Forbidden Broadway: Behind the Mylar Curtain (14 page)

IHe begins to crouch, forcing "ANNA" down. The lights
black out.]

Good, good. Oh no, Anna, that's too good!

No, no, lights up quickly, please. Mrs. Anna! All right
now, you take this.

[He hands hera pointer.]

Stand here and point to the sign so we know where
your hands are. Now, all Siamese children sing song of
King. Mrs. Anna point at words, we sing!

YUL, AUDIENCE, and ANNA

YUL

Wonderful! Good-bye, Mrs. Anna, you were wonderful!

[He kisses her hand and "ANNA" goes back to her seat.]

Children, say good-bye to Mrs. Anna! Good-bye!

[He motions for silence.I

And what is the moral of this song?

I Hefings his arms straight up in the air.]

YAH!!!

[FOOTNOTE: One night a woman came up to me after
the show. It was the same woman I had only minutes
before pulled up from the audience and humiliated

in thisYul Brynner spoof. She said to me, "I'm so glad
you picked me to play Anna, because my father wrote
that song." I laughed haughtily and said, "Oh no, you
must be mistaken, Richard Rodgers wrote that song."
She looked at me completely deadpan and said, "That's
right." I must have turned several shades of colors as I
realized the women I had made crawl on the floor was
none other than Mary Rodgers, daughter of Richard.
When she saw my chagrin, she laughed heartily. We
were even!]

"I Enjoy Being a Cat"

ACTOR

[Enters dressed half in tux and half as a cat.]

REMEMBER WHEN ACTORS PLAYED HUMANS?

NEW YORK'S BIGGEST LITTLE HIT 27

"Ambition" (Fiddler on the Roof)

[GERARD enters dressed as a waiter, with bow tie and
side towel. He also wears a Russian cap and he speaks a
lot like Tevye in Fiddler on the Roof.]

GERARD

An actor in New York. Sounds crazy, no? But in our little
village of Manhattan, there are over 50,000 actors all
trying their best not to end up in Baltimore. It isn't easy.
You may ask, why do we stay here if it is competitive?
We stay because everyone else is here. And what keeps
us from ending up in Baltimore?That I can tell you in
one word: Ambition!

[NORA, BILL, and CIILOE enter, dressed as the
townspeople from Fiddler.]

ALL

[GERARD and BILL dance. They collide. BILL goes back
into line.]

GERARD

Goyim! You may ask: How did these ambitions get
started? I'll tell you. I don't know. But this much I do
remember ...

ALL