided trio already standing to attention. “Now we’ve moved back into art and not therapy,” she grinned. “Apart from pulling our conversation way off track, you still haven’t told me what you’re going to do about Sam.”

“I’m not going to do anything.”

Emily clicked her tongue. “Kneel down and start building.” She pointed to her sandcastle and added another tower. “It seems to me that Sam has developed a bad habit of eating dessert before his greens.”

“I’m not dessert,” Nicky muttered.

Emily stuck her hands on her hips, glaring at her older sister. “Of course you’re not dessert, you’re a vegetable.” She rolled her eyeballs at the look on Nicky’s face. “Go with me on this one. I’m thinking creatively.”

Creativity was a dangerous thing in her sister’s hands. The only thing Nicky felt was confused. “I’m not a vegetable, either.”

Emily gritted her teeth. “What did mom always tell us?”
 

“What has Maureen got to do with this weird conversation?”
 

Emily ignored her question. “Eat all your greens before you can have dessert. Sam’s skipping all the good, wholesome stuff and keeps heading straight to the sugar loaded sweeties.”

“Are you trying to make me feel better or worse?” Nicky asked.

“I’m trying to make you understand that he needs a balanced diet,” Emily growled. “Respect, honesty, commitment; those are the things that fill you up and last longer. That’s the low GI part of any relationship. The rush you get from sex spikes your sugar levels off the roof, but it doesn’t last over the long haul. Too much dessert and you start feeling sick.”

“You’ve been reading too many self-help magazines.” Nicky’s head hurt from trying to keep up with her sister’s warped advice. The back of her cereal box made more sense than Emily’s brain. “And I’m still not going to do anything about Sam.” She patted a scoop of wet sand against the castle wall. “In fact, Sam’s not going to feature in my life again.”

“You said you loved him.”

“I lied.”
 

“No you didn’t. And remember; this is your sister you’re talking to. I know when you’re telling fibs. Think about the vegetables.”

Nicky groaned. “I can’t believe I’m sitting in a sandpit discussing the benefits of a balanced diet over the top of a maimed reproductive organ. You’ve got to be the sickest sister in the world.”

“Stop changing the subject.”

Nicky stared at her in mutinous silence.
 

Emily threw a handful of sand at Nicky’s chest. “Okay, bright spark. What do you do when kids won’t eat their greens?”

“I don’t know,” she muttered. “Mash them down to a pulp so they don’t know what they’re eating?”

“Think positive. You dress those veggies up until they look like the juiciest food in the world, until you want to keep them all to themselves and not share them with anyone.”

“Oh sure,” Nicky laughed. “As if any kid would be fooled by that strategy. A cucumber will always be a cucumber.”

“Not if it’s a zucchini.”

“Now I’m really lost. Tell me what a…” Nicky looked down at the sand. “…whatever that’s supposed to be, a zucchini, and I have in common?”
 

“Forget the sandcastle.” Emily waved her hands, launching a spray of wet sand in the air. “Sam might be a management whizz, but he’s too stubborn to realize he has main course feelings for you. If you want him back in your life you have to put him on a sugar free diet and show him how good a main course can taste.”

“I don’t care whether he likes the taste of a main course or not, because I don’t want him in my life.”
 

“Ha. If I really believed that I wouldn’t be sitting out here making sandcastles in the hot sun.” Emily stood up, flicking half the sandpit off her dress. “Come to my place after work for dinner. If you still want nothing to do with Sam, I’ll leave you alone and never say another word about him.”