For the Love of Ash (41 page)

"What happened?"

"Nothing," he mumbled and then ran in line with the other kids. He didn't have many friends in the class, so I knew if I jogged beside him, he'd talk to me. I caught up fast and touched his shoulder.

"Are you okay?" I asked him as he stared straight ahead.

"I don't want to talk to you anymore. But Mom said I have to be nice since you're my teacher. So I'm being nice." He sprinted, his feet pattering fast away from me. I stared at his back in disbelief. I knew Maggie would be mad at me leaving, but I didn't think about Asher.

Chapter Forty-Two

Maggie

"What's your problem?" Jet asked as I threw a towel into the can with anger. As if Luke leaving me wasn't enough, Ash had to get his face slammed into the boards during his game. The face mask slid up and cut his entire cheek wide open. Two stitches later and a trip to the ER, and I was exhausted, pissed, and not good company to keep.
 

"He's going to make you leave if you don't cough it up," Mary Ellen whispered as she scooted by me towards the coffee machine.
 

"I'm just in a shit mood, Jet. Please just let it be." I leaned into the window to the kitchen, resting my head on my hands and sighing. I didn't want to go into my drama. I didn't want to relive it more times than I already had.
 

"Boyfriend troubles?" he asked as he kicked his legs up on the edge of the stove.
 

"Ex-boyfriend," I muttered, rolling my eyes.

"What'd he do?" Mary Ellen chimed in. I looked around the restaurant, noticing that nobody was left in the place. The older couple that frequently came in was just walking out the door, making us completely alone, the focus all on me.
 

"He left me. No explanation. No nothing."
 

"There had to be a reason." Jet groaned, like he was trying to figure it all out. "He sat here that night with Ash for hours while you worked, helping him with homework and just chatting. His sisters left, but he stayed. It doesn't add up."

"Trust me, I know. I've been re-working what could've happened in my head since last Tuesday, and I have no idea. Something flipped, and he just left." I threw my hands up in the air because I truly was at my wits end. My brain was on shut down, and I didn't want to turn it back on.
 

"Why don't you take a day or two?" Jet suggested.

"I need the money."

"Paid vacation then. Seriously." He hopped up from the folding chair and stopped at the other side of the window. He had the deepest chocolate eyes, and right now, they were wiggling at me to get out of here.

"Are you sure? I don't mind working. It takes my mind off my shit life."

"Listen, go home today. If you want to work tomorrow, come. If not, don't. You need to get better, and I just hate looking at you all sad. Things work themselves out, Maggie. I have no doubt you will find happiness."

"Thank you!" I hugged him through the window and then ran into the back room to get my jacket and purse. I waved as I ran through the front door, the little bell dinging in my wake.

I decided not to work on Tuesday. I took the morning to myself, nursing a hot English breakfast tea, and got ahead of my bills. They were endless, and I could never catch up to them, but I figured paying a few early might help.
 

My phone chimed from the kitchen counter. I wasn't ready to see whoever it was. As I was making an online payment for my Bank of America credit card, I decided to check the phone. It could be the school, and that freaked me out.
 

Lindsay
: I know you asked me not to tell you what's going on…but he came back.
 

I didn't want to answer. I didn't want to know what was going on with Luke or how he was doing. But the sick part of me did. I should hate him, and yet the soft part of me worried whether he was hurt or sad.
 

Me
: Is he okay?

Lindsay
: Define okay.

Me
: He's not hurt, right?

Lindsay
: Define hurt.

Me
: Quit screwing around. Is he hurt or not?

Lindsay
: No.
 

Lindsay
: I can tell you're in a similar mood as he is.
 

Me
: I've got to go.

Lindsay
: Why aren't you at least answering his calls?

Lindsay
: He won't stop calling until you answer.
 

For the first time since I got my new car, I broke my rules. Despite it being below freezing, I rolled all of the windows down and chain-smoked. By the time I got to Western, my hair had flown in my face and resembled a birds' nest.
 

I left the windows cracked and walked to class. I only had two more left before winter recess, and I had been long awaiting the break. I could relax on Tuesdays and Thursdays now, if just for a month or so.
 

I took my seat in the back of the room, pulled out my stack of review papers, and stared at the front of the room. June waltzed in not too soon later.
 

"You're here!" she shouted. "How are you?" she lowered her voice and asked. She plopped herself down in the desk beside me. Her eyes were full of pity.
 

"I'm fine; what's up with you?"

"Don't act strong. I'm your friend."

"Then, I'm dying inside. But it's okay. I'll get over it."

"It seems like something more than just Luke though."

"It's just everything right now." I pulled in a breath, trying to control my emotions. "My parents' death anniversary. Luke. Asher got hurt in his game. Asher asked about Luke—all the freaking time. It's just all at once, and I feel overwhelmed."
 

"I would've been around more if I knew it was all of that. I thought Luke broke your heart."

"Well, he did that, too."

After saying goodbye to June, I walked to my next class. The room was completely vacant, empty desks arranged in six tight rows. I didn't want to sit near Luke, so I walked to the other side of the room and found a desk that was usually empty. I hoped that the room would fill fast, or that Luke just wouldn't show.
 

But before anyone else, Luke came in, his eyes finding me immediately since I was the only one in the room. His eyes were bloodshot, rimmed with purple smudges. But I wouldn't feel bad for him. I probably looked the same.
 

"We need to talk." He stomped over to me, stopping in front of my new desk.

"I don't want to talk to you." Even looking at him I could feel my anger dissipate and retreat back into my body. I hated myself for caring about him so much. But this was what got me into my relationship with Luke. My love broke my heart.
 

"Come talk, and if you want, after, I'll leave you alone forever."

"Is that a promise?"

"Please, Maggie. Let me have a shot to fix this."

"You knew what you were doing when you left!" I slammed my fist against the plastic desk, rattling it all the way to the metal feet. Kevin, a kid from our class, walked into the room at that moment with two pretty girls flanking him.
 

"Outside. Please, just give me a chance." I didn't know whether it was his light gray eyes that pleaded with me, or the fact that he showed up instead of running, but I nodded. I gathered my bag and didn't wait to see if Luke was following. I walked out of the room, down the stairs, and out the front door.
 

I sat down on the green bench where a lot of my heavy conversations took place. I pulled out my pack of cigarettes, knowing that I needed this to relax. I lit up while Luke shook his head side to side.
 

"If you want to talk, talk, because I won't listen forever." I knew that I was being mean, but I had to be. He had hurt me like nothing else in the world before. I didn't know if I was being dramatic, but this was worse than my parents' death. Him leaving actually brought me physical pain. He deserved to meet my closed-off self again.
 

"I'm sorry…" He dropped his head in his hands, raking them through his hair like he was pulling it out. My heart lurched into my throat.
 

"Why did you leave?"

"I don't have a simple answer," he said. "I got scared because I didn't think I was good enough to be with you and Asher."

"Why didn't you say anything to me? What made you run?"

"When I was putting Asher to bed, he called me Dad. And then I kept envisioning myself like my father, and it scared me off. I can't even take care of my siblings; taking on Ash as a son shocked me and made me run." I nodded to myself because I understood what he was saying. Hell, I knew this would happen.
 

"I never asked you to be Asher's father."

"You didn't have to. He obviously saw me that way, and don't get me wrong, I love him. God, I love you both. But I just am no good at this. First thing I did when I got scared was run."

"Well, thanks for taking the time to explain yourself."
 

"That's not why I wanted to talk."

"What did you want then?" I stubbed out my cigarette on the side of the bench and chucked it behind me onto the grassy area. I had no idea what he was going to say, and my heart was thumping out of my chest so hard I thought it was visible.
 

"I talked with Dr. Linhart and she opened my eyes. I need you." He crouched in front of me, taking my hands in his. "I was selfish and stupid. I thought my dreams couldn't coincide with my life here. But you and Asher are my dream. A life with you two is all I ever need, and I see that now."

"Well, it's a little late."

"You can't give me a second chance?"

"You hurt my son!" I threw up my hands as a new wave of anger radiated through me. "He wondered where you were. He prayed for you to come back. And when you didn't come back, he got mad. I may be able to forgive you, but I know that that boy won't ever forget what you did to him."

"I want to make it better!" Luke cried at my feet.

"I wish that you could. But it's not possible."

"You don't understand, Maggie, you are my sun. You make my life worth living. I can't go on without you now that I know you're out there."

"I'm not giving you a choice. Our romantic relationship is over. I won't let you near my son except for at school. I know this sounds harsh," I added as his face fell, "but I have to protect him. You broke us once. I'm sure you'd do it again."

"And no matter how many times I promise I won't, it won't matter?"

"I'm sorry, but yeah. I can't put myself through this again. You know this is exactly why I didn't date before you." Tears pricked behind my eyes even though I was the one putting my foot down. My entire body craved his touch. My brain was telling me to back up and close myself down, while my heart was begging me to kiss him.
 

But I had more than just myself to protect.
 

Chapter Forty-Three