For the Longest Time (23 page)

“
Mmmhmm
.” Zoe pursed her lips. “I know I'm being suckered here. Tell you what: I'll think about it. If I can find someone else who's going, you'll see me there, okay?”

“Deal. And thanks. For everything. I really needed this.” Sam sat up and stretched. Her stomach was full, she'd talked so much that her jaw was actually tired, and she found herself completely content. It was an unusual state for her, but one she meant to enjoy.

“You and me both,” said Zoe. “I meant it when I told you I loved this place, but it gets lonely sometimes. I do miss home. I miss having people I'm used to and comfortable with. I'm not the easiest person on earth to live with, and I know that. It takes me a while to warm up, and not everyone wants to wait that long. You, though . . . you're stuck with me.”

Sam grinned as she rose. “Same goes. Tell you what: We'll do this at my house next week. I'll see if I can extract my sister from her busy life of paperwork and planning to come by, too. She's wound kind of tight. I think she could use a break once in a while.”

That had been driven home to her last night, when they'd actually managed to have fun—especially once she'd plied her sister with some wine. She still didn't have a good read on what, exactly, Emma's social life consisted of outside of work. She had a sneaking suspicion it wasn't all that exciting. Dragging her sister kicking and screaming into enjoyable social interaction might be entertaining all in itself.

“This is Occasions by Emma, right?”

“That's her. The party girl who hates to party.”

Zoe's eyes widened. “Ooh. This could be good. I'd really like to partner with someone for the events we do. Offer packages and things for people who want to hold parties at the gallery. I never seem to run into her, and I just hadn't gotten around to making an appointment. She does good work.”

Sam wrinkled her nose. “That sounds like a conversation I might let you two have on your own. But sure. She basically does nothing but work, so that would probably thrill her. I'll hook you two up.”

Zoe clapped her hands. “That makes my day even
better. Now I'm going to finish it off by getting into my yoga pants and finishing off a couple more brownies while I watch trash TV. I'd invite you to stay, but if I had the choice I'd probably head for the hot vet too.”

“He's . . . definitely hard to stay away from,” Sam conceded. The instant she let herself think of his hands on her, she could feel herself flush with heat. It wasn't just that, either. He genuinely seemed to want her to be a part of his life. Not just hidden away, a secret indulgence that he would jettison at the first hint of friction from everyone else. It was a big change, and a welcome one. It was also a scary one, because no matter what he said, all she could think was that if things didn't go well, he'd end up backing off. It wouldn't be as abrupt, but it would be just as painful.

She didn't want to care about fitting in anymore. But the impending party brought back the kind of anxiety she hadn't felt in years. New York had been different. It was easy to deal with people she had no history with, no matter how miserable they were. They took her at face value. She had remade herself in New York, maybe not perfectly, but into someone who blended into the world she'd chosen.

Of course, she still hadn't been happy. And it hadn't been right. But she hadn't felt like this.

“Look at that blush,” Zoe said, pulling Sam out of her thoughts. “No gloating about your sex life in my house. I'm about two cats and a handful of doilies away from collecting dust permanently.”

“I'm not gloating,” Sam said, though she knew she sounded unconvincing. Because it had been good. Better than good. And she suspected that was only the beginning.

“I'm about two seconds away from throwing this pillow at your head.”

“Yeah, yeah, I'm going. You need to stop it, though. I bet Jason would be happy to save you from celibacy.” She started laughing when Zoe's mouth dropped open.

“What is this thing you have about me and Treebeard? I'd end up with pine needles in delicate places. The man is dirty!”

She wiggled her eyebrows. “I bet.”

Zoe had excellent aim. The pillow connected so well that it nearly knocked Sam off her feet. “Get. I need to sit here and recover from the images you just put in my head. Honestly.” But she was laughing, and as Sam bid her good-bye and headed to get her purse, she reveled in how good it felt to just hang out and tease and be herself. That it was happening here, in the Cove, seemed like a minor miracle, but she couldn't deny it.

Maybe it was an illusion. Maybe she was fooling herself. But after all this time, and all these years, Harvest Cove was starting to feel like home.

S
he was most of the way to Jake's by the time she realized she'd forgotten to call him, but considering the time, Sam figured he'd be there anyway. She'd already called home to check on the kittens, who were apparently passed out after chasing each other over, under and around every available surface, and her mother had been adamant that she stay gone for a while longer—probably so she could read in peace. Sam sang along with the radio happily, knowing she was slightly off-key but making up for it, she thought, with sheer volume. She just felt good. Really good.

And she had every intention of letting Jake benefit from that as soon as she walked in his door.

She cruised on her mood right up until she saw the unfamiliar car parked in his driveway. It was a white Mercedes. That alone would have pinged her radar, because the Cove just wasn't the kind of place you saw a lot of those, even on the Crescent. It was the North Carolina plates, though, that took a sledgehammer to all her good feelings.

Cici. Great
.

She tried to be rational, even as her heart started to pound. She knew Jake wouldn't have invited his ex-
girlfriend over at the same time as his current—well, she
was
his girlfriend, right? Not that he'd referred to her that way. Not that she should suddenly be freaking out about that. But regardless, Cici was here, the two of them were alone, and Sam wasn't sure which of them she was angrier at. Yes, Cici was a bitch, but she was overt about it. Jake couldn't even be honest about the fact that he'd seen her yesterday, or that she was in town at all.

Her first instinct, a very old and well-honed one, was to turn her car around and flee. But there was a newer, harder part of her, surprising in its sudden appearance and strength, that refused to let that happen. She pulled up in front of the house, killed the engine, and got out. It was a little like having an out-of-body experience. She felt light-headed as she focused on the door, the lights inside. A thousand awful scenarios unspooled at once inside her head. She would answer the door. No one would answer the door. They would be obviously rumpled and
both
answer the door.

Her hand was shaking when she pressed the bell and Tucker came flying around the corner to bark ecstatically. She could hear him, but Sam refused to so much as peek through the sidelight. She wanted to see. She didn't want to see. She—

“Sam!”

Jake opened the door, barefoot in a pair of ragged jeans and an old T-shirt, looking good enough to take a bite out of. His eyes looked like molten gold in the light, and his smile seemed full of genuine pleasure. There was something more, though, Sam thought. Something just a little different in the speed with which he pulled her inside. Relief? That was probably too much to hope for. Still . . .

“I wondered why I hadn't heard from you yet,” he said.

“I forgot,” Sam replied, struggling to keep her voice even as she let him usher her inside and shut the door. “You have company?”

He looked more than a little stricken. “Yeah, ah, you remember how I lost my phone yesterday. Cici found it, so she decided to drop it off.”

“Oh,” Sam said. She put every shred of her anger into that one, lightly spoken word.

Jake's voice dropped to a whisper. “Sam, I—”

“Who's that, Jake? Did Shane decide to . . . Oh.” Cici rounded the corner from the family room, tall and lean and perfectly made-up, as comfortable as if she lived in the house herself. Sam had the fleeting, awful thought that she looked like she belonged here, far more than Sam ever would. Then she banished it to the dark recesses of her mind.

That's bullshit. I belong here, too.
It would be nice, though, if she could make herself believe it.

“Cici, Sam's here. I told you she was coming over. You two probably remember each other . . . right?”

He sounded like he wanted to sink through the floor, and Sam watched him scrub one hand through his hair until it stood on end. Right now, she had absolutely no sympathy.

“Sure. We ran into one another just the other day,” Sam said, and took a nasty sort of pleasure in the brief shock that passed over Jake's face.
Yeah, I
was
going to be nice about that. Now, not so much.

“Yes, we did,” Cici said, giving her a cool smile. “How's the show coming along?”

“Great,” Sam replied. “How's the moving in?”

“Oh, fine. I'm lucky I still have all these men here to drag things around for me.” She walked up to stand by Jake and gave his arm a squeeze. “That's what I love about the Cove. I can come back and it's like no time has passed.”

Sam tried not to give her the satisfaction of fixating on the way her hand lingered on Jake's arm.

“Oh, I don't know,” Sam said. “It's not quite the same as I remember. You're right, though. . . . Some things really don't change.”

Cici smiled sweetly as Jake discreetly pulled away. That, at least, was gratifying. But Sam couldn't stop her fury at him for allowing this in the first place. Did he really think that she and Cici would be buddies? That things would just fall into place without any resistance?

“Well, I'll let you two get at your dinner. Jake never could cook worth a damn, though. Do you remember—”

“Yeah, no stories, Cici. My current skills are embarrassing enough.” He looked flushed, and a little angry. That made two of them, Sam thought. Only Cici seemed completely unaffected as she moved to get her purse and coat, then slid her arms around Jake for a quick hug good-bye. Her eyes, though, were on Sam, and there was an ugly triumph in them.

“Let's try and get together this week,” she said. “I've missed you, and we need to talk about costumes for the party. Thea had this idea that the four of us could coordinate.”

It was like she wasn't even here, Sam thought, slightly amazed. Like her presence just completely didn't matter. Of course, it never had, so why should it now? Her mouth opened, and she heard herself saying in a firm, clear voice, “Actually, I'm coming with Jake, so it would
be a little weird if he were dressed to match someone else. Sorry.”

Sorry meaning “up yours,” that is.

Cici lifted her brows, her smile sugary. “Oh. Sorry. Nobody told me you were coming.” It was a dismissal, though Sam was at least glad to hear the hint of annoyance in it. It was better than just being ignored.

“I thought everyone would expect it, considering you all know Sam and I are seeing each other,” Jake said, and the irritation in his voice cooled her anger a little. At him, anyway. She even felt a little—very little—bit sorry for him. He was staring at Cici like she was visiting from an alien, and not very benevolent, planet, and he had no idea what to do with her.

Sam had a couple of ideas, but they were felonies.

Cici seemed completely unaffected by Jake's rebuke. “Don't be mad. I just
forgot
.” She opened the door and headed out, giving Jake a half wave and not sparing Sam another glance. “Let's try to do lunch this week. It was so busy yesterday I didn't get to tell you even half of everything.”

“I'm busy, Cici. You can tell me the other half at the party.”

She turned her head just enough for Sam to see her roll her eyes. “Okay. Just thought you might want to come out of hiding and eat real food for once. I know how you get when you're working too much.”

She was good, Sam thought. Wounded sincerity, a nod to their shared past . . . she was throwing it all out there. A glance at Jake told her he wasn't completely unaffected . . . but that it hadn't affected him nearly as much as intended, either.

“I'm not working too much. I have other plans,” he
said. “I also have a girlfriend you're trying like hell not to notice. Things did change while you were gone, you know.”

Cici's eyes narrowed ever so slightly, though her voice remained mild. “Nice. I didn't think friendships counting for something changed, whether or not you had a
girlfriend
, but I guess I stand corrected. Have lunch with whoever you want, Jake. Don't let me cramp your style.”

Sam didn't pay much attention to Jake's angry parting shot as Cici flounced off in a huff. She was too busy fighting off the bloodred haze that descended over her vision and threatened to make things come out of her mouth that she wouldn't be able to take back. She would have taken off immediately, but there was no way in hell Cici was going to see her leave. She had a feeling that this was the sort of fight Jake's ex had won before, probably more than once. Still, standing in Jake's house, despite all her excitement earlier, was the very last place she wanted to be right now.

It wasn't so much about what he had or hadn't said. It was that he'd let tonight happen at all. Maybe he wanted to be Switzerland where his friends were concerned, but sometimes you had to pick a side. Even if it meant walking away from a viper like Cici Ferris.

The door shut. Jake looked at her. “Shit. Sam—”

“Don't.” She held up her hand. “I honestly don't think I can hear this right now.”

He looked stricken, even as Tucker danced happily around his feet. “It isn't what you think.”

She curled her lip. “How do you even know what I think?”

“I can guess,” he said. “I know I should have told you she was back. I just didn't want you to worry.”

“Oh, well, that worked out well. Especially since she'd already been to see me anyway. You
know
how this town works, damn it!”

He heaved a soft, humorless laugh as he scrubbed at his hair again. He was starting to look like a very cute victim of electroshock therapy. “There's nothing between me and Cici anymore. Not for a very long time. I want
you
. God, the look on your face right now . . . This isn't high school, Sam. This is now. She and I were finished years ago. We stayed friends, but that's it. I swear, I didn't even know she was coming over. Look, you heard what I said to her. I'm not exactly hiding the fact that you and I are together!”

“Whether you hid it or not, I'd say somebody doesn't consider that much of a problem.” She stepped away. If he touched her right now, she might lose her resolve, and this was a stand she needed to take. “If this is how it's going to be, Jake, I can't. I can't watch her find excuses to show up here, or conveniently forget I exist, not to mention paw at you while you pretend it's no big deal.”

“I didn't say it wasn't a big deal, Sam. And I wouldn't let her paw at me!”

“You're not very good at stopping her, from what I just saw. She might as well have peed on you.”

He blinked, then looked torn between amusement and worry. “
Sam
.” Her name was a plea, but she couldn't respond to it. “Listen to me, damn it.
I don't want her
. If I did, I'd be with her. It's not like I can't figure it out!”

“It wouldn't be the first time,” Sam snapped, then immediately regretted it. They hadn't been a couple back then. They'd been . . . something more than friends, but less than a couple. And she'd been as confused about it as he had, though for different reasons. She shook her
head, trying to ignore the anger and hurt that flashed across his face. “Forget it,” she said. “I'm going home. If I stay, I'll end up taking another cheap shot like that and both of us will regret it. I need some space.”

Jake threw up his hands. “Fine. Jesus, Sam, it's like you want to believe the worst of me. I never get the benefit of the doubt, right? You just jump right to the bad place.”

“Maybe I wouldn't if you were honest with me,” she said. “I knew you were with her yesterday. She told me where she was headed.”

“Why didn't you say something?”

“Why should I have to?” She'd clenched her jaw so tight that it ached. “I'm not the one who walked away the last time.”

Jake closed his eyes and breathed deeply. “I just didn't think it should matter. And I didn't want to upset you. That's on me.”

“Yes,” Sam said, “it is.”

“But you need to stop thinking I don't want to be here, Sam,” he continued, opening his eyes to pin her with his gaze. “We're not kids anymore. I'm not playing at this.”

Her stomach tightened, and a shiver ran over her skin. She wanted that to be true. She wanted it far too much. But every time she started to believe it, she'd think of a thousand reasons why it couldn't possibly last. That, she knew, was her own fault. Her own problem. She was falling, far too fast, and she didn't know how to make it stop.

If she gave in and let go, she might just fly apart.

His hands were on her then, gentle as his voice, and this time she didn't pull away. She stiffened, trying not to give in.

“I'm sorry,” he said. “I screwed up. I know how close
you are to bolting on me, Sam. I can feel it all the time. So I put this off, and naturally, it's worse.” He sighed. “I'm better at navigating a lacrosse field, or the digestive system of your average canine, or . . . pretty much anything.”

She felt herself relenting. It was easier to stay angry, but she was finding it impossible. Mostly because she knew he meant it. She was new for him. It was making him stretch, just like he was doing the same to her. She just wished she knew where it would end up, and how far they could both go.

“I wish you would have some faith in me,” he said, and the weariness in his voice tugged at her, deep in her chest.

“I'm trying,” Sam replied softly. “But if I'm going to do that, then I need you to step outside your weird little circle and try to see things from my perspective. I can handle a lot, but most of the things in Cici's arsenal are way past my limits for tolerance. You know what she wants, Jake. Ignoring it isn't going to change her mind. So if she shows up at your door again, quit thinking you can friendzone her into submission and maybe just pretend not to be home instead. It's not a lot to ask. But it's what I need.”