For Love or Money (23 page)

My
brain has an answer for that but I shut that bitch up. I don’t want an honest
answer. I just want to avoid the conversation altogether.

James
walks to me, and when I try to move to the other side of the hallway, he’s
there. I turn and go to the other side but he follows me until we are chest to
chest. He smells amazing and looks even better, towering over me and taking up
all the room in my head. He runs a hand down my cheek, muttering, “Who says the
explosion has to be a bad thing. Maybe we’re more like fireworks than
dynamite.”

My
eyes betray my resolve and look up into his.

The
next moments are a blur. A frenzied one.

His
mouth is on mine and our hands are attacking each other’s clothes. He has
opened his bedroom door and is laying me on the bed before I even realize it.
His body pins mine to the mattress, but it feels like it’s the exact choice I
should have made all along. It feels right to have my hands in his hair,
pulling his face down on mine and to have my legs wrapped around his waist.
Everything feels right.

He
pulls at my clothes, kissing my nape but something changes. Our movements slow
to a tempo I’ve never experienced before. He’s grinding against me and then
he’s inside of me and I don’t know how it all happened. I don’t know where my
underwear went or how his pants got undone.

His
hands are roaming my body, cupping to meet his thrusts and we are writhing
against one another. I don’t bite his lip or scratch his skin, I just suck and
hold as he makes gentle motions, pushing himself into me and making me feel
like nothing I have ever experienced.

His
lips explore as his body slides atop mine, pushing me to move with him. My legs
are wrapped around him, pressing his ass and making his movements take him
deeper into me. I don’t know how, but I come with the slow, full-length rocking
our bodies are doing. He’s kissing next to my lips and still all over
me—inside of me, as the tumultuous waves of emotion and pleasure press me
farther into him. I am lost in his sea of movements and bliss, when suddenly he
grips to me, thrusting in jerks and making a noise I have never heard him make.
He exhales deliriously into my hair and kissing my head. He pulls back,
brushing my cheeks and lips with his.

Two
things dawn on me.

His
semen is inside of me, the first time that’s ever happened. The second, and
somehow not the less frightening of the two, we just made love.

It’s
my first time. I have never had vanilla sex that wasn’t a nightmare of fake
intimacy and awkwardness.

He
stops kissing and swallows hard. “Sorry.”

“For
what?”

He
looks down at our abdomens. “No condom. I don’t even know what happened. That’s
never happened to me before.”

I
nod and wonder if maybe he’s right, maybe we are the fireworks and not the
dynamite. That didn’t feel like dynamite. It didn’t have a single moment that
felt wrong.

“Are
you on the pill?”

I
smile. “Yeah. I have been since I was fourteen.”

“I
love you.” He blurts it out, making me laugh, but he shakes his head like he’s
serious. “No. I do. See how natural this feels? You just made me make love to
you and it was only possible because I love you.”

I
roll my eyes. “I have to admit I don’t know what that was. Because it didn’t
feel like fucking, and for a guy who only likes fucking, that’s weird.”

He
sighs into my head. “Your shampoo stinks.”

It
makes me laugh.

He
pulls himself out of me and drags me to his shower. We spend the entirety of it
soaping each other and kissing tenderly.

By
the end of it all, I am convinced love is the greatest thing that has ever
happened to me.

Especially
when he lifts my face as I’m doing my bra back up and kisses my nose. It’s the
sort of act a person has to free themselves to be part of.

Not
every guy can kiss your nose and stare into your makeup-free face and see you
with nothing but love.

Looking
into his dark-green eyes it’s all I see.

Acceptance
and love and admiration.

Of
course, leaving the hotel room to find Geoff looking for me like a mad man and
blowing my phone up is not the ending I saw to the whole experience. I look at
the frantic messages and mutter. “Meet you at the auditorium?”

James
lifts my chin, planting a delicious kiss on my lips. “Okay.” He walks off as I
blatantly stare at his ass.

God,
he’s perfect.

My
phone rings and I answer it. “Hello?”

It’s
Geoff, shouting. “WHERE ARE YOU?”

I
look around the hallway. “Sixth floor. Why?”

“We
got the information on the foot pervert. I need to see you in your room right
now! Come alone!”

My
insides churn. The way he said the two sentences makes me sick.

I
turn and run for the elevator, pressing the button a hundred times before it
arrives.

Inside
of it I can’t help but twist up in knots.

He
sounded so scared, like I was in danger at that moment.

I
wince.

Chris
and Rhi-Rhi

James

I
can still smell her on me, even after the shower. The feel of her body under
mine, pinned, and yet alive with welcoming movements and delightful sounds, is replaying
in my head. I can taste every bit of her.

When
we get to the auditorium, Nick nudges me. “She okay?”

“Yeah,
she’s meeting us here.”

“She
could have given us a ride. I hate this bus,” he grumbles.

Leo
nods, leaning forward. “Did you guys have a fight last night on the road?”

“Yeah.
We’re fine now.”

He
glares at me. “Less shit on the road and more behaving like professionals.” I
open my mouth but he puts a finger up. “No. I know we’re dealing with Lana but
that’s the price of loving her. You get to be the jerk who has to keep her ass
in line.” He holds up a YouTube video of us fighting on the street. You can’t
make out what we’re saying, but you can see it’s us.

“Shit!”

“Don’t
make this job harder for me.” He looks stressed.

“Whatever.”
I can’t believe someone was filming us. The video looks like I’m roughing her
up. It’s completely taken out of context.

Nick
holds his phone up with a quote about how we’re the next Rhianna and Chris
Brown from a late-night TV show.

I
sigh.

Simon
gives me a sideways glance. I shake my head, fighting the urge to snap. “I
didn’t hurt her. I was just trying to make her listen.”

“That’s
what Chris said.” Nick laughs.

I
laugh bitterly. “Fuck the paparazzi. I didn’t do shit.”

“I
know that. I know how these movies look. But the fans won’t. So keep it in your
pants in public. You guys can have all the sex games you want inside of a
locked bedroom, so long as it doesn’t involve the popo.”

My
blood is boiling as I climb off of the bus.

Bryce
grabs my arm and seethes an angry threat. “You hurt her and I’ll kill you.”

“Fuck
off!” I tear my arm from his, vibrating and needing a run before I blow up on
someone.

Lana
is with her dad and Geoff in front of us. Her dad glares at me as they file
into the auditorium. He wraps an arm around Lana’s shoulders. She looks upset
and doesn’t even look my way.

Fuck!

I am an idiot.

I
shouldn’t have put my hands on her arms like that in public. She was just so
angry. My insides are churning already and creating a mess of an already bad
situation, when Leo comes hurrying back to me, looking like he’s having a
stroke. “WE’RE FIRST!”

I
slump. I won’t even get a chance to talk to her before we have to perform. At
least it’s just the same songs as yesterday.

Leo
leads us backstage as the show is starting and Lars is doing his introduction
to the summer show.

The
crowd is pumped, clapping at ridiculous moments.

I
walk to her, ready to beg and plead and promise to never grab her arms like
that again, but she sees me and turns away.

Geoff
steps between us. “We are having a weird morning, I’m sure you can relate. Lana
is going to need a minute.”

I
shake my head. “No way. I need to explain that I’m sorry. It’s my first time
dealing with this and I didn’t know.”

He
looks confused before he sighs. “She’s already anxious about performing.”

Damn.
He has a point.

But am I not part of the solution and
the comfort for her?

I
feel like I am. My chest feels bare without her head resting against it. The
air I’m breathing feels empty if her hair isn’t part of it.

Simon
and Brandon are still giving me a shitty look. If they had seen us in the hotel
room an hour ago they wouldn’t think that she hated me for beating her up on a
sidewalk. I wish I could explain, and at the same time, I hate that I think I
have to.

Leo
brings me my guitar and fixes my collar on the clothes Lana picked.

He
brings Simon and Brandon over. “Lana and James didn’t get into a fight. You
both need to understand how these videos work. I saw them making out in the
hallway this morning. Something else is wrong with her. It isn’t him.”

I
sigh. “Thank you. I didn’t hurt her. I would never. I would walk through fire
before I would hurt her.”

They
look skeptical but nod in agreement.

Nick
comes wandering over, his face is as white as a sheet and he looks confused.

Leo
gives him a look. “What? God, don’t say you’re sick. If I got you sick I’ll
kill myself.”

Nick
swallows and looks at me. “What’s the control on your temper like right now?”

I
shake my head. “Not good.” But my stomach is in my throat.

He
gives me a look that says his isn’t so good either. “It was Nance’s dad.”

I
have no idea what he’s talking about but Leo gasps. “No!”

“What?”
I look at them both.

“The
semen has been traced back to Nance’s dad and they’ve tested the other girls
who were raped. It’s him on three. The rapes coincide with his business trips
to Boston. And one of the girls was roofied but her memory wasn’t completely
gone. She recalled an older guy so the campus was checking out Profs and maintenance.
But I guess Geoff and Henry got a PI who decided to steal DNA and sneaky test
all the guys who’ve slept with Lana. The match they found was Nance’s dad.”

I
have nothing. I have no way of reacting. My hands go numb and my heart aches
for her, but my rage is stuck at frightening and psycho. I’m vibrating and
angry in a way that I can’t comprehend. I want to run out the door and run to
wherever he is and smash him into a thousand pieces.

Leo’s
hands are over his mouth, but when his eyes reach mine, he lowers them slowly.
“James, James, James, dude!”

My
mouth is parted and my hands are trembling.

Leo
is shouting at Nick but all I see is her.

She
turns to see Leo screaming, and I realize the world is going in slow motion.

Her
eyes lift to reach mine. Her hands wipe away the moisture at the sides of her
eyes, and like nothing is wrong, she turns and walks to me. Her tiny hands lift
to my face, cupping it the way I love to do to her. The warmth is startling.
Her pink lips move but I don’t hear the words.

I
see one word flashing through my mind over and over—mine.

She
stands on her tiptoes and whispers into my lips as she kisses me. “When we get
on stage just look into my eyes. It’s just you and me, baby. Don’t think about
it, okay?” She is comforting me?

God, she’s perfect and braver than I
ever imagined.

I
swallow and the sound of everything around us turns back on. I shake my head
and look down on her. She smiles—it’s weak and forlorn but it makes me
smile back. “Just you and me,” she whispers.

I
catch the last of the announcement for our group just as Leo shoves us on
stage.

Nick
starts playing the keyboard straight away. Lana’s soft voice fills the
auditorium as she starts the song off. The crowd goes crazy, not only is it
Lana Webber—THE Lana Webber—she’s also amazing. We play our hearts
out for her. My fingers are numb and I play from memory, on autopilot.

When
she finishes the song, I have never been more proud of her. She turns, waving
at the fans for the first time ever, and comes back to me. She presses her lips
against mine, making the crowd go crazy.

“Just
me and you!” I whisper and walk to the front to start the song with Simon.