Forbidden Fruit (23 page)

“
For how long?” I asked, fearing he would say more than a few hours.

“
It has to be this way.”

“
What? What has to be this way?” I asked, feeling desperate, bile rising in my throat.

He gave me a long, hard look and aggressively cupped my face. He brought his lips down on mine, hard, with a fierce intensity. It didn’t hurt, but it did scare me. Something was wrong. Something was happening, and I didn’t understand it. I couldn’t stop it.

He pulled away from me savagely and gave me a heart retching look. Then he turned on his heel and began to walk away.

I grabbed his arm and stopped his stride. “Wait. You’re leaving?” My mind was racing. “Because people think you’re a hero? That doesn’t make any sense. What is going on Michael?” I demanded.

He gave me an apologetic look and grimaced. Then he disappeared right before me. My hand closed on thin air.

I starred at the hand that was holding his arm. It was completely empty, yet I still felt the tingling sensation from his touch.

What was going on? What just happened? Was that goodbye for a while or forever? Panic crept over me, making my heart ache and my breath quicken.

He left me. He really left me.

He was gone. And a sinking feeling told me he wasn’t coming back.

Monday morning came with little sleep. My head was pounding. It was likely from the lack of food yesterday, combined with the steady stream of tears. I still had the same gloomy feeling I harbored since Michael left. There was an empty pit in my stomach that ached knowing it was never going to be filled.

I tried to pick myself up and go to school, pretending like nothing was wrong, pretending like my heart wasn’t shattered in a million pieces. But I couldn’t.

For the first time since I started Legare Prep, I couldn’t get out of bed. I couldn’t make myself put on a happy face for anyone. I turned my alarm clock off and rolled over, coving every inch of my body and head with blankets. I didn’t want to see anyone. I wanted to stay in that wrapped up state, hidden from the world, until I woke from the nightmare of Michael leaving.

Except I never woke up.

Tuesday I made myself go to school, mostly because Rose was due to come home and would freak out if she saw me like this. It wasn’t easy pretending like nothing changed. Though it did help that Bailey was moping around a bit as well. Turns out her dad did flip out. According to Bailey, she was grounded indefinitely, and had no idea when she would get her phone privileges returned.

“I see he covered up that a bunch of teens were drinking at his house,” I recalled the news clip I saw as we walked into the dining hall for lunch.

“
Yeah, you know him. Always looking out for numero uno.”

Bailey was too bummed out about her ordeal to even realize Michael was missing. I was glad not to have to try to answer questions about where he went and why. I honestly had no answer for either. I was pissed; however, to hear that Mr. Brown was only using the reward for the hero as a publicity stunt. As far as I was concerned, that publicity exploit was what drove Michael away.

By Friday, I still hadn’t gotten used to the absence of Michael. Every class, every day after school, and every night felt terribly lonely without his constant presence, without those warm arms wrapped around me. It was the end of October, and everyone was buzzing with the excitement of Halloween. It was tomorrow night, and Eric’s parents had rented a club for all his friends to party.

“
I can’t believe I am going to miss this,” Bailey literally stomped her foot like a child in a tantrum. “I bet anything Lacy will be there!”

“
Eric wants
you
, not her,” I tried to comfort her.

She shrugged and continued to complain throughout lunch. I heard others around us talking about what costumes they were going to wear.

“
And I already got our costumes!” Bailey swore as she tossed her lunch in the trash, not even half eaten.

“
You did?” I asked, not sure why that surprised me.

“
Yeah, and now they will have to wait another year!” she pouted.

“
Hey, cheer up beautiful,” Eric picked up pace with us.

She turned her pout on him.

“
Who says you can’t come?” he asked with a mischievous grin. “I figured out how to spring you Saturday night.”

She perked up. “Really?” she breathed.

“
Yep. As long as you’re willing to risk it.” He grinned, knowing full-well she responded to danger.

“
I’m in,” she squealed. Not even hearing out the escape plan. “Lil, you have to come.”

“
What?” I was caught off guard. I had no intention of going anywhere since Bailey had been grounded, and therefore by default so had I.

“
See ya,” Eric winked as he turned down the Science wing.

“
Lily, please!” she begged. “This may be my only chance to break out of prison. It will be so much fun. Besides, you need this!”

“
I
need this?” Since when was this about me?

“
Don’t think I haven’t noticed you moping around because Michael is gone.”

I gave her a sardonic grimace. “I didn’t think you noticed.”

“
I know you Lily, which means I know when you don’t want to talk about something.”

I smiled genuinely this time. She was a really great friend. “I don’t know if I feel like going out to be honest.”

“
It will help,” she insisted. “We’ll get all dressed up, have a few drinks-maybe even enough to do a little dancing,” she teased. “It will be fun. Besides, I can’t stand seeing you so sad.”

I gave my best friend a hug. “Okay,” I conceded before I went to my classroom.

Maybe a little distraction would help. Anything has to be better than wallowing in depression, right?

I received a package from Bailey Saturday afternoon. Much to my chagrin, I found a very small fairy costume inside. It was blue, with a halter-top, a barely there chiffon skirt, and some ridiculous head piece that I was most definitely not going to wear. At least she didn’t include some sparkly wand I was supposed to carry.

I put the costume on that evening and tried to apply makeup that went with the fantasy outfit yet didn’t look incredibly tacky, which turned out to be impossible.

Embarrassed in my get up, I tried to slip out the front door without anyone seeing me. I had already told Rose where I was going so she wouldn’t worry. When I reached the front door, I heard the rash, smoker’s voice and smelled the clove cigarettes of Mrs. Stewart, Rose’s best friend. “Love the outfit darling.”

“
Thanks,” I cringed.

When I turned toward her, I couldn’t hide the surprise on my face. She laughed and spun around in a circle, “You like?”

She was wearing all black, shinny leather, fitted like a glove to her entire body. Even her head was covered, only her face showed. A black velvet tail arched out from her backside. She was cat woman…with a cigarette and diamonds.

“
Nice,” I complimented. That brought the first genuine smile to my face since Michael left.

Rose rounded the corner then. She beamed at me, clear approval of my costume in her expression. Then she asked what I thought of her costume. She was sporting a flappers dress and a beaded headband. “Classy,” I told her.

“
Thanks dear. You be careful tonight. Are you the designated driver?”

“
No, I’m taking a cab,” I reassured her.

I was still acutely aware that most parents would not be asking if their seventeen-year-old had proper transportation on the account of drinking too much. My life with Rose was nice, but it wasn’t normal.

I heard the horn honk, signaling my cab was here. I felt ridiculous prancing down the steps and into the car wearing what resembled a sleazy tooth fairy getup. The cabbie gave me a once over and grunted some sort of approval from under his baseball cap.

The entire way to the bar, which was only a couple of minutes, I tried to convince myself this was a good idea. That going out, dressed up like tinker bell-turned hooker on drugs, would somehow help me forget Michael, even for a little while. I hoped it worked because the past week had been utterly miserable. He constantly dominated my thoughts throughout the day and even my dreams at night. Sometimes I felt like I was drowning in the memory of him and couldn’t for the life of me remember how to swim.

The club was largely hidden within a corporate center, only a few buildings past Bailey’s cousin’s bar, south of Broad Street. No one would even know it existed if they weren’t given the address. A slightly annoyed looking door attendant asked for my name and checked his list. He nodded me through without another word, slashing a line through my name on his list.

Making my way through the dark and bumping club, I looked for Bailey, while saying hi to friends. Luckily I wasn’t too far off with the skin showing quota. Most girls showed just as much in costumes from the naughty nurse to the sultry vampire.

“
How original Lily. Did you recycle that from first grade?” I heard the sneering voice of Lacy and an echo of laughter to my right.

It was so typical of her. I knew this would happen no matter what I wore, so I said the first thing that came to my mind. “Fuck off.” I kept walking, not giving her and her group a second thought.

I spotted Bailey with Eric near a keg in the corner of the club. “Hey,” I greeted her, “Thanks for the costume.”

She turned a giant smile on me, “You came!”

“
I said I would.”

“
And look, the outfit looks perfect on you.”

“
You too,” I couldn’t help but notice she had on a similar fairy outfit except hers was green. I had no doubt Lacy had used the same line on her earlier.

“
Nice set up,” I told Eric.

“
Glad you like it. Beer’s over here, snacks are right over there,” he pointed with his cup to the right of us. “Help yourself.”

“
I will.” I grabbed a cup and helped myself to the keg. I wasn’t really a beer drinker, but I wasn’t going to hang here all night looking like this without some sort of tonic.

I sipped the bitter drink and dropped back into the shadows on a bar stool. Listening to the local band play unique versions of popular rock groups, and helping myself to a couple more beers, I began to finally relax. Bailey and Eric had already hit the dance floor and were dancing so close, I swear if they weren’t wearing clothes they may actually have been having sex.

I thought about sex, what it would be like. Then I thought about that night with Michael, making out in my bed. I was perfectly willing and ready to give up my virginity to him. I still wanted to.

Argh
. I tilted back my drink trying to wash away any thoughts of him because even the good ones were bad. He was gone. Completely aware I was showing every sign of being an alcoholic, I refilled my cup once more, not caring much about anything at the moment.

“
Easy,” I heard a smooth voice in my ear.

I jerked around and glared at Jason. “Can I help you?” I asked, sounding much ruder than I intended or than he deserved.

He put both hands up in a gesture of peace.

“
Sorry,” I said feeling bad about snapping a him. It wasn’t his fault I was miserable.

“
No problem.” He eased into the seat next to mine. “Are you okay?” he asked.

“
Define okay?” I asked.

He smiled knowingly. “Where’s the boyfriend?”

“
He’s out of town,” I said automatically.

“
Are you sure?” he asked.

I detected a fraction of disbelief in his voice. “Yes,” I confirmed. When in doubt, choose an answer and stick to it.

“
That’s funny, because I just saw him earlier,” Jason eyed me intently.

“
You saw him?” I asked. “Where?” I could feel my mood turning to hopeful. Maybe he came back today.

“
Actually, I’ve seen him a couple times this week, here and there.”

My stomach sank. The flame of hopefulness died as the words soaked in. He was still here, he wasn’t out of town, which meant he just didn’t want to see me. I laughed at my pathetic existence and finished my drink. “Well, isn’t that just great,” I said sliding off my bar stool. I grabbed my purse and headed for the exit.

All I could think about was getting some fresh air before I fell apart in front of everyone. I pushed through the crowd waiting in line for the bathroom and then made a bee line for the door. Either I was going to get fresh air or I was going to puke, or maybe both.

I hadn’t realized how much I had to drink until I stood up. I wasn’t necessarily drunk, but I also didn’t have complete feeling in my limbs.

The cool, fall air hit my face like a wave of cool water. It was a relief to be away from the crowd of happy teenagers, happy and dancing with their boyfriends. My heart squeezed on itself, and I started walking to stop from crying in public. The club was only about ten blocks from home. I decided to walk instead of calling the cab, needing to clear my head.

The alcohol helped numb the pain that the high heels had caused as I tried to maneuver down the cobblestone walkways. Focusing on not crying as I walked, I realized I wasn’t just sad he left me, I was mad. Maybe it was the alcohol clouding my mind, but I felt like Michael came into my life, swept me off my feet, and then dropped me like I meant nothing to him. I twisted my ankle on a hole in the walkway, and the heel on my right shoe snapped.