For the Love of Alex (27 page)

“No need to apologize. I’m not worried about my father. Frankly, I wouldn’t care if my mother left him, but the thing is I know she won’t.” They were a perfect match—cold and colder. They shared the same goals—money, power, success and status. Love was not something either wanted, but for different reasons. Her father had no use for it and her mother feared it. Either way, the end result was the same.

“Is she happy with him?”

“No. My mother isn’t happy with him or anyone. She doesn’t do happy. She’s content with things, but she doesn’t do feelings.” Leah searched his stormy gray eyes to see if he was getting the message, but she couldn’t read this puzzling man.

“Everyone does feelings, Leah. Your mother chooses to hide hers.”

“Amazing you got that much out of a ten-minute debate with her.” Leah had spent her whole life with her and still couldn’t figure her out.

“I have a good sense for people. What did you tell her about me, exactly?”

Lying was tempting, but she wouldn’t be dishonest with him. Not to someone who had done so much for her and for Alex.

“I told her that you were quite the character and that you seemed to be open about your sexual preferences.”

“You told her I was gay?”

“No…yes…no.” Leah stumbled, trying to find the right words. “I told her I thought you were gay. You did flirt with Alex,” she defended.

“Leah, what living thing wouldn’t flirt with Alex? You can’t label me based on Alex. He would tempt the most homophobic to sin.”

Good point. “But then I saw you with the blondes at your penthouse and that musclebound guy who looked like an ad for steroids. He winked at you and I got the impression there was something going on. For goodness’ sake. I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything at all. We were talking and that’s so new for us and I was just telling her everything about my life and I said more than I should. I’m really sorry I even mentioned your private life.”

Leah wanted to crawl in a hole and disappear. Deverson did not look at her with reproach, but there was hurt in his eyes that he tried to hide with a bright smile.

“No need for apologies. I should be honored you had any interest in discussing me with your mother.”

“I really am sorry. I didn’t tell her anything about your history and your earlier struggles. I would never reveal that, but I didn’t think the other stuff was a secret. I should have respected your privacy.”

“What privacy, Leah? I put my life out there for the entire world to see. I can’t hide behind privacy later. The fact is, I have been open, too open about my lifestyle, and it begs for questions and rumors. I am not ashamed of my sexual history, as colorful as it may be, but you should know that history does not impact my interest in your mother. Leah, sometimes sexuality is more complicated than the labels gay, straight, and bisexual contemplate. At least for me it is. Just know that my interest in your mother is real, if inappropriate considering her unfortunate marital status.”

That was what Leah feared. “Please don’t waste your time pursuing her. She will never leave my father.” Leah closed her eyes, shocked by the words she was about to say, but they needed to be said. “She might have a fling with you and if that’s all you want so be it, but she won’t love you and she won’t be with you.” She certainly wouldn’t publicly embrace him, but Leah would not tell those cutting words.

He was a successful man and no one woman or man should be ashamed to love him but, with his charismatic personality, he would never fit into her mother’s snooty uptight world, and therefore he would never fit into hers.

At that moment, Leah’s mother called out to her, demanding her daughter’s utmost attention. She was clearly still annoyed by Deverson and wanted out of this building as soon as possible.

“I have to go, but think about what I’ve said,” Leah warned, but she knew Deverson was not the type to heed anyone’s warning.

“Thank you for your honesty. One more question, Leah. Would you hate me if I pursued your mother?”

Leah shook her head. No, she could not ever hate this man, and part of her would like to see the end of her mother’s empty marriage—especially if it would free her mother’s heart—but she knew it wouldn’t. This would not end well for anyone involved.

“I wouldn’t hate you, but you would likely hate me one day when my mother breaks your heart. Don’t fall in love with her.”

Leah walked towards her mother whose eyes were fixed on the man Leah had just left behind. This was a potential disaster. Leah could only hope that the two would never meet again.

II

Leah watched her mother as she studied the menu looking for something she would deem safe enough for lunch, but after ten minutes and three visits from the waiter, Leah lost patience. Not only was she starving, but she was also quite angry at what happened at the office. Maybe it wasn’t fair to be so mad at her mother. She blamed her, but she wasn’t even sure for what exactly. It was not her fault that Deverson for some odd reason seemed attracted to her, but even behind her insults was a hint of flirtation that would never lead to anything good.

The waiter returned again. “Would you pick something already,” Leah snapped.

Francesca looked up at her daughter in surprise before turning to the waiter. In her usual calm voice she asked the waiter, “Can I get a turkey burger with Swiss cheese and a side salad with raspberry vinaigrette? I would also appreciate two lemons for my water and a straw, please.” Francesca handed the waiter her menu.

“What can I get you, ma’am?” the waiter asked Leah, who was still agitated although feeling a little guilty for barking at her mother.

“Burger supreme, well done with all the toppings.” It was definitely one of those days and she wasn’t holding back on her order. “Can I also get a large order of sweet potato fries?”

The waiter walked away and Leah faced her mother, who studied her questioningly but said nothing as Leah squirmed in her seat.

The silence was worse that yelling. “Sorry for biting your head off. I’m a bit hungry.” That was partly true at least.

“Well, pregnancy hormones will do that, especially when you’re hungry.”

Leah wanted to let her frustration go and enjoy lunch with her mother, but she couldn’t just ignore what happened at the office.

“Mom, I want you to stay away from Deverson.” Not the best conversation starter, but Leah felt out of sorts and was too edgy to be tactful.

The waiter returned with Francesca’s lemons and her straw. She casually sipped her water while Leah waited impatiently for her to respond.

“Did you hear me, Mom?”

“I heard you, but I’m still trying to understand what you are talking about. You seem quite angry and I’m not sure what offense I’ve committed this time.”

Leah tried to keep her temper in check, but her mother’s nonchalance was grating. “First you were rude to him and then you were flirting with him. He’s my boss and I don’t want any problems at my job because of a bad liaison between the two of you. You would eat him alive.”

“Some guys like that,” Francesca joked.

“This is serious, Mom. I don’t want you to hurt him. He has been good to me and Alex and the last thing I need is for you to ruin it.”

All humor faded from Francesca’s face and her cold mask was back in place. “So protective of him, but you clearly have no concern for my feelings. You are so sure I would hurt him, but did it ever occur to you that he might hurt me? Of course not. I’m just a cold, unfeeling bitch. Right, Leah?”

“N-no. That’s not what I meant…”

“It’s exactly what you meant and maybe it’s true. Regardless, I assure you I have no interest in Grant Deverson. The man is certainly not my type. If anything, I was repulsed by his over-aggressiveness. You accuse me of flirting, but as I recall I was very dismissive of his amateur attempts to seduce me. I think I made it very clear that I have no interest in a man who is indiscriminate about his bed partners. Nothing about Grant Deverson appeals to me. I suspect his financial statements might impress, but his personality does not. So, my daughter, you do not need to protect your boss from your viper of a mother.”

Leah felt like the world’s worst daughter. “Mom, I’m sorry.”

“Leah, I would respect you so much more if you owned up to your feelings and did not pretend to be sorry for something you weren’t really sorry for. You said what you felt. Whether I liked it or not is irrelevant. I prefer your honesty. I would rather the truth than the lie. At least I know where I stand in your eyes, and I assure you I won’t forget.”

For a fleeting moment there was a flash of hurt in Francesca’s eyes, but she shook it off and continued sipping her water. Leah wanted to say something to ease the tension that had erupted between them, but she could see her mother was done with this conversation. She was closing herself off again. Leah feared all the progress they made would be lost because of this, and the last thing she wanted was to go back to the distant relationship between them—especially now.

The waiter brought their food, but Leah could barely eat. She watched her mother stare at her burger like it was something from outer space.

“Why are you staring at me?” Francesca asked.

“The way you are studying the burger is quite amusing.”

“Before I taste it I want to make sure there isn’t anything…suspicious in it. You never know what you might find in restaurant food.”

“Disgusting. This place does have an ‘A’ rating from the health department. Besides, fancy restaurants sometimes have suspicious things in their food too. Insects and rodents don’t discriminate based on the number of stars for the restaurant or Zagat rating.”

“True, but in five-star restaurants, insects are a part of the menu. Have you ever tried roach a la mode or mouse legs in cream sauce?”

Leah laughed. Her prim and proper mother had a pretty sharp wit. Considering the tension earlier the last thing she expected was a moment of humor, but it seemed as if her mother had moved on from the earlier disagreement, though she doubted it would be forgotten. She never forgot anything. Leah learned that lesson as a child. Her mother never forgot a mistake and wouldn’t hesitate to remind her of it later no matter how much time had passed. She was like that with everyone.

Leah wanted to move on, but she still felt guilty. Knowing her mother, it would be better just to let it go for now. There would be other opportunities to discuss Deverson, and at least her mother didn’t seem all that interested in pursuing him.

Leah realized she was probably overreacting. Even if Deverson went after her mother, there was no way Francesca Rhodes would jeopardize the life she worked so hard for, for a casual fling with a man who was the antithesis of what she wanted. Her mother was much too smart and too calculating to let an attraction get in the way of her achieving her goals.

Finally relaxed, Leah ate her meal while her mother nibbled on the burger. It must have past her edibility test because she ate all of it. They decided to share a brownie sundae for dessert.

Leah had never seen her mother eat like this, but it was nice to see her enjoy a meal without counting the calories. Francesca had an amazing figure for a forty-five-year-old, and the occasional splurge would not detract from it.

“That was lethally good,” Francesca sighed as she sat back in her chair. “I haven’t eaten like that in years. I don’t know how you stomached that entire enormous burger and those fries.”

“You helped me eat the fries,” Leah clarified.

“I only had two. You, on the other hand, finished the whole platter.”

“I am eating for two,” Leah defended.

“Two hundred?”

Leah glared. “Not funny. I bet you did the same when you were pregnant.” Looking at her mother now, Leah could not imagine her pregnant. Had she felt all the feelings that overwhelmed Leah throughout her pregnancy? The love and excitement for the baby, or was she as emotionally distant then as she was now? “Did you like being pregnant?”

Without hesitation Francesca responded, “No.” Leah’s face fell. “Let me explain. Pregnancy was not easy for me. I had horrible morning sickness, which was so extreme I had to be hospitalized. Even when I got past that I had problems with fibroids, which caused a lot pain throughout both my pregnancies. I spent the last trimester on bed rest each time. So no, pregnancy was no enjoyable time for me but I appreciated the end result. Having two beautiful, healthy babies made it worth it. I wouldn’t change a thing, although some days it’s tempting to return your brother or exchange him for a less problematic version.”

Leah knew her mother probably had felt the same about her at one time, but no need to resurrect those feelings. Tristan was more of a concern.

“What’s going on with him now? Last time I spoke to him, he was very abrupt and avoided any real discussion, but I could tell something was wrong.” Leah was trying hard to reconnect with her brother. She regretted walking away from him when she left her parents’ home. Her dispute with them should not have affected her relationship with her brother. She alienated him the same as her parents, and the close bond they had shared had been severed. They were like strangers and it might take years to reestablish a connection. She worried if no one reached out to Tristan soon, he would get into serious trouble.

He was drinking a lot lately. He had been picked up by the police several times for public intoxication. But for her father’s connections in the town, he would have been arrested. He was also struggling at Princeton and would likely end up on academic probation if his grades did not improve.

Although they all wanted to dismiss it as normal college drinking and partying, it was getting out of hand and soon they would not be able to cover for him. With their family history of addiction, it was potentially dangerous.

“I would love to know what is going on his head, but he won’t talk. He is acting out, getting himself into stupid trouble, and when you confront him he has no explanation. He just gets angry and shuts himself off. He and I used to talk all the time and now all we do is argue. I don’t know what to do with that boy, but your father is out of patience. He wants to throw Tristan out. I won’t let him. We made that mistake with you. I will never banish another child from my life for not following the rules, but I can’t just sit by and let him self-destruct. I won’t let him end up like...”