Forbidden Broadway: Behind the Mylar Curtain (47 page)

DOCTOR

It's always the same here at Grim Hotel. Nothing ever
happens.

[As he speaks, SCULLERY MAN enters with chair, opens
it, puts it down, glares at the audience, picks it up, closes
it, exits.]

People come, people go, people move chairs.

[He announces them as they enter.]

Raffaela, the six-foot-two-pseudo-Italian-American
lesbian confidante with the designer haircut.

I She crosses left.] Ah, Kringelein the bookkeeper, here
to enjoy his last few days before he dies of terminal
symbolism.

[KRINGELEIN comes center and coughs, then crosses to
RAFFAELA and coughs on her. ]

And Liliane Monte-Grushinskaya, the fading Russian
ballerina, who's really a French cabaret singer from
Off-Broadway.

LILIANE

Bonjour, l'amour!

ALL

[ALL strike poses on the button; KRINGELEIN exits.]

LILIANE

[Taking off her fur, revealing a tutu.]

Raffaela! What kind of hotel is this? There are no walls
in my room- only a row of chairs.

RAFFAELA

This is a concept hotel. It's German Expressionistic. You
have to imagine the walls.

LILIANE

Pooh!

[Noticing the DOCTOR, posed downstage right with his
elbow up.]

Who is he?

He is your door.

ILILIANE opens and closes the "door,"smashing
the DOCTOR'S face into the right proscenium; the
SCULLERY MAN enters with a box of silverware.I

LILIANE

Who is he?

[He shakes his box of silverware menacingly and exits.]

RAFFAELA

Ask Tommy Tune. That reminds me ...

IShe pulls music from her pocket.]

... Tommy and Maury Yeston want to add a new song to
the show ...

[She begins to cower, fearing LILIANE's wrath. I

... and they want it in next fall!

LILIANE

What? So soon?

IRAFFAELA tries to make a suggestion, but LILIANE cuts
her off. I

RAFFAELA

[She has missed the final pitch by a wide margin. The
pianist gives it to her. She misses it again.]

[He gives it to her again; she hits it, but only by howling
like a coyote. ]

RAFFAEI.A

[Holding LILIANE's coat.]

Liliane, that was wonderful.

[Lifting her up. ]

I-1-1 love you!

LILIANE

Put me down, you big dyke!

[She does.I

I have tutus straighter than you!

IRAFFAELA exits through revolving door. Under
DOCTOR's speech, JOEL GREY enters as the MC in
Cabaret. 1

DOCTOR

It's always the same at Grim Hotel. People come,
people go ...

JOEL

LILIANE

Hey, you!

JOEL

[Mightily irritated at having been interrupted. I

What?

LILIANE

This is the Grim Hotel! The cabaret is down the street!

JOEL,

I Very apologetic.]

Oh, sorry! This looked like a quasi-Nazi musical!

[He laughs his evil laugh, and then the DOCTOR shoots
hint up. In a stupor, he exits through the revolving
door, singingad lib. As LILIANE, and RAFFAELA come
through the revolving door, the DOCTOR shoots theist
up. In the following section, LILIANE and the DOCTOR
sing while RAFFAELA sings in counterpoint.]

ALL

DOCTOR and LILIANE

ALL

[They slap themselves on the downbeat.]

[All raise their arms menacingly as if in a Nazi salute
that turns, at the last moment, into a cheery Gallic wave.]