Forever After (18 page)

He paused, as if digesting that information. “I understand,” he said finally. “I didn’t mean to sound critical. You did the right thing. I’m just trying to put myself in their place. I know they’ve got to be missing you. And—I think I understand why it was hard for them to see you hanging out with Bryn.”

She frowned. “But you said you don’t hold anything against Bryn.”

“No,” he said quickly. “I don’t. That’s not what I meant. But Bryn will always be a reminder to them of what happened.”

She studied him. “Maybe we’re all reminders to each other. All of us who lost someone in the fire. Doesn’t seeing Bryn make you think about that night? Seeing
me
even?” Was that why he’d been so cool toward her? Since she and Bryn had grown so close, she rarely thought of Bryn’s connection to the fire, to Zach’s death.

“I thought about it that first night we talked at the coffee shop. But not since then. But maybe Bryn reminds me a little,” he admitted. “I don’t blame her exactly. … But back to Zach’s parents. What I meant is, you’re all they have left of Zach. It’s got to hurt to have lost you, too.”

She pushed away the thought that came: he didn’t know the half of it. And this conversation was getting too personal. “I don’t
want
things to be like this between us. They’ll come around … I think.” She tilted her head. “You don’t like conflict very much, do you?”

He shrugged. “I come from a family that never fights.”

She rolled her eyes. “You must not ever
talk
then.”

“No. We talk.” He looked annoyed. “We’ve just always gotten along. And if not, we do whatever it takes to work things out.”

“Yeah, well, if I’d done whatever it took, I’d be banished from associating with Bryn. Just so you don’t think I’m the wicked witch in this scenario …” She worked to keep her tone even.

He held up both hands, palms out. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to start World War III, not to mention it’s none of my business.” He offered a smile that was hard to resist. “Pretend I never said anything.”

“No problem.” She felt bad about getting testy with him, but he was right on one count. This wasn’t his business. And besides, he didn’t have all the details he needed to judge her fairly.

He hoped she wasn’t just making excuses. …

20

D
id you save room for dessert? Maybe El Coco’s famous merenguitos?” The perky server set a tray of dessert samples on the edge of the table and launched into a well-rehearsed advertisement for each offering.

Lucas leaned forward in the booth until he caught Jenna’s eye across the table. She put a hand on her stomach and mouthed a decisive no.

He cleared his throat and the server stopped in the middle of a clever description of the coconut flan.

“Thanks,” he said, “but I think we’ll pass this time. We’re ready for the check.”

“Right away.” The girl lifted the tray and headed for the next table.

“You must be as full as I am.”

Jenna pulled a face that made him laugh because he knew exactly how she was feeling—stuffed to the gills. Happily so.

“But dinner was delicious,” she added quickly. “Does your mom cook like this … all these Cuban dishes?”

“At Christmas. Easter if we’re lucky.” He laughed. “Why do you think I was so excited about eating at El Coco? I’m a third-generation
American. Ma and Pop never set foot in Cuba. We like our hamburgers and corn dogs as much as the next American.”

That made her smile, something she hadn’t done enough of tonight. He took advantage of the moment and glanced pointedly at his watch. “Well, do you want to try and catch a late movie?” They’d had to wait for almost forty-five minutes to be seated, and the earlier shows would have already started.

“I think I should probably get back. I’m not sure what time Bryn will be in, and …” Her voice trailed off and she fiddled with the edge of her linen napkin.

“We can go,” he said. “That’s fine.” He hoped she wasn’t just making excuses because she wasn’t enjoying the evening. Thanks to him and his big mouth, their discussion had almost turned into a full-blown fight on the drive to Springfield. But dinner had gone well and he thought things were smoothed over between them.

“You’re sure you didn’t have your heart set on seeing a movie?”

“Not at all. It’s past my bedtime anyway.”

“Eight thirty?” She looked at him like she thought he might be serious.

“Just kidding. But by the time we get home, it’ll be close. I’m an early riser.” That much was true. He didn’t tell her that it was usually pain that woke him in the wee hours of the morning.

The server brought the check and Lucas paid with cash. He retrieved his cane propped between his knees under the table. “Ready?”

She nodded and slid out of the booth. He followed her to the door, glad that good manners dictated she walk in front of him. Before they’d run into each other that night at Java Joint, he’d almost quit being self-conscious about the cane. He wasn’t stupid enough to try to get along without it, but he tried more than ever to hide his limp and often paid the price the next day with his healthy joints and muscles stiff and achy. At least he hadn’t resorted to pain meds. He was almost
ready to throw away what he had left so the temptation wouldn’t be there.

They talked all the way back to the Falls, and Jenna seemed to be in a better mood. Their conversation was casual and easy, the way he’d always talked with Zach.

The thought stopped him cold.

He was out on a date with his buddy’s wife—the thought hit him again. His rational mind knew Zach was gone and not coming back. But he’d spent so much energy in the past working to
not
pay too much attention to Zach’s gorgeous wife that it felt awkward.

“Everything okay?” Jenna’s soft voice broke through the sudden silence.

He shook his head, more to clear it than in answer to her question. “Sorry … I was just thinking.”

“Oh. Excuse me for interrupting.” Even in the dark of the truck’s cab, he could hear the wry smile in her voice.

He laughed, trying to remember what they’d just been talking about. “I didn’t mean to space out on you there. And don’t worry, you weren’t interrupting anything important.”

“Whew. That’s good to know.”

He liked this Jenna much better than the one he’d picked up four hours ago. When he pulled up in front of Bryn Hennesey’s apartment half an hour later, it seemed like the most natural thing in the world to ask her out again.

She answered as if she’d expected the invitation all along. “I’d love to.”

“What does Friday night look like?”

“Well … it depends on if I have a job by then. But if not, Friday sounds great. Can I let you know?”

“Sure.”

She scooped up her purse from the floor of the cab and opened the passenger-side door. “Thanks for a fun evening.”

He opened his own door and started to climb out of the truck.

“You don’t need to walk me to the door. I’ve got a key.” She reached in to her purse and produced a keychain. “Ta-dah! I’ll be fine.”

He couldn’t tell if she was pandering to his handicap, or if she was afraid he was trying to invite himself in. He hated this part of dating. Of relationships, period. Why couldn’t people just say what they were thinking?

“Seriously, I’m fine,” she said again.

He wasn’t going to argue with her. “Okay. I’ll wait till I see the light go on.” He glanced out the windshield to the darkened windows of Bryn’s apartment.

“Thanks.” She climbed down from the seat. “Well, … See you later.” She gave a little wave and flashed a smile that made him forget every one of his reservations about dating her.

That is, until she’d disappeared into the apartment and he was driving home on the darkened streets of the Falls.

Was he crazy? He had nothing to offer a woman. Dating led—eventually, hopefully—to marriage. He didn’t know what Jenna’s dreams for her life were, but they surely included marriage and a family. It wasn’t fair for him to waste her time with someone who
had
no future.

He corrected his thoughts. Of course he had a future. He wouldn’t allow himself to get sucked into negative thoughts—thoughts that had led him down a very dark path in those early days after the fire. But he had to be honest with himself and with Jenna. He couldn’t support a wife—let alone children—on his disability check and what little savings he’d managed to accumulate while living at home.

He scoffed at the thought. What woman wanted a man who lived with his mother? Of course that would change in a couple of months when Ma married Geoff, but still …

And if all of that wasn’t enough, Jenna was Zach’s wife. There would always be that.

W
hat had she been thinking?

Jenna let herself into Bryn’s apartment and went to the window to watch Lucas drive away. Obviously she
hadn’t
been thinking when she agreed to go out with him again. It was all wrong. She was practically homeless, sponging off a friend, at odds with her in-laws. The fact she
had
in-laws should have been enough of a red flag.

Lucas made it no secret that he disapproved of the rift between her and Zach’s parents. Given her reasons, she had no regrets about her decision. It bothered her that Lucas didn’t seem to get why she’d put her foot down with the Morgans.

But she couldn’t help taking his opinion to heart, even if he was wrong. She determined to be more positive when she was around him, because she liked him. A lot.

If she was honest with herself, what she was beginning to feel for Lucas was stronger than anything she’d ever felt for Zach—at least after they were married. If she thought hard enough, she could remember the misguided teenage passion that made her think she was in love with Zachary Morgan—the same delusion that led to her getting pregnant. And married.

Cut it out, Morgan!
Hadn’t she just told herself this couldn’t go on? She didn’t even know if she’d be living in the Falls a few months from now. If she was lucky, she’d get the job at Hanson’s, then be scheduled to work Friday night. At least then she’d have a decent excuse to tell Lucas no.

But she didn’t
want
to tell him no. Like Bryn, Lucas seemed to like her for who she was. He didn’t withhold affection until she fit an image he’d created for her.

She stopped herself. That wasn’t fair to Zach. Zach
had
loved her. Even Lucas said so. But Zach had loved the
Pygmalion
version of
her—the one his mother had fashioned. Clarissa had played Henry Higgins to her Eliza Doolittle. She’d been startlingly good at it, too.

But it was the blue-blood
Morgan
version of Jenna that Zach had loved. She’d been pretending for as long as she could remember. She’d never let Zach see the real her—the Jenna Whitmore from Shady Acres trailer park.

But she wasn’t that person anymore either. So … who was she?

She closed the curtains and went to get ready for bed. Washing her face at the sink in the hall bath, she stared at her reflection. Who was she anyway? Too often when she looked in the mirror, she saw Clarissa Morgan—or a younger clone of Clarissa—staring back. It was frightening not to know who you really were. What mattered to you.

She scrubbed hard at her forehead, suds fogging her view. She’d always hated that term
finding yourself
. It seemed like a devious way to focus on yourself at the expense of people you loved. But how could she expect anyone else to know her if she didn’t even know who she was?

She hadn’t been any more honest with Lucas than she had with Zach all those years ago. So how could she possibly think Lucas liked her for who she was?

She dried her face and went through the apartment turning out lights and checking the locks.

She went back to the guest room and lay on the bed, staring at the ceiling. She remembered she’d turned off her cell phone in the restaurant and went to get her purse to check her messages.

What would she do if she couldn’t pay her cell phone bill next month? She couldn’t find a job, let alone keep one, if an employer had no way to reach her. She pushed the nagging thoughts away. She’d go nuts if she thought too far into the future.

She started to flip her phone open, then heard Bryn come in and went out to greet her. One look at her friend told her something was very wrong. “Is it your dad?” she asked, afraid to hear the answer.

Bryn nodded and tears sprang to her eyes. “Oh, Jen, he’s not doing
well at all. They’re going to run some more tests tomorrow, but they still can’t get his blood pressure down.”

“I’m so sorry, Bryn.”

“I may stay at the hospital tomorrow night.” She tossed her keys on the kitchen counter. “I’m beat. I’m going to do a load of laundry and go to bed.”

“You just go to bed. I’ll take care of the laundry. I’ve got a couple more things I want to throw in the washer anyway.”

“Oh, that would be wonderful. I’m so glad you’re here, Jen.”

Poor Bryn. She’d had some tough breaks. It puzzled Jenna how her friend had come through it all with her faith intact. You’d think God could give her a break after all she’d been through.