Authors: Brea Essex
Wait a minute!
I didn’t remember leaving my window open. I climbed cautiously out of bed and crept across the room to my window. I yanked back the curtains and peered out into the night. I didn’t see anything. I pulled my window shut and locked it, closed my curtains again and climbed back into bed. I fell into a light, troubled sleep, but I didn’t wake again until my alarm went off in the morning.
The morning dawned bright and clear, wiping away all traces of my dark dreams. “It was just a dream, right, pretty girl?” I asked Nuada, who didn’t seem to have budged all night. She yawned in my face, staring at me. She held my gaze for a few moments before going right back to sleep. I got up and hurried through my morning routine, anxious to get to school for some reason I couldn’t explain.
I rushed Tanis out the door. “I take it you thought about what we talked about?” she asked with a sidelong look as she pulled out of the driveway.
“What do you mean?” I wondered.
“About Logan—being with him instead of Andrei,” Tanis responded.
I froze. Was Logan the reason I felt so eager to get to school? I paused for a minute and realized he just might be. I had never thought I would feel anything but annoyance toward him, but after yesterday, I’d begun to look at him in a different light. “I, um…well, I thought about it, but I haven’t made any decision.”
“Hmm. You sure do seem eager to get to school this morning. I just thought Logan might have something to do with that.”
I opened my mouth to retort, but fell silent when I realized that I had no real answer to give. I may have been thinking about Logan differently, but I wouldn’t admit it to Tanis just yet. It would raise more questions than I wanted to answer.
When we reached the school, I spied Logan standing at the gate of the parking lot. Part of me wanted to run to him, but I restrained myself, surprised at my reaction to seeing him. Tanis parked, and we both got out of the car. When we reached him, he held out his hand to take my messenger bag from me. “Thanks,” I murmured as I handed it off to him.
Tanis winked slyly at me and started to walk away. “See you at lunch,” she said over her shoulder.
Logan and I faced each other. “I was worried about you,” he admitted. “I’m glad to see you’re okay. Did you have any more problems yesterday?”
“Well…” I hesitated. “Andrei ended up following me home yesterday.”
Logan’s eyes narrowed. I could see a cold fire burning in their emerald depths. “What happened?”
“Well, he acted the same way he did here. My foster dad came home early, and Andrei left. I guess he didn’t want to cause trouble in front of an adult.” At that moment, my phone rang again. I reached over and pulled it out of my bag. “Speak of the devil.” I silenced the ringing and dropped it back into my bag.
“Obsessive much?” Logan smirked.
I stared at him.
“Sorry,” he apologized. “I don’t like how he treats you.”
“Why do you care?”
“I just do,” he told me. “You don’t deserve to be treated that way. You’re a good person, Raena. He’s not. You deserve so much better.”
“Oh, and are you going to be the one to treat me better? Are you saying you could treat me how I deserve to be treated?” I retorted.
He fell silent. His emerald eyes warmed as they bored into mine. “I could,” he whispered.
I stood staring at him, stunned. Words escaped me. I couldn’t turn away from his gaze, though I wondered why I felt so drawn to him.
The bell rang. “Come on,” Logan said, obviously trying to ignore the fact that I hadn’t responded to his declaration. “Let’s go to Chem.”
He started walking, but quickly stopped. He must have realized I hadn’t followed him. He turned back and reached for my hand, which he tucked into the crook of his elbow. When he touched me, heat flooded through my body, and a flush rose on my face. “We don’t want to be late, Rae. Forget I said anything. Let’s get to class, okay?”
I nodded and started to walk with him. We reached our classroom and slid into our seats. We said nothing more as we waited for Mrs. Cortesi to begin class.
I couldn’t concentrate on chemistry with all the thoughts running through my head. I sat at my desk, scribbling on my notebook paper, my mind running in overdrive. I couldn’t figure out why Andrei had acted the way he had, nor could I wrap my mind around Logan’s behavior. I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye. He appeared to be listening intently to Mrs. Cortesi’s boring lesson on how to create an exothermic chemical reaction, which the rest of the class seemed to be tuning out.
I had just looked back down at my paper to begin sketching anew when I saw them…etched all over the ruled paper were wings, angel wings, and a lot of them. I stared at them for a moment, then flipped to a fresh page. I couldn’t figure out where they had come from. Usually I just drew meaningless lines, random looping doodles, when I wasn’t paying attention in class. Why would I draw wings?
I shook my head to clear it. I straightened up and tried to listen to Mrs. Cortesi. I did, however, cast one more sidelong glance at Logan. He sat with his elbow propped up on his desk, chin in hand, staring right at me. Then the bell rang.
The rest of the day passed uneventfully. Logan and I walked together to all of our classes. He carried my bag for me all day. We sat together at lunch again with Cady, Tristan, Tanis, and all of her friends. I could tell Cady and Tristan were dying to get me alone. I couldn’t believe they hadn’t called me the night before, demanding information. Cady was bound to corner me soon to drill me for details.
Logan and I didn’t speak all through lunch. Instead, we just allowed the conversations to float around us. I flicked nervous glances at him, and every time our eyes met, he would just smirk at me. Cady watched our exchanges, an odd mix of emotions dancing across her face.
After English, Logan walked me to the parking again and waited with me for Tanis to arrive. Just as we saw her approaching, Logan pulled a slip of paper out of his pocket. “Look,” he said. “I know it’s none of my business, but if you need to talk—about anything—here’s my number. I always have my phone on, and I will always answer, for you.” He thrust the paper into my hand. I took it and stuffed it into my bag as Tanis reached us.
“Ready?” she asked, glancing from Logan to me.
“Sure,” I mumbled, taking my bag from Logan’s shoulder. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Looking forward to it,” he replied. “Remember what I said.”
“I will,” I promised.
I glanced over my shoulder as Tanis and I walked away. Logan stood in the exact same position, staring at us as we went.
“So, what did he say?” Tanis wanted to know when we got in the car.
“Never mind. I’ll explain later.”
To my utter amazement, she fell silent.
When we arrived home, I ran straight upstairs to my room to put down my bag and kick off my shoes. When I reached my door, I stopped short. There were flowers lying on my bed. I approached them cautiously, spotting a note perched on top of the stems.
My sweet Rae, I’m so sorry about yesterday. Please let me make it up to you. I acted crazy, I know. I just couldn’t stand the idea of seeing you with another guy. Please forgive me. Andrei.
Had Andrei gotten into my room while I’d been at school? How had he gotten in? I started to panic. First he’d stalked me, and now he’d broken into my house? It was starting to look like I might have to call the police on him.
Nuada darted out from under the bed and followed me as I went downstairs to look for Genevra. I clutched the flowers and the note in my hand. I found her in the living room, dusting. “Genevra?” I asked.
She paused and put down her cleaning cloth and furniture polish. “Yes?”
“Do you know how these got in my room?” I held up the flowers and note. My voice shook.
“Of course. I put them up there.”
Thank goodness.
Andrei hadn’t been in my room. “Was Andrei here?”
“Oh, they’re from Andrei? How sweet.” Shane and Tanis must not have filled Genevra in on the events of the day before. She might not find him so sweet otherwise. “No, I didn’t see him,” she continued. “They were on the front porch when I got home from the store. I saw your name on the note, so I stuck them on your bed.”
I breathed a sigh of relief. “So, he wasn’t inside the house?”
“No, he wasn’t in here at all. Raena, is everything okay?”
“Well, actually…” Just then, the doorbell rang.
Nuada started to growl menacingly. I walked over to the door and peered through the peephole. I sucked my breath in. Andrei again. I pressed my back to the door and slumped to the floor. “Genevra, get down!” I whispered fiercely.
She ducked to the ground in front of the couch. “What’s going on?”
I waved furiously for her to be quiet as Andrei began pounding on the door. “Rae? I know you’re home. Answer the door!”
I climbed to my feet. Genevra got up from the floor, looking confused. She returned to her dusting as I opened the door a crack.
Andrei stood on our porch with an even bigger bunch of flowers in his hand. “I’m so glad you opened the door! Can I come in?” he asked.
“I don’t know about that. I don’t want to talk to you right now.”
“I just want to tell you how horribly sorry I am, Rae. I don’t know what came over me. I guess I’ll just leave. I am sorry, though. I hope you’ll forgive me.”
He gave me a kicked puppy look, and I consented before I had time to change my mind. “Sure, Andrei,” I said with a sigh. “Let’s talk outside.” I stepped onto the porch with him and closed the door behind me. I crossed my arms across my chest and tapped my foot impatiently, waiting for his excuse.
You would have thought he had just been granted a death row pardon by the look of relief on his face. “Thank you, Rae! I’ll make it up to you. I promise. I care about you, and I thought you felt the same about me. I just couldn’t stand seeing you with that
boy
.” He spat the word. “It felt like a knife through my heart. I’ve never felt this way about anyone or anything before. I guess I just freaked out. I’m sorry.” He had such a look of remorse on his face, and his shoulders slouched like a scolded child’s.
Why does he have to do this? Why can’t he just let it go? It’s not like we’re serious, anyway.
I uncrossed my arms and decided to give it to him straight. “I don’t think you’re sorry. At least, I don’t think you’re sorry for acting the way you did. I don’t think you’re sorry for hurting me. I think you’re sorry for the way I’ve been avoiding you. I think your pride is hurt because you
thought
you saw something you didn’t.
“Well, I’m glad you showed this side of yourself. I don’t want to be with someone who won’t let me have friends, guy friends, without getting jealous and throwing a tantrum like a spoiled child. Thank you for the flowers, but now I want you to leave.” I opened the door and stepped inside, shutting the door in his face. I locked it behind me for good measure.
He knocked a few more times, but I ignored it. I’m pretty sure he kicked the door, too. I heard his car start up and pull away. I pulled back the curtain and peered through the window just to be sure he’d really left. I walked into the kitchen and tossed the flowers in the trash. I shredded the note and tossed it, too.
Genevra stayed surprisingly silent as I stomped upstairs to my room, slamming the door behind me. I heard a scratch at the door and opened it to let Nuada in—I had accidentally shut her out in the hall. I grabbed my robe and headed to the bathroom. I needed a shower. I turned it on hot, watching the steam fill up the room. I stepped in, letting the water roll over me and wash the stress down the drain.
I stayed there until the water began to cool, and then regretfully shut it off. I wrapped my robe around myself and went to lie down. On a whim, I rolled over, reaching for my bag. I dug around until I found the slip of paper with Logan’s number. I sat up in bed and grabbed my phone. I stared at it, debating on whether or not to call him. I punched in the numbers several times, only to delete them without calling.
On my fifth attempt, I decided to forget it and not call him, at least not tonight. I was tired, and besides, what would I say to him? "Oh hi, Logan. It’s me, Rae. I just told my ex-semi-boyfriend to stay away when he brought me flowers. Just thought I’d let you know.” How cheesy and horribly needy could I get?
No, I wouldn’t call. I didn’t need to cry to him. He’d think I was weird for calling over something as simple as a sort-of breakup. I stored his number in my phone and lay in bed, thinking about Andrei and Logan, wondering what intrigued me about each of them. Obviously, Andrei was crazy. I should be done with him. But what about Logan?
I ignored Genevra’s calls for dinner. It was still early, but I felt so exhausted from the events of the past two days. I drifted off to sleep, still clutching the scrap of paper, and found myself trapped in my nightmares once more.
I found myself on the beach yet again. This time the fog seemed more threatening, more tangible. It plucked at my clothing and pulled at my hair as I ran. I had never run faster in my life. I headed toward the pier once more. I zigzagged across the sand, splashing into the edge of the surf in my attempt to free myself. The fog thickened and coalesced around me. It grabbed at me, pinching me. I felt sharp pains down my arms, and I glanced down to see what appeared to be scratch marks. Something tripped me, and I started to tumble to the ground. Just before I hit, the golden light drove away the dark fog. It caught me and supported me. Again, I had the feeling of being held in strong arms. I saw a figure within the light and strained to see the face of my rescuer…
“Hello?” a voice murmured in my ear.
I shot straight up in bed, looking around my room to see who had spoken. I stared at Nuada, wondering if she had, in fact, learned to speak. I must be going crazy! I finally glanced down and saw my cell phone in my hand. I stared at it, stunned. The screen showed Logan’s name.
What the heck?
I put it to my ear.
“Hello? Raena? Are you okay?” he asked.
“Logan?” I whispered.
“Yes, it’s me. Are you okay?” He sounded worried.
“Did I—did I call you?” I wondered aloud.
He laughed. “Well, I do believe you did. Did you not mean to?”
“I was having a horrible dream,” I explained. “Your voice woke me up. I must have called you in my sleep.”
I could hear the arrogance in his voice. “So, I guess you could say I saved you. Glad I could help.”
“Wait, what did you say?” I demanded.
“I said, ‘Glad I could help.’”
“No, no! Before that!”
“I guess I saved you?” he repeated.
I sat there, stunned. Had I been dreaming of Logan? That couldn’t be right. “What do you mean?” I whispered.
“I guess I saved you from whatever was happening in your dream by waking you up,” he said.
I sat quiet for a few minutes, not knowing what to say.
“Raena? Are you still there? Do you want to talk? What happened?”
I suddenly found myself wanting to tell him everything. I sighed. “Well, I’ve just kind of had a bad day since we got out of school. When I got home, there were flowers from Andrei. Then when I was downstairs talking to my foster mom, he showed up.”
I could hear his sharp intake of breath. “What did he say?”
“At first, he apologized, but then he started acting like a jerk. I told him off and forced him to leave.”
“I’m glad.” He hesitated. “I don’t mean to tell you what to do, but you deserve better than that guy.”
I was afraid to ask him again if he wanted to be the one to treat me better. I thought I might be starting to like Logan, and I was scared he would say he only liked me as a friend. Instead, I said, “Anyway, I fell asleep and had a nightmare. Then, apparently I called you in my sleep, and here we are.”
“I’m glad you called,” he told me.
“I am, too. I feel so much better after talking to you,” I admitted.
“I’m glad to hear it.”
We continued to talk about mundane things and of more important issues. I must have drifted off at some point, because the next thing I knew, my alarm went off.
“Good morning,” Logan’s voice murmured in my ear.
I smiled as I realized I had fallen asleep still talking to him, my phone clutched to my ear. “Morning,” I whispered.
“Did you sleep well?” he asked. “No more nightmares?”
“No, no more nightmares,” I told him.
“As much as I hate to, Raena, I should let you go. We both need to get ready for school. I’ll meet you at the gate if that’s okay.”
“Of course. I’ll see you soon,” I said.
“I can’t wait.” He clicked off.
I lay in bed, grinning like a fool. Tanis knocked on the connecting door and popped her head in. “Were you just talking to yourself?” she asked.
“Nope,” I said. “I was talking to Logan.”
She raised an eyebrow. “Well. Isn’t that interesting? Sounds like I was right.”
“Yes, you were right. I told Andrei off yesterday, and things are over with him. Then, I talked to Logan half the night.”
“I guess we’re going to be seeing a lot of him then.”
“I don’t even know if he likes me.”
“He likes you,” she told me as she started to walk back into the bathroom. “Trust me, I can tell.”
“Tanis?” I called after her.
“Yeah?”
“Even if Logan does like me, I don’t know if I’m ready to get involved with someone so soon after this disaster with Andrei.”
She walked back and sat on the edge of my bed. “That’s true. Don’t jump into another relationship. I know you weren’t technically
in
a relationship with Andrei, but still, wait awhile. I’m sure Logan will understand.”
I gave her a wan smile “Thanks. It helps a lot.”
Tanis stood again and headed for the door once more. “Now, get ready or we’re going to be late!”
That got me out of bed like nothing else could. I didn’t want to miss meeting Logan before school.
As I got out of bed, I noticed some scratch marks on my arms. Where had those come from? They hadn’t been there when I went to bed. I froze as I realized that something had scratched me in my dream. It couldn’t have been real…
I shrugged it off. Maybe I had scratched myself thrashing around in my bed while caught in my nightmare. Or maybe Nuada had scratched me because I rolled over on her or something. She’d done it before.
I showered quickly, leaving my hair to air dry. I didn’t feel like dealing with straightening it. I couldn’t explain why, but I was excited to see Logan. Was I falling for him? Now that I was getting to know him better, he seemed sweet, but I wanted to be careful after the whole Andrei incident. Still, I felt drawn to Logan in a way I hadn’t felt toward Andrei, or any other guy in the past.
I stood in front of my closet for the longest time, choosing my clothing carefully. I had to opt for long sleeves yet again, because the bruise from Andrei’s hand still showed a little. I’d attempted to cover it with makeup, but I could still see purple traces beneath the cover of foundation. When I went to cover the scratches, too, they weren’t there.
Had I imagined them? More likely, my arms had been creased from the sheets and the creases had faded while I got ready. Oh well, one less thing I had to worry about hiding.
I breathed a sigh of relief that I’d ended things with Andrei. No way would I become one of those poor abused girls who always had to wear long sleeves and plaster their bodies with concealer every day. I felt sorry for those girls, but glad I wouldn’t end up in the same situation.
I took one last look in the mirror, realizing no amount of concealer would cover the dark circles under my eyes from the lack of sleep over the past couple of days.
Well, I’m sure Logan will understand my appearance,
I thought. I laughed a little when I realized just how concerned I felt about how I looked to him. I shook my head at myself, grabbed my bag, and headed to the car.