For the Love of Gracie (17 page)

I stood there in my bra and baggy sweatpants, shaking. When I turned, everyone was staring
at me with concern and confusion. Without a word, Ashton pulled his shirt over his head. I lifted my arms as he slipped it over me. It was baggy on me. It smelled like Ashton's cologne and gave me a strong sense of security. 

Cameron's face was pale with worry. "What the hell, Gracie?" 

I laughed. "I hear those words a lot here lately." 

"I didn’t mean for you to destroy the shirt," he said, as if I was going crazy. 

"I got dressed quickly and didn’t realize what I put on. It's Hudson's favorite shirt." 

Cameron's face tensed. "Then it's where it belongs." The mood eased when Cameron look
ed over at Ashton, "Whew, honey! Check out that six pack. Kind of makes me wish you were gay now." 

Gavin playfully swatted his hand. "Watch it." They shared a loving look and it warmed my heart, again. 

Ashton said, "It's a bit cold in here. I think I'll ask the nurse for a scrub shirt." 

I touched his chest and it sent shivers down my spine and pulled at my stomach. "I'll get it." 

When the nurse brought in the scrub top, she molested Ash with her eyes. Jealousy erupted in me and I snapped, "Thanks for that, we can take it from here."

The guys laughed and I scowled. 

Cameron said, "Take her home and bang her already Ash. I'm good here babe. Go home and relax…or not." He winked at me. 

I bent down and gave him a kiss. "Love you, Cam."

He patted my cheek. "Love you more, baby girl." 

Ashton took my hand. We walked out of the hospital in silence.  "I'll take you home and we can talk," he said. 

Right now, I wanted to feel him against me and I couldn’t do that at home. "Take me for a ride on your bike? Help me pretend things never changed."

He agreed. I straddled the bike behind him and heard him sigh as my hands slid around his waist.  He adjusted his helmet and started the bike up. 

I wasn’t sure how long we drove. At first, I watched the city surroundings fly by, trying not to think about things. It was getting colder, so I moved my hands inside his shirt. The bike swerved slightly and then righted itself. In my headset, I heard his intake of breath as my cool hands rubbed his chest.  I slid my hands down to the front of his pants. He swerved again and growled, "Gracie, stop." 

I'd always been stubborn. I ran my hand back up his chest. Ashton slowed the bike and pulled over on the side of the road. I had no clue where we were, somewhere in the country. 

He stepped off the bike in a huff and threw his helmet. "Dammit, Gracie!" 

I didn’t know what to say. "I'm sorry. I know I'm not what you want anymore." 

He pressed his palms against my cheeks, holding my face. He sucked my bottom lip into his mouth. I opened my mouth to invite him in. His tongue slipped past my lips and slid against mine.

I knew I couldn’t have him,
but it didn’t keep my body from responding to his touch. I slid my hands up inside his shirt. His hands moved from my face and his mouth left mine wanting more. 

"My feelings for you haven't change
d, Gracie. I'm not now, nor have I ever been, disgusted by you. When you told me what he did, my stomach turned. I had feelings that I've never had before. I want to rip his throat out for touching you. I understand you couldn’t tell me at first. But why did you let me take things so far? Why didn’t you stop me?"

"I wanted you, that's why. I wanted you to make me stop feeling so dirty and disgusting. You make me feel beautiful, Ash. You made me feel wanted and special and I needed that to take away the disgust that I feel for myself right now. You're the only person whose touch has made me feel special." 

His arms encompassed me, he kissed the top of my head.  "You can't imagine the pain I felt hurting you though. Tell me what the doctor said." 

I peered up at him.

"Tell me why you came back to the hospital first." 

He exhaled. "I knew you were going to see Cam and he would ask why you weren’t with me. You don’t want him to know what happened, so I came to keep you from having to tell him. Plus, I didn’t like how we left things. You thought I was disgusted by you. Gracie, I was disgusted at myself.  I'm not that guy that makes everything about sex and I felt like that. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I'd love nothing more than to hump like rabbits, as Cam said. I refuse to put your life in jeopardy though to do so." 

I didn't want to admit that I left out the part about being raped.  Instead, I told him a white lie, though I hated lying to him. 

"The doctor said I should abstain for a week or so to heal.  She said that the roughness of the attack may have caused tears which could make sex painful. She ran tests and I should get the results in a couple of days." 

He took the news in, nodding his head.  I needed things to be light again. "When I'm all better though, we're going to hump like rabbits…for days."

He chuckled softly. "As long as you're ready for it. I won't push. I'll wait forever for you, Gracie."

I slid my arms up inside his shirt. "I can take care of you if you'd like." 

He kissed my cheek softly. "Gracie, you don’t have to do that. You don’t need to use sex to hold onto me." 

I pulled away from him, offended. "What does that mean?"

He grabbed my hand. "I lied to you earlier when I said I was falling in love with you." 

His words cut me and I stepped back. 

He pulled me close again. "I'm already in love with you. I have been since we first met. Sex has never been factored into my feelings. I want you, I do. I want to send you to the height
s of ecstasy. I want to explore every inch of this body. I want to show you love like you've never known."  I slid my arms around him again.

"I love you too, Ash. And I want the same things. I've never made love before. It's always been just sex." 

He nodded. "That's what I want to change for you, what I want to experience
with
you." 

The next question, I wasn’t sure I wanted an answer to. "Have you been in love before, Ash?"

He nodded. "Just once. A few years ago. Her name was Addison, I called her Addy." 

He paused a moment, so I asked, "What happened between you two?" 

Avoiding my gaze, he said, "She died.  She was killed in a convenience store robbery." 

His eyes closed and his face scrunched up in pain.  It was evident this was not something he spoke about easily. "We had gone to a casino for a weekend getaway. I was stuck on a machine, refusing to leave. She left to go get us some cigarettes. They cost twice as much in the casino machine and the convenience store was close. I should've gone with her, but I knew the machine was going to hit soon.
Everyone in the casino heard the sirens and one of the ushers told the manager there had been a robbery at the shop next door. I dropped what I was doing and ran to check on her. They were bringing her out in a body bag." 

I gasped. "I'm so sorry, Ash." 

"I wasn’t there for her, Gracie. I let my addiction keep me from protecting her. I haven't gambled or smoked since that day. I went through a hell of a depression over losing her. It aged me," he said as he fingered the gray spots in his beard. "I never thought I'd love again, and then you came along. What I feel for you, it may sound dramatic, but if I lost you…I'd never survive it." 

I
suddenly let out a scream of emotional pain. 

He grabbed my shoulders, "What's wrong? Are you hurting?" 

I cried, "No, I hate him. I hate Hudson for destroying me this way. I hate that he ruined this for us."  He pulled me into his embrace once more. "He hasn’t ruined anything, bug. We won't let him."

Chapter Eleven

Ashton drove us to my house. He made sure Angel was home before he left with Mary Jane to go get my car from Hudson's. Angel came into my bedroom as I was changing into pajamas. 

"Hey sweetie," she said, cautiously.  I waved her inside. We sat on the bed together.

"Cameron called me after everything happened. I kept missing you at the hospital and I've been worried sick about you." I leaned up against her as she stroked my hair. "Girl, I want to get my hands on that man and claw his eyes out, cut pieces off…anything to make him suffer." 

I chuckled softly. "I appreciate it. I'm going to be okay though. It'll take time, but I have Ash." 

"So, are you two a thang now?" she asked, adding a little country twang to her question.

I smiled up at her and she squealed, "Good.  He's a great guy. Damn, if I'd known he was straight all this time, I'd have made a play for him!" 

I sat up. "See! It wasn’t just me!"  She laughed and I added quickly, "You stay away from him now though, he's taken." 

She smirked. "Yes, ma'am. Seriously, Gracie, there's no way I'd come between you two. You've spent too much time with scumbags. You deserve prince charming on a Harley.”

"I'm feeling a bit sleepy. I'm going to take a nap. You aren’t leaving the house, right?" I asked, panicked to be alone. 

She patted my hand. "No way. I promised Ash I'd be here until he gets back. Relax, take a nap. I'll check in on you periodically." She kissed my forehead, turned the light off, and quietly closed the door.  I curled up in the bed, missing Ashton.  My body was exhausted from the last few days and I just needed some sleep, if that was possible. 

When I woke up, terror immediately encompassed me. I could hear Hudson singing Far From Home by Five Finger Death Punch. He wasn’t in the room, yet I needed to hide. I searched the room frantically for something sharp, all I had were keys. I put them in between my fingers.

I slipped into my closet and hid in the back, behind some clothes. I closed my eyes tight and started to pray. Praying wasn't something I did every day, it wasn't something I did, ever.  Right now, I would have done anything, to keep that man from finding me. 

My bedroom door creaked open. The bed groaned as he sat on it. I covered my mouth to keep from screaming. I prayed that Angel was safe. Please don't let him hurt her because of me. His voice called out my name when he realized I wasn’t in the bed, and that it was just pillows under the covers.

Light spilled through the crack under the door
as the room was illuminated. The shadow in front of the closet door told me he was standing there waiting to come in. I covered my head and begged that he didn’t open the door.

The door opened. My arms covered my face as I started screaming over and over.  I felt hands grab at me. My eyes remained closed as I screamed for help. Someone had to hear me. He hadn’t hit me yet. So far, I was safe. His hand touched my leg and I closed it tight, curling myself towards the wall.

Next, I felt his hand on my shirt as he shook me and said my name. He wrapped his arms around me, and I began to cry uncontrollably begging him not to touch me again. 

"Get your hands off of me!" I screamed as I swiped my fist across his face with the keys. I knew they made contact somewhere on his skin. He moved away from me as he shouted out, "Shit, Gracie." 

Ashton's soothing voice was in my ear. "Bug, it's me. You're safe." 

I opened my eyes and wiped away the tears. Ash's face was in front of mine. He wasn’t touching me.  I threw my arms around him and he nestled his face into my neck. He smoothed my hair.

"It's okay, baby.  You're safe." 

I needed to know that was true. "Where's Hudson? Did you get him?" 

He pulled away. "He's in jail, baby." 

My body shook with trepidation. "He was just here. He touched me." 

Ashton moved aside to show me the person who was in the closet with us. "Cameron came up to surprise you. He wanted to see if you were okay. It was Cam, sweetie." 

Cameron's face was pale from worry. There were fresh gashes on his neck from where I scratched him. He stared at me with questions in his eyes.  "Gracie, what the hell was that?" he asked with concern, not anger. 

Ashton whispered to me, "He needs to know. It isn’t his fault any more than it is yours. Hudson is to blame. Cam loves you." 

I shook my head. "I can't tell him." 

Ashton whispered back, "Do you want me to tell him?"

I shook my head no, but answered, "Yes." 

His eyebrow rose in confusion.

I clarified, "Yes. Tell him."

Cameron asked, with trepidation, "Tell me what?"

Ashton filled Cameron in on every disgusting detail of what Hudson had done to me. Cameron's face was exactly what I had expected, absolute desolation. His eyes met mine and I watched as he broke inside. I hated myself for letting him find out.  Cameron sat against the wall, he pulled his legs up in front of him and he sobbed. My friend needed me, this was no time to hesitate. I moved to him and wrapped my arms around his shoulders pulling his head against my chest.