Foreign Affairs (81 page)

She began to daydream about turning into a career woman who wore gorgeous tailored suits and swanned around with a briefcase. She even suggested to Shay that she should come and work in the
office for a couple of hours in the mornings once the twins were settled in school.

‘You could always have your secretary come in part-time, in the afternoons,’ she said airily.

‘No way, Brenda,’ Shay was uncharacteristically firm. ‘Roisin’s a good secretary and besides she needs the money. She’s trying to rear three children on her own.
You know she’s a widow.’

‘It would save us money, and I’d be a good secretary too,’ she said huffily.

‘No, Brenda.’ Shay was adamant. She sulked for a week. But Brenda made up her mind. The children were going to school for two weeks before the summer holidays. By September,
they’d be in school all morning. She was going to get some sort of a little job for herself.

Brenda stood in the garden, staring around. It was a beautiful morning. It was only gone nine forty-five. The hours until twelve-thirty stretched ahead of her. It was so nice she decided
she’d make the beds and then come out and cut the grass in the back. She’d put her shorts on, wear a T-shirt and make a start on her tan.

By ten-thirty she was mowing the grass with vigour. She felt energized. Brenda hummed as she mowed. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Mandy go to her line with a basket of clothes. Brenda
turned her back. There was a coolness between the Hanleys and the Donovans. A very frosty coolness at that. Brenda scowled as she remembered the incident that had caused it two months ago.
She’d asked Mandy to mind the kids for an afternoon so that she could go to a coffee afternoon Kathy’d organized to raise funds to send a child to hospital in America for a life-saving
operation. One of the prizes was a holiday in Spain, donated by Jenny’s boss. Brenda was hoping like mad that she might win it. She didn’t, but she had a great time chatting to all and
sundry and catching up on gossip. Kathy’d invited her to stay for tea. Brenda decided she might as well, it wasn’t often she got away by herself without the children.

She’d stayed until six and then sped home to collect the children. Just as she pulled up, she saw Tom, Mandy’s husband, walking in through the front door. He didn’t close it so
she walked in behind him a minute or so later to hear him exclaim in immense irritation, ‘God Almighty, has she left that shower in on top of us again? I can’t afford to be feeding them
every second day of the week. Does she think I go up to Superquinn to buy groceries for her gang as well as ours? Does she think I’m a bloody millionaire? Shay earns a hell of a lot more
money than I do. Why can’t he feed his own kids? It’s a bit bloody much, Mandy. All I want to do is come home from work and sit down in my own house and relax without her bloody gang
underfoot.’

Brenda cringed. She knew she’d taken advantage once too often. She knew that it annoyed Tom that she left the kids in with Mandy so often. He was sullen and cool with her, and she
pretended not to notice and chattered on gaily. Tom didn’t like her, but Brenda ignored it because she needed to be able to depend on Mandy to take care of the children now and again.

She was tempted to slip back out and pretend she hadn’t heard Tom’s outburst but Mandy gave a little gasp of dismay when she saw her standing there. ‘Be quiet, Tom,’ she
said hastily. ‘Hi, Brenda. Don’t mind Tom, his ulcer’s at him.’

Tom turned around and glared at her. ‘My ulcer’s not at me, Mandy,’ he raged. ‘Brenda, if I’d wanted six children I’d have had them. I don’t mind doing
a neighbour a favour now and again, but I’m fed up to the back teeth rearing and feeding your kids. I want to be able to come in from work and sit down with my own family. I have nothing
against your children. But I don’t like my wife’s good nature being taken advantage of. And in case you don’t realize it, it costs money to feed children. When we do our weekly
shopping we do it to last us for the week, not for the benefit of your family. It would match you better if you’d cook a decent meal for your kids now and again instead of feeding them
burgers and chips from the chipper, because you’re too busy gadding around the countryside to look after them.’

Brenda nearly died of mortification. She wanted to turn around and say how dare you talk to me like that? But Tom had a sharp tongue. And she knew in her heart and soul that there was a lot of
truth in what he said.

‘You won’t be troubled with them again,’ she said stiffly. ‘I apologize for any inconvenience caused.’

‘He doesn’t mean it.’ Mandy was scarlet with embarrassment.

‘Yes I do, Mandy. I’m fed up with this carry-on. I’m fed up listening to you moaning about it and not saying anything about it. It had to be said and I’m saying
it!’

With as much dignity as she could muster, Brenda called to her children, who were playing in the front room, and walked out the door. She was furious, she was embarrassed, and she was raging
with herself for not being ten minutes earlier. She’d never be able to ask Mandy to look after the kids again after this.

From then on Tom ignored her when they met. He was an ignoramus anyway, she decided. Mandy barely said hello and wouldn’t look Brenda in the eye. It was a nuisance when she wanted to go
anywhere. She tried to leave the children with Kit but her mother told her in no uncertain terms that, much as she loved her grandchildren, she’d reared her own and she’d no intention
of rearing Brenda’s. ‘I had to stay at home when you were young, much and all as I’d have liked to be off out enjoying myself. You’ll have to do the same.’ Her mother
was stern about it. School couldn’t have come at a more opportune moment, Brenda decided as she started to clip the edges of the grass.

Once she was happy that John had settled in well, Brenda thoroughly enjoyed her mornings of freedom. She went to town and treated herself to a few new outfits for the summer. Sometimes she and a
neighbour went swimming or played a set of tennis in Johnstown Park. Once, after she’d driven the children to school, she drove straight out to Portmarnock beach and spent two blissful hours
on the beach. When it was fine she took her lounger out into the back garden when she’d finished making the beds and tidying up, and relaxed in the sun. It was the nicest two weeks
she’d spent in years. Exactly as she’d imagined it would be when she’d left work. When the school holidays arrived she was sorry.

September would be wonderful, she promised herself. She’d get a part-time job two or three mornings a week and flop and enjoy her peace and quiet the rest of the days. Partial freedom was
in sight. Things could only improve.

It was one of the nicest summers she’d ever spent, too. The weather was kind. Most days she would pack a picnic and take the kids to Portmarnock or Donabate or the Hole in the Wall beach,
where they played on the sand and she read her library books and turned a nice golden brown. It was great now that the children were older. They were much better able to amuse themselves and, apart
from the usual squabbles, life was rather relaxing.

She and Kathy started walking to try and lose weight. They walked around Johnstown Park three or four times every evening. To her delight, her thighs and bum began to tone up. She watched her
eating and the pounds slowly dropped off For the first time in a long time Brenda began to feel in control again. It was a good feeling. She didn’t even over-indulge when she went on holidays
in a rented mobile home in Bettystown with Shay and the children for two weeks. Brenda kept the vision of herself in a tailored suit, carrying a briefcase. It helped every time she felt tempted to
eat a coffee slice.

Losing a stone did wonders for her determination and confidence. At the end of August, she saw an advertisement in one of the evening papers for a part-time dentist’s receptionist in
Drumcondra, required to work three mornings. Brenda applied for the job. Three mornings a week would suit her down to the ground.

She was as nervous as a kitten as she sat waiting to be interviewed. She hadn’t told a soul she was going for the job in case she didn’t get it. It was bad enough being rejected
without the world and his mother knowing about it. There wouldn’t be much need for her to carry a briefcase, she supposed, nevertheless it would be a start and she could always move on to
greater things.

To her joy, Brenda got the job. Doctor Marshall, the dentist, was impressed that she had computer skills. He intended transferring all his patients’ data onto disc. His wife would do the
afternoon shift and the remaining mornings, he informed Brenda. It suited her down to the ground. Doctor Marshall was young and enthusiastic and he’d just taken over an established practice.
She’d be kept busy, he assured Brenda. She didn’t care. The busier the better as far as she was concerned.

Shay was a bit doubtful when she told him she’d got a job, but his wife’s humour was so much improved he decided it was a good thing and took her out for a drink and a meal to
celebrate.

The first few mornings had been a bit hectic what with trying to get the children out to school and the house tidy before she left for work, but gradually Brenda got into her routine. She woke
in the mornings looking forward to work. She liked wearing the crisp white coat. It made her feel like a nurse and the patients found it very reassuring, especially when she had to calm the nervous
ones.

She was enjoying the challenge of transferring the data onto the computer. Mrs Marshall had no computer skills, so Brenda felt important explaining the new system to her.

It was the best thing she ever did, Brenda thought happily, when she got her first pay cheque. It was extremely satisfying working three mornings a week and earning her own money and having the
other two mornings off. She felt much more content with her life. It no longer seemed aimless and filled with boring routine. She was keeping her weight off too and people commented on how well she
looked. When she got her second pay cheque, she got her hair tinted auburn.

Brenda got the surprise of her life on her wedding anniversary, when Shay announced that he’d booked a weekend away for them the weekend after St Patrick’s weekend. She was thrilled.
He’d arranged for his younger sister to baby-sit. She was a student and always in need of money.

Brenda went into town and treated herself to the most gorgeous silk navy lingerie. And then, walking past Principles, she saw a beautiful tailored royal blue suit with a long jacket, the sort
Princess Di wore. Brenda gazed at it in admiration. It was elegant and classy and just the sort of suit Paula would wear. On impulse she went in and to her delight found a size fourteen in stock.
To her absolute joy, it fitted her new lighter, trimmer figure like a glove. Brenda was ecstatic as she signed the cheque. It cost an arm and a leg but it was her reward to herself for sticking to
her diet and getting her job and taking charge of her life again. She was on a high after her little shopping spree. It had really sent the adrenalin rushing through her.

The weekend in Hotel Kilkenny was almost as good as being on her honeymoon. Having room service breakfast with no children making demands was glorious. She and Shay explored the historical
elegant town and wandered in and out of shops and through winding arch-covered streets. They lunched in the famous Kytler’s Inn, and took a tour of the ancient castle with its magnificent
views of the meandering river. Brenda went on another spending spree in the Kilkenny Design Centre and had to be dragged out by a laughing Shay. Arm in arm they walked back to the hotel and went
for a swim in the pool and then did a workout in the gym, which left them breathless and laughing. They kissed and cuddled in the sauna and then sat in the Jacuzzi enjoying the powerful streams of
water easing the aches from their unaccustomed exercise.

‘I wish we could stay for a week,’ Brenda said on the Sunday morning. It had been the nicest surprise of her life.

‘I wish we could too.’ Shay nuzzled her ear. ‘It was lovely having time on our own. We should try and do it more often.’ He leaned over and kissed her. Brenda, wearing
her silky revealing nightdress, felt quite sexy. They’d made love several times and the knowledge that they weren’t going to be disturbed by the children relaxed her greatly. She often
maintained that Lauren and Claudia were the best contraceptives going.

Brenda kissed Shay’s navel, and stroked her hand along the inside of his thigh, that always drove him wild.

‘Oh Bren,’ he breathed. ‘Keep doing it!’ She felt like Paige Mathison, her heroine in
Knot’s Landing
. Wearing her sexy nightgown made Brenda feel wanton
and desirable. She increased the pressure of her fingers.

‘Aaah, Brenda, Brenda,’ Shay moaned.

‘Where’s the condoms?’ Brenda murmured.

‘There’s none left.’ Shay groaned. Brenda stopped her stroking.

‘Ah, Brenda, don’t stop,’ Shay pleaded. He was wildly aroused. They hadn’t had so much sex in months. It was great. He couldn’t stop himself. Before she could say
anything he’d entered her and was thrusting wildly.

Brenda, excited by his passion, joined in the fun.

‘That was the best ever,’ Shay panted, seconds later. Brenda sighed in pleasure. It reminded her of one night when Eddie jumped on her because he’d been so aroused. Paula
Matthews wasn’t the only
femme fatale
, she thought smugly, but a little niggle of unease troubled her. Shay hadn’t been wearing a condom. Although she thought it was pretty
safe, you could never be absolutely sure. She’d be on tenterhooks until her period arrived. Having a baby now, at her age, would ruin every bit of freedom she’d finally earned for
herself. If she found out she was pregnant, she’d kill herself.

‘What’s wrong?’ Shay noticed her change of humour.

‘I hope I don’t get caught. We took a bit of a risk.’

‘You’ll be fine.’ Shay, relaxing in the afterglow of his performance, was untroubled.

‘I hope so,’ Brenda murmured, snuggling down for forty winks. Shay was right, there was nothing to worry about, she was well past her ovulating period according to her
calculations.