Foreign Exchange (28 page)

C
hapter Twenty-Seven

I must get to sleep eventually, but it’s far from a good sleep. Nightmares of Stanko and his cameramen torment me. In my mind’s eyes, I see them beating Tristan, I feel them grabbing me and holding me in such a strong hold, I’ll never be able to get away. I thrash, even though the fight against Stanko and the fight against my nightmares both seem futile.

“
Sh-sh-shhhh.” He tries to quiet me. Always tries to quiet me.

But then I hear a soft voice in my ear, and it’s not him. It’s not Stanko.

It’s Sawyer.

“It’s okay, Jamie. I’m here. No one will hurt you. No one will ever hurt you again.”

I feel my whole body flinch, not knowing how to process the thought that Sawyer’s trying to comfort me while Stanko is squeezing the life out of me.

I open my eyes. Blink hard a few times, until my hospital room comes into
focus. I’m here. I’m safe. There’s no Stanko. It’s Sawyer’s arms that are around me and we’re both squeezed onto my small hospital bed.

“You were having bad dreams,” Sawyer says, loosening his grip on me and stroking my hair. “I was afraid you were going to hurt yourself
, the way you were thrashing around.”

“I’m okay,” I tell myself as much as Sawyer.

“I know you are,” he whispers, leaning closer and kissing the side of my head. Like we’d been on the train, Sawyer is snuggled up against my back, but this time he’s on top of the blanket that I’m underneath.

“Thankfully my mom went to stay in the hotel with your parents last night, because I think my nightmares would
be the least of our worries if she came in here to find us like this.”

Sawyer laughs. “I was thinking we should suggest this as a possible therapy option when we get home. I mean, you really shouldn’t be sleeping alone yet.” I hear the smile in his voice and it makes me smile.
But it also gives me a twinge of unease.

All I want to think of is how easily I’d fallen asleep on the train with his arms around me. No horrible images flashing behind my eyes. No flinching at the thought of anyone touching me. “You know how you said maybe we should slow things down?”

“Mmm, did I say that?” He nuzzles my neck. I can tell he’s teasing, but I feel the need to be serious and get this out. It’s not fair to him after how aggressive I’d been, I know that, but I have to say it.

“I thought you were wrong at the time and everything, but…well…after
what happened…I just—”

“It’s okay, Jamie.” His voice is soft, as gentle as it had been
at the hostel in Milan.

“Thanks,” I whisper back, unable to look at him. “It’s not that I don’t want to kiss you or anything—”

“Oh good,” he says, too fast, breaking the tension and making me giggle.

“I just…I want to let all the bad memories go before I try to make new ones, you know?”

I feel him nodding against my back. “I wouldn’t want any of those things to blend together for you.” He takes a long breath and lets it out slowly, like he’s getting used to the new plan, as much as he doesn’t want to. But then he surprises me and says. “Maybe it’s better this way.” I think he’s being sarcastic or teasing, until he adds quietly, “This will give us a reason to take our time and enjoy the newness of it all.”

I think
back to how he’d said that he’d never been as close to anyone as he was with me in Milan. This really is all new to him too.

“We have plenty to look forward to, Jamie.”

I relax into my pillow, listen to Sawyer’s breath, and know that he’s right.

“Who’s with Tristan?”
The thought jolts me back to alertness.

“My mom. She came back early this morning.”

I glance out the window. It must be close to seven.

His leg moves against mine and I have a renewed sense of how close we are.

“I talked to her. To Tristan,” I tell him.

“Really?” He sounds surprised, but then nods, like he’s not surprised at all. “Ha. I should have known she’d still trust you.” He nudges my shoulder.

“She’ll talk to you soon. We just...we went through something together.” Even saying this feels wrong. Because she’d also gone through so much without me. Without anyone.

“Don’t worry,” he says. “I’m not jealous of you and my sister.”

I smile. “Good. Because I don’t think she’s jealous of us either. Or at least not like she used to be.”

He turns
me so he can see my face a little better and see if I’m kidding.

“She wants us to be happy, Sawyer.”

He blinks a couple of times and looks away. I feel like he needs these words from his hurting sister right now. He needs to know that somewhere deep in her heart, she’s really going to be okay again. I’m glad I can give that to him.

I’m pretty sure he doesn’t want to fall apart right now, that’s why he’s not meeting my eye
, so I say, “It is a new day, in case you hadn’t noticed.”

He must hear my teasing tone. He looks back at me.

“When was it, again, that you were going to make the first move?”

He smirks and reaches for my cheek to turn m
y face toward him. “I love you,” he says.

As much as I want to hear it, I need to keep things lighter between us.
For now. I hold back a smile. “Sorry, but I already know that and it’s a little unoriginal. I’ve already heard that one recently.”

From my little brother. But still.

He chuckles and leans into my neck. He pauses and gently kisses me. Then he runs his lips up to my ear and whispers, “I’m not surprised. As long as it wasn’t from Matt Driediger, I’m not worried.”

“Even if it
was
from Matt Driediger, you shouldn’t be worried.” I shiver at the sensation when his lip grazes my ear. He pulls away, a full-on grin covering his face.

His lips press into mine once, twice, three times. “How about
, you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me?” He pushes into my lips with full force, not letting me answer. He doesn’t push his body against mine, but I can tell he wants to. I love being in bed with Sawyer Bishop. My heart beats fast. My thoughts want to race back to Italy. To our bed in the hostel…but I don’t let them. I concentrate on this moment.
It’s okay, Jamie. It’s Sawyer. We’re taking things slowly. No one’s going to hurt you.
I hate that I have to keep saying these things to myself, but I do.

When he pulls back, I try to
return to the teasing mood. It’s helping me remember this is safe between us. “But the feeling is reciprocated, so they probably cancel each other out, right?”

He kisses me once on the nose and says, “Don’t you know anything about math, you silly girl?” He pecks at my lips, my cheek, my neck, before he says into my ear, “Reciprocation only makes things multiply.” One more kiss, right in the nape of my neck that makes me giggle. “Exponentially.” Another kiss back on my mouth. These kisses are softer, more fun. He’s realized exactly what I need.
And for once in my life, I’m glad I suck at math. I’m glad I’m perfect for two people in this world, maybe even three, including Eddy.

And m
aybe it is better this way. My future may not include jet-setting across Europe without so much as a change of clothes, or taking more risks than I want to, or acting more confident than I feel.

But Sawyer’s right.

Because we definitely have a lot to look forward to.

The End

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