Foreplay: The Ivy Chronicles (21 page)

“Yes, Gram. They all said to tell you Happy
Thanksgiving.”

“Ah, that’s nice. Well, good night, dear.” Gram’s
feet shuffled down the hall, leaving me alone again. I stared at my ceiling,
watching the spinning blades of the fan. That sound had lulled me to sleep for
so many years. Years when I had lain in this bed fantasizing over becoming Mrs.
Hunter Montgomery. And now we were dating. He wanted to
court
me. Take
that,
former cheerleaders
of Taylor High School.

Turning onto my side, I curled myself around my
pillow, hugging it close. It wasn’t a stuffed animal, but I hugged it like it
was. Few stuffed animals had ever graced my room. Not since Purple Bear. I was
too old to cling to stuffed animals, but the pillow felt comforting and
familiar.

My phone buzzed on my nightstand. I reached for it.
My stomach fluttered when I saw Reece’s name.

Reece: Happy Thanksgiving

Me: Same to you . . .

I bit the inside of my cheek, considering what else
to say.

Me: Did you have a good day?

Reece: Yes. My Aunt Beth came over w/a
turkey. My dad was even almost human

Me: That’s good

Reece: What about yours?

I stared at the words on the screen for a long
moment, thinking about my day, about kissing Hunter, and how much I should tell
Reece.

Reece: How’s Hunter?

Me: Good

Reece: You kissed

I gasped, my fingers tightening around my phone.
Could he read my mind across miles?

Me: How do you know that?

It didn’t occur to me to lie.

Reece: Because that’s what I would have
done. I did do it. Remember? First chance I got

Me: Actually I kissed him

There was a long pause, and I began to worry that
he wasn’t going to reply at all. Maybe I shouldn’t have been so honest.

Reece: Guess those lessons in foreplay
helped after all

Me: Guess so

Reece: Congrats, Pepper. You got what you
wanted. Good night

Me: Good night

I dropped the phone on the bed beside me. Turning,
I burrowed my face into the pillow and cried great ugly sobs. They weren’t the
first I had ever cried in this room, on this bed, into this very pillow, but
they were definitely the most senseless. I had nothing to cry about. I had come
so far and finally gotten what I wanted.

Chapter 24

S
unday afternoon, Hunter dropped me off at my dorm with a gentle kiss and a promise to text me later. After unpacking, I fell onto my bed with a sigh, thinking I’d get some homework done, but instead I ended up falling asleep. Apparently the four-hour drive wore me out. Maybe it was all the effort I put into acting cheerful and like I wasn’t having any doubts about what I wanted to happen between Hunter and myself.

I didn’t feel much better after my nap, either. I still wasn’t any more certain about Hunter and me, which filled me with no small amount of panic. For so long I had convinced myself he was the one, the one who would make me right. Make me safe. Make me whole.

If I didn’t have that anymore, then what did I have?

Scrubbing both hands over my face, I rose from my bed and sank down at my desk, cracking open my Abnormal Psych notes and telling myself I could actually study when my head hurt from thinking.

My phone buzzed from across the room. I moved to pick it up, glad for the excuse to procrastinate.

Reece: Hey. Home yet?

I smiled, ridiculously happy that he was still communicating with me. After last night, I wasn’t so sure.

Me: Yes. Got back couple hours ago

Reece: I want to see you

No mincing words. I hesitated, resisting the immediate urge to type “yes.” I needed to consider this. Use logic instead of wild impulse, which seemed to be my only setting when it came to him.

The screen went dark. The phone buzzed again in my hand, a new message from Reece lighting up the screen.

Reece: Open the door

My head whipped around, staring at my door as if it were a living thing. My heart took off, wild as a bird trapped and struggling inside my too-tight chest. In two strides I was there, pulling the door wide. Reece stood before me, phone in hand, those bright blue eyes, brighter even than I remembered, fastened on me.

We moved in unison. He stepped inside, shutting the door behind him just as I scooted back, making room for him to enter. Closed inside my room, we stared at each other, frozen like two statues. Everything slowed. Like someone hit a
PAUSE
button. Blood rushed, a dull roar in my ears. I imagined I could even hear the muffled thump of my heart.

Then everything leaped to action.

We came together. Phones slipped from our hands and thudded to the floor as we collided. Our mouths fused, lips breaking only to pull our shirts over our heads in a blur of motion. Everything was frantic. Desperate. Almost violent in its fierceness.

“God, I missed you,” he muttered, his hand skimming my face, hard fingers burying themselves in my hair and gripping my scalp as his hot mouth crashed over mine.

My hands went for the front of his jeans, yanking open the button snap and tugging the jeans down as he fell over me on the bed, between my thighs. He pulled back to shove them down his narrow hips, cursing when they got stuck at his shoes.

I watched, devouring the sight of him as I anxiously stripped off my yoga pants, my panties, everything.

“Damn it,” he snarled, jerking off his shoes and then shucking his jeans the rest of the way off.

Then we came together again, bare skin sliding sinuously against each other. He settled between my thighs and it felt so right, like two puzzle pieces locking together.

He kissed my breasts and I whimpered, arching my spine, wanting more. His mouth closed around one nipple, and I moaned, my fingers clenching his muscular biceps. He shifted his weight and brought his erection directly against the core of me.

I panted, my fingers moving to clutch the back of his neck, clinging, straining against him, pulling him closer as I rotated my hips, needing him inside me like a body needs oxygen.

“Pepper, are you sure?”

God, yes
. Gasping, I shifted my hips and pushed up against him. “I want this. I want you, Reece.”

His blue eyes gleamed fiercely. He lifted off me and fumbled with his discarded jeans. I almost moaned in pain at the loss of him. All of me felt cold, empty.

And then the warmth was back. He was between my parted thighs, tearing the wrapper off a condom with his teeth. I watched as he rolled it on, fascinated at the sight, the act.

He wrapped an arm around my waist and hauled me closer, holding me steady as he began to sink inside me, his eyes locked with mine. It was a surreal moment, staring into the deep of his eyes, feeling his body joining with mine.

I was ready. My body stretched to accommodate him. It wasn’t uncomfortable exactly, but definitely foreign. Still exciting. Gaspy little breaths escaped me.

Just when I thought he was done, that I was filled to capacity, he pushed in deeper.

My eyes flared wide, and I whimpered. Okay, that was a little uncomfortable. He stilled, his biceps tensing, muscles bunching tightly. “Are you all right?”

“Yes. Don’t stop. Do it!”

The arm at my waist pulled me closer, mashing my breasts to his chest as he thrust himself fully inside me, wrenching a sharp gasp from me.

“Wow,” I choked.

“Should I—?”

“Keep going,” I commanded, my nails scoring his back. He rocked his hips against me and I cried out, arching against him.

“Oh, fuck, Pepper, you feel good.”

An aching pressure built inside me as he moved faster, increasing the delicious friction and tightening the coil low in my belly. It was like before, when he made me come just by using his hand. Only better. Everything more intense.

I writhed against him, desperate to reach that climax. He hooked a hand under my knee and wrapped my leg around his waist. The next thrust shattered me. I never felt anything so amazing. So good. My vision blurred as he hit that spot deeper. He moved against me, working a steady pace. I dragged my nails through his short hair, loving this absolute freedom to touch him, to love him with my hands. His name tripped from my lips.

“Pepper,” he growled in my ear. “Come for me, baby.”

I was almost there. Shudders shook through me. I burrowed my head in the warm nook of his neck, muffling my moans. His hand found me, framing my face. A thumb under my chin, fingers splayed over my cheek, he held me there, watching me, peering into my eyes as he moved inside me. “I want to see you.”

I nodded jerkily. The familiar burning tightness seized me, made me arch up against him. “Ohh.”

“That’s it, Pepper.” He drove harder into me and I cried out, every nerve bursting. I went limp. He hugged me closer, his lips seizing mine. I groaned into his mouth as I felt his own release follow, shuddering through him.

We collapsed together on the bed, his weight on top of me. As heavy as he was, I didn’t want him to ever move. I could stay like this forever.

F
orever lasted about two minutes. Reece pressed a kiss to my collarbone that made me shiver and then rose from the bed to dispose of the condom. I found some wipes in my drawer and cleaned myself off, hesitating a moment at the sight of a rusty-colored smudge on my thigh. It startled me, forcing me to confront the reality of what I had just done. With Reece.

I hurriedly wiped the blood away. My face burned as he watched me. I tossed the wipe into the small trash bin, aware of a slight soreness between my legs as I moved. Slipping my panties back on, I lowered myself to the bed, pulled my knees to my chest, and then tugged the covers over me.

“You okay?”

He sat in front of me, his legs going on either side of me so that he could face me and hold me at the same time.

I nodded. “It didn’t hurt.”

He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. “It gets better.”

I felt my eyes widen. “Really? ’Cause that was pretty amazing.”

Grinning, he kissed me. “It was all you, baby.”

I doubted that. I could never have as much fun alone as I had with him. I doubted I could have as much fun with anyone. That thought made me frown. Panic fluttered inside me. Reece—
this
. It wasn’t the plan.

“Hey. No frowns.” He tapped at the edge of my mouth. “Do I even want to know what you’re thinking?”

I swallowed. “How can this work, Reece?”

His smile slipped away. The glow ebbed from his eyes. “Wow. You don’t waste any time. I’m getting the brush-off already? No time for afterglow.” He remained sitting in front of me, his legs stretched on either side of me, but he dropped his arms. No more hug.

“I’m sorry.”

“Yeah.” His voice bit out the single word. “Me, too.”

“I don’t want—” I stopped, struggling with what to say. There was a lot that I didn’t want to happen in this moment
. I didn’t want him to hate me. I didn’t want to lose him
.

He laughed harshly. “You don’t know what you want, Pepper. That much is clear.”

I shook my head, a lump the size of a golf ball inside my throat. “I do. I’ve always known that. That’s why this”—I waved between us—“can never be.”

“Oh. Yeah? Then do me a favor and explain it to me. Why is Hunter so important? Why does it gotta be him? ’Cause that’s what this is about, right? You fuck me but you still want to be with him.”

I flinched and glanced away, my gaze landing on the pictures across the room. The one of me with Lila and Hunter. That was supposed to be my future. With the Montgomerys. With Hunter. Or someone like him.

“You know my mother dumped me and left me to live with my grandmother.”

I flicked a glance back at him. He nodded once, his jaw clenched tightly, waiting for me to continue. “Well, that was after three years of living with her. She lost the house the year after Daddy died. Then we slept on the couches of friends. But that got old. They got tired of us. And she just kept getting worse . . . doing more shit. Anything good, she lost.”

“Except you. She kept you.”

My eyes stung. I nodded, blinking back the burn. “Yeah. She kept me. It was the two of us. Surviving in motel rooms. Sometimes sleeping in the car. She’d do whatever she needed to get her next fix.”

He touched my face, his thumb brushing over my cheek. “What happened to you, baby?”

I inhaled. “Nothing. She always kept me safe. Or tried to anyway. She would leave me in a closet or bathroom. I’d hide in the tub with my stuffed animal. Purple Bear. I had him forever.” I smiled in memory. “My father won him at a carnival for me. I’d lost everything but I still had that bear. And Mom. Whenever she stuck me in a tub or closet while she got high with some loser, she told me Purple Bear would keep me safe until she came for me.”

I stopped now, because I couldn’t really talk about what happened next. I’d never talked about it with anyone before.

“But it didn’t keep you safe, did it?”

I shook my head, choking down a sob. “No.”

“What happened?”

My voice got really small. “He found me in the tub.” My fingers pressed over my lips. “I wasn’t quiet enough.”

“Who found you?”

I shook my head slowly, seeing the flash of a skull-faced ring. “Some guy. One of Mom’s . . . dates.”

“What did he do, Pepper?” His whisper was in direct contrast to his face, which was hard as stone, his eyes like ice chips.

I rocked back a little on the bed, hugging my knees closer to my chest. “He made me get out of the tub.” I sucked in a deep breath, bracing myself. Soundless tears rolled down my cheeks. I dashed them away with my hand, reciting the events of that night as matter-of-factly as possible—as though they had happened to some other girl and not me. Now that I had started, I was determined to say it all. Finally. “And then he made me take off my shirt.”

Reece’s arms wrapped around me again, holding me, and in that moment it was like they were the only thing keeping me together. Keeping me from breaking into pieces. My fingers dug into his forearms, clinging to him as words rushed from me.

“H-he unzipped his pants and started playing with himself in front of me . . . l-looking at me. He told me to touch it, but I wouldn’t.” I shook my head, lips pressing into a firm line as I recalled the man’s expression. Angry. But also excited that I was defying him. He wanted me to fight him. “He told me to take off the rest of my clothes. I tried to get away. He grabbed me, tried to pull down my shorts. I fought back and he just laughed and slapped me. Things got really crazy then. I screamed. Went a little hysterical.” I searched Reece’s gaze, shaking my head almost apologetically. Like I should somehow have kept my cool. “I was just a kid.”

He nodded, blinking eyes that looked suspiciously moist. “What happened next?”

I shrugged like it wasn’t a big deal. “Mom came in and freaked. They fought. He slapped her around, but she got him out the door, and then she just came into the bathroom and stared at me. I never saw her look like that before. Even at Daddy’s funeral she had never looked so . . . wrecked. We packed up our stuff in the car and drove. I fell asleep in the backseat, but when I woke we were at Gram’s.”

I stopped at this part because as hard as it was to tell him what happened to me in that bathroom, this was actually harder. This was the part that was etched in my mind, burned into me with a red-hot brand.

“I was actually excited at first. Mom and Gram didn’t get along, so we didn’t see her that much. She took me to the door. Hugged me and . . . said good-bye.” I couldn’t breathe as I remembered this. The feel of my mother’s hands on my arms as she bent down and stared at me, her green eyes eerily bright in her thin face. “She told me she couldn’t keep me safe anymore.” The tears rolled freely, unchecked and silent on my cheeks.

Reece sighed. “It was the best she could do—”

“No,” I snapped. “The best she could have done is get the help she needed. Beat her addiction.”

He cupped my cheek gently. “She got you to someplace safe.”

“Safe?” I laughed at that. It was a harsh and ugly sound. “Funny you should say that.”

He arched an eyebrow.

“When she was walking away, she suddenly turned around. She ran back and grabbed Purple Bear from me. She ripped him. Tore him apart right in front of me.” I could still see all the tufts of cotton floating in the air.

“What the fuck?”

I continued bitterly, remembering how watching her destroy that bear felt like she was murdering a part of me. “She told me Purple Bear couldn’t keep me
safe
. Just like she couldn’t. That I should never expect that from anyone. That I needed to look after myself now and never count on anyone.”