For One Nen (41 page)

Hrilla’s mother walked out of the darkness to her daughter. “I couldn’t stop her,” she said catching her breath.

She smelled the sea and took off in that direction.

Hrilla raced away into the black.

297 AE

Aboard the EGRESS

“Why did she go off in the dark after a Hoth,” asked Deni with disdain.

Tala jerked her head toward her partner, “It was her best friend.”

Deni realized the depth of bitterness this caused Tala but couldn’t understand why.

“But she’s a Hoth,” Deni spoke slowly, trying to understand.

“And no one can love a Hoth, I suppose?” Tala said sarcastically as her tight grip on the book made her knuckles turn white.

“Is this because you became friends with Shep, Mathis’ grandfather?” asked Deni.

“I’ve never thought of you as one of those haters of the Hoth,” Tala said with offense.

“What’s the big deal? They’re Hoth. They rebelled against the empire and stole the children. Don’t you remember that story?” Deni tried to explain.

Tala jumped to her feet flinging the book aside. “You really
are
one of them. The whole of the Hoth tribe was lost and you couldn’t care less. You would probably throw Mathis out of the air lock with them if it were up to you,” Tala’s words raced from her mouth.

“I didn’t say that,” Deni said in defense.

“What do you see when you look at me?” Tala asked with the same offended tone.

“What?” Deni asked as she stood on the layers of blankets.

Tala pressed her open hand to her breast and said clearly, “What do you see when you look at me?”

“I’ve told you many times. You are beautiful and lovely and attractive,” Deni tried her best to console Tala.

Again Tala demanded, “What do you see?”

“You are kind, and graceful, and caring, and smart…” Deni continued her attempt to still Tala’s agitation.

However, Tala asked once again, “What…do you…see?”

“I see my beautiful Goweli mate,” Deni said softly.

“But…I am not just Goweli,” Tala said softly.

“What are you saying?” Deni asked with surprise.

Tala took Deni’s hands lightly. “I am also Hoth,” Tala whispered.

“No,” Deni gasped as she pulled her hands away. “You can’t be Hoth,” Deni said with unbelief. “You’re Goweli. Anyone can see that.”

“But I am also Hoth,” Tala admitted with a tilt of her head.

“No,” Deni said as her brow furrowed in a way Tala had never seen before.

“You’ve never…not smiled…at me before,” Tala whispered as her heart was quickly breaking.

“It can’t be,” Deni said
in disbelief.

Tala reached out for Deni’s hand but Deni jerked away.

Still dressed in her lover’s clothes, Tala dashed away, down the aisle of book shelves to the library door.

Deni watched her go without a word. She couldn’t find words to say. She couldn’t make her feet move; to race after the one she loved best. Tala lifted the latch, flung open the door, and was gone. Deni dropped to her knees as if the air had suddenly left the room.

She inhaled long and slow, clenched her fists, and beat them on the smooth shiny floor until they stung. With another deep breath she picked up the book Tala had dropped. She rose to her feet in Tala’s light and flowing garment and raced after her. She flung open the door and stepped into the hallway, looking in all directions.

On her right she found the group of students and others gathered in the area where the keepers held class. They were watching a video of Chris reading the story of Hrilla. She recognized it as the book Tala had been reading to her. She walked to the edge of the growing crowd and asked, “Has anyone seen Tala?”

Benai looked up at Deni and said, “Hey isn’t that Tala’s dress?” He then scrunched up his face as if something had just occurred to him. He laughed and said, “Nice, very nice.”

“Have you seen her?” Deni asked in haste.

“She went that way,” he said with another laugh but then his face fell as if he had been kicked in the gut.

“What is it?” Deni asked with a furrowed brow.

Benai’s eyes filled with tears quickly and ran down his face like an unending waterfall. He pointed to the video the group was watching.

“Benny?” Teltel said as he rushed to his friend.

“My dreams,” Benai said.

“You mean your nightmares?” Teltel asked.

“What’s going on?” Deni asked. She drew nearer and looked at the screen.

The video
, which the crowd was watching was of Chris reading the story of the first sparsing when Hrilla rescued many from the bloody battle against the empire and Tapsin.

The crowd listened to Chris tell the story but Benai raced to a garbage portal and opened the door. He shoved his head inside and hurled long and hard. Teltel and Deni stood on either side of him until he reappeared with a pale face and a relieved smile.

“I’m alright, big guy,” he said to Teltel.

“You sure?” Deni asked. “You don’t look so good.”

“It was Emperor Tapsin,” Benai said. “My nightmares have been about Tapsin. I saw the sparsing. I saw his paranoid evil intentions. I saw his disregard for his family. He pushed a Het to kill his wife. I saw all the death in his heart.” He looked at Teltel with tears of relief. “I thought it was me. I thought I was going mad. It was all Tapsin.”

Teltel threw his long arm around his friend.

“All this time I thought it was me,” repeated Benai.

“Maybe you’re part Antip?
” Deni suggested.

Benai looked down to her. “What do you mean? I can’t push my thoughts at people.”

“Well maybe not but if you are Antip then maybe you carry some of the Empire’s memories.”

“And maybe it just comes out in your nightmares,” Teltel suggested.

“I don’t know if I’m Antip but I’m just glad that I’m not going mad. I just had somebody else’s memories in my head.”

“A madman’s memories,” Deni said with compa
ssion. She squeezed his arm and asked, “You going to be alright now?”

“I think I finally am,” he said as he ran his fingers through his hair. He looked up at Teltel and added, “Finally.”

“I need to go find Tala now,” Deni said.

Teltel motioned with his hand to her garment she was wearing. “I see,” he said with a smirk.

Benai repeated his earlier comment, “Nice.” He was definitely feeling better.

Teltel clapped his friend on the chest. “Yes, he’s going to be just fine.”

Deni squeezed Benai’s shoulder again and dashed away.

She turned back left
, past the library door and on around the hall to the great dining room. She searched about for a moment before seeing a commotion through the serving windows. She strolled closer to investigate. She poked her head through one of the open spaces at the cooks, laughing and dancing. Many were holding glasses.

“What’s all this?” she asked.

“It’s the end of the world,” someone called out with a slur of their words.

A cook raised a glass and proclaimed proudly, “Oh, the things you can make with potatoes.”

“You’re drunk, Artie,” Deni said.

“I am indeed,” the bleary-eyed man admitted plainly. “Come join us,” he motioned with his
glass as he spilled much of its contents.

“Not now, I’m looking for Tala. Have you seen her?” Deni asked.

“Not tonight dear.” He laughed and took another drink before announcing, “And probably not ever again.” He danced around the room with the others who had gathered to drink away their last hours of life before the particle wave was scheduled to collide with their ship.

Deni’s blood ran cold and s
he shivered as she stepped back, stumbling over a chair behind her. Clamoring to her feet she said aloud, “Where would she go?”

She hesitated only a moment and then the answer was clear. She ran to the elevator and punched the
‘up’ button.

Jumping through the doors as they
opened, she slammed the ‘OD’ button. She headed to the observatory deck with full confidence Tala would be there.

The doors opened and the deck was quiet. She stepped out and looked to her left and then looked to her right. She saw no one; heard no one. She was alone.

She walked forward to the tall surrounding window and looked out over the desolate emptiness of the Hoth sector.

Her eyes strolled from the top of the sections down to the quarters below where the overseers had lived. Now there were just broken pieces of what was once someone’s entire life. Someone actually lived there. Someone actually died before old age had taken them. Someone’s parents had been there one day and gone the next. These thoughts were, for the first time, running rampant through Deni’s brain.

“My Tala is somehow connected to all of this loss,” she whispered to herself. “Holy shit, what have I done?” She knew she was connected to the loss as well because she loved someone who bore this heartbreak.

Deni dropped the book she had carried from the library and put her hands on the window. She continued to scan the astonishing scene of destruction and devastation.

Tala quietly came round the bend and saw Deni. She quietly drew near to her. She too, placed her hands on the glass and leaned her forehead to face the loss.

Deni raised her head to face Tala but couldn’t find the words to tell her how she felt. It was as though every thought she’d had from the time she heard Tala was Hoth until now was swirling like a black hole; sucking everything in but not allowing anything to escape.

Tala broke the silence. With one hand she pointed downward. “Fourth row from the far left and twenty-seventh from the bottom was my grandmother thirteen generations ago. I am Goweli. I am Denizen. I am Anthro. And I am Hoth.” Tala turned to Deni as if baring her soul for the first time.

Deni reached out her hand and took Tala’s with care. With her other hand still on the window, she looked back at the Hoth sector and finally found the words she was looking for, “I’m so sorry for your loss.” As soon as she had the words out of her mouth she crumbled into tears and the lovers held each other in mutual mourning
.

From every corner of the ship people were living the end of their lives.

Teltel, Merari, Benai, Rasta, and Mathis were watching videos of Chris’ diaries. They were joined by many others from the Egress.

Bug and Trina lay in Bug’s bed letting their fleshly passion overtake their fear of death.

Beau and Molly had gone to Molly’s quarters. In many areas of the ship couples had come together for many reasons; some for love, some for comfort, and some for escape.

With Beau and Molly though, their reason was simple; to do what they had never done.

Molly was Denizen and so she didn’t wear the flowing dresses of the Goweli, the stiff britches and button up shirts of the Tsila, or even the ceremonial robes of the Neph. As it had grown colder she had begun wearing blue jeans and a red hoodie; both passed down to her from her foremothers.

For Beau to keep warm he had added a bright blue mantle over his usual white tunic. The mantle draped over his left arm and came under his right. He looked more like the Neph than a Goweli.

Being the first time in Molly’s room he looked around as if interested. Seeing a desk with many papers and pens scattered he picked up a sketch.

“I didn’t know you could draw?” he said with a smile.

“I suppose there’s a great many things we don’t know about each other,” Molly said.

“I know your middle name is Irene like one of the cousins and your Father’s name is William. I know you like carrots only when they’re cooked but you like tomatoes raw.” He put the drawing back on the desk. Closing the distance between them he continued. “You only allow your mother to cut your hair instead of going to the maintenance shop like the rest of us. You wear only one earring because you secretly believe it will keep you safe and that earring belonged to your grandmother.”

Close enough to breathe the same air, he asked, “Am I right?”

“No,” Molly said hinting a smile and moving even closer without touching.

Beau raised his eyebrows and tilted his head forward as he awaited an explanation.

“The earring was my grandfather’s,” Molly said. Then like runners at the starting line
, a silent pistol was shot and they raced to rip the clothes from their bodies. Falling to Molly’s bed their animal instinct drove them to ecstasy. Molly writhed in Beau’s long slender embrace until her head arched back with groans of ultimate pleasure. Beau gasped for air as his body collapsed to the bed beside her.

For several minutes they struggled to regain their steady breath.

As Molly inhaled long and let it go slowly Beau said with a laugh, “I don’t remember your grandfather wearing an earring.”

Molly laughed and rolled her body on top of his.